by Nel Franks
Gaia snorted, but covered it up by blowing her nose in her handkerchief. As she looked up her face was furious, but she quickly smoothed it into her usual impassive expression. I felt confused. Why would Gaia be so angry? It must be true, what Mistress Onnia said, because she was teaching us. So how could you be angry about something you needed to know?
Mistress Onnia went on, ‘When such a grave sin has been committed, there must be reparation to the Goddess. For the mother of a seriously disabled baby to be cleansed of her sin, she must sacrifice the baby at the Shrine.’
There was a deep gasp from everyone in the room. Mistress Onnia nodded solemnly at our dismay and kept going.
‘Of course, some babies have only moderate or minor disabilities. These are the ones we call ‘Goddess-gifted’. They are gifted to us by the Goddess to us to teach us lessons in patience, humility, and care and concern for others. I do hope none of you have ever been involved in any of the reprehensible bullying of Goddess-gifted children?’ She eyed the whole class, one eyebrow raised in serious challenge. No one was going to own up to that. ‘Good,’ she went on. ‘I’m sure you will know or have met some of the Goddess-gifted children or adults in our community.’
Gaia and I glanced at each other. Of course, our Lenna was one of these.
‘They have been found productive work that suits their capabilities. Please make sure you treat them with the same respect and consideration you would show to any of your sisters.
‘Now, are there any questions?’
There was a long awkward pause. Obviously, we were all bursting with things we wanted to know, but it seemed risky to ask about something so difficult and profound as sacrifice. Eventually, Julienne raised a tentative hand.
‘Mistress, what are the sins that cause a baby to be born with disabilities?’
I was dumbstruck that Julienne would ask such a question. I thought she only thought about her own pleasures and how much work she could get out of. Probably she just wanted to avoid anything that might get her into trouble.
‘Thank you for that question, Julienne, it’s surprisingly perceptive of you. The sins are contraventions of the Goddess’s gifts to us of independence, empowerment and self-expression. So, the women who have sinned have allowed themselves to be led astray by others, led into disobedience or passivity or victimhood. For example, at Summer Festival, a woman who allows a man she has not chosen to penetrate her would be guilty of a most serious sin.’
I puzzled over that one for a while. How could a man do that, if you hadn’t chosen him? That had never been discussed in class that I could remember. I decided to ask Gaia about it later.
Julienne looked relieved. I couldn’t imagine her rebuffing any man who wanted her, so she was unlikely to fall into that particular sin.
No-one asked any further questions, although I was dying to know how babies were sacrificed. It seemed a, a—I couldn’t think of the word, something to do with inspiring terrible awe. It would be a terrible thing to have to do, but I couldn’t ask anything without looking like a ghoul. Obviously, I needed to start a list of things to ask Gaia; she would know.
ON THE DAY OF THE FESTIVAL, Rosie, Gaia and I were really excited. We didn’t have any responsibilities until after dinnertime, so we were free to enjoy the daytime part of the Fair, before the men arrived, just as we had when we were children. We got paid a few tokens a week for our work as Initiate Acolytes, and we’d been ruthlessly saving. We were dying to see what the Fair would have to sell.
‘I want to go and see the jewellery stall in the Ornamentors tent,’ Gaia said. ‘I’ve been watching them make things in the House, and they have worked them beautifully. You really need to see it, Tomma.’
I nodded. I liked the jewellery I had seen at important rituals.
‘What do you want to see, Rosie?’
‘Oh, I’ll come and find you both when I get a break. I offered to go with the little children to the entertainments.’ Rosie flounced her hair, looking a bit embarrassed at going off on her own. ‘We’re going before midday meal, but I’ll be free afterwards. Where will we meet?’
Gaia’s face fell. ‘I didn’t know you had volunteered, Rosie. I wanted to take you to see the jewellery. A lot of it will be gone by lunchtime.’
Rosie looked disappointed too but set her little mouth firmly.
‘Let’s meet at the top of the food alley at midday,’ she said.
