by K. C. Crowne
“Hard not to,” I said, biting my lip. “After everything you’ve done for me, all the help and support I’ve gotten from you, you deserved better.”
“Hannah, I--”
Before he could finish, I stood up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his. I didn’t care who saw us kissing. Justin was obviously not the same guy he was when we were teens. He’d grown up a lot over the years. I needed to stop living in the past and embrace the future and all the possibilities there.
He pulled away from me, and my chest tightened. He looked at me with a pained expression on his handsome face. “Hannah, I’m sorry, it’s just...”
The music had stopped and switched to something faster paced again. Before he could finish his sentence, Melody’s ring bearer, Joey, walked over to us and tugged on his sleeve.
Justin kneeled, giving me a chance to escape. I heard the two of them talking about a helmet before I left, rushing to the restroom to gather my thoughts.
How could I have been so stupid as to kiss him like that? We hadn’t talked about dating or anything, but I’d wanted to do it. It had felt right. But obviously it hadn’t felt right to him.
I locked myself in the bathroom, feeling like a lost little girl. I had no idea what I was doing anymore. Planning the wedding had shown me there was so much more to life than work. Being around our families, seeing the children laughing and dancing, made me yearn for an entirely different life.
The last few weeks had shown me that Justin wasn’t the only person who’d changed over the last few years. I had too. I no longer wanted Elizabeth’s life, not after seeing everything she sacrificed to get there. All my life, I’d been chasing after money to feel secure. Growing up, there was never enough of it, but now, there wasn’t enough time for the ones I loved. Something would have to give before I broke.
And did I want Justin? Or was that just me being silly and hoping for a life like Melody and Logan’s? It felt right to me, but he pushed me away. One of us was always pushing the other away, and that had to be a sign, right?
There was a knock on the door. “Hannah?” Justin called. “You in there?”
I almost didn’t answer, but after he knocked again, I said, “Yes. One second, please.”
I stared in the mirror, wiping off the stray mascara giving me raccoon eyes and headed for the door. My hand shook as I reached for the doorknob. I didn’t want to open it and face Justin after my failed attempt to come onto him. It had been stupid of me. His life was a mess, and so was mine.
Finally, I opened the door and came face-to-face with him. We both tried to speak at the same time.
“Hannah, I--”
“Justin, I’m--”
“You go ahead,” he said sheepishly.
“I just wanted to apologize for what I did back there. I know you’ve got a lot on your plate right now. I think the champagne went to my head or something,” I excused, trying my best to chuckle to lighten the mood.
He gave me a half smile. “It’s okay, Hannah. It’s not like I didn’t want it too, it’s just-- Well, until I figure out what’s going on with Dee and Abigail, I don’t think we should… well, you know.”
“I agree,” I said. My insides churned, disagreeing with my brain entirely on the matter. But I went with my head instead of my heart. “We need to sort out what’s going on with you first. Then, we’ll see.”
It was a lot for any man to accept. If he did, in fact, have a child, he’d go from being a single man to a dad. Not a baby, but an actual child. A daughter that he’d missed out on seeing for years on end. I could only imagine what he was going through and pushed all my selfish thoughts aside. It was time for me to repay Justin for everything he’d done for me and simply be a good friend. Nothing more.
“Thank you, Hannah,” he said, running a hand over his smooth face. Normally he had a bit of a scruffy beard going on, but he’d shaved for the wedding. It was nice to see his perfectly soft lips and the dimple in his cheeks clearly, but I missed the beard personally.
I could tell something was weighing on him, and I had a pretty good idea what it was.
Taking his hands in mine, I looked him dead in the eyes. “Justin, you’re going to make an amazing father. Don’t let your insecurities tell you otherwise. I saw you with Joey and the rings, and I’m not sure how you managed to get him to hand them over without a fit, but you did it.”
“Well, it’s going to cost me a helmet, but I’d say it’s worth it,” he confessed, laughing. “But thanks, Hannah. That means a lot coming from you. I just don’t know anything about kids.”
“You’ll learn. Just like everyone else who has a baby does. You’re just going to skip a few stages, that’s all.”
He nodded. “I guess so.”
“I know so,” I assured him. “And you won’t be alone either. You have Logan and the guys, of course. And you’ll have me.” He seemed surprised at that last part. “I mean, I’ll be around to help you,” I stammered, afraid I’d overstepped my boundaries again. “As a friend.”
“Thanks again, Hannah. For everything.”
“One more thing,” I said, letting go of his hands. “I’m more than happy to come with you to Atlanta if you need me to. For emotional support and all.”
“Hannah, I’d love that, but you have to work and stuff.”
I took a deep breath. I couldn’t believe I was about to say what I was about to say.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about my job, and maybe it’s time for me to start looking for something else.” Justin cocked an eyebrow but didn’t stop me. “This whole thing with the wedding and Elizabeth demanding I put my work first, above my family, made me realize that’s not the life for me. I want to work and make money to support my family, not to neglect them. I’m tired of missing out on big moments, and when Melody has her baby, I want to be there for her as much as possible.”
Justin grinned. “Really, Hannah? I’m impressed,” he said. “I never thought I’d hear you say that, but you know how I feel about your boss.”
