by Anne Key
“You had to drive a ways, mama.” Alicia’s accent is adorable, and it’s like she’s never talked English at home.
“Brant drove us. He wanted to come, bad. I… I didn’t even know this place existed.”
Meaghan nods. “It’s out there on the Net, but it takes guts to come.”
Guts. A car. Time off work. No one asking too many questions. No sisters to watch.
There’s lots of stuff.
“Do your people know about you?”
I shake my head. “No. No, it hasn’t come up.”
I don’t even know what Mom would say.
Maybe nothing.
Probably nothing.
I hope nothing.
“My folks know,” Meaghan says. “They’re trying to be terribly hip in their incredibly uncool sort of way. You know, do you have a special partner? Would you like to bring her to meet us?” Meaghan’s eyes roll. “I swear, they’re like the Stepford parents. They even hung a rainbow flag deal in the window.”
“That’s adorable,” Alicia says, even as Lady Bee goes, “That sucks.”
“At least they’re trying, huh?”
Like Kaylee’s folks and beauty school, they don’t get it and no child of theirs is going to be a lowly hairdresser. It’s a thing. I don’t get it at all, but it’s a thing.
My mom, she just wants me to get out of Greenville.
“How’s the shoulder? It going to heal up?”
“That’s what everyone says. I’m going to a therapy five times a week to keep it from seizing.”
“Cool. You’re good. Like for real.”
I nod. I know. It’s like my only thing. I know this one thing.
“You’re another ball-girl?” Lady Bee asks, and I grin.
“Through and through.”
One day I’m going to pitch in the pros. Hell, there’s a chance they’ll bring it back to the 2020 Olympics. I love that idea—me with a gold medal of my own for pitching.
Me and Meaghan, we go sit on the weird little sofa, start talking about the game and we’re laughing and the billiard balls are clicking and it’s… okay. The whole thing.
Somebody hollers that supper’s ready and we need to come set the table and Meaghan has her hand on my shoulder as we walk. I see Brant, but he looks all right, and I want to sit with Meaghan and—is that weird? Maybe. I don’t know.
There’s enchiladas and salad and queso. Everyone’s talking and it’s loud, but not ugly, just voices all crashing together and my voice is there too, with theirs. Someone says it’s the boys’ turn to clean up and they groan, but there are lots of them and four of us. I admit it, I bail even though I know Brant’s going to get stuck because Meaghan asks if I want to go watch Mean Girls with everyone.
She leads me over to one of the big beanbags, pressed all against my side, and she’s warm from her T-shirt sleeves to her jeans. “Next time I’ll wear my cool jeans and you can sign them. I sell them sometimes, you know? Jeans I decorate.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah,” she leans in and whispers in my ear. “I’m not like you. I can’t pitch so fast. I need backup.”
A dull flush of heat pours over me and—it doesn’t hurt, not at all, but it feels so fucking big that I can’t make it go away. I don’t want it to go away.
“I can’t wait.”
“Me either.”
She settles in, leaning hard when the show starts. “So, which one are you?”
“Probably one of the boys….”
“SO? HOW was it? Did you have fun?”
I did. I might even have had a blast. I got Meaghan’s number, she’s already texted me, and we’re still in Dallas. “Yeah. You?”
I hope he had a blast, because I want to come again. Bad enough that I’d come by myself.
“Some cute guys, sure. Nobody yet I want to peg, but it’s possible.”
“Do you only think about sex?” All I can think about is getting home and texting Meaghan. Talking to her. I want to know all the things—her favorite yogurt, does she like Pharrell, pop, or Goth?
I want to know it all. Every stupid detail.
“I’m a guy. Of course. What? You don’t?”
“Not really. I mean, I think about all sorts of things.” Right now I’m thinking about Meaghan. “So, are you… have you ever?”
“Had sex?”
Oh God. “Uh-huh.”
“Have you?”
