Living in Your Hell

by Barb Shuler

  He screamed as his belt flew towards me. I tried to get away, but I wasn’t fast enough. The sting covered my back and butt before I could get around him and out the door. I had to hide. Now.

  I went to my hiding spot in the hall closet. I had made a hole in the bottom that I could get in behind a box and hide. I could hear Daddy yelling at Mama now. His booming voice rang out. I ducked behind the box and clutched my bunny. I left her in here so Daddy wouldn’t burn her like he had done my teddy bear.

  “Your fucking kid drew all over my goddamn check stub!”

  There was a loud popping sound and a thud. I heard Mama cry out and I curled into a ball. Daddy had hit her. She would make me pay for that. She always did. I could hear Mama crying and Daddy’s voice getting louder, then trailing off. The sound of flesh on flesh made my stomach hurt.

  Finally things were quiet.

  I was crying, wiping away the tears when I heard her. My eyes clamped shut so tight I could see stars.

  “Get out here!” Mama’s voice rang out through the hallway. I put my hand over my mouth so she didn’t hear me breathing. My back and butt were already sore from Daddy’s belt, I didn’t want Mama’s hits too.

  Daddy had said I was messing with his stuff. He took it out on her. Now it was my turn. I heard the doors of the rooms before the closet door slammed against the walls. When the darkness of the closet was flooded with light I must have made a noise. Mama dug around until she found me. I screamed as she yanked me up from the floor and threw me against the wall in the hall. Mama had her wooden spoon clutched in her hand.

  “I didn’t mean to!” I cried as she swatted me with the spoon. My ear was stinging now. I lifted my hands and tried to keep her from hitting me, but I couldn’t.

  “I hate you! You ruin everything!” she screamed at me.

  The stinging of the spoon spread across my hands, arms and even my chin. I tried getting away, but she followed me. I laid in the hallway crying as she stalked off. I crawled towards my room but Mama’s dirty house shoes stopped me. She yanked me up and glared at me. Spittle flew from her lips.

  “Move it!”

  She drug me towards the bathroom. I tried to jerk back but she held on. I was shoved into the bathroom. I knew what came next. I was going to be dunked in the water. I didn’t like the water. I screamed as she picked me up and shoved me towards the tub.

  “Shelby, baby, wake up. Shelby!”

  I could hear Charlie’s voice as I tried to fight against the water filling my mouth. Mama had done it again. Something finally clicked that if I could hear Charlie I was not with Mama. I coughed and wiped water from my face. I met the panicked eyes of Charlie and the sob escaped. I had been holding it back all morning, but now it was like Niagara Falls.

  He scooped me up out of the water, and I immediately curled into him. His body was rigid, but he was gentle with me. He held me as he murmured softly. There was no way to keep this shittastic life from him now, but God, how could I tell him? I was screwed up. He had no idea what he was getting into.

  I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew my eyes came open and I was alone in Charlie’s bed. I stretched and felt something under my hand. I pulled the piece of paper to me and smiled seeing Charlie’s scribbled note.

  Hope to be back before you wake.

  If not, I ‘ll be back soon.

  Lunch is in the microwave.

  I love you. - C

  Charlie

  “DOC!” I stormed into the office and had to bite back a curse as a few people turned to look at me.

  “Charles,” Doc said as he came out of the back room. “Everything okay?”

  “No. Your office, now,” was all I said as I walked by.

  “What crawled up your butt, boy?” I turned to see his head tilted and a brow raised.

  “It’s.. private. I’ll wait until you’re done,” I said. I walked to his office in the back of the clinic.

  I needed answers. Something was seriously wrong here. I had never seen Shelby like she had been the last few hours. She woke me up twice last night crying and mumbling in her sleep. Then while I was cooking she had - I don’t even know what in the fuck that was. Panic attack? Nightmare? God, it reminded me of the nights Anna would wake up screaming after she returned home from Vegas. My heart broke, and my anger surged at the thoughts of something happening to her and me not being there to make it better. Just what in hell had happened to my girl?

