by Kendra Leigh
“You can’t beat yourself up about that, honey.” Veronica smiled kindly. “You were so incredibly young, and you clearly had no one to talk it through with. Sometimes the mind has a way of blocking out traumatic, painful memories. Storing them away in the sub-conscious where you don’t have to deal with them. But that doesn’t mean they don’t affect your conscious mind. Suppressed memories can be life crippling.”
She was right, of course. Slaying my demons could well be more complicated than I originally thought. I could turn my back on my family’s finger pointing all I liked, but unless I dealt with my own guilt, I would never be truly free of them. But how could I deal with something I couldn’t even remember? Suddenly a thought occurred to me. “Do you know what happened that day?”
Veronica’s eyes filled with regret as she shook her head. “I’m afraid not. For a long time, we didn’t even know she’d… gone.” She paused, watching my face cloud with confusion.
“I don’t understand. How could you not know?”
“Mine and your mom’s friendship had been under some strain for a while. When we left for London, I hadn’t actually seen her for a few weeks.”
“Why, what happened?”
“Your father was very possessive of her, always had been from the moment they met. But as the years went by, things got progressively worse. He didn’t like her having friends and was particularly threatened by how close we were. It was causing problems in their marriage, so to avoid tension we met mostly in secret at our apartment in Manhattan or Central Park if the weather was good. But those last few weeks she was unusually distant, to the point where you would spend time with us and your mom would stay home. She didn’t want the difficulties with your father depriving you of your friendship with Ethan. It was important to her that you both remained close.
“I tried to arrange to see her before we left for London, sent hand delivered letters, but she never replied and… Well, it wasn’t until two months later that I heard about the accident. It was the holidays. A friend of mine offered me condolences in a Christmas card. She’d heard about it in the newspaper, assumed I knew. I later learned that Flick had died the day before we flew to England and nobody had told me.”
“Oh Jesus!” Ethan’s words scraped through almost palpable incredulity, and I knew that what Veronica had just revealed would lend more weight to the already enormous amount of guilt he felt about leaving me behind.
“Ethan asked earlier why neither of you could remember your friendship. I suspect it’s because when we left, you were engulfed in grief of a different kind. The memories of him must have been swallowed up in that grief, along with the memories of your mom.” Her expression was filled with remorse. “If we’d known—”
I shook my head and held up my hand to halt her.
My mind was caught in a whirlwind of information, but I couldn’t stop there. Because nothing I’d learned really fitted with how I’d imagined things were. I’d always assumed my mother and father had been blissfully happy, that we’d been a conventional, wholesome family, before I’d torn it all apart. But Veronica’s story and the images lying before me told me something completely different.
“Was it his possessiveness that was making her unhappy?” Veronica narrowed her eyes in question. I nodded at the photographs in response. I, more than anyone, knew how a picture could speak louder than any amount of words. “The sparkle went out of her eyes not long after I was born.”
As if suddenly seeing them in a new light, she looked down at the images in the albums. “I think that was when she began to realize he would never share her with anyone—including you. She didn’t say that exactly, just that you and Harley were having trouble bonding, that he didn’t interact with you, and you would close down when he was around. You were becoming more withdrawn and it was troubling her. That’s when you started to spend more time with us, weekends and holidays. It seemed that Ethan was the only person who could draw you out of yourself. What I could never understand though, was that it was your father who persuaded her to get pregnant a second time. She conceded because she thought another child would bind you together as a family—even things up a bit.”
“Oh, I see!” I laughed out loud at the irony. “And then the twins came along and things were more lopsided than ever. I’m assuming he had no problem bonding with them?”
The responding silence gave me my answer. I stood up, feeling suddenly suffocated by this unforeseen knowledge. My father hated me long before my mother’s death. The fact that I killed her just vindicated that hatred, fortified it.
“I need some air.”
Ethan was up on his feet and by my side before I could draw breath. I looked up into his face full of love and concern—my beautiful, dependable man. He lowered his chin and softly kissed the crown of my head. “Then let’s go get you some.”
