Talking with Jules reminded me of what it felt like to have a friend. And even though we made little headway into realistic ideas of how I could protect Ignimitra—throwing the Headmaster off of a cliff wasn't exactly something I could do—it did lift my spirits.
I had always been distrustful of people and particularly resistive of friends. Little by little the truth became clearer: humans were meant to form connections. I had royally screwed up my best two. But I had an idea that would help, hopefully.
Are you up for a flight? I walked over to Ignimitra, my hands in the pockets of my pants.
She looked up from me, yawning so wide I could see all of her spiky teeth.
Where to?
On the horizon, the sun was sinking. We wouldn't get back before sunset.
To Dragon's Bay, I smiled. I want to get a gift for Solra. One for Irikai too.
I could feel the intrigue coloring her thoughts. That's new.
Shrugging, I said, I want to fix our relationship. Irikai seems to have forgiven me, but Solra's a bit harder. I know the one thing she can't resist.
Ignimitra bared her teeth in a smile. I am tired, but let us go.
Thanks so much, angel.
Climbing on to her back, I settled myself into her saddle. She twisted her neck to give me another curious glance before taking off. I was hopeful about this plan. The easiest way to Solra's heart was through her stomach.
IT HAD TAKEN NEARLY an hour of walking through the seaside merchant village to find exactly what I was looking for. Irikai's gift was easier to find than Solra’s. Fortunately, I was able to buy it from the only vendor in town who sold it just as he was closing up for the day. After stowing them away safely in Ignimitra's saddle bag, we made the trip back.
A brisk wind carried us quickly back to the Academy.
Take me to the dorms in the Academy District, I said to Ignimitra as we approached. She veered off her original path and set us down in the courtyard. It was surrounded on all four sides by tall, white-washed dormitory buildings. Nostalgia tickled the back of my neck—not too long ago, one of these buildings had been my home.
Many of the windows were dark as most of the cadets had already retired for the night. There were a few others dotted around the courtyard, sitting in benches or lounging near the water fountain. Even though I couldn't see their faces clearly, I could tell their eyes were on me. Hopefully, Irikai and Solra were in their rooms.
My footfalls echoed in the large corridor. The three of us had been given rooms close to each other, tucked away in a corner of the building that overlooked a clearing. Was my room still empty or had it been assigned to another cadet? Hope stirred within me when I saw a pool of light reflecting onto the glossy stone floor.
All of a sudden, my pulse was humming in my ears.
The light was coming from my old room. As I approached, I heard voices, voices that I recognized.
Turning the corner, I found Irikai and Solra laughing with each other, dressed in their night clothes, and sitting on my old bed. Their banter screeched to a halt the moment I appeared in the hallway. A deep breath steadied me against Solra's fiery gaze.
"Hi, Kaos!" Irikai spoke quickly before Solra could get a word in. His eyes were kind, so I focused on him.
"Irikai, Solra," I greeted them, entering the room.
It looked almost exactly the way I had left it just a few months earlier—the same blankets, the same sparse furniture. Even my cadet sword was leaning in the corner the way I left it.
"I brought peace offerings," I said, holding up my burlap sack. Solra scoffed, folding her arms. Despite her affront, I could see a trace of curiosity on her face. I held on to that and approached Irikai first.
"For you, Irikai," I held a small brown paper back out to him.
He took it, a broad grin on his face. "Thank you, Kaos!"
I took another deep breath. "Solra," I said warily, handing her a bigger paper bag
At first, I thought she wouldn't take it. But then she did, even if reticently.
Sitting at the desk in the corner of the room, I waited to see their reactions.
Irikai was the first to open his, his grin getting impossibly bigger when he saw exactly what it was.
"It's like you read my mind!" He exclaimed, producing the stack of thin paper books.
In a conversation that I'd had with Irikai before all of this, he had told me how much he wanted to complete his collection of The Dragon King Letters—a series of novellas written hundreds of years ago by a retired Dragon Guard general. I had secretly been tracking them down, but this all blew up before I had a chance to actually visit the merchant in Dragon's Bay.
