Before he glided into his seat, Jaden turned toward me for a second. I saw a slight glow in his eyes, though it could have been the reflection of the light. I didn’t trust my senses these days.
Once Jaden was seated, Ms. Fields returned to normal and began to talk about an upcoming test—she was determined to teach us something useful. It was clear none of the girls were likely to grasp anything just then.
“Geez,” I muttered and earned a dirty look from Amber, who was obviously fascinated
If any of them knew what he was—
I imagined Jaden telling them his true age or changing his appearance to that of a sixty-year-old man—then they wouldn’t be that excited.
I got through the first class of the day by spending my time building various scenarios of what Jaden’s story would be. Would it be a standard my-parents-moved-so-I-had-no-choice-story or a scary I-really-did-bad-stuff-at-another-school-and-they-strongly-suggested-a-change-of-scenery-would-be-good-for-all-concerned-story—I was looking forward to what he had made up.
I wished I could read minds so I would know what Jaden was up to. It was very likely that he had chosen to play the student in order to keep a closer eye on me during the days and I didn’t know if I liked the idea or not. Another, but unlikely intention, could be a wish to feel human—but this would be too much of a coincidence.
The bell tore me from my thoughts. I hadn’t copied one of the calculations from the blackboard to my notebook. Instead, I had scribbled meaningless patterns. I didn’t even look at them as I put the notebook away into my bag.
“Biology next,” Lydia told me, sounding impatient.
“What’s up?” I quizzed, studying her face.
“You don’t look too happy,” I told her.
“I was just wondering what they all want with him—” She nodded to the scene across the room. Jaden was literally trapped at his desk, surrounded by students, mostly the girls and especially Amber, who was perched on his table and playing with a strand of her black hair while flashing a fabulous smile.
Jaden seemed somewhat lost between the bunch of girls fighting for his attention. I could only guess what was going on inside him right now. If he felt every single thing they were feeling, he might become overwhelmed within seconds—but then, Jaden was an old angel and could probably handle it. Most likely he had experienced situations like these before.
“Like we couldn’t guess what’s going on,” I said sarcastically. I slung my bag over my shoulder. “Let’s get going. If we’re fast we might snatch a seat in the back of the biology class.”
Lydia nodded and we headed out of the room into the corridor. Jaden didn’t look up as we hurried past him. I interpreted it as a sign he preferred pretending like we didn’t know each other.
“Wait a second!” Gregory joined us a few steps outside the door. “Can you believe it? This guy sets foot into our school and within seconds all the chicks are freaking out.”
“I don’t know what they see in him—” I said, trying to sound casual and disinterested. But I felt a little off-balance, suddenly awake to Jaden’s remarkable beauty that shone so brilliantly when compared to the ordinary boys at Aurora High.
Until now, I had never fully appreciated how beautiful he was. I had always had other things on my mind when he had been around. Pain and guilt and fear. I had never looked at him that way. For me, he had been the one who had taken care of me when I had most needed it, even when I hadn’t known I needed him—age or looks hadn’t played a role in our relationship. I had seen him as a young boy, as well as an old man. There was hardly any way I could see him as the normal teenager he pretended to be.
“Yeah,” Gregory nodded. “He’s just a new student, for heaven’s sake. Nobody paid attention to us on our first school day here.”
“I remember something different,” I disagreed.
“That’s because you joined when we’d been having classes together for a year or two. You were the new mysterious girl.”
“I wasn’t.” I chewed my fingernails while we were walking down the corridor to the biology class. I remembered my first day here too well. I had been all alone at first, but it hadn’t taken long until people had started showing interest in me. I had spent most of the breaks in the bathroom, hiding from people, unable to feel comfortable in crowds like these. Gregory, Lydia, and Amber had been the only people being kind to me. They hadn’t been nosy. They had just helped me find my classrooms and sat with me during lunch breaks, letting me eat in silence, telling me a bit about themselves, the school, the town. I hadn’t felt the pressure to tell them everything. They had just let me be who I was. It hadn’t taken long for me to feel comfortable in Aurora, and they were the reason why I had been able to blend in so well, so fast.
“It’s just unfair he gets all the attention—” Gregory went on complaining.
“Oh come on, Greg,” I said, perhaps a little too brusquely if I was supposed to be disinterested in the new boy. “Suck it up! They’ll do that ‘till he decides on one of them and the rest of them will sulk and go back to doing whatever they’ve done before.”
I could already imagine how Jaden would eventually fall for one of them—some of the girls in my year were very pretty—and then abandon his primal plan—whatever it was. I just hoped he wouldn’t be in biology. The feeling of constant observation was something I honestly didn’t appreciate. I hoped Jaden knew.
As we turned around the corner and walked in, the classroom was empty. I chose a seat in the back corner of the room and settled there. Lydia and Gregory sat down beside me.
“You look better today,” Lydia commented.
“Probably because I slept at least a few hours,” I answered darkly.
“Probably,” Lydia commented, not pressing any deeper into the topic. She knew that I didn’t talk about Adam. The usual pain tore through my body with the barbed wire cutting through my heart as Adam’s name sprang to mind. This topic was an absolute no-go and she completely respected that all the time.