“No. No, I’ve… I haven’t.” Was what Kaylee and I did sex? Did it count? I don’t think so. I don’t even… if you don’t touch below the waist is it sex? Can two girls have real sex? I need to get on my laptop.
“Oh. I have. I mean, I’ve done lots of things.”
“Lots?”
“God, Charley. Don’t you know anything? Aren’t you curious?”
“Hey!”
He winced a little. “Yeah. That was shitty of me. I just…. Everybody’s fucking, honey. Everybody. And you’re cute. Why aren’t you?”
“I don’t know.” Is there something wrong with me? Like really medically wrong?
“Maybe you just didn’t find the right girl.”
Maybe I didn’t know I was looking for one. I would have thought Kaylee was my right girl, but she’s not. Is she?
God.
“Hey. Hey, you want to stop and get a milk shake?”
“Okay. Sure. Yeah, I guess.”
“I hurt your feelings, huh? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, honest. Hey, maybe you met the right girl tonight. You were totally into her.”
“Could you tell?” How?
“Even if I couldn’t tell about you, I could totally tell with her, all snuggle bunny with you. It was totes adorbs.”
“Did you just say that? Out loud?”
“Totes.”
Okay, so even though he’s a bitch, he’s a bitch that makes me laugh.
My phone buzzes. Kaylee’s face pops up.
Yo mamma sup?
Out w B. U?
“Who is it? Your new squeeze?” Brant asks.
“No. Kaylee.”
“Ah. Right.”
Lost the game bad. Gettin on bus. Come over? Ppleeeeez?
Oh, man. Man.
I don’t want to. I want to text Meaghan. I want to be by myself and… think about things.
Char?
dunno when ill b back. Txtuthen?
Sure. Havin fun? Making out
shut up
“How’s Kaylee?” I know Brant doesn’t like her, but I also know it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t have to hang out with her unless it’s all four of us, and that won’t happen until after football season.
“She wants me to come over tonight when she gets home.”
“And you don’t want to.”
It’s dark, so I can shake my head and feel like it’s not a betrayal. “I want a milk shake and then to go home.”
“And text your new girl.”
“Shut up.”
“It’s okay. You’ll have to figure it, how to have both lives. Do you think you’ll ever come out to your mom?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now. Can’t I just be all mysterious or something?”
“Yeah, totally.” Brant snorts. “That’s you—deep and mysterious pitcher of fast-pitch doom. Hey, I’d like to point out that you went to watch a chick flick with your new squeeze instead of watching game three.”
“OMG.” I did. I totally-totally did. “And?”
“I’m not telling. You’re screwed.”
Chapter 11
I DIDN’T go back to Kaylee’s house, even though she wanted me to.
Meaghan texted me about three-quarters through my milk shake, and I made Brant take me home.
Now I’m in my nightgown with my phone plugged in, and finally I can text her back.
Sorry. Stupid phone.
sok. Batteries suck. U home?
yup. U?
yeah. Idk why I came tonite but glad I did
God, me too. I…. Ye
ah.
me2 good 2cu
u2 about 2mrw
hafta work
smh y
Money, duh. I haven’t worked enough of the summer, and now I’ve got to bust my ass. I’m just lucky they let me keep my job.
$$$
where?
super1 in gville
Because I’m high class and shit.
time?
3-close
k pick u up at 11? Go out?
k
OMG. Oh my fucking God. Did I just… and she’s…. Fuck. We could go to Applebee’s; they’re open late and we can sit in the back. Or Huddle House. Somewhere. Oh God.
woot
My phone beeps again and she’s sent me a selfie. Her hair is down and she’s wrinkling up her face like a giant derp, but she’s something. Something that makes my mouth dry as dirt.
This means I need to do one. I try to find a way to make me look like someone else—a supermodel or a Kardashian or something special—but no matter how I look, I’m me. I stick my tongue out and cross my eyes and send it, no filter.
