by Nel Franks
WHEN I CAME INTO OUR room, Gaia was standing in her underwear, wrapping a long length of fabric around her chest.
‘Whatever are you doing that for, Gaia?’ I asked. My tone might have been a bit sharp, as I was still upset by Tomma’s unreasonableness. Gaia froze. And blushed. Which was very unusual for her. Intrigued, I sat on the bed, waving for her to go on. She turned her back to me and said, ‘It’s something I do to ... um, keep warm. While I was in the forest over winter, I got really cold ... and I couldn’t work properly ... and I decided to wrap myself up to get warm.’ She pulled her robe on and it slipped over her flat profile without a bulge anywhere.
She sat at the desk, deliberately avoiding my eye. Really, did she bind herself to keep warm? It seemed unlikely. Even in winter in the forest, she would have been working hard, and that would have kept her warm. And now it was mid-spring; surely, she didn’t still feel cold? I shook my head, filing away this fascinating fact for later consideration and use.
Tomma still seemed angry with me when she returned from the Wall, which I thought was immature, and she wouldn’t speak to me for days. I tried apologising but she wouldn’t accept. Finally, Gaia decided to help resolve the problem.
‘Come Tomma, what is it that is so awful that you can’t accept Rosie’s apology?’
Tomma spun round to face us, her eyes spitting sparks.
‘I’m sick to death of Rosie’s obsession about men and sex! She nearly made Rove leave and not come back! I had to plead with him to come back and talk to me, and he says he doesn’t want to talk to Rosie ever again, she’s too weird. I’m so angry with her for nearly breaking my relationship with Rove—it’s hard enough to keep it alive as it is. We can only meet at a few times and we never see each other, and she nearly ruined it!’ She ended on a cry of frustration and anger.
‘But it isn’t broken, is it, Tomma?’ Gaia asked very gently.
‘No,’ she said a little mollified, ‘but it nearly was. And she promised not to say anything, and she did!’ Her tone was rising again.
‘Ah, so you broke a promise, Rosie? What happened?’
I sat back on my bed and described what had happened with Rove. Tomma finally sat on her own bed, twisting the hem of robe in her fingers and sulking. Gaia was very thoughtful when I had finished.
‘Is that how it was, Tomma?’
Tomma nodded brusquely.
‘Well, it seems to me that there was poor faith on Rosie’s part for asking Rove when she had promised not to, and a risk you took that your relationship with Rove might be affected, Tomma. Does that sum it up?’
We both nodded.
‘But your relationship hasn’t been affected, has it, Tomma, and you only need not to take Rosie out there again, and it will all be alright, won’t it?’
I felt chastened by Gaia’s even-handed summary. I hadn’t thought I was breaking faith, just acting on my reasonable impulse. She straightened up, shook her hair wildly and said,
‘Well, yes, I suppose that’s the way of it. It didn’t have a long-term effect on me and Rove, but I’m not taking you back there, Rosie! ‘
‘I understand, Tomma, and I am really sorry. I can understand why you like him, now I’ve met him.’ Perhaps being nice about Rove would smooth things over. ‘But I just couldn’t help it. It was such a good opportunity to ask him about human sperm collection, I couldn’t pass it up. I’d really like to go again, when you think it’s alright. I promise I won’t do anything inappropriate this time, please?’
Gaia and Tomma both glared at me, Tomma throwing up her hands.
‘No! Rosie, this is too much You’re obsessed! It’s interfering with your life, and your friendships and even with strangers you’ve just met. You have to stop it!’
Gaia put her hand on Tomma’s arm.
‘Come on Tomma, we’ll leave Rosie to think about what she’s done and why it’s so hurtful. Let’s go for a walk.’
They both left the room, Tomma glaring at me over Gaia’s shoulder. I couldn’t see what all the fuss was about. I knew I’d promised not to, but didn’t they see that it had just slipped out because the situation was so perfect? And anyway, I’d promised not to do it again, so what was she worried about?
