“Your mother was still too young to hold a land title so her father’s land went to his sister, who didn’t care much for Mirrabel. Likely once her aunt took over the titles, your mother would have been tossed out on the streets and would’ve become a vagrant with no home—or worse, she would have ended up dead. Celestia only knows she probably wouldn’t have made it very far on her own.” She turned to me and put a reassuring hand on my knee.
“I’m not asking you to forgive her. All I’m saying is; maybe don’t be so hard on her. She never learned how a mother should behave. I believe she feels power is the most important thing in the world so she tries hard to make sure herself and her family is always in favour of those who hold it.”
I shook my head to clear it of what Awyn had told me. “That’s no excuse! She could have acted cold and proper without sending my friend away. Even after everything, she only cares about herself. She cares nothing for me, her family.”
“Perhaps she thinks she is—”
“Stop defending her!” I put down the piece of ham. “I’m finished talking about this. I wish to go for a walk, and when I’m gone you will clean and hang my dress from last night.” I knew I was being nearly as cold as my mother, but I didn’t agree with Awyn’s sympathy for her, and I let my emotions get the best of me.
“Yes, my lady.” Her formal response came from tight lips. I’d upset her, but I didn’t care, as long as it made her shut up about my mother. All I wanted was to forget about the wretched woman and think of something else.
In my cream-coloured day dress, I walked around the palace gardens, taking in the sight of the pretty leaves, turning shades of amber and crimson. A sign summer was coming to its end. I breathed in the crisp air, trying to clear my head of this morning’s discussion with Awyn.
Deep in thought, I barely noticed Adelaide and two of her ladies having a picnic underneath two large oak trees. They seemed to be enjoying a cheerful conversation, laughing amongst themselves. As I grew near, Adelaide noticed me. She bounced to her feet and said something to her ladies before approaching me.
She gave me one of her sweet smiles and linked her arm with mine. She looked as beautiful as always in her simple, pale rose coloured dress. “May I walk with you, dear cousin?” she asked politely, even though I knew she would no matter what my answer was.
“As you wish. What about your ladies, though? Aren’t you supposed to be entertaining them?”
She waved her hand, brushing off my answer. “They’ll be fine without me. I can spend some time with you if I like.”
“All right.”
“I’m so glad you and Peyton are getting along,” she continued, not noticing my dark mood.
“He is quite lovely. I’m thrilled you’re happy, Addy. You should wed him,” I said, forgetting my own troubles for the time being.
She sighed as we came to a clearing that opened up to one of the meadows I sometimes rode my mare, Nova through. “One day, I hope to. It’s complicated for me, being the princess. I can’t be married before I am queen. ’Tis one of our laws. ‘The regent of Solis must be independent when she is crowned, lest she look weak,’” she quoted.
“Oh… I suppose I should know that.” I thought I probably had been taught during my lessons in law, but a lot of the time, I hadn’t paid attention. I remembered finding the lessons on rules and laws quite drab.
“Oh well,” her tone lightened. “Peyton is a patient man. He knows I’m the princess, and that our relationship must be different because of my title.”
“Good. I suppose as long as you get to be together, marriage doesn’t matter much.”
“Exactly! Mayhap my positive thinking has finally begun to influence you.” She poked me in the side, delighted by the notion.
I laughed and tightened my arm on hers. She made life seem brighter, and I felt fortunate she was making more time for me lately.
Chapter 5
Summer turned into autumn, and autumn into winter, before the spring sun finally started to pry away winter’s icy grip.
Peyton became somewhat of a brother to me. I spent much time with him and Adelaide. My mother left me alone, thankfully. In fact, I believed she tried to forget my existence all together.
One brisk spring day, as I nibbled on biscuits and stew during midday meal with Peyton and Adelaide in her chambers, Peyton brought up the subject of finding me a suitor.
“Zephyra, don’t you get lonely seeing all the young couples flaunting their love for each other under the warming sun? Perhaps you would like a man to keep you—” he paused, searching for the proper word, “company?”