OMG! Phineas and Ferb jammies! Cute!
bows ty
She likes my pj’s. It’s embarrassing how wide I’m grinning right now.
is it 2morrow yet?
soon
Oh.
Oh, man.
I think for a second my heart’s going to stop, because she’s sending little smoochie emoticons. To me.
Kaylee’s face pops up on the top of my phone while we’re texting, and I don’t want to see what her deal is. She’s pissed because I didn’t come over, but I don’t have to, right? Just because we’re besties doesn’t mean she owns me.
Right?
So, I don’t have to have guilt?
u have 2 go? she asks.
nope. Mom works nites
LUCKY
Am I? Okay, yeah. I totally am, except when I have to deal with Amy, who is over at somebody’s house doing something.
inorite
Kaylee texts again and I look.
just say you got home worried
Oh.
Oh, damn it. Now I have the guilt on.
totes
coming over?
cant
I don’t have to see her. I don’t.
2morrow?
working :P sunday?
kk
I shouldn’t feel bad. I don’t feel bad. Kaylee’s seen me a thousand times and she probably only asked because she didn’t have a date. She never hangs out with us anymore, unless we’re her last option or something. I mean, she hasn’t seen Shaundra in… at least forever.
Then Meaghan sends me another selfie, this one of her in her bedroom.
wish u were here
me too
Although I don’t know what I’d do, what I’d say, anything. I just…. Whatever we did would be cool.
I lay down, looking at my phone, at her pics.
Is this for real?
She has a beauty mark under her lip, just a tiny dot, and I wonder if she’d let me kiss her there. Just a press of the lips. Just a touch.
I wonder if she’d let me kiss her like a real kiss. A French kiss.
Oh God.
you fall asleep?
just looking at your pic. So pretty
I feel so very daring.
u2
Yeah, right.
I’m a dork.
Still. Yay!
cu2morrow? I ask.
I need to sleep, to process.
cant wait
Me either.
Me either. God.
I fall asleep, holding my phone.
Chapter 12
“THANK YOU for shopping Super 1. Have a good night!” God, is it closing time yet?
It’s not like I hate my job, but it’s a job, and tonight I get to go out with Meaghan.
“Hey, girl!”
I hear Kaylee’s voice. God, BK hates it when we have friends at work, and I know full well that she wouldn’t normally step foot in here. Her people are Brookshire’s folks. High dollar.
“Hey. What’s up?”
“Needed Cokes and some cookies.” She winks and puts a two-liter of Sprite and a package of Nutter Butters on the belt. “Okay, I really just came in to say hi and make sure you weren’t pissed at me.”
“No. No, I just had to work ’til closing tonight.”
“Yeah? Cool. I’m going to watch some movies, just hang, if you want to come over.”
“I… I got a date tonight, but I’ll be over in the morning?”
“Oh. Oh! Oh, cool. Sure, Charley. Go you. I want to hear all about it. We’ll get doughnuts, Starbucks, hang.”
“Perfect. I’ll text before I show.”
BK is heading over and Kaylee pays, waves. “Gotta run!”
“See ya.”
Oh God. God. I need to text Brant and tell him we’re on a date if he talks to Steve.
BK scowls, and it’s no wonder she’s got wrinkles like a hound dog. “I don’t want your friends in here, Charley.”
“She bought stuff.”
“And that makes it okay?”
Well, yeah. “Are you going to ban her? Her momma’s a lawyer and she didn’t do anything. I don’t have any customers. I swear, she came in for Cokes and cookies.”
And now I totally need to get my ass to the bathroom. I guess I could pretend to cry and then she’d send me to the bathroom to wash my face.
Something.
Christ.
BK backs off, though, just rolling her eyes and shaking her head. “Have you had your break yet?”
“No, ma’am. Wendy is supposed to spell me, and she’s on the customer-service desk.”
“Ah. Okay. I’ll take over here. Pull your drawer.”
Thank God. “Yes, ma’am.”
I pull my drawer, log out, breathe. As soon as I can, I call Brant. “Hey.”
