by Nel Franks
Their frowning faces were fractured with light and shadow as they leaned forward into the glow of the lamps.
‘How much have the numbers gone up, Ellie?’ The Senior Lord was dismayed.
‘We know from our old textbooks that in the Time Before it was about three disabled babies per hundred births. Now the rate is closer to five.’
All three men gasped. Our religion asserted that the Goddess gave life, but not without cost, and sometimes the price was paid in deformity or intellectual disability. But did this shocking increase mean that the Goddess was inflicting her displeasure on the most innocent of her followers? Surely a deity so intricately entwined with life could not be so cruel. Could She? I swallowed down my emotions. The cool part of my brain went on thinking, regardless of my feelings. Could there be some cause other than divine intervention for the increase in defective or Goddess-gifted babies? Surely there must be some earthly causes! Of course, it also meant there were more children with minor disabilities, like Lenna – so those costs would be for their education, and eventually jobs had to be found that they could manage. And what about the babies that they might have? The effects kept rippling ...
‘Why has the rate gone up so much?’ Lord Moxwall gruffly interrupted my thoughts. ‘If we had such a major issue in our animal stock, we’d know why and do something about it!’ He glared at the Most.
‘We do not breed like animals.’ The Most stared coolly at him until he harrumphed and looked away.
Lord Rabbern blazed up. ‘You cannot expect us to take any more defective infants, ones that barely repay their food and care – we could not afford it!’ His face twisted with a disgust that seemed to have little to do with the cost. ‘With the fees we pay for the women’s upkeep, and the iniquitous balance of trade, and the needs we have for competent workers – it is hard enough to find places for the damaged ones we get now!’
‘Hard enough? Hard enough for you?’ The Most’s voice rose as she stood up and leaned over the table towards the men. The lamplight framed her mouth but shadowed her eyes. ‘Girls are born Goddess-gifted, exactly the same as boys.’
The men glanced uneasily at each other, unwilling to accept her point.
In the dusky light, she seemed to rise slowly, until she was towering over the table. The glamour of the Goddess came over her as her arms rose until they seemed to encompass the whole room, the pleated sleeves sweeping out around her like feathered wings. The halo of her silver hair glimmered, and the shadows of her eyebrows lifted till they too seemed ready to take flight. She swelled, her voice deepening and throbbing with power.
‘Will you honour the Goddess with the lifeblood of the innocent disabled babes? Will you lay a knife to their veins, and cradle them as their blood pours out upon the Shrine? Will you comfort them as they bleed towards death, cold and quiet in your arms? Would you be a conduit for the Goddess-Crone, bringing just and merciful death?’
Gasping, all three men slid to their knees, elbows upon the table as they hid their faces from her terrible countenance.
‘Forgive us, Goddess! Goddess forgive!’ they mumbled into their hands.
‘We protect you from such a dread-filled responsibility!’ she thundered.
The men kept their faces hidden, and I could hear Moxtall intoning the prayer for pardon under his breath.
With a scornful shrug, the Most stepped off her footstool and sat down again. She turned up the lamp nearest her and motioned to Panndra to do the same at the other end of the table.
Why, you clever old fox! I thought, watching as she settled herself with the light full on her small, lined face.
Then my stomach clenched, remembering her description of the sacrifice of disabled babies. It seemed a barbaric response to a baby requiring extra care. I looked again at the Most – how could someone so small, so frail looking, contain such power to dominate these men, such determination to carry out the sacrifices, such will? My respect and awe for her increased, but so did my sense of her hidden power. She could be dangerous.
Looking abashed and apologetic, the men climbed back onto their chairs. There was an awkward silence as they shuffled their papers, not looking at the Most. She reclined in her chair, the faintest smile touching the corners of her eyes. When she judged they had recovered enough, she leant forward and said in her ordinary voice,
‘You men must take some responsibility.’
All three men looked startled and shot nervous glances her way. ‘When you grumble and stint about how much support you provide, you increase the risks of women giving birth to babies with problems. We struggle to supply appropriate care for the women you impregnate. But we cannot answer for the quality of the seed you provide.’
