Living in Your Hell

by Barb Shuler

  “D-da-daddy,” she sobbed. I wrapped an arm around her and closed my eyes. My heart pounded as my anger rose.

  “Thank you for telling me, Kaitlyn. That's very brave of you,” I said as I took in a deep breath.

  “He- he was mad she got her new dress dirty,” her mother said tears falling down her face. “I tried- I tried to stop him.”

  It was then I noticed she too had a bruise forming on her face and she was holding her side. I stepped back and silently went back to cleaning Kaitlyn up. I could feel Papa watching me. I was focused on Kaitlyn. The more cuts and bruises I found the harder it was to keep myself in control. According to her mother, Cassie, her husband had come home and found the little girl playing in the yard. He smashed her mud cakes with his boots and caught Kaitlyn’s hand under the heel. He'd then drug her across the asphalt drive and up the stairs into their trailer.

  I finally had to tune her out. I was murderous. The moment the little girl was clean, bandaged and no longer crying I got her dressed in a spare set of clothes we had here. There was a drop box out front for donated clothes that we’d always wash and take to Dani Lynn’s center. Thank God for it, ‘cause today it came in handy. I sat Kaitlyn on the floor and looked at Papa. He'd convinced Cassie to go to the center and away from her husband. She’d mentioned that her husband, Jimmy, probably wouldn't miss them since he'd gone back to the bar after he’d beaten her for not watching Kaitlyn better.

  When we went outside I untucked my tank top from my jogging shorts and started walking up the street. I heard Papa call my name, but I couldn't deal right now. I needed to have a come to Jesus meeting with a douchebag. It was time the jackass saw and felt what it was like to be on the other side of a kick or punch.

  Stella

  The boys and I had been ‘watching’ a couple of men wanted for jumping bail in Alto. They were big men, biker types, so we were biding our time. Brayden had seen them come in and had called us. Since his bar was a popular hang out we always made sure the board under his bar was current with ‘wanted posters’ and out of sight.

  So here we sat, watching four men drinking and causing a ruckus at ten in the morning. I was sitting in a booth behind them and in the corner so they didn't see me. The fellas had gone outside to make sure their vehicle wouldn't start in case they ran.

  Everything was working out smoothly until Jimmy, the sleaze that used to own the gas station where Kristol once worked, came in. The men and Jimmy started talking and getting louder. Just as I was ready to make my first move the bar door flew open and Shelby stalked in. The look on her face had me out of the booth and moving in her direction. She marched to the bar and asked Brayden something. I saw him point to Jimmy, who was coming back up to the bar.

  “Jimmy? You got a kid named Kaitlyn?” Shelby asked. She did not sound like herself at all.

  “Yeah, what’d the fucking brat do now?” He snarled.

  “She didn't do anything, you pompous asshole! You beat that little girl for playing in the mud? How could you do that? She was being a kid!” She snarled back at him.

  “My kid, I do as I please. Mind your fucking business or I'll make you,” he snarled, stepping closer to her. It was as if time stood still. Shelby moved as he reached for her. She moved so damn fast. In the blink of an eye he was sprawled out on the floor, like a dead fish.

  “Shelby!” I said her name as I pulled her back to me and looked between her and the floor. She was in tears. “What happened?”

  “Hey! What the fuck did you do, bitch?” The booming voice came from behind us. I turned and took a few steps forward.

  “Looks like a party you weren't privy too,” I said, my smile wide as I gave the men in the bar a look. I'd moved to put myself between them and the bar.

  “What did she do to him?” A younger man in the group asked.

  “Whooped his ass. Wanna be next?” I asked.

  “You should watch your mouth, bitch. Something bad might happen otherwise.” The giant of a man said. He’d turned to say something to one of the other men. His back was still to me. As if that would’ve stopped me. I fake gasped and batted my eyes. “Was that supposed to scare me, big boy?” My words rang out clear. He turned and stared. The death glare only made my smile grow. “Stella Grace,” Trace ground out. I watched him and Chipper move closer. Brayden put my Louie on the bar and I snatched him up. Trace and Chipper looked murderous. They'd come back in the back door about the time Shelby pulled her - whatever the hell kind of kung fu move that was - on Jimmy. They were too far away from us. They couldn’t get to us before the men struck, but I was ready. No one was getting to where Shelby was pushed back against the bar. I winked at Trace before looking back at the men. My focus went to be biggest one. He didn't scare me.