Solra seemed pleased for him. Inquisitiveness colored her features. Slowly, she opened her gift. The rustles of the brown paper bag seemed to echo in the room—even Irikai had paused to look at her.
In her bag lay sixteen cured eel skewers, wrapped tightly in parchment paper.
Her mouth fell open at first, until she quickly composed herself. But that surprise was all I needed to know I had gotten through to her. Eel skewers were her favorite thing ever, second only to Irikai and Zelkor.
"Thanks," she said begrudgingly. My heart was warm.
I brought the chair closer to them, making a semi-circle of sorts. Solra was already unwrapping one of her skewers.
"I really want to talk, guys," I began, looking at my boots.
My sentence hung in the air, bringing with it a deafening silence that rested on my shoulders. Had I really lost them despite my best efforts? The dark clouds were beginning to form in my mind again.
"Fine," Solra finally said, her mouth full of eel. "Let's talk."
"I'LL GO FIRST," IRIKAI began, glancing between Solra and I.
Even though she had seemed receptive, I could tell that this whole conversation would be a lot harder for her than it would be for Irikai, and probably even for me. Solra felt everything deeply—it was her greatest strength.
"We all had a near death experience," he began. "Without you and Ignimitra, Solra and I would have died in that Astraphotian camp." He heaved a breath, and the dullness in his eyes told me that the experience haunted him as much as it did me. "But I feel like, the desire to survive; the desire for all of us to survive is an essential part of being on a team. It's what drives us, what motivates us. It's the whole reason why we're put on teams. By nature, we are stronger together."
I nodded. He continued, "And it felt like you threw that all away when you moved to the Peak. You changed from the Kaos who always had our back, the Kaos who we would've given our lives for, to...Kaos who barely had time for us because of your new assignment. It really hurt. I know you didn't have a choice, but it still hurt."
Solra interjected. "She had a choice."
Her eyes were aflame again. "You always have a choice. The Headmaster needs Kaos. There was no way he could have pushed her into something she didn't want to do." I couldn't stop my jaw from slackening. Was she listening to herself?
"Can you be sure of that?" Irikai responded, reading my thoughts.
"She left us when we needed her most, Irikai. I don't think I should forgive her for abandoning us."
Irikai opened his mouth to speak again, but decided against it. Anger was on the tip of my tongue.
"Solra, I was suffering too," I said through gritted teeth. "Abandonment is a strong word. I was forced to leave. Forced. I was on borrowed time with the Headmaster."
She scoffed. "Borrowed time?" An empty laugh left her. "You're the first cadet to have ever awakened such a strong fusion bond as quickly as you did. And now, you've volunteered to help save Pyralis' hind-skin in the war," she spat. "Doesn't seem like borrowed time to me."
I kneaded my eyebrow. Where did I start? Here in the Academy District, Solra and Irikai were far removed from most of what had happened to me. They had gotten glimpses of the Headmaster's deranged behavior. We all had. But when you were in such close proximity to him on the mountain, you eventually saw him fo
r who he really was.
I had to let them in.
"None of that is what you think," I began. "Do you want to know what really happened?"
I expected her to fire back a witty response. Instead, she actually seemed curious. Irikai too.
"The day I met the Headmaster, he tried to kill me. The only reason I'm here at the Academy is because I was caught trying to steal Ignimitra off government land. The only reason I'm not dead is because she had already bonded with me. So no, I'm not in the Headmaster's good graces. I figure he wants to kill me more than anyone else on this mountain." The words spilled out of me, thick and hot like lava. "And what better way to weaken me than to separate me from the only two friends I have."
My voice echoed in the room. My skin was thrumming to the pace of my heart, my throat raw. I had hidden my origin story from Irikai and Solra out of shame.
I hoped it wasn’t too late.
"He separated us...intentionally?" Solra said slowly, quirking an eyebrow.