She glanced around at all three men until she held their full attention. Then she stared right at Lord Moxwall. ‘And how would we deal with the issue of our breeding stock? We’d get a better ram.’
She kept her cool gaze on Lord Moxwall, until he leant back. He avoided her gaze and pulled at the beard below his lip.
The Senior Lord cleared his throat. ‘You bear the responsibility of life and death, as you say, Most Elder Sister, and we are grateful you do so. But to go back to the part we can play: we can only spare those supplies we ourselves do not consume.’
The Most shot him a dismissive glance. ‘While we suffer food rationing, because the Outcasts have stolen or spoiled our supplies?’ He looked down at his hands, frowning, but did not reply. ‘Well then, if you will not provide more resources, and we cannot support more women to breed, the risk remains.’ She began to push her papers into a pile.
Dolphus cleared his throat. ‘Very well, Ellie, we hear you. I will discuss it with the Senior Council. Now, we must determine a number for this year’s Festival. How many women do you estimate will attend?’
The Most sighed, settling back again in her chair. ‘It is a delicate balance, as you know, Dolphus. We can afford to have a slightly greater number of men than women at Festival, but not too many. We don’t want a repeat of the riot and rape that happened in our predecessors’ time.’ He nodded judiciously. ‘If you say you want to be able to bring three hundred men, we would need to have at least two hundred and fifty women. And we do not have that number.’ She paused. ‘We may be able to encourage some more to attend if there were incentives.’ She raised an eyebrow to Dolphus.
‘What might be effective?’ he asked.
‘An increased supply of woollen cloth for winter clothing; more and sturdier footwear—last year’s shoes fell apart within two seasons. Then there are also the resources we will need to house and school such an increase in infants. And we will need to withhold more of our food for our own use and increase our intake of your manufactured household goods and weapons.’
‘But that further distorts the balance of trade!’ Lord Rabbern flustered.
The Most smiled sweetly at him. He began to fidget. She let the pause lengthen. Then, in a deep strong voice she said into the silence,
‘Lord Rabbern, what price your son?’
Muttering, the men withdrew to the armchairs to discuss their options. The Most signalled to Panddra to come to the desk. ‘I will speak with you immediately after this meeting.’ Panddra bowed her head and withdrew, looking uncomfortable.
Detailed negotiations took place over the goods to be supplied and the number of women who could be encouraged to attend the Field. Then they moved on to discuss the increase in metal weapons from the Male Enclave. Apparently, it only happened rarely that the Outcasts went through the Expelled to raid the Male Enclave. The men saw us as the first line of defence and were happy to support our Perimeter Squad with weapons and training information. Panddra sat slightly behind the Most, keeping notes of all the resources identified. I was fascinated, although uncomfortable about haggling over babies. As the hours rolled on, I was getting very tired, despite this being the most surprising and interesting night of my life.
‘Well, my lords, I think that will be a satisfactory a
rrangement,’ the Most said finally, sitting back in her chair. ‘We will look forward to your two hundred and thirty men at Festival, and to the delivery of the goods we have agreed. May we escort you back down the tunnel now? I will have a copy of the agreements brought to you by messenger tomorrow as usual, for formal signing.’
She stood, and clasped hands with each of the men. Lord Dolphus leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek.
‘Please give my fond regards to our daughter, Ellie’ he said. The Most twitched, almost shrugging him off. I was annoyed how he deliberately flouted our conventions of anonymous motherhood for his own gratification.
‘Gaia, bring lanterns to escort our guests.’ The Most frowned as she spoke.
Panddra and I relit our lanterns while the Most manipulated the opening of the stair pit. Then we preceded the men and the Most down the steps, and along the tunnel, lighting lamps as we went. At the halfway point, Lord Moxwall took a small flint from his pocket and lit two lamps in a niche.
