Luc stood and strode toward us, a snarl distorting his face. Lou followed, putting a restraining hand on his arm. ‘What’s going on, Reece?’ she asked.
‘Yeah, Reece,’ Luc said. ‘What’s going on?’ His voice sounded quiet and measured, though his expression was murderous. ‘Nothing’s going on,’ Reece said, a smile curling on his lips. ‘Just thought you might like a tour of the place. Riley’s already had the honour, so it’d be a bit boring for her. But I can keep her company while you and Lou have a wander round.’
‘Riley,’ Luc said. ‘Why’s that gypsy got his arm around you?’
‘Not sure I like the tone of your voice, mate,’ Reece said, tightening his hold on me and tilting his head. ‘You’re a guest here, you need to show a little more respect.’
A couple of Reece’s friends rose to their feet, all pretence at friendliness forgotten. The whole place had suddenly grown quieter.
‘Guys,’ Lou said. ‘Let’s take it easy, yeah? We’re not enemies. There’s a bigger threat out there. We need to get things sorted before Grey’s hoodies show up.’
‘Riley,’ Luc said. ‘We should get going.’
He and Reece glared at each other and I prayed nothing would come of it. Luc would get battered, or worse, if things kicked off. Luc’s fingers flexed and I held my breath. Reece’s grip on my shoulders meant that it wouldn’t be easy to extricate myself without him losing face. And if Reece felt humiliated, that would only make the situation worse. This thing would escalate out of all proportion if I didn’t do something to stop it.
‘Thanks, Reece,’ I said, with what I hoped was a flirty smile. ‘I’ll come and have a drink with you another time, but I can’t right now. Not with everything that’s going on. I have to get back.’
Lou caught my eye and raised an eyebrow. ‘Reece,’ she said. ‘Shall I go and start warning people about Grey’s men? Do you want us to post more lookouts?’
I could have kissed her for attempting to help me out.
Reece’s hold on me loosened as he stared at the faces around him, looking for some kind of leadership. He cleared his throat. ‘Yeah,’ he said to Lou. ‘We need to call up the council. We’ll meet in fifteen minutes round the back.’ He finally dropped his hand from around my shoulder. ‘Riley,’ he murmured. ‘Sorry, but that drink will have to wait. There’s too much to sort out here at the moment.’
‘That’s a shame,’ I said. ‘But we’ll do it another time.’ Like hell we will, I thought.
‘I’ll hold you to it,’ he replied, tipping my chin up with his finger. ‘You’re not a girl to break your word are you?’
I shook my head. ‘Course not.’
Luc took another step closer, murder in his eyes, but I stepped between him and Reece, took Luc’s hand and pulled him away toward the exit.
‘I’ll show you both the way out,’ Lou said quickly.
Reece’s friends sank back into their cushions as he sauntered back to join them. I couldn’t believe I’d actually been attracted to him. What had I been thinking? Yes, he was good looking, but he was also intimidating and, as I’d just discovered, a bit of a bully. He scared me.
As we made our way out of the marquee, Luc’s hand dug painfully into mine. He pulled me along, anger radiating off him and I wasn’t looking forward to the conversation we were about to have.
‘You okay?’ Lou said. ‘Awkward, or what.’ She gave a nervous laugh.
‘Yeah,’ I replied. ‘Just a bit.’
‘What are you boys like?’ Lou smirked.
Luc’s scowl deepened.
‘No offence,’ she said to him, ‘but I think it’s probably best if you don’t come back to The Walls.’
‘You think?’ Luc replied.
‘Thanks for coming though,’ she said. ‘It was good of you to warn us about Grey. We’re grateful, even if things did get awkward back there.’
Once Lou had walked us safely back to the AV and waved us goodbye, I realised what an idiot I’d been. I’d been so keen to prove Luc wrong about Lou and the gypsies, to show him I knew better, that I hadn’t once considered his safety. I was glad I’d warned Lou, but that was it.
‘What the hell, Riley,’ he spat once we were in the AV. ‘What was that? Are you and that moron together or something?’