Chapter Ten
The sun was making sporadic appearances, flitting in and out from behind the huge puffs of clouds scattered around the otherwise pale blue sky. As we stepped through the doors onto the patio outside, I gulped in a huge, gratifying lungful of air. It was saturated with the remnants of summer and the promise of fall, creating a perfect fusion of aromas, and as I inhaled, it felt wholesome and fresh. It wasn’t exactly cold, but the late September breeze sent a chill fluttering around my collar and I found myself pulling my blazer around me tightly. Without a word, Ethan placed his arm around me, tucking me into his side, and we began to walk.
Although I didn’t commit any of what I saw, at the time, to memory, I would later realize just how amazing and spacious the grounds were. I would appreciate the sprawling, immaculately-maintained lawns and shrubs, the orchard and the walk-throughs to cozy hidden away corners. But for now, I was simply grateful for the peace.
The silence was a comforting balm against the stark contrast of the commotion taking place inside my cluttered mind, and instead of feeling inundated by the disorder, I felt oddly calm. It was as if the disturbance was taking place on the other side of a window, and I was a mere observer watching it unfold. Looking back, I’d taken an unconscious precaution. I was guarding my psyche against an impending implosion, one which could only result in a complete and utter mind-fuck. At least from the vantage point I’d chosen, I could survey what I’d learned logically, absorb it step by step, and limit any resulting damage.
After walking for an indiscernible amount of time, I seemed to suddenly gain perspective, stirring from my contemplative state and becoming decisively lucid and resolute in the way I felt. Ethan’s fingers were firmly intertwined with mine as we stood gazing out at the house from the shade of a beautiful African thatched pagoda. I turned to look at him, his eyes fixed but unfocused as they stared straight ahead. He looked pale, his features kind of pinched with perplexity and worry, and my heart seemed to swell with a sudden rush of love.
“Hey…” I squeezed his hand “…where are you?”
Stirring, he began to blink rapidly, as if dispelling the thoughts that were hampering his vision. His gaze softened as it refocused on my face, his hand reaching out to trail his thumb along the line of my jaw. “I’m right here, baby.” Hesitating for a beat, as if he was half expecting me to crumble in his arms, he added, “How do you feel?”
Shaking my head, I searched for the right words, failing miserably when I came up with, “Really strange, actually.”
“Do you need to sit down?”
“No, not that kind of strange.” I smiled to reassure him. “I mean, I feel unexpectedly… calm. Sedate almost.” I shrugged, struggling to express myself. “I know you feel freaked out. About finding out that we knew each other before, seeing the pictures of us and everything… But for me… it’s like… I don’t know. It’s like suddenly I’ve discovered that I used to exist, that I used to matter. With no conscious memories, my mom had just become a figment of my imagination. My whole life before she died was nothing more than a vague conception conjured from daydreams. I’ve learned more about my life and my
mom today than I ever dreamed I’d know. And from the most unlikely source—your mom.” I grinned, suddenly unable to stop the bubbles of enthusiasm from fizzing inside me.
A ghost of smile played at the edge of Ethan’s mouth as my excitement overflowed, but his eyes were still tainted with sadness.
“You can’t dwell on these irrational feelings that you didn’t save me, E. You’re here now, and I’m more whole than I’ve ever been.”
“How come you’re so strong?” He marveled as he stroked my hair from my face.
“It’s because of you, of course. You’re the one who put me back together again. You gave me a future, and now you’ve given me a past. I feel like I finally belong.”
“You’ve always belonged—to me. My Cinderella.” His eyes began to sparkle again, the cloud finally lifting as he his arms circled me and pulled me toward him. “You and Mom are right. It is romantic. Can you believe we were childhood sweethearts?”
I pushed playfully on his chest. “We were six years old, E.”
“I still fucking loved you. More than anyone in the world. You only need to look at the photos to see that.” Suddenly he lifted me and began to twirl me around the pagoda. “I’ve been carrying a glass slipper around in my pocket all these years, looking for you.”
