Yuletide Present

by Deirdre O'Dare

  “I took the liberty of ordering a chai for you,” Steve said. “Here it comes now.”

  One of the counter girls carried over a large steaming mug and set it in front of Daniel.

  Daniel glanced down at the cup and then lifted his gaze to sweep across the six faces.

  Rob slipped into the empty chair at one side between Sean and Mike.

  “We’re in agreement that our coven needs to make some changes,” Steve began.

  “Before you arrived, we functioned very casually, members taking turns leading the rituals and no one seeking or wanting to be in charge. For most of us, this worked very well. That left a subtle vacuum which you advantage of.”

  Daniel huffed. “No group can operate properly without a leader. I found the coven slothful and overly casual, almost irreverent in their observances. Seeing a need, I stepped forth to fill it. I felt it was a duty.”

  “That may be,” Mike put in, “but many have found your leadership far too dictatorial, authoritarian and heavy handed. Haven’t many members left in the last year or so?”

  “The factory closed, the economy has dropped, people had to…”

  A new voice interrupted, ruthlessly. “All true but many of us former members are still here. We just didn’t want to continue under your dogmatic control.” That came from normally quiet Caroline who spoke very emphatically. “Three of my friends had attended for a while and they all left before I did. They didn’t even want to come today and have to deal with you!”

  Daniel’s face had gone from rather pale to red. He snorted, gasped and started to stand. Then he seemed to think the better of it. “What a bunch of ignorant and ungrateful wretches the lot of you have turned out to be. Why should I cast pearls before swine and even attempt to lead you out of your self-imposed darkness? Leave if you wish. There will be others to take your places.”

  “We’re trying to give you a graceful way out, Daniel,” Melly said. Her voice sounded gentle, calm and almost conciliatory. “The solstice is coming as we all know. A part of it is the ancient tradition that the dying Sun King departs and a new youthful or reborn version takes his place. We can make this part of the ceremony and to those outside of our small group here, you voluntarily choose to step aside, perhaps move on to another venue or whatever seems best. We would consider it a way for you to save face. You can consider it whatever you wish. If that’s not agreeable, starting Saturday you will be meeting alone for your sabbat since the rest of us will gather somewhere else.”

  This time Daniel did stand. Anger radiated from him in fiery waves. His eyes almost shot sparks. He stood poker stiff, stretched to the fullest extent of his six feet or so of height. “I do not have to listen to this malarkey. Do as you please. I’m through.”

  He turned and started for the door. Then he realized Rob wasn’t trailing him. He halted, turned back, with an imperious scowl. “Robbie, aren’t you coming?”

  Under the edge of the table, Sean clasped Rob’s hand, almost holding him in place. “Not now,” Rob replied. “I need to be at work in just a few minutes. I’ll come home after that.”

  With a swish of the invisible cape, so often a part of his presence, Daniel wheeled and stalked out. The whole group sighed, almost in unison.

  “It went better than I feared,” Steve said, after a few moments. “I think the ties could be called severed. If we remain a coven, it will be without the presence of Daniel Cousteau.”

  Melly looked at Rob. “What about you, Rob? Do you really intend to go back this evening? I don’t suppose he’d actually harm you but won’t he, well harangue and chastise you at the least?”

  “I don’t think I’ll stay,” Rob admitted, “but I want to get my things and not just slink off or creep away. Perhaps after he calms down a bit I can do that without too much of a problem.”

  “I will go with you this time,” Sean said. “I’m off tonight and I won’t let you face that alone.”

  “Any one of us or even two or three would go with you,” Caroline said. “I can’t imagine how you’ve put up with his mean ways this long, but it won’t have to be due to your lack of options now.”

  “I know that,” Rob replied,” and that’s what gives me the courage to make this move which I’ve put off far too long. From now on, I won’t let anyone make me feel inferior.”

  They all stood then and put the tables and chairs back in place before heading off in their various directions. Steve, Melly and Rob went around to the store and took down the Temporarily Closed—Back By 3:00 P.M. sign.

