by K. C. Crowne
Living near the beach, I saw no reason to visit tropical locales. I had everything I needed right there in San Diego. Palm trees, the ocean, surfing if I'd wanted it. Though Wes was more of a surfer than I was ever going to be, every now and then he'd ask me to come out with him to catch a few sets. I always looked forward to those mornings, especially in the off-season when it was just him and me out in the water. He was nice to look at in his wetsuit too, I thought to myself. Yeah, maybe I had a bit of a crush on him too, but Wes didn't seem like the type to want to settle down. I didn't want to ruin our friendship for what would likely be a very hot, but short-lived, fling.
I leaned against the counter with a warm cup of coffee in one hand, my phone in the other. I'd tried to distract myself with the news, and a little social media. Pictures of families decorating for Christmas brought about a tightness in my chest. I envied what some of them had. Nora and I had put up a small, fake tree in the corner. Nothing fancy, just something to set the mood. Besides that, there was no other sign of the impending holiday in our house. I still needed to do some Christmas shopping, I rarely had the time. Hell, might as well do it now, I thought to myself. Anything to get my brain off the track it seemed inevitably headed down. I didn't want to go there. Wasn't' ready to go there. Yet, it seemed bound and determined to take me there anyway.
I never made it over to Amazon, however. My head was swimming with thoughts about everything that happened a few night before. I pushed those thoughts away ruthlessly, as I clicked on a news story about a fire burning north of the city. The fire fighters had it under control, so it was unlikely we'd get called in, but the fact that there was another large fire burning concerned me. I thought back to Luke's belief that it was a string of manmade fires we were dealing with, and I had to admit, it was starting to sound credible.
I finished my coffee and continued reading the news when I heard the jangling of keys in the lock. The front door opened, and my best friend and roommate stepped inside. She was grinning from ear-to-ear. Her perfect honey blonde bob was ruffled to look like she'd just stepped off the beach, and she had a nice golden all over tan. I kind of wondered if she had any tan lines. I had to wonder how much work she'd actually got done while on her “work trip,” but kept my curiosity to myself. I was sure she’d tell me anyway. She had several bags in her hands, and knowing her, she had all her Christmas shopping done. Just like that. She always had her shit together.
“Good morning, sunshine,” she said, her voice as bright and cheery as her face was.
I grunted back at her, pouring myself another cup of coffee.
“Rough night?” she asked, dropping her designer handbag on the table.
Sometimes I'd wondered how we’d become best friends. She was the total polar opposite of me. Yet, despite the differences that existed between us, we'd just clicked back in high school . We were inseparable from almost day one – and the rest, as they said, was history. We both played volleyball and bonded over a million different little things. Yet, I found her obsession with high-end fashion and weekly manicures a bit silly. Then again, she hadn't complained about me coming in smelling like a bonfire most nights, and I knew I could always talk to her.
We were there for each other through the best of times and the worst of times, and in the end, that was all that mattered.
“Yeah, you could say that,” I said.
“Uh oh, what world shaking event in the life of my bestie did I miss?” she asked.
Nora sat down at the kitchen counter and reached out her hands to me. I gave her a tight smile as I took hold of her hands and gave them a firm squeeze.
“Just a lot of work,” I lied.
I didn't open up that easily, but Nora could always see right through me. She'd been able to from the start, and always knew when I was holding something back. She cocked her head to the side and gave me a wry little grin.
“Seriously? Sarah, I know you better than that,” she said. “You look troubled. Now tell Doctor Nora what’s up.”
I sighed, knowing there was no way I'd be able to get out of telling her. Nora was like a pit bull with a bone – once she latched onto something, she did not let it go until she was satisfied. I took a sip of my coffee as I organized my thoughts as best I could, and she sat there, waiting patiently for me to lay it all out for her.
“You know my boss, Austin, right?” I asked.
“Yeah. Of course,” she asked, raising an eyebrow and the corners of her mouth pulling back a bit, a mischievous little glint in her eye. “The hottie you've crushed on since the day you started down at the fire house? What about him?”
“I slept with him a few nights ago.”
She smiled wider, slapping my hands in excitement. “Really? That's great girl – wait, why do I get the feeling you're not happy about?”
“Because after we were done, he rushed out of here like his hair was on fire. He apologized but made sure I knew it was a mistake. A one-time thing that wouldn't happen again.”
Her face fell. “Oh honey, I'm sorry.”
“Yeah, me too,” I muttered. “I thought he was different. Guess I was wrong about that.”
Nora had the look of someone who was about to say something, but then she held back. She bit her lip, lowered her eyes and kept quiet, which wasn't at all like her.
“Spit it out already,” I said.
She looked at me with an expression of pure sympathy that made me cringe. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel sorry for me. I could tolerate a lot of things, but having people pity me never failed to get under my skin.
“Do you think – and you know I speak from experience here – that he was just scared?” she asked. “That maybe the situation freaked him out?”
“Scared of what?” I asked.
“Scared that this could hurt both of you somehow. Career-wise, I mean,” she said. “You remember when I almost got involved with my boss Nick right? And what a shitshow that almost turned out to be?”