‘Of course not. I just didn’t want to make him angry, that’s all. You two looked like you were about to beat the crap out of each other. I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I shouldn’t have asked you to go there.’
Luc didn’t speak. I was pretty sure I’d pissed him off for good. But part of me dared to hope he might’ve been just a tiny bit jealous. I started up the engine and we headed back to the perimeter in silence.
If I’d had any hope that our afternoon trip together might have mended mine and Luc’s relationship, I was wrong. It had pushed us still further apart and shown Luc that I wasn’t worth his effort. I didn’t blame him for being mad with me. After everything that had happened, I’d only succeeded in making things even worse between us. And now we had to go home to try and save our settlement from a crazy boy with a God complex. I bit back an irrational wave of laughter. Maybe I was losing it.
I drove slowly, not wanting to reach our destination, not wanting to think anything or feel anything because it was all too bloody depressing.
‘Stop the car,’ Luc said.
‘Huh? What?’ I replied.
‘The car. Stop the car.’
I did as he asked and brought the AV to a reluctant halt.
We were in the middle of nowhere, the Charminster Compound a dim shape behind us and our home not yet in sight. The December afternoon was ending early with a darkening sky and a bleeding sun. A couple of birds streaked through snow clouds in the direction of the perimeter.
I was sick of everything. Sick of trying to do the right thing. Sick of trying to help people. Sick of trying to get Luc to like me. Sick of the whole situation. But I had to keep it together for a short while longer. I’d let Luc have his say and then I’d go home and stick broken glass on the walls and do whatever other tasks were required of me. I was torturing myself with a mental image of Luc and Lissy as a loved-up couple when I realised Luc was saying something.
‘Can you turn off the engine?’
I did as he asked, a feeling of doom enveloping me. The silence loaded and painful.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ he asked.
‘Everything. Apparently.’
‘What? Stop wallowing and tell me what’s wrong. Why are you so determined to help everyone except yourself? And why do you keep putting yourself in unnecessary danger all the time? I’m worried about you, Riley.’
I stared ahead at the bruised sky.
‘Riley.’ His voice was heart-breakingly soft. ‘Did you hear what I said? I’m worried about you.’ I felt his eyes on me, but I didn’t turn to face him. Instead I concentrated my gaze on the outside, seeing nothing.
Suddenly, I decided that things couldn’t go on as they were. I had to tell him the truth. About how I really felt. What did I have to lose? Except my pride, and that wasn’t worth a damn. Any day, FJ would be arriving with his army. There was no time left for worrying about what Luc might think of me, when we might not even make it through this thing alive. The whole Perimeter might not make it. I didn’t want to die regretting my stubborn, fearful silence. But first I had to check something. I cleared my throat.
‘Are you and Liss . . . ?’
‘Me and Liss, what?’
‘You know?’
‘No, I don’t know. Riley, why do you always do this?’
‘Do what?’ I finally turned to look at him, but now it was him looking straight ahead out of the windscreen.
He shook his head. ‘Why do you always imagine things that aren’t there? Put words in my mouth? Cut me off before I’ve finished talking?’
‘What? I don’t do those things.’
‘You do. You think you know what I want, but you have no idea and you don’t ever stick aro
und long enough to listen. You drive me totally crazy.’ He threw open the passenger door and got out, standing next to the AV, the chill wind ruffling his clothes and hair.
I sat where I was for a moment before opening my door and walking around to join him. It was freezing outside.
‘Why do you want to push me away, Riley?’ he asked, his voice small in the vast wilderness.
‘Me push you away?’ I said. ‘It’s not me. It’s you doing that. You’ve been really weird lately. Criticising me and questioning my judgement all the time.’
‘When have I ever done that?’ he said.
‘That night I came to yours for dinner. You were really mean.’
‘What! I was worried about you, that’s all.’
‘Well thanks, but I don’t need your concern.’
‘Really? You’d rather I didn’t care? Do you want me to agree with you all the time? Even if I think you’re making a mistake that could put you in danger.’
‘No, but . . .’
‘I was worried about you,’ he repeated. ‘I still am. I can never win with you, Riley. Why do you always take things the wrong way?’