The plan had been to get to biology early enough to find seats in the back and it worked all too well.
We had five minutes to kill before the room began to fill up and I occupied myself by staring uncomprehendingly at the writing on the blackboard. Amber was the last to arrive. Amber and Jaden, actually. I couldn’t quite tell if Jaden had fallen for her charms yet, but it was plain that Amber had fallen for his. She sparkled and shone as she nabbed two chairs next to each other at the front and turned the full light of her lovely eyes on him, not taking any notice of us sitting in the back.
For a second or two, my stomach twisted. It was a pang of jealousy. Jaden hadn’t even looked at me, not to mention talked to me. Maybe his showing up at school didn’t have anything to do with keeping an eye on me. Maybe he really just wanted to experience high school again—had he been in high school before? I was positive he knew everything he needed for a university diploma and more; but had he, in all his years of existence, ever attended school?
I watched them for a while until Mr. Jackson, the biology teacher, claimed our attention. It took less than a minute before my thoughts wandered off once more and I began replaying Adam’s death in my head. I remembered the roof as clearly as if I was standing there right now. The sound of the gravel being stepped on by heavy shoes was vividly present in my ears. I could almost feel the cold night air and then I saw Adam being hit by the ray of silver light shooting from the demons’ hands, Adam falling backwards off the roof, spreading his wings, looking at me with his beautiful green eyes—
I took a deep breath. How could it be that even if I didn’t want to think of him, my mind knew little more to ponder about than him. It was self-destructive, the way he kept springing to my thoughts. Everything reminded me of him, even the most ordinary things like a water faucet or a coffee cup or a flower; like the red rose I had thrown onto his coffin before the wet earth had swallowed him forever at the funeral.
A tear ran down my cheek before I c
ould get a grip on myself. I quickly dried it with the sleeve of my shirt. I was surprised as I took in the color of the shirt. It was light blue. How on earth had I ended up wearing a light blue shirt when everything inside me was bleeding. I felt more like black or gray at least. Making a mental note to start caring about what I put on in the mornings, I forced my attention back to the classroom.
Mr. Jackson was talking about DNA and RNA and how the body was able to reproduce its own chromosomes. Only some of the students were paying attention. I tried to, but found myself unable to keep track for longer than a few minutes.
Amber was copying notes into her book. I watched her hair moving on her shoulder as she kept writing. She seemed concentrated on what she was doing—unlike Jaden. He had turned his head to the side. His eyes were directed at the back of the class—at me. A big question mark was displaying on his face. He didn’t lower his gaze as I caught him staring at me. I felt myself blush and looked out of the window, hoping to hide my embarrassment, and then instantly remembered that Jaden felt whatever I was feeling anyway.
It wasn’t too long before the bell saved me for the second time this day. I got to my feet and grabbed my things before I headed for the lockers where I swapped my books for my gym uniform.
PE was the one class I looked forward to these days. It distracted me, kept me physically busy. All my thoughts, the pain, and my fear rested for a little while when I could run several laps or climb ropes. The way coach Laney expected us to give everything, forced me to remain focused on my muscles, my breathing, and my pulse. Everything else was forced to retreat into the background.
Amber joined me as I ran my laps much too fast for warm up.
“The new guy is so hot,” she told me between several rhythmical breaths.
I didn’t look at her, but sped up a little instead.
“He’s gorgeous and I walked him to biology in the morning. He’s really nice.” She slowed the talking, trying to keep pace with me.
“You don’t know him, do you?” I threw at her, critically.
“And you do?” she replied coolly.
“Nope,” I breathed, well aware that sooner or later our paths would cross during classes and we eventually would have to talk. I honestly hoped nobody would notice that Jaden and I were quite familiar.
“Well—I’m going to sit with him at lunch today.” She sounded almost proud. “And guess what—he asked.” With a wide grin, she pulled me off the field toward a small bench at the side of the gym. “I think he’s good-looking and nice and interested.”
The way she was smiling told me that she really thought Jaden could be her new boyfriend sometime soon. Overenthusiastic as always, I thought to myself.
“It’s just—” I was searching for the right words to caution but not discourage her. “—just take it slowly. You don’t know him and you don’t know what he thinks about you—I mean—it’s always likely a boy thinks you’re pretty, or hot—but you’ve seen this guy for the first time in your life today. Don’t fall in love with the idealistic first impression you got.” I tried to give her an encouraging smile, wondering what it would look like. “You don’t know what secrets he might have. Just be careful.”
“Of course I will. I won’t find myself some weirdo who turns out to have psychiatric issues—I’m not stupid,” she said into the space between us.
That hurt. I knew that Amber had never been able to completely like Adam, even when she had thought him to be a hot guy. She had told me more than once that he wasn’t good for me. Obviously she was convinced that he had had issues, given that he had killed himself; but what did she know about the truth—
“Oh my God,” the look on Amber’s face changed completely within a fraction of a second. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“It’s alright.” I didn’t want to hear whatever she was about to say. Being reminded of Adam that way was bad enough. It was almost unbearable to act like it was true that he had committed suicide when he had actually died at the hand of evil, protecting me from harm.