I nodded, crossing my arms in front of me. “But that was different,” I replied. “Nick owns the company.”
“It's not that different. If anything, he'd be less likely to get in trouble since there was no one who could fire him. But he could have been accused of favoritism, or hell, even sexual harassment, so we had to put a stop to things. Maybe that's what went through Austin's mind too. Except his situation is even worse than Nick's because he could lose his job over it.”
“Maybe,” I muttered.
I hated to admit that she was probably right. Being mad at him felt better than the reality – admitting that we both liked one another but couldn't be together because the powers that be wouldn't allow it. Maybe it was silly and petty, but it was true. I hadn't known he felt anything for me until that night, and I didn't get the sense that it was just a fuck for him. It felt, to me, like there was something more there. Something deeper – and I wanted to explore it further with him.
The fact that we wouldn't be able to though because of bullshit politics and bureaucracy, made me feel even shittier somehow.
“Maybe you're right, but that doesn't make me feel any better,” I said. “If anything, I think it makes me feel worse. At least if I thought he wasn’t into me, I could just call him an asshole and move on. Knowing that there might actually be something there but be unable to do anything about it sucks.”
She shrugged. “I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm not trying to make you feel worse about it all, just pointing out the facts.”
I really hated admitting that she very well could be right about the situation. Maybe, it was the fact that I was his subordinate, that he was my boss, and he realized what a can of worms he'd opened up by sleeping with me too late. Once it hit him, it freaked him out. It sounded entirely plausible – and entirely likely. Everybody was terrified of sexual harassment suits these days, over even the appearance of impropriety. The fact that he'd actually slept with me, probably did weigh heavily on his mind.
I checked my phone, and even
though it was way too early to go into work yet, I needed to get out of the house. I hurried and got dressed and said goodbye to Nora as she changed clothes.
“Going back in already?” I asked. “You just got home.”
“Only to change, silly,” she said. “There's the office holiday party this weekend, and you know what a big deal that is. I have to make sure everything is perfect.”
“Nick going to be there?” I teased.
“Of course, but you know we're not like that,” she said, her cheeks turning a bright shade of pink.
“You're blushing, so I beg to differ,” I said. “You obviously still have feelings for him, don't you?”
“It's – complicated,” she said. “Maybe we can grab drinks and talk about it later. Right now, though, I have to get going.”
“Me too,” I lied.
I actually had plenty of time before I needed to be at the station, but I decided to see if Luke was there and would be willing to talk arsonist theories with me. It sounded a lot better than lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling, feeling sorry for myself. It also sounded a hell of a lot better than getting caught up in the memory of the way Austin had kissed me that night and how good he’d felt inside me.
I needed a distraction, and I needed it bad.
When I stepped into the fire station, I expected to see Luke already there. He was often there even when he was off, tinkering with something or researching something else. I wasn't sure he had a life outside of the house, actually. He usually helped maintain the fire equipment, along with the truck engineer, Troy. Luke had a natural mechanical inclination, was good with his hands, and the two often worked together. Troy was alone this morning though, sitting in a corner and tinkering with the fire hose.
“Morning, Sarah,” he said without looking up.
“Hey Troy,” I said. “Have you seen Luke?”
“He's passed out in the bunkroom. Slept here last night,” Troy said.
“He did?”
That seemed a little strange to me. Though, given how much he hung at around here, maybe I shouldn't have been all that surprised. I headed back to the living area. We were lucky enough to not only have a separate little bunk area with enough beds to nap between calls, but also a small living area with a television, some couches, a card table, and a few games.
When I stepped into the living area, I found Wes on the couch, a tiny kitten in his hand. He grinned at me as the little gray and white kitten sucked at his finger. Seeing this big, burly man being so tender and gentle with such a delicate little thing was maybe the cutest thing I'd ever seen.
“Aren't they so cute?” he asked me.
“Yeah, they are,” I said, plopping down on the couch beside him. “Why are you here so early?”
“Luke and I passed out here last night instead of going home. We wanted to check on the kittens, then just decided to crash,” he said. “Why are you here?”
“Trouble sleeping,” I muttered. My head was pounding from the stress I was feeling instead. “How in the hell are you so bright-eyed and cheery this early in the morning?”
He shrugged. “Kittens,” he answered simply, holding the purring ball of fluff up toward my nose.
I peered at the thing and couldn’t help but smile as I reached out to scratch it behind one impossibly tiny ear. “Okay, you got me. The damn thing is pretty cute.”
Wes was studying me, and it was unnerving. Though he was basically a big kid, and a bigger flirt, Wes was incredibly intuitive; more so than anyone gave him credit for. I knew that he was trying to read my face, and so I tried to keep it as impassive as possible. Wes put the kitten back down in the box with the mama cat and the other two babies. He stroked the mama for a bit before turning to me with a look of concern.
“What's going on, Sarah?”
“Just had a rough couple nights,” I groaned, curling up into myself.
“You seemed fine after shift yesterday.”
“Yeah, well, I haven’t been sleeping all that well lately,” I admitted.