We set off, Rosie going to the Children’s Rooms, where the little girls were shrieking in excitement already. Gaia and I skipped down to the trade tents, set on the upper edge of the Festival Field. All the canvas tents and stalls were decorated with banners and ribbons in every colour, blowing in the breeze. There was the mouth-watering smell of baked treats wafting on the warm breeze. I took a moment to admire the Field, smooth and green, thanks to the good work of the sheep.
We dived into the Ornamentors tent, and found ourselves having to peer over the shoulders of excited women in front of us. Gaia pulled me around to the side of one of the stalls and pointed out the elegant and playful little female figures made by one of the senior Apprentices. ‘That’s Oliffa’s work; I watched her make one of them. She cuts them out of a sheet of silver, with a little fret saw, and files them smooth, and shapes them over a tiny anvil. It’s delicate physical work, but with so much thought as well. She creates such beautiful things.’
I admired the little figures. ‘What do you do with them though, Gaia?’
‘Oh, she solders a small pin on the back, so you can hold a cloak or a wrap together with them. Aren’t they the products of beauty?’
I was impressed; it would be lovely to own such a thing, but I saw a woman handing over such a stack of tokens that my jaw dropped. Well, I wouldn’t be buying one of those!
As we left the stall, we browsed by the work of the Iconographers. It appeared they didn’t intend to sell anything but were showing what they could do.
‘Where does all this work go then Gaia, if women are not buying it?’
‘I think mostly they do portraits on request, or they make icons for the Temple or the small Reverencing Hall. Actually, there are paintings in all the communal residences, aren’t there? That’s where a lot of it must go. There aren’t many women working in the Iconographers.’
We saw a couple looking at a painting of a head in a tiny frame. The taller woman kissed her partner on the cheek and ordered a likeness of her in the miniature size.
We left the big tent and passed by a potter’s stall. Lots of women were buying new containers. The canniest were carefully trying the lids to see that they fitted, no matter which way they were placed on the pot. We watched, giggling, as one woman tried teapot after teapot, complaining about the balance or the weight, or the way the spout dripped. Finally she found one, shaped like the body of a woman, with her upright torso forming the handle, her rounded belly the pot, and her raised feet the spout, which worked perfectly. With great delight, she handed over a pile of tokens, and put the carefully wrapped teapot into her basket.
‘Ooh, that reminds me, Gaia! I need to get a new clothes hamper, my old one frayed apart.’
We ran to the basket makers’ stall and had to go to the end of a long queue.
‘Everyone’s basket must have given up at the same time,’ I griped.
The woman in front of me looked over her shoulder and said, ‘I think they make them to only last a year now. Not like the old days when I was in the basket makers. We made baskets that lasted for years.’
I bobbed my head to her, but Gaia poked out her tongue as she turned away.
‘Old biddy!’ Gaia mouthed, and I nearly choked on smothered laughter.
When we got to the table, I found a good strong basket to store my clothes in, and a beautifully woven little purse made from water reeds. It had a subtle pattern in the weave across the front panel.
‘Oh, Gaia, I want it. It’s made with such beauty.’
Gaia mouth twitched. ‘Do you have so many tokens
you need a purse? Won’t they all fit in your pocket?’
I sighed, and put the purse back on the table, where the sour woman immediately grabbed it. I was glad it wasn’t someone I would see using it.
‘When I’m the Chief Apothecary I’ll be paid so many tokens. I’ll commission the prettiest purse ever!’ I said. Gaia grinned, and we turned away, pushing through the crowd, and trying to avoid squashing anyone with the hamper.
‘I’m going to take this back up to the room, Gaia. I don’t want to have to carry it around all day, it’s too awkward.’
‘I’ll come too; then we can meet up with Rosie.’
We rushed up the road back to the Acolytes Hall and ran puffing up the stairs, taking turns with the big square basket. Then with sighs of relief, we walked back down to the Fair, dodging around all the women holding hands, browsing the stalls. I saw pots of cream made by the First Aiders to put on burns, and then was distracted by lovely little bottles of fresh herbal and flower waters that the Apothecaries had created. The apprentice on the stall told me about how she had worked with the glass blowers to create the beautiful coloured bottles. But Gaia was muttering about food, so I cut the discussion short. We ran past the food stalls with our stomachs rumbling and danced impatiently on the spot waiting for Rosie.