I got back to my feet and filed in with the others, leaving Amber behind. I knew that I was being complicated and over-sensitive and easily irritated, but I couldn’t help it. Whatever effort I made to be the friend they had known, I failed, over and over again. I also failed to be the person I had become through my love for Adam. That part of me, full of joy and happiness, was gone. It seemed as if the part of my soul which had died, had been this part—the part Adam had touched with his warmth and his gentle nature. I was just a shadow of the person I used to be—
Unwilling to think about it in any more detail, I shook my head and concentrated on the rhythm of my feet making contact with the floor.
I still hadn’t calmed down by the time gym was over. I showered and changed as quickly as I could, folding my uniform neatly into the gym locker. Lydia was waiting for me at the door with her head tilted to one side, examining me with her big eyes.
“Hungry?” she asked as I walked towards her and she turned in the door to join me on the way to the cafeteria.
“Yes,” I nodded at her and we hurried off.
When we were climbing the stairs to the main corridor I saw Amber and Jaden turn the corner to the cafeteria in front of us.
“Do you think she knows what she’s doing?” I asked Lydia peevishly and was pleased to see her frown in response. We both watched them melt into the lunchroom crowd.
“I hope so.”
We followed them and lined up with the other students. Today’s lunch was broccoli soup, cheeseburger, and yogurt for dessert. The soup looked like an inedible green slime. I skipped soup and ordered the burger and dessert right away. Then I looked for a small, free table so Lydia and I could sit alone and I wouldn’t have to act like a cheerful version of me.
“Have you done your essays for English and literature?” Lydia asked with an epic eyeroll.
I shook my head and bit into the burger. It wasn’t very tasty, but it was huge and the vegetables inside at least looked fresh.
“It’s annoying. I mean—we barely have time to work on our other subjects, let alone find free time to enjoy life!”
“What life?” Gregory asked as he joined us at our table.
“Greg’s right,” Lydia went on complaining. “What free time? Ms. Watts literally buries us with homework.”
Ouch! Instantly scenes of the funeral flashed through my head without me being able to stop them.
“—pay attention to what you’re saying—” I heard Gregory whisper to Lydia beside me.
I didn’t care. I was caught in my memory, in my own head. I looked away and pretended I hadn’t heard either of them.
As my gaze crossed the room, my eyes were locked mid-path by a pair of golden ones. They were almost liquid with warmth and full of sympathy.
I need you, I thought at Jaden. I need to get out of here. I can’t stand another minute pretending to be fine. I am not fine. It hurt to admit it to myself. Luckily Jaden wouldn’t hear my thoughts—just feel how miserable I was.
I sank into the depth of his eyes, longing for a minute or two without pain and incompleteness.
“Claire?” A voice beside me tore me from my thoughts. “Are you going to eat your yogurt?”
“No,” I answered absentmindedly.
“Sure?” the voice asked.
I looked down onto my tray. The burger was half-eaten and had gone cold and the yogurt sat untouched. My stomach felt full—full of food, of ache, of knives.
“Go ahead, Greg.” I shoved the bowl towards him. “You can have it.”
Without a second look, I turned to fall back into Jaden’s gaze; but he had turned back to Amber and was seemingly listening to whatever stories she was telling him. He looked so out of place—the way he sat, the way he moved, his irresistible smile that engulfed you completely, but still seemed a million miles away. He had watched over our foolish human race for more than nine-hundred years. He had saved countless lives and killed demons
. He was no ordinary teenager and to someone looking attentively, wouldn’t it show? I wondered how long it would be before my classmates started noticing, started wondering, started talking.
I sighed and lifted my tray in one hand, my bag in the other and got to my feet.
“See you around,” I said to Gregory and Lydia before I left the cafeteria.
Halfway through the door, Ms. Weaver called me from the corridor.
“Miss Gabriel, can I have a word?”
The way her eyebrows knit together as she asked me made me feel like I didn’t want to have to talk to her.
“Actually, I’m in a hurry—” I tried.
“Oh—I’ll be quick.” She gestured me to an empty classroom and I felt obliged to follow her.
I entered the room behind her. The woman was near forty and somewhat pretty for her age. I inevitably remembered what Adam had told me about her—that she preferred women to men. I grinned—I had no problem having a lesbian teacher.
Ms. Weaver turned and sat down on the teacher’s desk.
“Please, sit down,” she gestured at a desk in the first row.
I did as I was told. The longer the scene took, the more insecure I was feeling. Had I done something wrong? To be honest, I couldn’t remember most of the things I had done at school lately. I had been so distracted and caught up in the messed up situation of mine that I had hardly taken any notice what had been going on around me.
Miss Weaver threw me a serious look before she started talking. “I’m worried, Claire. You did so well at the end of last semester, but it seems like all of your newly-gained excitement for history has died.”
I coughed unintentionally.
“I know you’ve had hard times—traumatic things happened in your life—but unless you take things into your own hands, you won’t get better.” Her eyes bore into mine, merciless. “I gave you almost a month to get back on your feet. It’s time for you to wake up and accept what happened. You need to start working again, pay attention in classes, study, homework—”
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