‘We thank you for your hospitality, Most Elder Sister, and look forward to the contracts tomorrow,’ said Lord Dolphus.
We watched as the men continued down the tunnel, the light swinging around them. The Most turned and said,
‘Gaia, please douse the lamps as we go back. And Panddra, come with me.’
She strode ahead, with Panddra just behind. I tried to walk a little slower to give them some space, but I could feel the dark pressing up behind me.
As I came up the steps into the office, the Most was leaning on both fists on her desk, and looking levelly at Panddra, who was saying, ‘...so, she was the only one available. I made her Say True that she wouldn’t reveal anything.’
I started forward. ‘It’s true, Most Elder Sis ... ’
‘Be quiet, Gaia. Sit down. I will speak with you presently.’
Abashed, I stepped back a pace. The Most straightened and moved some objects on her worktable. The whole desk began to slide forward, and as it did so, I saw a horizontal panel glide out of the wall of the tunnel and seal it closed. Then the heavy writing desk slid back into place, and the entrance to the tunnel was completely hidden. The Most resumed her seat and continued.
‘Panddra, I understand your reasoning, but it is a risk you should not have taken. Luckily for us, Gaia is a sensible young woman. Had it been someone else, the restricted knowledge may have been spread all round the Enclave by tomorrow.’
She turned to me. ‘Gaia, I cannot impress enough upon you how important it is that you do not speak to anyone of what you have learned tonight. Most members of our community know that we trade with the Men’s Enclave, but very few know the details of our negotiations about the number of pregnancies we can support. The knowledge is restricted, usually to those endorsed by the Council of Mistresses,’ she added wryly, glancing at Panddra who looked discomfited. ‘I shall have to do some fast-talking with the Council to get you approved retrospectively.
‘Well, now that you know, perhaps we can use you, given the number of absences we have at the moment in my Office. Is there anything you want to know or didn’t understand tonight? You may as well ask me now. I need you to be well informed if you are to be of use to me.’
I felt both exhilarated and nervous. Taking a deep breath, I started in on the enormous list of questions I had in mind.
‘I was shocked about negotiating resources for infants, but you did well getting more support for pregnant women ...’ I stumbled, realising my opinion of the Most and the policies of the Council of Mistresses was irrelevant, and tried to recover. ‘I mean, I can see why you need me to be discreet. Some people would feel upset if they thought their children were being traded like goo....’ I felt immensely stupid.
The Most looked at me speculatively and turned to Panddra. ‘You were right, Panddra. I do think she has the makings of a trader, but perhaps not a diplomat.’ She gave a quick grin, and with a wave dismissed both my presumption and then my attempted apology. ‘Anything else?’
‘About the rate of inborn defects ... Do you know what causes them? Other than the favour of the Goddess, I mean,’ I added quickly.
The Most frowned. ‘We know that good ante-natal care, nutrition and, we suspect, genetics all play a part. But we don’t know the causal mechanisms. How could you ever find that out?’ She spread her hands, apparently unwilling to take the conversation further.
‘But couldn’t we ...’ I stopped, deciding that discretion was needed.
Her mouth curled a little. ‘Ah, you are still young. Very well, Gaia, I’m glad you have an enquiring mind.
‘I want you to report to me here tomorrow with Sister Panddra, after dinner. I will have a job for you two to do together. How far have you progressed in your self-defence classes, Gaia? I want you to spend tomorrow morning working with Sister Panddra on your skills. Panddra, make sure she can defend herself if she needs to. I don’t imagine there will be any problems, but I want her to be confident in herself.’
We withdrew from the Most’s Office. My head was spinning, and I felt as though I had been plunged into a river of twisting currents without warning.
‘Why does she want us to work on our self-defence, Panddra?’
She looked at me a little reprovingly. ‘The Most will tell you what she wants you to do tomorrow Gaia. You just have to do what you’ve been told for now. I’ll meet you at the Small Reverencing Hall tomorrow at first light. We have a lot ...’ she shook her head in dismay, ‘... an awful lot to do tomorrow. Don’t be late.’