I pulled a strand of hair toward the front of my place and twirled it, trying my best not to look over at Wes, not wanting to meet his eyes. Wes, on the other hand, stared at me intently.
“Boy trouble?” he asked.
“Boy trouble? Really, Wes, I’m not twelve years old,”
“Yeah, that's what I thought,” he said with a laugh. “Boy trouble. So tell me, what did this asshole do to hurt you? And where can I find him, so I can beat the living shit out of him?”
I had to admit it, it was funny, and I chuckled. Imagining Wes intimidating anyone was funny. He was a big guy, one of the tallest and broadest men I'd ever seen. He was nothing but a gentle giant in real life, though. He was a kind, gentle soul who wouldn't hurt a fly. Though something in his eyes told me maybe I was wrong.
“What would you do, hug them to death?” I teased. “No, seriously, I'm fine. It’s just some garden variety insomnia.”
The look on Wes’ face was going to be my undoing, though. He seemed to read my mind, and for some reason, I found myself fighting back tears. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep them at bay and took slow steady breaths. If I started crying now, at work, in front of Wes, my cover would be blown. Remembering what Nora had said, I calmed myself down.
I knew she was probably right about Austin's reasons for bolting, but it was hard not to take it personally. I was hard to not just assume that Austin wasn't really attracted to me, and only wanted to get laid.
“Any guy who'd make you cry isn't worth your time,” Wes said with a shrug. “You're too fucking beautiful and awesome for that shit.”
Wes had been known to flirt with me – it was just who he was. He'd never come right out and called me beautiful before though. That was new. I turned my eyes toward him, caught him looking at me, and felt my breath catch in my throat. His eyes were full of more emotion than I'd ever seen before, and I could tell he meant it. His eyes were sincere, and he looked at me like I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. That look brought a lump to my throat.
Wes was gorgeous. The epitome of sexiness. A former pro-surfer and model, he had the body for both. Not to mention the chiseled muscles, and the face that drove women crazy not that long ago.
There he was, complimenting me. I'd always assumed his flirtatiousness was just him being him. I had never really thought he’d meant anything by it.
Thinking back on it though, I actually couldn't recall him hitting on other women around me. When we’d hang out after shift, there’d always been plenty of women trying to get his attention, but he’d typically seemed oblivious to them. I never really thought anything of it until that moment though.
“You really think I'm beautiful, Wes?” I asked, unable to help myself.
“Uh yeah,” he said as if it were obvious. “Anyone with eyes, and half a brain can see that, Sarah. You're fucking gorgeous.”
My cheeks burned as I blushed, and I couldn't meet his gaze all of a sudden.
“You have no idea how much that means to me, Wes. Thank you.”
“You're welcome, but it's just the truth,” he said. “If I were looking for a girlfriend, you'd be top of the list.”
“Still not looking to date anyone?”” I asked.
Maybe it was wrong to feel a little hopeful. I wasn't desperate to date anyone, so my behavior wasn't like me at all, but Wes and Austin were both men I admired and could see myself falling for. I’d just assumed Wes wasn't interested in that sort of thing. Maybe I was wrong, I thought.
“Nah,” Wes said. “Not right now at least. My life is too hectic. With the job, my brother's struggles, you know.”
“What about your brother?” I asked.
He shrugged and looked away, but not before I caught the dark shadow that seemed to pass over his face. Wes rarely talked about anything too serious – he preferred to keep things on the surface, light, and funny, and I never wanted to invade his privacy by pressing. While I knew he had a younger brothe
r named Andrew, I knew very little about him.
“Andy got into some trouble recently. Nothing we can't handle, but – well, he needs me.”
“I'm really sorry to hear that,” I said. “But I know you’ll do everything you can for him.”
Without even realizing it, I reached out and touched Wes's arm. A natural, friendly gesture, but as soon as we touched, there was a warmth between us. It was almost like a static electricity that shocked us both. Wes smiled again, and I smiled back, and we stared at each other for a long moment.
“But if I were looking,” he said, licking his lips. “Well, I'd ask you out in a heartbeat.”
“I appreciate that,” I said. “I'm not really looking for anything too serious myself. Similar reasons, of course.”
“Oh yeah? I didn't know you had a brother,” he teased.
“No, but my sisters keep me on my toes,” I said. “And work. God, we work so damn much, don't we? It makes it almost impossible to get out there and meet people.”
“Yeah, we do,” he said. “I'll admit, it would be nice to – never mind.”
“Nice to do – what?” I asked him.
He turned those gorgeous bright green eyes toward me, and the feeling that washed over me was intense. My insides twisted and turned, and I felt something I'd never felt in his presence before. It filled me up and made my heart swell – a feeling that was so strong and so unexpected, it just about knocked me on my butt.
“Just that, it would be nice to find someone to relieve some pressure with, you know?”
“Like a friend with benefits?” I asked.
“Exactly like that,” he said, a crooked grin on his face, as he ran a hand through his shaggy hair. “I mean, a guy has needs. I'm sure you understand. I'm sure you have needs too.”
“I do. I mean, I know exactly what you mean,” I said.