I nodded fiercely. "That's the only thing I can think of. I'm struggling up there, Sol. There's no way Ignimitra and I were ready for that, regardless of what happened in that camp." Then, I added. "I didn't even volunteer for that wretched testing. It’s another of his ploys."
"This place is notorious for only giving us the illusion of choice," Irikai said.
Leaning back in my chair, I looked up at the ceiling. Solra was still quiet. I felt the need to fill the silence somehow.
"I miss you guys," I said softly. "I really do."
Solra cleared her throat. "I just felt hurt," she said. "Really hurt. It felt like you ripped my heart out, Kaos. I thought we had sworn to be sisters-in-arms forever, and for you to just leave so suddenly. It devastated me." She threaded her fingers through her hair. "I guess in some way I knew that you couldn't just say no the Headmaster. But I hated that it didn't even seem like you were fighting to stay with us."
"I was...I was dealing with a lot." My voice was low. "Avek was missing and I felt entirely responsible. I wasn't sleeping at nights." That sounded too much like an excuse. "I was wrong in how I handled it. I just assumed that you guys would understand, and you'd be fine because you have each other."
Irikai snorted. "We're a trio most of the time, not a duo."
"It wasn't the same without you," Solra said. "You're like the midpoint between Irikai and me. Without you, we're off balance."
My eyes were going glassy at her words.
I sucked in a shaky breath, nodding. "Trust me, I’m definitely off-balance." Burrowing my eyes in my palms, I dried the moisture that was building.
"I can't change the past," I said. "And with the war, I have way less time. But I promise that I'll spend more time with you guys."
I didn't hear their response, only felt the hug that they pulled me into. A hug. Gosh, I missed their hugs. The tears sprung free then, but I didn't care. I had my friends back. That was all that mattered.
When we pulled apart, their eyes were wet too.
"Truthfully, I didn't want to have you replaced on our team," Solra said, her arm still around me. "Sergeant Vera made the request because you'd been absent from so many trainings."
I shrugged. "If I don't figure out a way to save Ignimitra, none of that will matter."
"What's happening to her?"
After a deep breath I started catching them up on everything—on the inhumane dragon testing and “superdragon” serum, on the Headmaster's threat, on Betheka being my paternal grandmother, and lastly on the suspiciousness of her illness. As I spoke, happiness warmed me even though the topics were so heavy. It felt amazing to have them back.
With Solra and Irikai on my side, I felt truly invincible.
There was hope. There had to be.
Chapter 15
The next day, the sky cried.
Rain wasn't unusual—there were trees and forests everywhere—but after a two month dry spell, it was certainly unexpected.
It was the smell of the earth that woke me from sleep. The heady scent was everywhere, and I loved it. The damp chilly air had me clutching the covers a little tighter, and for once I wanted to sleep in. The fact that we had the morning off made the rain even more thrilling.
I laid in bed until my growling stomach forced me to the kitchen.
The sound of romping pulled my attention to the window above the kitchen sink. Outside, Ignimitra seemed to be having the time of her life. She was drenched from head to toe, running and rolling in the damp grass. Streaks of mud had begun to stain her ivory coat, but she looked entirely majestic. The last time I saw her have this much fun, we had been on the beach at Dragon's Bay.
Without even changing my clothes, I went out to join her, a bag of charcoal in tow.
Isn't it wonderful, Kaos? She sing-songed, running in a tight circle. She was much less graceful on all fours, but her happiness was infectious. I couldn't tear the smile off my face. Ignimitra's affinity for water was something that I didn’t completely understand, but loved nonetheless.
First rain in a long time, I commented, walking over to her trough.
I filled it, a frown twisting my lips as the water promptly soaked the charcoal.
I think you should eat before it gets too soggy, I turned to her.
But she was too busy playing to pay me any attention. With a shrug, I left her to her enjoyment. By this, the rain had soaked me through. I didn't like being wet as much as she did. After changing into dry clothes, I got started on my breakfast.