Is he trying to get rid of me? I wondered. My cheeks burned. We had never broached the subject before, and I was happy to have avoided it. “I don’t want a suitor. And no one wants a plain-looking, socially awkward woman like me.”
Peyton looked like he was about to choke and swallowed hard before saying, “Do you jest? You should look in the mirror; you’re a truly pretty girl. Any man would be lucky to have you. And no one cares if you’re socially awkward.”
“He’s right, Zephy,” Adelaide chimed in, supporting her partner.
“No, I don’t need to be with anyone. I’m fine. Can we please talk about something else? You are making me quite uncomfortable,” I stated firmly, not believing that he was actually bringing up my love life—or lack of it.
“I’m sorry I brought it up. I only want you to be as happy as me and Adelaide,” he mumbled, entwining his fingers with Addy’s, who smiled at him.
“What are you wearing to the spring feast?” my cousin changed the subject, sensing the tension. I loved that she always kept the mood light.
I told her of the green dress being made for me, and that I’d chosen that colour to represent life. We talked of whom we thought might be attending the festivities and of other pointless gossip going on around the palace.
Peyton didn’t put much into the conversation. He seemed content nonetheless, or at least, he pretended to be. I knew he probably thought I’d been rude. The thought did make me feel uncomfortable, but I let it be. He likely wanted more time alone with my cousin. I’d keep that in mind.
The next day, a maid came to inform me that Queen Jelena required an audience with me.
She was in deep conversation with her treasurer when a guard let me into the throne room. She looked up from the scrolls they had been contemplating over.
“Oh… apologies, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I was told you wish to speak with me.” I bowed my head.
“No, no, my dear, do not worry. You are not interrupting, these other matters can wait,” she waved a hand at the scrolls scattered about the wooden table. “Please give us a moment,” she said to her treasurer. “We can finish this discussion later.”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” the tall man with a curly mop of ginger hair bowed deeply as he backed into his office.
My grandmother made her way to a sofa covered in red velvet beneath the kingdom’s official coat of arms; a red shield with a yellow sun. She patted the space beside her. “Come, sit with me.”
I obeyed, folding my hands in my lap and awaited her next words.
“How are you, dear Granddaughter?” Her green eyes searched my own, an expression of concern etched in the lines around her mouth.
“I’m well enough, thank you for asking. And you, Grandmother? How are you?”
“I am fine.” She leaned back into the sofa, deciding to get right to the point, “The reason I have asked to see you is because Adelaide has told me you do not wish to obtain a suitor for yourself—ever. Is this true, Zephyra?” Concern drew the corners of her thin mouth down and crinkled her fair, aged skin.
I studied my hands as I fiddled mindlessly with the folds of my silky maroon skirts. Perhaps Adelaide had pushed Peyton to ask me about finding a suitor. I didn’t understand why she didn’t do it herself. “Is that a problem? I’m happy enough on my own, and I figured it would not matter, being that I’m not next in line for the thr
one.”
“While it pleases me to hear that you are happy, I regret to inform you that it does indeed matter. You know only women may wear the crown at Solis.”
I nodded, well aware of our laws.
“So, if Adelaide were to fail to give birth to a daughter, the responsibility would fall on you to continue the Caldura bloodline. If you recall your Solis history, you must know that my own parents were not the queen and king. It was my aunt who held the crown, but she never succeeded in becoming with child.” She watched me, waiting for my reply.
“I understand. It was your mother’s responsibility to produce a daughter for the crown.” I sighed, feeling the weight of the world suddenly rest upon my shoulders.
“Good. You do understand. Now,” she clasped her hands together and continued, “You may choose who you wish, as we do not believe in arranged marriages in Solis. We wish our family to find love and happiness, not to be forced into something because of duty. However, it is still your duty to try to produce a daughter to ensure the kingdom’s stability. We would hate to have Solis fall into the wrong hands because there is no woman heir to succeed the throne from our bloodline.”