‘Because I’m scared,’ I said without thinking, and realised it was true.
He faced me, unsmiling, and I didn’t know what to think or say next. His normally blue eyes had turned dark grey against the wintry sky. I hugged my body to keep warm.
‘Riley . . .’
‘. . . Luc, you’re . . .’
‘Shh, let me finish for once.’
‘Sorry. Go on.’
‘Thank you.’ He relaxed his glare and gave me a smile and an eye roll. ‘Liss is a lovely girl, but we’re friends. That’s all. She’s only been here a day and we’ve barely even spoken. She’s worried about her parents and that’s it. I’m just trying to make the poor girl feel welcome. The rest is in your imagination.’
Embarrassment washed over me. Luc and I weren’t even together and I’d accused him of having feelings for someone else.
‘Riley,’ he said. ‘Ever since I’ve know you, it’s always been you.’
I wanted to say something but, more than that, I wanted to hear what he would say next. So I kept my mouth shut, biting my bottom lip to stop myself interrupting again.
‘It’s always been you, Riley.’ He said the words again and put his hand out to briefly touch my cheek. ‘It was never Liss and it was never Skye. There was never any chance of that. I loved Skye like a sister and she knew it. She would’ve dropped her crush eventually and been happy for us. That’s who she was. She was a sweet, generous person with a big heart who hero-worshipped you and had a little crush on me. But because she died, we never got past that stage. We’re stuck in this . . . this guilt-ridden limbo.
‘Riley, it’s only ever been you and you’re crazy if you think anything else.’
I revelled in his words, not quite believing he was actually saying them.
‘And I know all sorts of strange crap’s been getting in the way of everything,’ he continued, ‘and we’ve still got more to get through before any kind of ‘normal’ can happen, but . . .’ he broke off.
My heart was pounding and my mouth had gone dry. I licked my lips and tried to form a word, but I couldn’t speak.
He ran a hand over his head and stared at me. ‘. . . I love you.’ There was no smirk, no joking. Nothing but his eyes staring into mine.
I still couldn’t speak, so I did the only thing I could possibly do. I stepped forward and put a hand on his cheek, guided his face to mine and kissed him. A long slow kiss that made my insides disappear and my mind spin into nothingness. He felt warm and strong and alive and beautiful. His arms came around my body and his grip tightened, gathering me in closer toward him.
How had I got it so wrong before? How had I managed to convince myself he had just wanted to be friends? Or maybe I’d done it on purpose. Too afraid to let myself have this kind of happiness, so I’d pushed him away. But this, right now, right here, felt so good that I must have been crazy to deny what had been there all along.
Luc’s kiss was deep and warm. Becoming demanding. Urgent. Then he broke off and unwound my scarf, moved his mouth to my neck, to my ear, where he whispered, ‘I love you,’ before bringing his mouth back to my lips. His hands moved from my back to my waist. He sought out the skin beneath my sweater and moved his hands across my hips, lighting up nerve endings. Electricity in his touch as he trailed cool fingers across my stomach, letting them drop below the line of my jeans.
I gasped and moaned and he pulled me closer, our kisses deepening further. Even as we became so immersed in each another, I knew we’d have to stop. There was no time for us. Not yet. It was too dangerous out here. But I wasn’t going to be the one to pull away first. It wasn’t physically possible. My body too desperate for his. My hands pushing their way beneath his t-shirt, feeling the smooth muscles of his back and wanting to feel more.
As he lifted me up, I wrapped my legs around his waist, my arms moving from around his body, up to his hair and the nape of his neck. His kisses touched the core of my body, like we were connected from the inside out.
‘Luc,’ I moaned.
‘I know,’ he replied.
‘Can we go somewhere?’ I asked, picturing a warm quiet place for just the two of us.
Easing me back down, he kissed me again, his hands in my hair. ‘We have to get home,’ he murmured. ‘If we’re out any longer, Johnny’ll kill me for putting you in danger. He’ll send out a search party.’
I knew he was right, but I didn’t want to go back. I wanted to run away, just Luc and me, and forget about our responsibilities. Forget about the dangers. Forget about FJ.