I shook my head to silence my inner thoughts. She’s a nasty selfish little bitch. She can’t keep what we need to herself! I began putting away all the mess in the room, including Tomma’s, which helped me override the thoughts and made me feel better. At least when she got back, she’d see I’d been helpful to her and that might soften her attitude.
I heard them returning before they came in the room. Gaia was saying something about being prepared to wait until Tomma felt comfortable again before she went out to visit with Rove next. That made me really cross. Selfish Tomma was prepared to take Gaia but not me. But I didn’t say anything as they came in, to show them I was just the way they wanted me to be. I’d have to wait it out with Tomma, or go by myself to see my male subject, another day.
A MONTH LATER, MISTRESS Noola decided we should rotate to new duties. My new role was to assist in the conception rooms. I was both disgusted and secretly excited to be so close to finding out more about how impregnation actually occurred. I was somewhat disappointed to discover that most of my work involved being a glorified chambermaid. I changed the beds, took linen to the laundry, replaced candles and aired rooms. There was a very peculiar smell to the rooms which I couldn’t identify but which I came to recognise immediately. One thing I noticed as I changed the bed linen was that there was sometimes a pale sticky patch on the sheets. I could only guess, but I thought it might be the man’s fluid that had been squeezed out of the woman by the roughness of his pumping. It seemed a terrible waste to have it spilled out carelessly on the sheets, since seminal fluid was what was needed to create conception.
When I took the sheets down to the laundry for washing, I made a comment about the stains to the laundry maid Lavie, an elder sister whom I had been befriending. ‘Oh, yes,’ she laughed. ‘You can always tell who was the most eager, I think, by the amount he leaves behind on the sheet. Though sometimes it’s not just his juice, but hers too.’
‘Really? How can you tell?’
‘Haven’t you ever smelled it?’ she grinned. ‘Go on, give it a good sniff. You can tell which is the man’s juice. It has a special smell, very hard to describe, but a bit like salt water when you’re cooking fish. Go on, have a snort.’
With some trepidation I raised the sheet to my nose. It was definitely the smell I recognised in the room. I almost retched as I thought about what I was doing, sniffing a man’s seminal fluid.
‘Oh, you’re a delicate one, you are!’ Lavie cackled. ‘You’ve gone bright red! Never seen anyone look so horrified at smelling a man’s juice. Sometimes you get ones who come too soon, and don’t even get it into the woman, and then there’s a big blob of it on the sheets. You should smell one of those! The woman’s juices smell better, I think. They smell kind of warm and sometimes a bit yeasty, like new bread rising. I like that smell. Reminds me of my Lisal...’
I turned away, feeling sick to my stomach. But a new idea was brewing. Could I collect enough sperm from the sheets to put into a poultry baster? I checked every sheet I changed for a week and it didn’t seem likely. Mostly it was smeared over a large area and soaked into the fabric, no good for collection.
Eventually, when Diammo, the Mistress of the Rooms, decided I was careful enough, I was allowed to watch her while she entered the information about the conception event in a great ledger. After the first time, it was excruciatingly boring, as she intoned every detail as she wrote slowly and carefully in the book. Within a very short time I could recite all the categories of information: woman’s name, man’s name, date of conception trial, time of conception trial, temperature of the room, time taken for the trial, point of the woman’s cycle, woman’s temperature on the morning of the trial, woman’s feeling of likely conception or not. I appreciated learning why each piece of informatio
n was collected, but just watching it being written down was very dull.
One day, Sister Diammo called the three Birther Acolytes together. ‘Girls, there is a stage of your learning which can now be undertaken. Occasionally one of the senior women serving in the Temple will allow Acolytes to observe their intercourse, so you can learn what is involved. However, it’s not something we expect of everyone. Some people know that this work is not for them, and don’t wish to participate. Some decide they’d like to know before they go the Festival Field or choose to serve in the Temple. Some, I suspect, are just curious.’ She gave a small knowing smile. ‘You can think about it for a little while. We expect that Sister Suela will be ready to lie with the chosen man in about two days. Her male partner will be arriving from the Men’s Enclave today.’
