Black

by Angelina J. Steffort

  We will need to fill in the others tonight, he had said with a stern face.

  He was right. Even though this part of Adam’s resurrection concerned mainly me, the others needed to know. We needed to be prepared.

  We were sitting in silence, each of us following our own train of thought.

  Mine was going through all the times, I had seen Adam in my dreams. Each emotion, each sensation... everything. A collage of memories.

  The crease on Jaden’s forehead slowly disappeared as he changed back to his teenage appearance the moment we hit the main street; but the pensive expression remained.

  What was it like for him? He always knew things... And then with Chris’ lost powers, and now with this weird connection...

  My brain ran through the dialogue over and over again. Contextus Daemonicus.

  The thought that Adam and I were still connected lightened my heart, but the nature of the connection made me slightly uncomfortable. Everything I had felt was real. Every energy rush, every dream...

  My mind flashed back to the countless dreams of Adam. The first dream, where he had floated away from me. It had been shortly after the funeral.

  I couldn’t put together the full meaning of it then. It seemed though, like that particular dream must have occurred when he had awoken as a demon. Following Liz’ logic, this would be an explanation.

  Or the heat-waves a while ago in class, when I had felt Adam’s touch—there must be some reason I drifted into that sensation for a minute. I envisioned Adam dreaming of me the same way. Would I ever find out if he had?

  The energy-rush—Adam must have fed just before. My shoulders shook involuntarily as I shuddered at the thought of Adam feeding on another being’s soul.

  Jaden’s eyes automatically found mine.

  “Are you sure you are okay to go?” He made sure I was up to the challenge of a full day of classes.

  His hand reached out to gently stroke my cheek.

  Warmth momentarily spread through my system and I leaned back and relaxed, drowning out all my thoughts until we stopped in front of the school building.

  Going to school was a risk, but a calculated one. We knew that Adam wasn’t as dangerous to me as we had thought at first, and I desperately had to catch up with classes, otherwise—even if the demons never caught me—there wouldn’t be a future to look forward to.

  Jaden would be in every class with me. Jenna had agreed to stay on call for the morning and Ben would pick me up after school and make sure I arrived at the Gallagers’ safely.

  Students were trickling in from all directions as we were walking up to the entrance.

  It was like a second reality to my life. There was school and then there were the Gallagers and Jaden and the constant fear of the demons.

  The fact that Jaden would sit through this with me, comforted me.

  After all we’d been through, he was still at my side. He had risked everything to keep me safe. And yet I had to treat him like any other student when we were at Aurora High.

  “You can do this,” he said when he opened the door for me. “Just focus. The day will be over in no time.”

  I gave him a wry smile.

  For now, focus was what I needed. I had to make it through the finals. There was no alternative.

  We headed to class with everyone else. Greg and Amber were sitting together when we walked through the door.

  They both looked up. Amber’s face didn’t show any sign of dismay.

  I exhaled in relief. Amber had not been happy when Jaden had started giving me more attention than her. I had been too caught up in my second reality to talk to her about it. But what would I have told her?

  Obviously she had gotten over it fast.

  I noticed that Greg’s hand was resting on her wrist. There was something different about the way they looked together. They looked together.

  My mouth rolled into a smile at the sight of them and Amber gave me a look that screamed I need to talk to you!

  I want to know everything, I mouthed to her.

  She giggled in return and Greg watched her with admiration.

  It had finally happened. Amber and Greg. They were a beautiful couple. I was honestly happy for them.

  I walked up to my usual desk and sat down, enveloped in a layer of gratitude. Gratitude that the first reality of my life still held pleasant surprises such as Amber and Greg.

  Holding on to this positive emotion, it was surprisingly easy to pay attention during classes. Plus, knowing that Adam was alive, that we still had a connection—that he had refrained from killing me when he’d had the chance—was like a secret talisman I was carrying in my heart.

  It was a good feeling to be catching up on things, to feel a little bit of normality, and to take a step towards putting school behind me. I hadn’t really decided what to do after high school.

  College was still far away. I couldn’t think about it with everything going on. Who knew how my story would end. If Adam never regained his memory...

  We were walking into the cafeteria when a hollow feeling hit my stomach. It wasn’t hunger for the food that was presented in the displays and the dishes people were carrying on their trays.