  “What?” He snapped.

  My grip tightened on Louie as I glared right back. He took a step closer and I twirled it, my fingers skimming the bat as I smirked.

  “You don’t scare me, asshole. I've brought bigger men down before,” I said, my face blank of all emotions. “Women should be seen and not heard!” One of the others behind him roared.

  “Or on all fours like a good bitch,” another said. Shelby cursed behind me. I smirked. “Stella, let's just go. I did what I came for,” she said looking down at Jimmy sprawled out on floor, still dead to the world. I just hoped he wasn’t actually, ya know, dead. Not that the world wouldn’t be better off.. But, yeah. For Shelby’s sake, he needed to be alive.

  “I've called the station. You’ll all leave or deal with the cops!” Brayden said from behind the bar. He still held the rag in his hand from where he was wiping the bar down. I looked around quickly and shrugged.

  “Cops,” the man laughed the words out and I readied myself.

  My knees bent slightly, my feet spread apart just the way I'd been taught. This may hurt, but this fucker would go down before I did. And before he got this big bear hands on Shelby. That was when Shelby pushed up beside me and the fire in her eyes said it all.

  “Stella, don’t,” Shelby pleaded.

  “Look, the little Barbie doll is scared.”

  “Back away little girl,” another man rasped.

  I give her one thing, she had guts.

  “I don't run from assholes anymore,” Shelby growled out.

  Everything happened so fast from there on. The big man charged and I swung Louie just as I had done so many other times. The crunch of his knee made me grin. I never hit to hurt intentionally, but hey, if it's me or him, the fuckers gonna going down before I do.

  I heard a few grunts and shouts around us, but we all came to a dead stop at the sound of gunfire. My head popped up to meet the angry gaze of Sheriff Cartwright. I grinned and pulled out the paperwork in my back pocket, at least that might keep us out of jail... maybe. He did look awfully pissed.

  Shelby moved to stand by me at the bar and crossed her arms over her chest. Her body was all but vibrating. I placed a hand on her shoulder and she crumpled. I dropped Louie and went down to the floor with her. I looked up to meet the Sheriff's gaze, just as lost as he was about Shelby’s place in all this. Doc came in the door to the bar and whispered something to Gabe. The Sheriff’s face went from pissed to murderous.

  What was that all about? What happened to Shelby? Someone had some explaining to do, and fast.

  9

  No More Secrets

  Shelby

  My thought were scattered all over the place. I think I'd temporarily lost my mind. I get it now. I used to think people were just making excuses for acting like maniacs. Now, I was one of those maniacs. Something inside of me snapped when Kaitlyn said her daddy had hurt her.

  I'd suffered like that poor baby had. I could imagine her tears, and cries for him to stop. My anger had flooded me and now, I was curled up against Stella, sobs ripping from me as the voices around us grew.

  “I've got ya, babe. You let it all out,” Stella said as she rubbed my back. I don't know how long I sat there until I heard another famili
ar voice.

  “Shelby? What the fuck happened here?!” Charlie’s booming voice died down and after some whispering his hand was on my arm. He called my name again before I could look up at him. He scooped me up into his arms.

  “Stel, you need to come to the station too,” Charlie said before walking out of the bar. I buried my face in his neck and tried to get myself together. I could do this. I had to take responsibility for what I'd done. No matter the cost.

  The moment we arrived at the station we were moved to a conference room. That's when I started to feel like a caged animal.

  “Alright, start talking and I don't want anything left out. Stella Grace,” Sheriff Cartwright said, giving her a look. I sighed. This was gonna be a long day.

  “Well, I can only say why I was there. I had back up, honest. We were there for three of the four men you saw at the bar. I don't know who the younger one is. The papers I gave you explained all of that. The boys and I were all ready to make our move-” Stella stopped talkin’.