I threw my head back and squealed with laughter. “Oh, that’s what it was! And there was me thinking you were pleased to see me.”
Laughing, he slowed to a halt, and holding me tight against him, gently slid me down his body. “Oh, I am.” I felt the tautness of his bulging erection at the apex of my thighs, the pressure through the denim causing a delicious friction in just the right spot. “Enormously pleased. The slipper was in my back pocket.”
Then his smiling lips closed over mine as he claimed me with a deep, searching kiss, his tongue flicking gently against mine. Suddenly, I was moving backwards and pressed up against one of the large wooden pillars of the pagoda. His hands went to the backs of my thighs, lifting me, and I folded my legs around him, clenching him to me.
He moaned quietly as I ground my sex against his swollen cock, the pressure sending instant pleasure spiking through the sensitive bundle of nerves between my legs. Ethan deepened the kiss, his tongue delving hungrily in search of mine.
Knowing exactly where this was headed, I pulled back, breaking the kiss. “Ethan, we can’t. Your parents might see.”
Shifting slightly to see around the pillar, he peered over my shoulder toward the house. “Nobody can see, Angel.” His gaze focused back on me as he thrust his hips forward, his smile widening as I gasped with obvious pleasure. “You should have worn a skirt. I could fuck you here and now and no one would know.”
My mouth opened in surprise. “I would know. I couldn’t, not with your parents in the house. It doesn’t feel right.”
Ethan looked appalled. “Angelica Lawson, I do hope you’re not going to start getting all decorous on me now you’ve met the parents.”
“It won’t do you any harm to wait until we get home.”
“Home?” He looked as if I’d slapped him. “If you think I’m waiting until we get home, you’ve got another think coming. I’ll have you when I want and where I want. I thought the Salsa club taught you that.”
Oh Jesus! His salacious, demanding tone did nothing to help my waning self-control, but the look of horror in his eyes at the thought of abstaining for a day was enough to bolster it again. I bit down on my lower lip and as I scraped it through my teeth, I tilted my hips forward and wriggled provocatively against his pulsing length.
Ethan’s eyes gleamed in surprise, but just as quickly narrowed into a chastising frown. “I’ve a mind to haul you over my shoulder and carry you right through the house and up to our room, where I can strip you naked, spank you hard, and fuck you until you scream for mercy.”
Oh, the thought!
I gasped, my chest rising and falling hard with the power of his words. Shit, I was irrevocably turned on. I shook my head in a feeble refusal.
Ethan blinked as arousal saturated his eyes, his eyelids becoming heavy and hooded. He released one leg, allowing it to slide to the floor, his hand moving to cup me between my thighs, the heel of his palm pressing into my trembling sex. “I’ll make you a deal.” His voice was hoarse against my lips. “If you’re wet, you allow me to give you an orgasm here and now. If you’re not, I’ll wait.”
“That’s not fair.” I shook my head, the plea hissing from my lips.
Paying no heed to my objection, his fingers got to work, dexterously releasing the button of my jeans and my zipper, his hand pushing past the denim and into my panties. I wriggled a little in a halfhearted protest, but Ethan just raised his brows. “Be still and let me check.” His fingers moved lower, skimming over my clit to the heated, totally drenched folds of my sex.
The edge of his lips curled into a victorious smirk. “Just as I thought, you dirty girl.” Leaning in, he kissed me gently on the lips, his fingers sliding gently inside me as his palm began to move in lazy circles over the sensitive nub of my clit. “Now relax. I want my Cinders to come against my hand. You need this release, baby. You deserve it.”
I groaned in helpless submission as his fingers worked their magic, slipping and sliding in and out as he gazed lasciviously into my eyes, watching as my body betrayed me and sent me hurtling toward orgasm. I thrust my hips in time to his plunges, inviting him deeper as my muscles clenched around his fingers in a delicious climax. His mouth tugged into a smile as it closed over mine to stifle the resounding moans of my pleasure, and gradually he slowed, working me calmly back down to Earth.