A few minutes later, she came rushing down the road, looking very dishevelled.
‘I’m sorry I’m late! Have you been here long?’
‘No, don’t worry,’ I soothed as Gaia was about to say something tart. She shot me a glance.
‘Have you had anything to eat? We haven’t,’ Gaia added.
‘And I’m starving!’ I blurted.
‘Oooh, I’m not sure I can face food right now.’ Rosie looked a bit green. ‘Little Galisha stuffed herself on sugar candy all morning, and she just threw up all over me when we got back to the Children’s Rooms. That’s why I’m late, I had to change.’
‘Eewwue, Rosie! How can you enjoy working with those little horrors?’ I complained.
Rosie was about to explain how lovely they really were, when Gaia grabbed her arm and pulled us both down the alley to the food stalls. I was in heaven, trying to decide between a Festival pasty filled with steaming vegetables, or a dried orange that had every segment dipped in chocolate.
‘How about we each buy something we really like, and then we go sit down and share them out?’ I suggested.
Moments later, we gathered at one of the bushes behind the food alley and spread out our feast. Gaia had been sensible and bought a big meat and vegetable pie, and I had fallen for the chocolate orange. Rosie had bought a large bottle of apple juice, so we had a scrumptious picnic. As we ate, we talked about what we thought the evening would bring. Gaia seemed nonchalant, and Rosie surprisingly anxious. I couldn’t work out what was bothering her. But I too was excited and nervous about the night ahead to think more about her.
LATE THAT AFTERNOON, full of Festival candies and hot snacks, and having eyed all the beautiful work of our elder sisters, we made our way slowly to the small Reverencing Hall, on the eastern side of the Core, behind the Acolytes Hall. All the acolytes were there, even the Apprentices in years seven to nine. They seemed so grown up; I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be an Apprentice. They were standing around talking quietly with each other, and generally ignoring us junior beings. All the Initiates were gathered together, giggling and showing off their new treasures, when the Chief Mistress of the Temple appeared. We went very quiet.
‘Right, girls. Would all Novices and Apprentices please go out to the other room. You are well aware of what our ceremony is like tonight. Please get ready to fulfil your roles.’
She watched silently as all the Novices and Apprentices trailed out. Then she called us Initiates to attention. She rumbled on about how serious the ceremony tonight was, and gave Julienne one of her terrifying glares. Once we were all thoroughly intimidated, we were ushered into the robing room. The huge hampers of festival dresses looked like baskets of treasures, each guarded by an elder sister. ‘You can choose any colour you like today, girls; you don’t have to stay with the colour of your House,’ the Chief boomed over our excited whispers. We spread out around the room, looking at the mounds of pastel coloured fabric in each basket. Gaia chose the first one she saw, apricot coloured. The robe she pulled out was of two layers, cleverly constructed to fit girls of all shapes and sizes. It was held up at the shoulders by soft cords of fabric that tied as tight as you needed. The under-layer was a sheath of finest cotton, drawn in by long laces crisscrossed down the back. The outer layer was attached only at the neckline, and was loose, a bell of floating, shimmering silk in shades of apricot, peach, pink and gold.
‘Oh!’ Rosie breathed, ‘How beautiful!’
Gaia shrugged out of her robe and pulled the apricot dress on; the fine straps left her brown shoulders bare. She pulled away when the elder sister motioned her to turn around so she could adjust the lacing. Gaia looked very uncomfortable, but she didn’t say why. The elder sister sighed and signalled to her to undo her hair. Looking uncomfortable, Gaia shook out her mass of long dark curls. Suddenly our plain, thoughtful Gaia was transformed into a creature we had never seen; when the elder sister indicated, she spun in circles, initially reluctant but then entranced as the robe swung out around her. Others were doing the same all around the room, and suddenly it was like standing in a swirl of blossom petals. Gasps of delight swept through the room.