  Now that it was over, Rob felt a letdown but also a flood of relief. Sean had told him to wait before going back out to the house later and Rob agreed. It would help to use Sean’s truck to carry his things, even though there wasn’t that much. He’d collected some books and had more clothes than the few he’d stuffed in his backpack when he was homeless. He wasn’t sure yet but he’d probably stay at Sean’s at least for a night or two. Maybe it would end up being longer. If Sean didn’t become possessive and controlling…it might be much longer.

  Chapter 7

  Rob peddled to the house on Elm companioned by trepidation although he knew Sean would be along very soon. The house looked dark. The door was locked but the let himself in with his key. Inside he could see no lights and he could hear nothing but the ticking of the big clock in the study. He started turning on lights as he walked from room to room. He’d reached his room when he heard Sean’s greeting.

  “Come in,” he yelled back. “I’m starting to get my stuff together.”

  He heard Sean’s steps, echoing down the hallway. “Where’s Daniel?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t been upstairs but he never goes to bed this early. He must have gone out but I can’t imagine where.”

  “Maybe we should go up and look. He didn’t strike me as the kind to—well, take pills or something—but maybe we should check.”

  Sean felt a wave of dizziness sweep over him and clutched at the headboard of his bed. “Ye gods, I didn’t think…No, I can’t picture him doing anything to himself.

  He’d be more prone to some sort of revenge but I don’t think he’s here.”

  They did check and found nothing. Then Rob noticed the closet door in Daniel’s room stood ajar and there were many empty hangers on the bar. A few other items were missing as well. Rob spun around and clattered back downstairs, going directly to the study. That’s when he saw the sheet of paper on the cleared desktop that he hadn’t noticed when he glanced in earlier.

  Robbie, I must be off to Europe for a while. I knew you don’t have a passport and I was in too much of a hurry to wait for that. You can stay here if you wish for a time. I’m not sure when I will return but the house and all the related costs are taken care of in my late aunt’s estate. You will only need to feed yourself for now. That is up to you. I harbor no ill will as I’m quite sure you had no part in that ill-conceived “rebellion”. Fare thee well, lad, and may the gods be kind to you.

  Sean, reading over Rob’s shoulder, gave a low whistle. “Holy shit. That was a fast move.”

  Rob agreed. “It’s very much a Daniel thing, though. He’s done sudden, impulsive and odd-seeming things before.”

  “Do you want to stay here, then?”

  “Are you kidding? This house has always felt creepy. Maybe that aunt haunts it or something. No way. I’m done with Daniel and everything about him. I couldn’t make a new start here, and that’s the only thing I want to do.”

  Though Sean didn’t say much, Rob sensed his friend was relieved by Rob’s declaration.

  Rob was very careful to take only what belonged to him, mostly things he had bought with his salary from the bookstore. It didn’t take long to carry them out to Sean’s truck. The bed was nowhere near filled with the whole lot. Rob locked the door, grabbed his bike, and tossed it up atop the rest of his things. Then he got in. He didn’t even glance back as Sean drove away.

  * * * *

  As much as Sean wanted to begin
at least some intimacy with Rob, he sensed he needed to be patient awhile more. Rob had been through some swift and jolting changes. Very likely he equated sex, even milder physical contact, not with respect and shared love but with control, contempt or even punishment. This would require a slow gentle kind of education. So the first week, he helped Rob get settled in what had been an unused room of Sean’s house and pretty much let him come and go as he chose.

  They ate together if Sean was home and Rob quickly offered to cook alternate meals and do the dishes when Sean cooked. He wasn’t a shirker, for sure. He even brought up paying for room and board but Sean insisted they could discuss that later, after the solstice had been celebrated.

  The coven decided to meet for the time being at Steve and Melly’s home.

  Although the church would probably have continued the arrangement, it was analogous to Rob leaving Daniel’s house. Everyone wanted a new start. The couple had a big downstairs rec room providing plenty of space. They already had an altar set up for their personal use and with a few changes it could accommodate the group’s needs.

  Caroline produced a shiny new athame and one of the other returning members brought a chalice. They planned quickly then for their solstice observance.