“Hey, you okay?”
“Fine. Tell me you’re not with Steve.”
“Not. Hanging out alone. Why?”
Because I’m a liar. “Because I told Kaylee I was out with you tonight.”
“You have a date with the softball player!”
“Shut up.”
Brant made this weird-assed goofy hooting noise that had me cracking up. “So proud of you, girlfriend! Figures I’d take you out for the first time and you hooked up and not me!”
“Butthead. Cover for me?”
“Always. That’s what we do. Have fun.”
“I will. Gotta get back to work.”
I can hear him screaming as I hang up. “Text me deets!”
God.
I wash my face and get back to work, and thank God it’s busy because I need the time to go by quick, even if I get stuck reshelving returns.
As soon as the lights in the grocery store dim, my phone buzzes.
outside
I change my shirt in the break room, put on jeans instead of the stupid chinos, and then I text her back.
coming
:D
I wave at Bob and BJ and head out. Meaghan has a Jeep, a nice one, and I hop in. “Hey. How’s you?”
“Good. It wasn’t a bad drive, really. It took a half hour, maybe forty-five minutes.” She grins at me, winks, then leans over and presses a quick kiss to my lips. “It was worth it.”
Oh. Oh God.
“Thank you.” I can’t help but touch my lips, over and over.
“Where should we go?”
Applebee’s? What if Kaylee’s there? Huddle House? She hates it there.
“Huddle House? They’re open late and we can drink coffee and talk.”
“Sure. I could murder a pancake.”
“They have good grits too.” I bet maple syrup would make her kisses sweeter.
She kissed me.
Meaghan kissed me.
Oh, God.
My heart is slamming in my chest, pounding away and, oh God, my nipples ache. Can she tell? Can she see? Thank goodness it’s dark
because I can’t think. Should I kiss her too? Or is it kiss her back because I kissed her back when she kissed me and did I fucking mention she kissed me?
I want it to happen again, just so I can remember it better.
“Baby?”
I look over, wide-eyed. “Huh?”
“I need to know where to go….”
“OMG.” My cheeks feel like they’re on fire. “Oh God. I’m a derp. Go down Wesley. It’s south on I-30.”
“It’s cool. I’m stunning.” Meaghan rolls her eyes at me, grins again.
“You are.” Did I just say that?
“Thanks, babe.” She reaches out, cups my cheek like it’s the most natural thing on earth, that everyone just reaches out and touches, and I feel like… I don’t know, a little like a china doll, like something fragile and precious and too special to play with too hard. I mean, I know better. I’m tough, but she makes me feel soft inside.
I turn my head, kiss her palm.
“Come on. If we don’t go, we’re going to end up making out in the parking lot, and I bet your boss would be pissed as all get out.”
“Yeah. BK isn’t the most… progressive person on earth.” Making out. God, I hope I don’t screw that up. That would be the most embarrassing thing in the history of embarrassing things. There’s been a long, long history of embarrassing things too….
Meaghan heads out, turning down Wesley Street, and I am so tempted to tell her to just turn right and drive up the Loop. There’s a great cemetery on the way out of town where we could make out for real, but I don’t bother.
Partially because I’m scared but mostly because I’m starving. I’ve gotten used to eating supper like a normal person.
We pass the “mall” and Meaghan gestures toward it. “What the hell is that?”
“My mom says it used to be cool, back in the eighties. There was an arcade and stuff, even a Walmart. The only original thing is the Penney’s. I think they’re tearing it out.”
“Good. That’s nasty.”
“It’s empty. There’s just nothing.”
“Yeah, but there’s a big Applebee’s; that’s cool.” She’s trying.
“It’s a weird little town.”
“Shit, Charley-O, all towns are weird. I’m in fucking Plano, which used to be all that and is slowly turning ghetto.”
Sometimes I feel like everyone’s more with it than me.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’ve never lived anywhere else. Have you?”