The past few mornings, I had subsisted on simple meals. Today's mood was the best one in weeks, and I wasn't going to waste it. A warm breakfast was in order. Half an hour later, I was tucking into two lopsided omelets and some sausage at the kitchen table.
I was nearly through when there was a knock on my door.
"Coming!" I shouted, dropping my fork.
The rain had intensified, creating a dull drone that hummed through the walls of the house. The sound was soothing, and as I approached the door, the thought of crawling back into bed with a cup of tea crossed my mind. This was perfect weather for it.
Avek was standing outside my door.
I felt my heartbeat quicken at the sight of him. Despite how strange I felt—I still hadn't gotten around to detangling my hair, and there had been no morning shower to make my skin glow—I cracked a wide smile.
But he didn't smile back.
Something was wrong.
He was drenched from head to toe, his hair sticking to his temples and neck.
"I don't know how to tell you this," he was already pushing into my house, stretching his arms out to hug me. "Betheka has passed.”
The world went black.
I CAME TO IN THE LIVING room, my head in Avek's lap.
The second I opened my eyes, tears started rolling out of them. Then Avek's calloused fingers were on my face, wiping them away. I’m not sure how long I laid there, staring up at him, crying my eyes out. But he didn't say anything. Only wiped my tears and stroked my temples.
Betheka was gone.
It felt like there was just enough air left in the room for me to breathe, but not enough for me to move or talk. Just enough for me to think about Betheka, and how kind she had been to me. Enough for me to remember what she smelled like and her boundless hospitality. Enough for me to feel guilty that I hadn't spent more time with her.
Avek's hands were hot on my face, and I was grateful. My whole body was cold. I couldn't feel my toes. When I had enough strength, I sat up. Only to end up slumped in his embrace the next minute because he wouldn't let me go.
"I feel so guilty," I finally said, my voice hollow. "I woke up so happy. All while Betheka was taking her last breaths."
His grip on my waist tightened, pulling me towards him. I couldn't bear to look him in the eyes, but a hand on my chin brought my gaze to his.
"Death is messy, Kaos," he began, his face so close I could feel the soft warmth of his words against my skin. "Guilt is one of those messy
feelings. Betheka isn't mad at you. She would want you to be happy."
"I don't want to be happy. I want her to be alive." More tears.
He cradled me in his arms until I came up for air again. He was warm and filled with all the strength I wish I had.
"You'll get through this," he said softly. His hands were on the sides of my face. "You always do."
Sniffling, I looked down at my hands. "At what cost, Avek?"
He looked confused.
"I lost my father. I thought I lost you. Now I've lost Betheka." My whole face was stiff from crying but tears threatened to fall again. "I might even lose Ignimitra. Living doesn’t matter if I keep losing the people I care about."
His arms tightened around me. "You won’t lose me. You won’t lose Ignimitra either."
I scoffed. "You weren't there when the Headmaster made his announcement."
"What announcement?"
Shaking myself out of his grasp, I moved to hug my knees. "Forget it." He couldn't help me. The only person who could help me had been lying in an infirmary bed.
Now, she was dead.
Suddenly, our last conversation came back to me
"Avek, I need your help," I jumped to my feet, startling him.
"Wh-what? Anything you—"
His sentence floated away as I had already run to my room. The key to Betheka's basement was where I had left it—lying in a drawer in my bedroom chest. With the key in my hands, it felt like I was back in that room with Betheka. She had wanted to tell me something, but she didn't think it was safe to. Hopefully, this key had the answers.
I knew what I needed to do.
"KAOS, ARE YOU SURE you're okay?" Avek's voice was barely above a whisper.
We were sitting in the shop across from Betheka's house. It was effectively a stake-out. I needed to get into her house without attracting too much attention. If my suspicions were correct, there was a chance her house was being surveilled.
"I'm fine, Avek," I lied, watching her house through the rain falling off the shop's awning. The showers had eased, leaving just a steady trickle that was easy to ignore. "Do you remember the plan?"
Dragon Guard Page 17