Feeling suddenly exhausted, I allowed my forehead to fall against his chest as he withdrew his hand and released my leg from around his waist. He kissed the top of my head, his hands working to fasten up my jeans. “Better?”
Sighing sedately, I tilted my chin to look at him. “How is it you know what I need before I do?” I asked in awe.
Lips kinking into his sexy smile, he said, “Because you’re my girl. It’s my job to know.”
“I love you, Prince Charming.”
“You don’t know how happy that makes me. I could live on that knowledge alone. You happy and in love with me is what makes my heart beat.” His fingers skimmed over my cheek, and I closed my eyes and leaned into them, thanking God for this man. “You are happy, aren’t you?”
My eyes opened to find a hint of the concern from before returning to his pools of blue. “Of course. I told you, I feel stronger and happier than ever.”
He nodded, but then as if he needed further confirmation added, “Even after what Mom said about your dad?”
Taking a second, I had a quick word with myself to check if I was being true to my feelings. Reassured that I was, I answered. “So the old man couldn’t stand the sight of me, anyway.” I shrugged. “I’d always assumed that the day I lost my mom was the same day I lost the love of my father. That I’d forfeited my right to be loved because I’d ripped her from his life prematurely. Knowing he didn’t love me to begin with… well, it’s strangely comforting. I didn’t lose his love. I never had it.” I smiled. “So why the fuck should the asshole deserve mine?”
Ethan sighed with relief. “I was so afraid all this would set you back. You’ve come so far and—”
“I know,” I interrupted him, reaching up to cup his face. “But you don’t need to worry on that score, I promise.”
He smiled, but something else lingered in his expression.
“What is it?” I asked.
“It doesn’t make any sense that your dad wouldn’t mention anything. He would have known who my parents were, so he must have known about our connection, about our moms’ friendship.”
I shrugged. “I stopped trying to figure out how his mind works long ago. But I suspect it was for this very reason. If he’d have warned us, then we wouldn’t all be reeling from the shock of it. Perhaps he just got a kick out knowing something we clearly didn’t. Don’t let it bother you,
E.” I kissed him softly on the lips and reached down between us, closing my hand firmly over the still substantial bulge beneath his jeans. “Now, what are we going to do about this?”
Closing his eyes, he puffed out his cheeks and let out a breath. “I know what I’d like to do with it.”
“Mmm, me too, but I think you’d better hold that thought for the time being, Charming.” Rolling his eyes, he stood reluctantly back to adjust himself. “Come on. Let’s go see your parents.”
We found Richard and Veronica in the sitting room where we’d left them, flicking through the pages of the photo albums. They looked up as we entered, their expressions laden with apprehension, as if they feared their disclosure had somehow harmed our relationship. Their blatant concern touched me in a way I wasn’t expecting, and I felt suddenly eager to set their minds at rest.
My mouth softened into a warm smile as I closed the small gap between me and Ethan, his arm encircling my waist in a clear display of togetherness. The room seemed to heave a sigh of relief as both Ethan’s parents stood, their expressions transforming into ones of pleasure.
“You see?” Richard said softly to his wife, as if our actions were reaffirming what he’d already assured her of.
Veronica walked toward us and when she was within touching distance, she reached out and squeezed Ethan’s arm, smiling affectionately. What she said and did next took my breath away. “Welcome…” She opened her arms in invitation. “Welcome back, Angel.”
Without hesitation, I stepped into her waiting embrace, my eyes brimming with sudden tears of joy as she held me closely. For a few seconds I couldn’t speak at all, but when I finally managed to squeeze something past the overwhelming emotion, it was just two words. “Thank you…”
Later, Veronica showed me around her beautiful home while Ethan showed off the Bugatti to his dad. The two of them brought our overnight things up to the room Ethan and I would share, and we freshened up for a late supper.