I forced myself to smile. “I shall try to find someone who I like to help me continue our bloodline. Thank you, Grandmother, for your explanation—and your patience with me.” I hoped the dread I felt didn’t come through in my voice.
“Of course, my dear. I do not wish to hasten you. I only worry now because I did not know you wished to remain without a suitor.” She rose to her feet, her red and purple skirts rustling around her. “You are dismissed. I should get back to my treasurer; he is not as patient as you and I,” she clicked her tongue against her teeth.
I giggled as we kissed each other’s cheeks,’ a gesture only royals gave to one another.
Outside of the throne room, I paused to lean against a wall and take in what my grandmother had said. Feeling the cold stone against my back, I squeezed my eyes shut. How could Adelaide have told our grandmother on me? It seemed I had no choice now but to accept Peyton’s counsel with finding a suitor. I only hoped that he and Adelaide might be able to help me find one because, Celestia knew, I certainly couldn’t find one on my own.
When I told the pair I had changed my mind about finding a suitor and decided to let them help, they were overjoyed. I didn’t begrudge my cousin for telling our grandmother about my lack of interest in finding someone to love. She was only looking out for our kingdom, and I didn’t want to cause a rift in our friendship.
“I know of someone who I believe will be perfect for you,” Peyton exclaimed with pride. “His name is Saffiero, and he is the son of Lord Trumont of Affendale. Lord Trumont is a friend of my parents. We spent much time at their manor when I was a child. Saffiero has recently come to court.”
I could tell Peyton was excited about the whole idea of setting me up with his childhood friend, but I myself couldn’t even pretend to be happy. I already dreaded the introduction. I felt so uncomfortable, as though I’d been forced into someone else’s body.
I made myself breathe deeply, trying to slow my quickened heartbeat. “Tell him to meet me in the courtyard tomorrow, when the sun is at its most western point.” I didn’t wish for this to happen when the courtyard was abuzz with the peers and their petty gossip. If we met shortly before the third meal of the day, most would be inside preparing themselves to eat.
“As you wish. Please be there,” he added, eyeing me with suspicion. “I would hate to look a fool if you didn’t show up.”
He must have been able to see the look on my face, so I quickly tried to mask my panic and grinned widely… perhaps too widely. “Don’t worry. I shan’t make you look a fool.”
With the meeting set in motion, I took my leave. I wished to be alone for the rest of the day. My nerves were upsetting my stomach simply thinking about the whole ordeal.
As promised, I waited in the courtyard wearing a white gown with red lace on the bodice the next evening. Faint gold flowers were etched into the white fabric. I loved the material. Awyn had done a wonderful job preparing me, mooning over me the whole time. I just wanted to get this over with. Why did I have to be born a Caldura? I groaned as I paced. If only I could have come from a less important bloodline.
As I watched the sun descend behind the mountains, painting the clouds different shades of pink and orange, I began to hope he wouldn’t show.
“Lady Zephyra?” I almost jumped out of my skin when the male voice spoke my name.
My hopes were crushed.
A ruddy man with wavy strawberry blonde hair approached me.
I assessed him as he neared me. His hair was cropped fairly short, coming only slightly below his ear lobes. He looked to be a few springs older than myself… probably Peyton’s age. He wasn’t unattractive—but he also wasn’t my type. I didn’t even know what my type was, but he wasn’t it. His scruffy beard, matching his hair, hid half his face, and his overly large muscles made him look too gruff.
“I am she.” I didn’t know what else to say except, “You must be Saffiero… Peyton has told me you are childhood friends.”
“That we are, though I have not seen him for many seasons until recently. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lady Zephyra.” He took my hand and planted a kiss on it, which I found to be a bit trite—but again, what did I know?
Feeling awkward, and not really knowing what to do with myself, I suggested, “Shall we walk?”
“A fine idea, my lady.” He put his arm through mine as we started. I thought it was a little forward for having just met, but then I reprimanded myself for being so judgmental.
“So, why have you come to court, Saffiero?” I asked in a stiff voice, my nerves rung tight with the closeness of his body.