“I know,” I sighed. “And trust me, I feel the same way. I’ve just been so scared for so long, worried that I’ll let Izzy or Mason down, but they’re adults now. Soon, they’ll be getting married and having babies, and I want to be there for them when that happens. Not working my life away. And who knows? Maybe I’ll have a family of my own one day.”
I blushed at my own admission and felt silly for voicing it out loud to the man I was interested in. Justin didn’t even react to it, so either he didn’t pick up on it or wasn’t too surprised.
“Well, whatever makes you happy, Hannah. I know you can do anything you put your mind to.”
I had some savings put back, enough for a few months without working. It was usually easier to find a job if you have one in most cases, but working for Elizabeth wasn’t like most jobs. I’d never find the time to search for a job, especially in the coming months. I had a baby shower to throw for Melody, on top of anything else she and my brother might need. And I wanted to be there for Justin too, no matter what happened.
So deep down, I knew it was time.
I’d have to downgrade my lifestyle a bit, perhaps look for a new apartment. A one bedroom opposed to a two bedroom. Maybe even a studio. But it could be done, and I’d be alright. I’d find something else eventually.
There was a loud crash behind us. He turned on his heels, and I moved away so I could see what had happened. My uncle Toby was on the floor with a vase full of flowers spilled all over him. It would have been a funny sight, except his arm was bleeding. Not badly, but enough that we’d have to clean it out and make sure no glass had gotten into it. The floor was soaked with water and glass.
“Toby,” I said, rushing over to him. “Are you okay?”
With slurred speech, he said, “I’m fine. I just need to use the bathroom.”
Toby’s wife had left him months before, and he’d developed a bit of a drinking problem. I turned to Justin, and before I could even say it, he help
ed the man up.
“Come on, we’ll get you to the bathroom,” Justin said.
He let Toby lean on him as the two of them walked to the restroom. In the meantime, I sought out Toby’s date, a really nice woman named Carol. She was sitting at a table, alone, as if she felt out of place. Leaning close, I whispered what had happened and that I was going to call Toby a cab.
Carol stood up, grabbing her things. “It’s okay,” she said with a sleepy look on her face. “I’m ready to go home anyway. I’ll take care of him.”
Carol followed me to the hallway where we found Justin and Toby. Toby held some paper towels to his arm, and Justin told me he’d cleaned it. I called the two of them a cab, and Justin helped Toby to the car when it came. Once Toby was inside the vehicle, he offered to go with them to help Carol get him in the house.
I couldn’t help but smile. Justin was always so helpful and kind. I’d never noticed that before about him.
Carol declined, “I’ve got it from here. I’m stronger than I look,” she said with a sigh. “Besides, I’m getting fairly used to this.”
I felt bad for her, but before I could offer any condolences for her troubles, Justin shut the car door and the cab drove off. We were left on the street, alone, on a cool summer night.
“You’re going to make an amazing father,” I said softly. He glanced at me with a strange look on his face, so I elaborated. “You handle things so calmly, no matter what comes up,” I told him. “You never cease to amaze me.”
Justin gave my hand a firm squeeze, then blurted, “I think the party is coming to an end. Maybe you should come back to my place, be there when I call in the morning?”
I let out a shaky breath. The idea was tempting, but it was also trouble. Both of us were trying so hard to behave, and being at his place for the night would likely take us down a path we wanted to avoid.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Justin. I mean, we both agree that a relationship is the last thing either of us needs right now, and I fear...” I trailed off before I could admit that it would be hard to resist him if we were alone together at his house.
Justin turned to me and offered a friendly smile. “I promise, no sex. Nothing like that. I just don’t want to be alone with my thoughts tonight, but I completely understand if you don’t want to.”
I did want to, that was the problem. And I also didn’t want to leave him alone.
From a logistical standpoint, it made sense. If we needed to head to Atlanta first thing in the morning, it would be easier if we were together. Scoring a last minute flight would be hard and expensive, especially for two of us. It would be a long drive, which is why we’d need to leave as early as possible.
“I have a better idea,” I said. “Why don’t you stay at my place? I have two bedrooms, and we can leave first thing in the morning if that’s what we need to do.”
“You sure about that?” he asked. “I mean, coming with me, that is.”
I didn’t even hesitate. “I’m positive.”
Justin took a deep breath and looked toward the reception hall. “Then let’s go wish the bride and groom off for their honeymoon and hit the road ourselves.”
Justin
“Guest room should be good to go, whenever you’re ready to sleep,” Hannah announced, flopping on the couch. She’d changed out of her gown and into a pair of silky pink sleep shorts and a tank top. Her hair was wet from showering, and her face was clear of any makeup.
She was as beautiful as ever.
“Thank you,” I said, joining her on the couch. It was hard being at her place and not thinking about the night we’d had sex there. My mouth was literally watering, imagining what she’d tasted like that night. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep, though.”
“I understand,” Hannah said, curling her legs up beside her. “Even though I’m exhausted from everything that happened today, I don’t think I can shut my brain off. I’m preparing my speech for Elizabeth when I call her tomorrow.”