  “I think we still need to symbolically send the old king off and welcome a new one,” Melly said. Everyone agreed. They also agreed the rite would be shared by all, leaderless, for everyone knew enough tradition to take a small part, making it personally meaningful to each member.

  * * * *

  That day, Dellview received its first snow of the season. As the group gathered, they stamped snow off boots and shook it from coats, caps and mufflers. Rob felt an icy tension gather in his center. Memories, dread and fear touched him. Everything had been too perfect; when would the façade crumble and bitter reality set in?

  Melly opened the ceremony and cast a circle around the room including every person attending. Then she beckoned to Rob. He wiped sweating palms on his thighs as he approached the altar. He expected a kind of corn dolly figure to represent the fading king. What he saw was more elaborate, a stick figure formed of evergreen bows with a puff of cotton on the head and a scrap of purple fabric wrapped around it.

  A steadying surge of gratitude swept over him as he realized he had to concentrate to speak the formal words. “The year turns; the old Sun goes down into the longest darkness and the new Sun will arise to greet tomorrow. We lay the old king to rest.”

  While rob spoke, Steve had knelt and touched a light to the fire laid ready in the big fireplace at one side of the room. The blaze leaped as the kindling and then the bark of the Yule log caught fire. The blaze provided a symbolic light to hold the darkness at bay.

  Carefully, almost reverently, Rob picked up the little figure and carried it across the room. He lay it at the edge of the blazing log and stepped back. “We release you, aged king, to go through the flame to rebirth and a new and bright future. Go in peace.”

  The fire quickly consumed the bound twigs, leaving only a wisp of ash to join the ashes of the main fire. Rob watched until the whole shape vanished. As he turned back to observe the rest of the ritual, he felt a sudden lightness. He found no trace of bitterness or regret in his spirit. All he sensed was freedom and peace. He made his voice strong as he joined the others in the group responses, each member taking one part to recite and the whole coven speaking the refrains.

  Finally it was complete. “By the One who is three and the three who are One, in their names it is asked, in her name it is done. So mote it be.” Melly spoke the last words and brought down the protective circle. Then they adjourned to a festive time, sharing punch and traditional treats. There were no gifts exchanged but for Rob, that was exactly right. He suddenly saw the evergreens, the sprigs of mistletoe, the ribbons and candles with fresh eyes. They weren’t a reminder of past grief but marked both a new and a much older tradition than the Christmases past.

  As the hour neared midnight, the group began to disperse. Back on went the boots, coats and scarves. Everyone had to hug everyone else and call out merry greetings before they left. Finally Sean and Rob took their leave.

  In the dark truck, Rob felt a subtle tension coming from Sean and knew he emanated something similar. They had been sharing a living space for several days now but Sean hadn’t done anything that could be interpreted as ‘making a pass’ or even really flirting. Suddenly Rob knew that if they were going to move ahead in a relationship soon, maybe even starting tonight, he would have to make the first move.

  Sean parked his truck in the carport and they entered through the back door.

  “I’m still too keyed up to go to sleep,” Sean admitted. “Would you like a glass of wine or something, maybe relax with some quiet music?”

  “That sounds perfect,” Rob agreed. “I’m not ready for this evening to end quite yet, are you?”

  Sean smiled before he turned to take down a bottle of merlot and two glasses. He chuckled as he removed the cork and carefully filled the two glasses. “Wine always feels like a celebration, somehow,” he admitted. “It was that way at home when I got old enough to share it with my parents. They let me have one glass by the time I was in my early teens, and the same for my sister when she grew to that age.” He sighed. “I’ll always miss them but I’m finally moving past the worst pain now. I know life can still be a beautiful adventure. I’m so glad I saw your notice and came that first time.”

  “Me too! In fact that night was also the first tiny step in starting a new life for me. Now I’m here and I’ve found so much good in the world, in life, I think even starting to find it in myself—with you.”