Rosie and I pushed forward; Rosie chose a lavender robe to go with her pale skin and blonde hair, while I favoured one shaded from spring leaf to grass green. We spun in our turn, delighting in the beautiful swirl and shimmering colour. But Gaia was frowning, pushing the fabric down around her knees, and then yanking up the neckline. I went to ask her what was wrong, but the Chief Mistress called us together.
‘It is nearly time for the rituals to start, girls. I want to remind you to act with dignity and restraint. I know that this is the first time you will ever have seen men, and I want you to behave in a way that you will not regret, and that we will all be proud of.’ She looked pointedly at Julienne, who at least had the grace to blush and hang her head. I was so curious. Men! What would they be like?
We stepped outside into the last of the sunset. A cool breeze had begun to whisper up from the river, as we picked up our reed and pitch torches. Elder sisters directed us to form a line on each side of the roadway. Then all the Novices and Apprentices lined up behind us, also holding torches. The elder sisters moved down the two lines with hot coals in metal buckets, using tongs to put a coal to each torch, making sure it was well alight.
‘Be careful about sparks falling off the torches,’ one warned us, ‘Those dresses have to last for a few more Festivals yet!’
The Most Elder Sister appeared, interrupting my nervous shuffling. A slight, silver haired woman with a radiant smile, and wearing her silver robes as the absolute head of our religion, she moved through the ranks of acolytes and took her place at the front of the Council of Chief Mistresses of all the Houses. The Chief Mistresses made an impressive sight in their formal robes, in the rich colours of their Houses, decorated with furs and beaded patterns in the colours of the disciplines in their Houses. They shimmered in the torchlight. On the signal from the Chief Temple Mistress, we Initiates fell in behind a group of lesser Temple Mistresses in plain silver-grey robes. And there was another group I didn’t recognise, who wore black robes and carried large batons. They carried themselves very tall and strong. Then the Novices and Apprentices came after us and the whole procession began to make its way down to the Gate. A small group of musicians accompanied the procession, with a flute playing a soaring weaving melody over a rhythm of guitars and drums. Everyone was in the Core watching us depart. They cheered and sighed and commented on the spectacle we made. The women who were intending to lie with men were gathered on one side of the road, ready to follow us down to the Gate. The women who remained behind cheered and waved, and there was a lot
of laughter and joking.
When we arrived at the Gate, the Chief Mistresses arranged themselves in a dignified group behind the Most Elder Sister and the Chief Temple Mistress. The women in black spread out behind them, making a ribbon of black between the colourful glory of the Council and the festive fluttering of our pastel robes. A Temple sister shooed us into position, our two lines facing each other across the road, well-spaced out, just as we had rehearsed. Rosie was beside me, and Gaia was across the road and closer to the Gate. All the women who had followed were gathered behind us off the road, talking and giggling together. Rosie was really anxious; I didn’t know why. But I held her hand anyway, and through her tight squeeze on my knuckles I could feel her trembling. What would it be like to actually talk with a boy, or dance with a man? I couldn’t imagine, but my heart was beating as fast as Rosie’s.
I loved the way my dress floated and swirled in the breeze. I saw Gaia tugging her neckline higher, but then she pulled the skirt down again over her knees. She was obviously uncomfortable about her dress. My arm was beginning to ache from holding the torch up. They had told us we represented the first flush of womanhood, like spring flowers. But it made me feel peculiar, dressed up for males to look at, pretending to be blossoms. How could I ever talk to a man?
A shiver prickled down my back. I’d never even seen a man, let alone spoken with one. What did they look like? I couldn’t picture them from the line drawings we’d seen. I wondered what they looked like, what they ate, how they moved and how that ... appendage worked.
How would they behave? We’d had some input about the Festival, but it hadn’t covered everything. Would they speak first or would we have to? We’d been told what not to say, but what on earth would we talk about? Despite the weeks of schooling, I felt totally unprepared. With an effort, I straightened my shoulders again. I’d know soon enough. They were going to come through the Gate any moment now.