I was completely caught in a dilemma. I wanted to see what happened here in the Temple – was it as beastly as in the Winter Ceremony or as rutting as Summer Festival? And would I get to see how a man produced sperm? But on the other hand, I was horrified by the idea of watching something so disgusting that should be private. Sister Diammo spoke with the other Acolytes and then came to me.
‘Well, Rosie, what do think? Will you observe?’ She looked at me keenly, and I felt as though she could see right through into my disgust and horror.
‘I don’t know yet, Sister. I ... I feel quite ...’ I couldn’t say anything about this dilemma in choosing without also revealing my true feelings about the sexual act.
She considered me for a long moment, and then said, ‘Come for a walk with me, Rosie, in the garden.’ I fell into step behind her, acutely conscious of the stares of the other acolytes.
As we walked around the quiet inner garden of the Temple, there was a long silence. Finally, Sister Diammo spoke quietly.
‘I see how conflicted you are, Rosie. Even though you have worked diligently and intelligently, I sense in you a deep conflict about what we do here. Is this right?’ I nodded silently. ‘Is it something you can tell me about?’
She glanced towards me, and I could see sympathy and a kind of piercing insight in her look. We were silent for a long while as I struggled to decide what to say that wouldn’t reveal my deepest horrors and my interest in removing men as completely as possible from the process. Finally, I said, ‘I am quite sca ... cautious about the act of impregnation, Sister.’
She nodded and gestured for me to go on.
‘I feel ... well, when I saw it in Winter Ceremony the first time, I was quite horri ... scared. I have talked about this with Counsellor Sister Sarrak, and I’m much better now. I think the act of conception should be quite private, so I feel uncomfortable about watching someone do it. I wonder that the sisters are prepared to let others watch.’ I thought that should deflect her enough.
Again, she looked at me consideringly, and started to speak, but changed her mind. Eventually, she said, ‘Well, they are sisters who are in training in the Temple to become Mistresses. They fully understand the needs of both the Male and Female Enclaves for progeny, and the need for us to educate our upcoming sisters. We don’t want our young women to be ignorant of the art and skill of intercourse, nor do we want them to be scared. Additionally, we want to find, educate and encourage those girls who may want to become Temple Mistresses themselves in the future.’ She paused for a moment. ‘Have you ever thought about becoming a Temple Mistress, Rosie?’
I was astonished. ‘Ah, no, not really, Sister. Well, yes, in a way, but I feel too ... conflicted, as you say, to imagine that I could work here.’
‘And in what way had you thought you could work here?’ Her tone was encouraging, but this was dangerous ground.
‘Ah, I’ve enjoyed the study, the learning about the body and how it works,’ I ventured.
‘Yes, that is our impression too. We have noticed how motivated you have been to study, and Mistress Librarian has indicated you have specialised your study in conception and impregnation. Is it a particular interest for you?’
She paused, but I was silent as this came too close to revealing my secret. She went on,
‘The Temple is always looking for people who have an interest in learning. There are many ways to Serve in the Temple, Rosie. Not everyone does so by lying with men. We need researchers, teachers, medics with a particular knowledge of women’s bodies and the processes of conception, pregnancy and birth. If that is your interest, the Temple will encourage you to learn, and eventually to commit to working here. We hold high hopes for you.’
I nodded, too flustered by the encouragement and my need for caution about revealing my true desire to remove men from the process.
‘I want you to come with me tonight, Rosie. We are going to meet the man who will lie with Sister Suela, and escort him to the Temple. This can be part of your education, to fully understand all the processes, both of people and of physiology, which contribute to conception.’ I nodded again, sure that this was an experience not offered to many. But I still didn’t want to get too close to a man.