  I don’t know how long it was that I paced Doc’s office until he came in and shut the door behind him. He held up a hand and I waited until he put his things up and took his white coat off. He flopped down in his chair with a huff.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked as he sat up, his elbows on his desk. One hand went out to point at the chairs before his desk. I flopped down in one and met his gaze.

  “I would like to know why my fiance wakes up in the night crying and screaming.. she’s.. what the hell happened to her?” I asked, not dropping my gaze from his.

  It took him a few minutes to answer me. It was as if he was trying to think of just the right words to say. My brow pinched as he sat back and crossed his arms over his chest.

  “Things have always been hard for Shelby. When she is stressed out, she has bad dreams. Her mind is trying to process too much stuff at once,” he said.

  “That doesn’t answer my question. What is making her wake up screaming? It’s getting worse. She almost drowned herself in the tub…”

  “What? Is she alright?” he said jumping up. His hard gaze turned to a scowl. I held up my hands.

  “She’s fine. I got her out and I didn’t leave her until she had been asleep for a while.”

  “Dammit. Charles, there are things that I can’t tell you. It’s not my place. I will say this,” he paused, then continued, “my Sweet Pea had a rough childhood. My son,” he all but growled out the word as he got up and moved to the window to look out at the back yard. “He had issues. He wasn’t the nicest of people.”

  “What does that mean exactly?”

  “Charles, I just told you, it’s not my place to tell you. That’s for Shelby to say.”

  “Doc, please. I’m begging you, please tell me what happened to her. She won't talk about it with me.”

  I could see he was tense. Something bad had happened, but what? I just needed him to talk to me. I wanted to know, no, I needed to know so I could help my girl.

  “I really wish she would tell you this herself,” he said, his voice distant. He stood there, his gaze still on the yard behind the house. He turned and moved to grab his keys from his desk. “Come with me.”

  I followed him out of the clinic and out onto the sidewalk. He didn't slow at his car like I'd have expected. He kept walking, and it wasn't until he made it to the station that I started to worry. My stomach churned with unease as we went inside. He walked straight back to Gabe’s office. He rapped his knuckles on the open door frame.

  “Doc, how's it going?” Gabe asked as he stood. He frowned when he got a good look at Doc’s face. “What is it?”

  “I need her file,” he said. They exchanged a look. Gabe’s eyes darted to me and he sighed.

  “Doc, you sure?” Gabe questioned the old man.

  “Gabriel, he needs to know… I can't say it. I just can't,” Doc said. I started to fidget.

  “Would someone please tell me what in the blue blazes is going on here?” I snapped.

  “Hey, Bubba, whatcha doin’ here on your day off?” I turned to see Anna coming towards me. She frowned at the tension we were all throwing off. “What is it? Is someone hurt or something?”

  “Nothing like that, Anna. Can you grab this case file for me. It's in the red cabinet,” Gabe said as he handed her a key, and a small yellow sticky note. “Bring it to the conference room for me, please.”

  Red file cabinet? Oh shit. That cabinet was only accessed with a key that hung around Gabe's neck. Those cases are some of the worse ones seen in Burke County history. Both
Dani Lynn and Anna had files in there… Jesus! What in the fuck had happened to my Shelby?

  “Sure thing, Sheriff, be right back,” she said before walking back into the new file room. I turned to glare at the men.

  “What's going on, dammit?” I asked, my hands balling into fists.

  “Conference room,” was all Gabe said before walking into his office and picking up his phone.

  This was shit. I slammed my hands into the door of the conference room and started pacing. I could hear Gabe through the open door.

  “Robert. Hey, yeah, we have a situation. Can you come in? Yeah.”

  The phone was set back in its cradle and I sighed as Anna came in. Her face was drawn in and she looked pale. I moved to her and took the file. The name on the folder made my knees buckle. I sat down and flipped it open.

  Anna’s hand landed on my shoulder and as I flipped through reports a manila folder fell from the back. The red ‘evidence’ seal across the top was open already, with Gabe and Dad’s initials written across it. I dumped the contents on the table.