  Everyone looked at her as she let her head fall back. “Stella?” The Sheriff questioned. After fidgeting she let her head fall back down, her eyes open and she met my gaze for a nanosecond before she looked back at the Sheriff.

  “I was almost ready to move when Hurricane Shelby came into the bar. She asked Brayden a question, then she had words with Jimmy, the sleaze.” She stopped to sigh. “I don't know what was said,” she said. “But I saw him grab for her and then - dude, she went all Chuck Norris on his ass. I think the nasty fucker was out before he hit the floor.”

  Someone snorted at her comment and I slid down in my chair. Maybe I could melt into the leather and no one would see me. Yeah, not likely.

  “I’ll say this. Whatever he did to piss her off like that must have been bad. In the last year I've never even seen her mad. This was out there. I’d say the fucker got what was coming to him,” Stella said, crossing her arms over her chest.

  “How can you say that?” Sheriff Cartwright asked, his brows drawn together.

  “Because I know that woman right there,” she said, pointing at me.

  Thing was, Stella knew things no one else did. She'd been at the center one of the days I was there to see Doctor Crandall. I'd needed support. I'd needed my friend and she'd been there for me. Today she'd been there even when I didn't know I'd need her.

  “That means what?” He asked.

  “She's not a fighter, Gabe, you of all people should be able to tell that. But with enough poking and prodding even a cute little bunny can bite your fucking finger off.”

  “Gabriel, I told you what was going on,” Papa started but Gabe held up a hand.

  “I know. Hold on a sec, Doc. Shelby, look at me sweetheart,” he said, his voice softening.

  I sighed and looked over to where he stood. My throat was burning as I fought to keep my tears under control. Charlie, Jackson and Drew were leaning up against the wall beside him and their stares only made me more anxious.

  “What made you hunt someone down like that?”

  I took in a deep breath and spun my engagement ring around my finger, replaying what Doctor Crandall had told me about my panic attacks. I could fight this feeling. I wasn't going to let it win. I cleared my throat before speaking.

  “He-” my voice cracked. I tried again. “He hurt that baby,” I said.

  “You saw her this morning, your Papa said that much. Did she tell you he hurt her?” He questioned.

  My heart was racing again. I met the Sheriff’s gaze and continued. “Yes, she told me that. Did you think I pulled it out of thin air?” I took a deep breath. I saw Stella slide her chair closer to mine.

  “What did she say? Why would he do this?” he asked.

  Was he kidding me? My eyes narrowed as I spoke, “He stomped on her hand, drug her into the house, and then beat on her and her Mama. Want to know why?” I asked as I stood up. My anger was getting the better of me. I slammed my hands onto the table. “She was playing in the fucking dirt. That little girl was being a kid, doing what any three year old does with a mud puddle!”

  My entire body was shaking now. Charlie tried to get to me, but I moved away. No. They had to know I didn't just do this to do it. I wasn't that kind of person.

  “Sweet Pea,” Papa said. I moved away from everyone.

  “No! He deserved to feel that pain!” I shouted.

  “Shelby, no one is saying he didn't. I just needed to know what made you attack him,” Sheriff Cartwright said.

  “I saw her a couple of months ago… this is all my fault. I knew she didn't fall. He'd hurt her then, too… I knew it,” I spoke to no one in particular. I gripped my hair and started to pace. “Oh God,” I whimpered as I raked my nails along my arm. My panic was crawling through me.

  “Shelby Rae! You stop that right now!”

  “Shelby!”

  “Oh, Sweet Pea.”

  The voices all came out as one. I was grabbed into a tight embrace where I collapsed into a sobbing mess. My body convulsing with anger, pain and an overload of guilt. I should have done something sooner.

  I'm not sure what happened after I collapsed. My mind was literally spinning with everything that had happened. My eyes opened and I blinked as the room started to come into view. I was in the station’s break room. I sat up, groaning as my arm started to burn. I yawned a little and rubbed my face.

  God, I felt like I was hungover.

  The sound of voices pulled me from my foggy brain and I got up. I was a little unsteady at first, but made it to the door. When I walked out I followed the voices to the main room. I stood back for a minute to see who was out there.