  Rob chose a seat on the sofa and watched Sean approach. The other man came and sat down beside him. “If you’ll let me, I want to help you find all the good that’s in you, and there’s more than you can imagine.” Sean took a sip from his glass and then set it on the coffee table. Rob copied the action.

  Sean reached, slowly, carefully. He first put a hand on Rob’s left shoulder, then turned him half around with a second gentle clasp. “Will you let me?”

  Rob nodded, too overcome to speak. The impact of all the emotions that seemed to blaze from Sean’s eyes caused a shivery feeling inside him while a blaze of heat swept over his whole body. He shut his eyes a breath before Sean’s lips found his, sweeter than the spicy holiday treats they had eaten, warmer than the mulled punch.

  He wanted more, deeper. Rob opened his mouth to ask but Sean knew before the words came.

  The kiss went on and on, morphed into tangled tongues, nips and licks and tasting. Hands soon joined the exploration, every touch gentle but also insistent. Finally Sean lifted his head. “I know you’ve had sex before. I don’t care how or when or with whom. I don’t think you’ve ever been made love to, though, and that’s what I want to be the first to give you.”

  The last shred of Rob’s uncertainty faded as he absorbed the sincerity and tenderness in Sean’s passionate words. No, no one had ever made love to him. He wasn’t sure what that meant, really, but he ached now to find out.

  In between kisses, Sean caught the lower edge of Rob’s favorite hunter green sweater and began to draw it up, every move slow, deliberate. He drew back just far enough to pull the soft wool over Rob’s head. Then he took off his own sweater, a red and white striped one.

  He next dealt with the light green shirt Rob had chosen for the ceremony. Green was Rob’s favorite color and one he had linked to the Goddess from the first. It was the color of growth and life, a hue of promise. Sean undid the buttons down the front, one by one and then tugged the tails free of the waist of Rob’s black jeans. He made a caress of every touch and scattered kisses across Rob’s face, down his throat and around each ear.

  Sean shed his own shirt, a white one, with much less care and then more quickly peeled away Rob’s athletic shirt and his own T-shirt.

  Caught between total rapture as he savored Sean’s attention and a growing wish to give back with equa
lly stirring touches, Rob shifted, whimpered, moaning deep in his throat.

  “Hush, just be still, It’s all right. Just feel, enjoy, accept.”

  Now as Sean drew Rob close until their bare chests met, the impact of skin to skin resonated through Rob so fiercely he felt faint. Sean’s hands danced over his upper body, kneading, stroking, a feather of fingertips and a firmer press of warm palms. Eyes shut tight, Rob could just feel.

  Dimly, as if from far away, he heard the music Sean had chosen—a whispering, eerie but evocative flute, pan pipes and gentle drumming. The tones and rhythms blended with the sensations of touch. He had thirsted so long for simple human contact, but had been given nothing except blows and fast, harsh and demanding sex. His starved flesh absorbed every caress, swelling and shivering, melting and molding to another’s touch.

  His eyes opened when Sean pulled away. “No, don’t stop.”

  “Only for a minute,” Sean promised. “I need to get your shoes off now.” He hunkered at Rob’s feet, untied the laces and peeled off his athletic shoes. Then he rolled the socks down and drew them off Rob’s feet.

  Rob had kissed Daniel’s feet. In his memory they were always cold and had a musty odor. Now Sean’s lips brushed his right ankle, slid down over the instep and then he traced each toe with a moist tongue. He repeated the foray on the left foot. It was delicious and incredibly arousing. Rob’s cock had stiffened gradually as he reacted to Sean’s loving touches. Now he went steel hard, straining against the fly of his jeans.

  A whispery whine slipped between his parted lips.

  As Sean lifted onto his knees he reached for Rob’s belt, lowered the zipper, and opened the fly. Freed from the constraint, Rob’s prick found the opening in his shorts and burst through it. Sean reached and wrapped one hand around it, not squeezing or stroking but simply holding. Rob nearly came right then but he bit his lip hard, trying to delay the inevitable. Then Sean’s lips encompassed the head while his tongue slipped across the slit and danced around its circumference. Rob dug both hands into the cushions of the sofa and braced himself.