  “Sweet mother of Jesus,” Anna said, her hand going to her mouth.

  I saw red. There were pictures of a young girl, covered in blood and bruises. As I scanned through them I gave them a hard look. I realized the girl in the pictures was Shelby when I saw the birthmark on the back of her thigh.

  “Who did this to her?” I gritted my teeth as I spoke. My anger hit a level where I literally saw red. Who in the fuck did this to a child? The motherfucker who did this best be dead. If not, I would kill him myself.

  “Her father,” Doc said as everyone came in. I looked up to meet his gaze and that of my father and Gabe.

  6

  Is He Dead?

  Charlie

  Her father? Her father did this? For Christ sake! I flipped through the reports and the pages and pages of interviews a six year old Shelby had gone through. My heart broke with each thing I read. I squeezed my eyes shut.

  “Is the motherfucker dead?” I growled out. My eyes moved from the file to the men standing in front of me. It took all I have in me to not take the files in my hand and ball them up.

  “No,” Dad said as he moved to sit beside me. I gave him a look and he sighed.

  “Why not?” I snarled.

  “Bubba,” Anna said giving my shoulder a squeeze. I took in a deep breath and met my father's gaze.

  “That day is a one I will never forget. I was Sheriff then. It was my first week in that position. Gabe and I were out on patrol when Doc flagged us down saying his grandbaby was in trouble.”

  His voice shook with emotion. I watched as he rubbed the back of his neck. He was fighting to keep himself in control. I knew that feeling all too well.

  “By the time we got there… he’d already hurt her. Your dad and I were able to get him cuffed and away from her, but not before that was done,” Gabe said waving a hand at the file and pictures.

  “I'm not sure what would have happened if we would’ve been any later getting there. I knew something was wrong, but every time I'd question Shelby, she’d say she was fine. I knew the signs were there. My poor baby suffered at my own son’s hands… I should have been able to stop it,” Doc said, his voice rough with an emotion strong enough to make him sit down.

  “I've never wanted to kill someone as much as I did that day. My son, the youngin’ I'd raised, and loved with all of my being had done that to his own daughter.”

  “Doc, this wasn't your fault,” Dad said to the man. He patted his shoulder and shared a look with Gabe.

  “What happened to your son, Doc?” I asked.

  “Jail. He was convicted quickly and served a sentence of about ten years. He was in a halfway house last time I checked. Bastard knows if he ever shows up here I'll kill him. I told him as much,” Doc growled out.

  “In front of a judge, too,” Dad snorted.

  “Well, if it wasn't for leaving Shelby alone I'd have done it the day we busted in on them,” Doc bit out.

  “Why wouldn't she tell me about this? Or at least about her nightmares? She scared the shit out of me today. I thought she was gonna drown in that tub before I could wake her up,” my voice dimmed at the revelation. God, give me strength.

  “After her attack, I kept her with me. She was homeschooled until I could get her into Lufkin Academy. She graduated top of her class a year early and I sent her off to medical school. She's such a ray of sunshine. She's the best thing in my life. Has been since the day she was born. That's what hurts so bad. They treated her like a dirty rag in an alley. My sweet girl suffered at the hands of those people,” Doc said. He turned his head from us and wiped at his face.

  “Where's the mother?” I asked.

  “Dead. Drug overdose the night before her trial. She was out on bond and well, good riddance. I hope the bitch is burning in the fiery pits of hell where she belongs.”

  I glanced around the room. Everyone was wearing a somber look. I closed the file folder in my hand and stood up.

  “Charlie, you need to let her come to you with this. If you push her, she’ll clam up. It's taken me years to get the information I have. Even now, she's hiding things from me.”

  “I’ll try, Doc. I gotta go. I need to clear my head and get home to her. I left her sleeping. I want to be there if she has another breakdown.”

  I gave Anna a one-armed hug and kissed her head. I said goodbye to Dad, Gabe and Doc before heading out to the front door. The Texas heat washed over me as I walked down the sidewalk and made my way towards my bike. I needed to get back to my girl, but I had to process all of what I'd seen and read back there.