  “I'm telling you, I've seen a lot of shit in my days, but to see that tiny woman take down a man twice - three times - her size in the matter of thirty seconds was pretty fucking epic.” I grinned a little at Trace’s words.

  “It was kind of hot. I mean, she did some kind of kick, hit combo that was just- I need to learn whatever that was,” Stella said. I shook my head. She was dangerous enough without knowing what I knew.

  “I didn't know she could do that,” Charlie said. He sounded sad and wore down. I chewed on my bottom lip.

  “Watch this. I'm telling you, this chick is badass,” Stella said. They were all around a desk. I shifted on my feet.

  “She must have taken something when she was in Denver. I didn't know either. I've seen her working out but I didn't realize it was more than that,” Papa said. He too sounded tired and my guilt doubled.

  I stepped into the room and spoke before I chickened out.

  “It's Krav Maga. I took classes for it in Denver after a couple friends from school and I were carjacked in a parking garage.”

  “What?” Papa said as he stood. “You never told me that.”

  “Papa, no one got hurt. But I made myself a promise that night. I'd never cower from a man again. I'd do whatever I needed to-” I sighed. “I didn't want to be the weak little girl anymore. I wanted to be able to defend myself.”

  “Oh, Sweet Pea,” Papa said. His arms wrapped around me. I buried my face into his chest, just as I've always done, and sighed.

  “I'm sorry I didn't tell you. After everything you did for me, I didn't want to give you something else to worry about,” I said, honestly.

  “Don't worry about that. I'll always do what I need to for you, Sweet Pea. You're my number one girl,” Papa said kissing my head.

  A minute later a new set of arms were around me and Charlie’s lips were on mine before I could say anything. When he pulled back he gave me a cheeky grin. “Stella was right about one thing, that was kind of hot.”

  “Charles,” Papa warned. I giggled and shook my head, but quickly sobered.

  “No, it was stupid on my part. I shouldn't have done that. Despite the awful things he's said and done, it wasn't my place to play punisher.”

  “Girl, that was amazing work, though,” Stella said, a big ass grin on her face. I smiled.

  “Yet, I feel awful fo
r being the aggressor there. With my training, and the level I'm at, it could land me in jail. I'm my own personal weapon,” I said with a sigh.

  “Much better than my martial arts training,” Stella said.

  “Stel, you're a second degree brown belt, and a helluva batter. I think you're kind of badass enough,” Trace said.

  “Wait, you have a brown belt? In karate?” I asked, stunned.

  There was a chuckle from behind us. I turned to see the Sheriff coming in, a mug of coffee in his hand.

  “All of the girls are enrolled in a self defense class taught by a Martial Arts master, when he's around that is. You can never be too careful,” he said handing the mug to me.

  “Oh,” I said, nodding my head. “Thank you.”

  “It happened about a year ago, after the situation with Kristol-” he started but stopped. After a moment he leaned a hip against the desk closest to him and continued. “It was a way to make sure the girls would feel safe and know they could defend themselves.”

  “Stel just took it a bit further,” Trace said, proudly.

  “That makes sense,” I said before taking a sip of the coffee. I winced as a bandage pulled at my arm.

  “Why does my arm hurt?” I asked to no one in particular. I looked down and frowned.

  “You scratched yourself pretty bad when you had your breakdown. Doc patched it up and it'll be fine,” Charlie said. His lips met my cheek and I nodded softly.

  I continued to drink the coffee until it was all gone. I was so tired, even this wouldn't make it better. I looked around and shifted on my feet.

  “Um, are you gonna charge me or anything? Am I in trouble?” I asked, hesitantly.

  “Not this time. For a couple of reasons. We have proof he hurt his daughter. Cassie and her daughter-” he paused a moment then continued on, “Kaitlyn - they're both over at the center with Dani Lynn and Jayna. I believe Lana and Kristol are there as well with the kids.”

  “Today is picnic day, so yeah, they're all over there. Derek and Carter should be there too. They were picking up the food from Mrs. Nettie’s earlier,” Stella said with a grin.