Luc and I had found each other again and I didn’t want our twisted situation to get in the way of us anymore. As I breathed in the warm scent of him, I was overwhelmed, consumed, terrified and euphoric.
‘Promise you’ll never doubt me again,’ he said. ‘I love you Riley. Nothing and no one will change that.’
‘I promise. I love you too.’
Chapter Twenty Three
Jamie
Standing in the arena with his brothers, trainees and warriors alike, Jamie flicked his eyes to the raised platform where a man stood, dressed in dark robes with the crimson trim, denoting he was one of Grey’s favoured disciples. His voice pierced through the loudspeaker, stabbing at Jamie’s ears after weeks of hearing nothing but whispers:
‘There has been a vile and vicious attack,’ the man said, pausing to let his eyes skim across the thousands of bowed heads. ‘Our Father’s life hangs in the balance . . .’
At this, a collective gasp from the arena. Even a couple of shouts from behind. Jamie resisted the urge to turn his head to see who had cried out.
‘We must all now speak to God and beg for Our Father’s recovery,’ the disciple continued. ‘Every one of you must kneel, bow your head and pray for Our Father. For without him, we are lost. We are nothing. We are cast back out into the wilderness to become dust.’
There was a moment’s silence before he spoke again.
‘Kneel!’ he commanded.
As one, Jamie and his brothers sank to their knees, bowed their heads. While they began to mouth the prayers, Jamie wondered what on earth could have happened to James Grey. Attacked? How? Was it soldiers? Army? Raiders? Had the whole Close been attacked or was it one person acting alone? An inside job perhaps?
As the hours passed there was no let-up. One speaker was replaced by another. And then another. The hours spent on the ground meant his neck now ached from supporting his bowed head. His legs had grown numb, his stomach growled and his bladder complained, but Jamie told himself that everyone else must be in the same predicament.
They stayed kneeling like that on the hard ground from dawn until dusk, when they were at last invited to stand and return to their quarters. The men creaked to their feet and shuffled from the arena. They were given bread and water and told to pray in their beds as they fell asleep. The next
morning, after being led back outside into the blazing heat, Jamie prayed more fervently than the day before. He begged God to return Grey to health and to punish the people who had carried out the attack. But this wish for his leader’s recovery was not entirely altruistic. It was mainly so that he, Jamie, would be allowed to continue with his new warrior life and not be forced to leave Salisbury. He also threw in a few sly prayers to request an end to his discomfort, to relieve the heat, his bent back and sore knees.
Jamie adjusted his position, putting more weight onto his left leg to try and ease the cramp developing in his right calf. He preferred the tough days of training to this uncomfortable inactivity. The disciples’ prayers had now merged into an incomprehensible drone and Jamie had to keep pinching his fingers to stop himself falling asleep. What would happen if he accidentally nodded off? He’d be punished for sure.
The following day, prayers in the arena continued, but summer’s heat had been replaced by cool winds and spattering raindrops. Jamie didn’t know which was worse – to be thirsty and dripping in sweat, or to be cold, shivering and damp. He was dismayed that he still had these old self-pitying thoughts. Over the past few weeks, Jamie believed he had left his old persona behind; that he was now Jacob – a better, more godly human being. That he was a warrior who truly belonged to Grey’s Church of The Epiphany. So why did he still have these doubts and feelings of resentment when all these other men were so obedient and true?
While he was trying to come to terms with his failings as a human being, a commanding voice on the tannoy system punctured Jamie’s thoughts:
‘All stand.’
Jamie blinked his eyes open and chanced a look up at the speaker’s platform. A robed man stood unmoving. Nothing new about that; but this particular disciple had a presence about him which the others had not possessed.
Jamie found himself rising to his feet along with his brothers. His muscles enjoyed this chance to stretch out, and Jamie had to stop himself from rolling his shoulders and pulling at his limbs. He chewed the inside of his cheek as he stared up at the disciple and, when the man began to speak, Jamie realised he knew that voice. He had heard it once before, back when he first arrived at The Close. It was one of The Listeners, one of the men who had heard his confession. The younger one – Matthew.
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