  My Shelby had been beaten and abused all of her life. It explained so much. I hated every word I read. Now I had to find a way to get her to open up to me, so I could make sure she was really okay with all of the changes in her life. If not, we needed to take a small step back and work it out, issue by issue.

  Four Days Later

  I rolled back over in bed and pulled Shelby against me. Between the information overload I had gotten from Doc, Dad and Gabe and then having Shelby open up to me about her early life my sleep pattern had been off. I was worried. Shelby wasn't telling me everything, I knew there was still a lot she wasn't saying. I wasn't going to rush her, yet. She'd tell me when she was ready. But I needed to know what was happening in that pretty little head of hers.

  My nerves were shot, my worrying was giving me a complex - add that to getting home late this morning after another night shift, I was exhausted. Dead on my feet, literally. I looked over at the clock, grunted and took in a deep breath.

  Why in the hell was I waking up at five in the morning?

  I'd only been asleep for a few hours. With yet another sigh I buried my nose in Shelby’s hair and took in her sweet lilac scent. I yawned and closed my eyes again. A little more sleep was going to be the answer to what ailed me now. My arms tightened around Shelby and I slowly drifted back into a dead slumber.

  Shelby

  Waking up with Charlie wrapped around me and no nightmare I sighed in content. I glanced at the clock and made a face. I needed to move my butt if I was gonna meet Papa for church. I shifted and gently pulled myself from bed and leaned down to kiss Charlie’s cheek.

  I scrawled out a quick note and left it on his pillow. Once I had my clothes on and my bag in hand I hurried to my car. I had just enough time to get to Papa’s, shower and get to church before it started. Sitting at one of the few stop lights we have in town my gaze was drawn to a man walking down the street. He sped up when he saw me. Or at least that was the way it seemed. I watched him warily, willing the dang light to change already. When he passed right in front of me my heart stopped.

  “No!” I gasped, my heart racing as he moved closer to the car.

  His fist hit the window and his face was clear as day. No, I wasn’t letting this happen again. I slammed my foot down on the gas. There was no way I was letting him get close to me. I looked back to see if he was following me. Th
at was my mistake. When I turned around again it was too late to stop. The road curved and the last thing I saw was the edge of the road, the trees and then… nothing.

  Charlie

  My retreat into the dark oblivion of sleep was interrupted. Again. This time it was a chiming sound. I ignored it after glancing at the clock. It wasn’t even eight yet. The chiming continued and again I ignored it for as long as I could. The chiming was then followed by loud banging on my door. I threw the covers off of me and grabbed my gun. Whoever was at my door was going to die. I needed my fucking sleep. I made quick work of the stairs and moved to the front door. I flipped the latch and flung it open.

  “What?” I snarled. The face that met mine made my heart stop. Jacks stood on my doorstep, his hair ruffled, covered in dirt and grime, with a weary look on his face.

  “Get dressed. There’s been an accident.”

  “Who? What happened?” I asked, a lump forming in my throat.

  “Charlie, get dressed,” Jacks said to me, his eyes pleading with me.

  “Jacks, what’s going on?”

  I watched as he ran a hand through his hair before meeting my gaze.

  “Shelby, she’s had an accident. I need you to get dressed. Now, man, we gotta go.”

  “Shelby…” her name fell from my lips before my brain caught up to the thundering in my heart. Oh God!

  I hurried up the stairs, pulled on a pair of jeans, socks and grabbed a tank. I hurried to brush my teeth and wake myself up. I grabbed my gun and badge before stepping into my boots and hauling ass down the stairs. I passed Jacks, who shut my door behind me. I tied my boots up while he was driving away from the house. My Shelby. God, what had happened to my girl?

  “What happened, Jacks?”

  “Not a hundred percent sure, man. She flipped her car into the big drainage ditch by the hardware store. She was almost at Doc’s. A few people on the street said she was speeding, but I don’t know man. There are no skid marks - nothing definitive to say for sure what happened.”