“My father thought it would do me good to learn about the ways of the kingdom… how to be a true gentleman and possibly find a mate,” his gaze danced over me. “I think he will be proud to find out I’ve met the princess’s very own cousin,” he said proudly, as if I were some prize.
“Ah…” I stared straight forward, keeping my eyes on the path in front of us. So he wished to woo me because of my status. Perhaps that was all I would ever be to anyone, save my family; ‘the princess’s cousin.’
“Perhaps I can convince him to attend Noctis De Celestia this spring in Terra! It isn’t all that far from here, and then he could meet you.” He squeezed my arm closer to his body in what I imagined to be a possessive manner.
I was beginning to feel like a piece of property, and we’d only just met. “I don’t attend Noctis De Celestia anymore,” I informed him in a matter-of-fact tone.
“What? That is blasphemy!” He stopped and turned to look at me. “If you are to be my suitor, you must attend. You’re royalty, and so you must take part in such celebrations.”
“I do take part—in my own way. I visit the Temple of Celestia each Noctis to give my thanks. I feel that is more important than getting all dolled up and attending a ball.” I didn’t wish to tell him the truth of why I didn’t want to attend the celebration. It was none of his concern, and as matters stood at the moment, I wasn’t comfortable telling him about my past. “I’m feeling quite weary,” I made up an excuse, putting my hand to my face. “I wish to retire to my chambers.”
“But we’ve barely walked at all. I had hoped to spend more time together,” he argued, disappointment drawing his features down.
“My apologies. Perhaps another time.” I didn’t wish to see him again, but I would have said anything to get away. I’d learned enough to know he wasn’t the right suitor for me. Mayhap no one was.
“As you wish, Lady Zephyra. I’ll walk you back to the palace,” he offered, but I could hear the regret in his voice.
“I’m fine, thank you,” I said, turning and pulling my arm from his.
I strode back to the palace at a steady pace, not turning back once. If he followed me, he did not say a word.
Chapter 6
I plucked
the strings on the beautiful golden harp my grandmother gave to me after completing my lessons in music, lost in the song, when I heard a knock on my door.
I paused, my fingers stilling on the pearlescent strings, “Who is it?”
“It’s me—Addy.”
“Come in,” I said, closing my eyes. I had purposely missed first meal, wanting to avoid any discussion about the previous night. It seemed my attempt had failed.
Adelaide entered and plopped down on my bed, her golden curls bouncing with her. “Why did you miss breakfast? Peyton and I wanted to hear all the details about your meeting with Saffiero.”
“I wasn’t hungry,” I lied, stepping away from the harp. I began brushing out my hair with my silver, jewel encrusted comb.
“All right then… how did it go last night?” she pressed.
“I’d rather not talk about it.”
“Oh, come on! It can’t be that bad,” she looked up at me, waiting for my reply.
“Fine, it went fine. We walked, and then I left,” I shrugged.
“That’s it? Well, what did you think of him? Stop brushing your own hair. That’s Awyn’s job.”
“I can brush my own hair if I want.” I sighed and stopped to meet her eyes. “He was pushy. I didn’t like it. I feel he only wants to court me for my status… as if I’m some prize.” I turned back to my large, oval mirror.
“Oh dear.” I saw her eyes widen behind me in the mirror’s reflection before she leaned back onto her elbows, pursing her lips. “I should tell Peyton. They were childhood friends, but perhaps he doesn’t know Saffiero as well as he thought—”
“No!” I cut her off and went to her, putting my hands on her slender shoulders so she had to look at my face. “Please promise me you won’t breathe a word of this to anyone. Perhaps I’m overreacting. I’ve never been courted before. I’ll give him another chance and try to be less judgmental.” The last thing I wanted was for Peyton to find out what I thought of his childhood friend. I loved Peyton for how well he treated Addy, but I couldn’t trust him not to tell Saffiero how I felt. I didn’t want this kind of gossip going around the palace—nor did I wish pity from anyone.
The Elemental Diaries - Complete Series Page 5