Late that night, Sister Diammo called for me at the Acolytes Hall. We walked silently to the Most’s Office, and entered the outer administration area, lit only by the moonlight through the windows. As I was gazing around, the Most appeared from her interior office. ‘Ah, Diammo, on time as always. Come into my office. The gentlemen are late, as usual. Who is this you have with you?’ She peered at me through the gloom.
‘This is Rosalind, Most. She is a third year Initiate. I have brought her because we have high hopes for her progress in the Temple, and I want her to see the entire process.’ The Most looked at her thoughtfully, then nodded.
‘I’m afraid you will have to wait here in the outer office, Rosalind. Some of what Diammo and I must discuss is private. We will call you when we are ready.’
I nodded, speechless at such close contact with the Most Elder Sister. She was not as terrifying as I had always imagined, and I began to understand Gaia’s deep affection and respect for her. I waited for a long time in the outer office wondering when we were going to leave to walk down to the Gate to meet the man who was coming. After a long while, the door suddenly opened, and the Most and Sister Diammo came out. Behind them came a man.
My mouth fell open, and I know I stared. He was tall. His long cloak was of good thick wool, dark brown and with beautifully worked braid along the front edges. I knew he or his family had to be wealthy because otherwise he would not be able to afford to come to the Temple. His shoulders were broad under his cloak, and he appeared muscular. There were deep crease lines from his nose to his mouth, so he was not young. He had dark hair and eyes. I knew I was being rude, but I couldn’t drag my eyes away from him.
I was astounded. How had a man appeared in the Most’s Office? Had she had him there all the time? But she had said they were late, and I thought she meant they hadn’t arrived. He couldn’t just magically appear. Perhaps somehow, she had had him met at the Gate and escorted up to the Office and in through a back door? But how had a man been walked right through the Core without anyone noticing? Surely, there would have been uproar, or at the very least, a crowd would have collected to see such a strange thing. Perhaps he had to walk in disguise? A man disguised as a woman! That was unthinkable! But perhaps he had just worn his long cloak with the hood pulled forward? Finally, I felt I had puzzled it out, and could stop looking like a stunned fish.
Sister Diammo pulled at my elbow. ‘Come, Rosie, we must walk the gentleman to his room at the Temple.’ I tore my eyes away from him, and we led him out of the Office. Diammo motioned to him to walk between us and he drew his hood forward. I was dying to ask her how he had got to the Office, but she motioned for silence.
As we arrived down at the men’s cells down under the Temple, she waved him into a room.
‘I’m sure you remember the process,’ she said gravely. ‘Please wait patiently in this room until you are called for. Meals and drink will be provided. There are readings and exercises to prepare yourself for this important
occasion. Sister Suela will send for you when she is ready.’
The man nodded and smiled. ‘Thank you,’ he said. His voice was warm, and soft, not hard and rough as I had expected.
As we left the men’s rooms, Sister Diammo turned. ‘Well, Rosie, what are your questions? I’m sure you must be bursting with them.’ She gave me a small smile of encouragement.
‘How did he get into the Office? There would have been a crowd if he had been escorted up from the Gate.’
‘Is that really what you want to know most?’ She looked surprised. ‘That’s not something I can tell you about now. It’s not exactly a secret, but it is restricted to those who have pledged to the Temple or who work in the Office, and we are sworn not to discuss it with those who don’t need to know about it. But you’re right in your surmise that he wasn’t escorted up from the Gate.’
That made me more curious. But I decided I would ask Gaia; maybe she had found out something when she was working in the Office last year.
‘Don’t you want to know about what the men do to prepare themselves? Or how they are able to be ready for sexual intercourse whenever their assigned partner wants them? Or who has responsibility for educating men about the appropriate ways to act during intercourse?’
I shook my head. ‘Not really, Sister. I’m not very interested in the men’s part of the process.’ Except to work out how to collect sperm, but I could hardly say that to her.
‘Ah well, perhaps in time you’ll develop an interest in the complete process. It’s our belief that all steps of the process, including the men’s, are important to producing a healthy child.’
I nodded out of duty, and we walked the rest of the way in silence.