Errand for the Most
Gaia, Summer, Year Two, Initiates
AT DAYBREAK I WAS WAITING outside the Reverencing Hall when Panddra arrived. She was carrying a bundle of the long silk underwear.
‘Wear these today, Gaia, you’re going to need the freedom of movement.’
I put them on in the Robing Room and went back into the Hall with my arms crossed over my embarrassing chest. I felt exposed, even though I was covered from neck to ankle. It was the first time I had ever let someone else see the shape of my body with all its female peculiarities. While I had been changing, Panddra had moved all the stacked chairs to the back of the room, so the floor space was completely clear. She moved straight into the exercises, and as I followed her, my self-consciousness slipped away. We worked hard until the morning break, going over the positions and movements I had learned already. Panddra showed me how, by speeding them up and linking them together, they could become defensive skills.
‘I’m not going to teach you how to attack, Gaia, there just isn’t time. But if you can deflect a blow, or throw an attacker off balance, or slide out of a grab then you should be alright.’
That made me feel anxious. She demonstrated each skill, with me playing the attacker. Then she broke down each defence into its moves, and we rehearsed them until I could successfully evade her attacks.
‘I’ve asked Sister Freia to join us after the midday meal. She’s an expert in evasion and defence. She’ll help us develop some new skills.’ By then, I was sweaty and panting. The thought of even more to learn was both exciting and exhausting. I was so pleased I had kept up my running in my recreation time.
‘Take a short break, Gaia. I’m going to get Freia. We’ve got a lot more to do today.’
I slid to the floor with a sigh, but then thought it might be better if I had a drink and kept moving. I climbed to my feet and paced around the room as I drank a glass of water from the small kitchen beside the robing room. I turned as Panddra arrived with Freia.
Freia turned out to be the tallest, broadest woman I had ever seen. She wore the black robes of the Traders and had a noticeable limp. Her grey hair was short at the back, but long at the sides. She held her head down with her chin out, and her hair swung forward, so at first it was hard to see her clearly. She spoke very little but gave Panddra a questioning look when she saw the two bands on my robe on the floor.
‘Yes, I know she’s very young, Freia, but the Most wants her taught.’
&nbs
p; Freia nodded, and moved into the crouch of the first position.
‘You copy her moves Gaia, while I attack, then we’ll change over,’ Panndra said.
Like a slow dance, Panddra moved into attack while Freia shifted weight, slid and pivoted, pulled and twisted. I stood slightly behind Freia and mimicked every move and began to see more clearly how basic moves could be combined. Then Freia stood up and turned to me. As she did so, her hair swung back, and I was startled by the red, gnarled scar that twisted down the right side of her face. I tried not to show any reaction, but her eyes hardened.
She signalled me to take her place while Panddra attacked. As Panddra moved in towards me, arm or foot raised to disable me with a blow, Freia stood behind me and helped adjust my position and movements. At times she would grunt, and Panddra would freeze while Freia pointed out places to grab or directions to pull. Eventually she moved aside and signalled to Panddra to begin attacking in earnest. She stood watching, impassive, with her muscular arms folded over her chest. By the afternoon break she nodded, an unyielding look on her face.
‘After drink, I attack,’ she said hoarsely.
With great relief, I went with Panddra back to the kitchen for more water. But before I could put my cup down, Freia swung at my head. I dropped and pushed upward, deflecting the blow. Without a break she continued, using her feet and hands, picking up a staff I had not seen, and later pulling a knife from her robe. I retreated, defended, parried and redirected blow after blow, until I could begin to sense where the next blow was coming from. My panicked flurry of defences began to smooth into a flowing sequence. Time seemed to slow down, so that our movements became as stylised as the practice routines I had learned in class. I wasn’t tired anymore, or scared, but exhilarated in the reciprocal dance of movements. After an uncountable time, Freia stopped.
‘She’ll do,’ she rasped to Panddra.
I was elated and energised. ‘That was wonderful!’