“Oh yeah? What are you planning to tell her?” I asked, leaning back against the cozy, overstuffed cushions of her couch. She had such a nice place and kept it up very well. It was the perfect little home, small for a two bedroom, and at one time, Hannah had roommates. It was a bit crazy - a new face coming in almost every week, it seemed. Mostly college kids or other women like her. She was between roommates at the moment, which was lucky for me.
Hannah sighed and rested her head on the back of the couch. “I think I’m going to start out by telling her I need time off and see what she says. I’m going to tell her I need to find a better work-life balance. If she wants me to continue working for her, she needs to respect my time a bit more.”
I cocked my eyebrows. “That’s awesome, Hannah.”
She chuckled. “I know Elizabeth, however, and it won’t go over well. Part of me is hoping she agrees to my conditions and keeps me on, mainly for the stability. But another part of me is ready to tell her to shove it. I’m thinking the latter choice is the most likely one.”
“ Maybe she’ll realize that you’re the best assistant she can get and be willing to give you some time off now and then. You’re not asking for too much.”
“No, I’m not, am I?” she said, looking at me. “I mean, most employees get sick days and vacation. That’s all I’m asking for.”
Her blue eyes were so clear, they reminded me of diamonds. Sparkling, glittering diamonds. She was so full of hope for the future, and I could see it on her face. This was a new beginning for Hannah.
And a big reason why we had to behave ourselves. Both of our lives were about to change in big ways.
“You’re absolutely right to be doing this,” I concurred.
She bit her lower lip, and her eyes fell. “I think so too, but then I ask myself, why am I so scared?”
When she met my gaze again, there were tears in her eyes. The mere thought of her crying tugged at my heart, and I scooted closer to her. She rested her head on my shoulder, and I stroked her hair.
“Because change is scary,” I said after a few minutes. “Trust me, I know.”
She jumped up, no longer leaning against me. “I’m sorry, Justin, I’ve made this all about me tonight.”
I cut her off. “Don’t be sorry.” I motioned for her to put her head back down on my shoulder. She did so without another moment’s hesitation. “We’re both going through a lot right now, but your issues aren’t any less important than mine. These are big changes.”
“Yes, they are,” she agreed softly.
“But it’s going to be okay,” I said. “You’re the strongest, smartest woman I know, and if anyone can find a new job, it’s you.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, her voice getting even softer than before. Her body felt heavier against mine. She was falling asleep.
I continued stroking her head gently, no longer speaking. I didn’t want to wake her. She’d had a rough few weeks and needed to rest. My body was tired too, but my mind was spinning like crazy.
Hannah’s breathing grew more regular, and she snored softly, which was adorable. Having her beside me made me feel so much better than being alone. She would help me figure it all out. She was the queen of figuring out complicated issues; if anyone could help me through this, it was her.
My eyes grew heavier and heavier as I listened to the calmness of her breathing. It wasn’t very long before I fell asleep next to her.
Ooo000ooo
“Mmm, Justin?” Hannah’s groggy voice pulled me from my slumber.
My eyes were still heavy, but I fought to open them and was glad I did so. Hannah was sitting up now, her hair dry and sticking up all around her head. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and smiled at me.
“Good morning, sunshine,” I said with a smile. I looked around the room for a clock but couldn’t find one. “What time is it?”
“It’s almost eight.”
“Eight in the morning?” I exclaimed, sitting upright. How did we sleep
that long? We’d left the reception around midnight, got to her place around one in the morning. After we both showered and stuff, it was pretty late, but it was hard to believe that we’d slept the entire night on the couch together.
She giggled. “Of course, silly. It doesn’t look like eight in the evening, does it?”
My neck was a bit sore, as was my back, from sleeping in an awkward position. I stretched my arms and legs, letting out a deep yawn. It wasn’t the best sleep of my life, but it was better than none, which was what would have happened had I tried to sleep alone.
Hannah seemed pretty chipper already, but she was used to not getting much sleep. Before I even knew what hit me, she handed me my phone.
“Call Atlanta,” she ordered. “Let’s get this over with and find out what’s going on.”
My heart stopped as I stared down at the phone. She was right. It was time to get answers, but the idea of making the call scared me more than any burning building ever did.
I took the phone and pulled up the voicemail, hitting the option to call the number back. Someone answered on the third ring.
“Stephanie Mannis with Atlanta Child Protective Services,” she said. “What can I help you with?”
“Hi, Ms. Mannis, this is Justin Hargraves,” I stammered, looking at Hannah for emotional support. “You called me on Saturday about a little girl named Abigail, said she was my daughter?”
“Yes,” Stephanie said. “You’re listed as the father for Abigail Price. Did you and Deidre Price have a relationship?”
“We did. We broke up about five years ago,” I explained. “But I didn’t know anything about having a daughter.”
“I see,” she mused. “Is there any way you could come to my office? I’d like to have a word with you.”
“I’m in New York City, but I can make it to Atlanta if you need me to,” I said. My pulse was racing. It was confirmed that Abigail was Deidre’s daughter, that the last name wasn’t a strange coincidence. It didn’t guarantee I was the father, of course, but the pieces were coming together and making it even more likely to be true.