  It was the type of hunger I had felt when Adam had touched me. I was craving energy. Not the energy that was freed when sugar was burned in your system, but pure life-energy. Souls.

  What was happening to me? Was Adam hungry? Would he be feeding—killing? Would I be able to control myself? Would I do the same?

  I suddenly didn’t trust myself anymore.

  Jaden was one step behind me. I turned towards him in a silent cry for help and looked into his alarmed face.

  He grabbed my arm and locked me to his side.

  “You need to focus, Claire,” he told me as he pulled me towards the wall.

  I heard him like through a thick haze and dropped my chin to let him know I’d heard him.

  I had felt Adam before, but this was so much more potent than any of the visions of him I’d had. It was like I was him. Like he had left his traces on me.

  “What can I do?” Jaden asked, helpless. He was still clutching my arm, appearing indecisive if it was safe to let go.

  The sensation was slowly creeping through my body, making it impossible to think straight.

  Jaden’s grasp tightened when he felt my increasing panic.

  I didn’t know how long we had been standing like this when relief washed through me in a slow wave, clearing every inch of my system.

  The haze lifted and I was able to think straight. Everything felt normal. Except for the knowledge of what the relief must mean—Adam had killed.

  “Claire?” By the sound of Jaden’s voice, my face must have been ashen.

  The thought of what had just happened made me nauseous. I could feel the color leave my skin.

  He grabbed my other arm under the elbow, making sure that I couldn’t stumble.

  “Adam just fed.” I put the past minute into words that made it sound more harmless than it actually was. My voice was almost casual.

  An echo of the energy-rush I had experienced before flowed through my body. I could feel the blood return to my cheeks.

  Jaden couldn’t be fooled by words. He grasped the meaning before I had finished the last word. He saw my face change—ashen to pink. He felt how I was suddenly steady on my legs, and he perceived my energy-rush second-hand.

  What worried me most was that the connection with Adam had become stronger since he had touched me. It wasn’t just a faint vision, it was physical sensation.

  “Don’t leave me alone,” I begged Jaden as fear crept up my spine. I would have to go through school days until the finals. I needed someone who would cover for me if I blacked out like this again.

  It was dangerous to experiment with something we didn’t fully understand, in a public environment.

  You could ditch school, a familiar voice in my head suggested.

  It was an appealing thought. Easy. Just ignor
e this one reality and drift over into the other one completely.

  Not quite yet, I silenced it. I needed to progress in normal reality. Independent of the supernatural roller coaster I was riding on a daily basis.

  Jaden let go of my arms but stepped beside me like he was clarifying where he saw his place. He would be at my side. He knew exactly what I meant.

  “Thank you.” He would feel my gratitude, but it felt right to say it aloud anyway.

  He smiled deliberately before he looked around. “Shall we?”

  Nobody had noticed us standing there for a few minutes. We simply melted back into the stream of students and were off to the next class like nothing had happened.

  I made it through the rest of the classes without another trace of Adam’s powers or cravings.

  It was easy to focus again—I had to. This simple fact was a motivator to get me through the day until Ben would pick me up.

  Jaden had to disappear for a few hours this afternoon, but he didn’t leave before he had delivered me safely to Ben, who was taking the afternoon shift.

  He had been quiet since Adam’s return from the dead. I wasn’t sure where we were standing and I wasn’t looking forward to the alone-time with him.

  The tension between us had never really eased. Even after our last encounter—I didn’t really dare think of it—the kiss—I hadn’t had time to set things straight.

  Let me know when you change your mind again, he had said.

  Foolish as I was, I hadn’t told him then and there, that there was no way that it would be possible. I wouldn’t change my mind—even with the undeniable attraction I had felt for Ben.

  Ben drove silently, his eyes on the traffic, like he was avoiding a conversation.

  I wasn’t certain how much I would suffer for the moment of weakness I’d had with Ben, but the torment would be just.

  I would take his silence. I would even take if he was angry at me. The only thing I wouldn’t take was losing his friendship. Too much had happened, and I couldn’t imagine walking into the Gallagers’ house without being on good terms with Ben.

  When the car stopped in front of the house, I looked up in surprise. I hadn’t noticed we had arrived.

  “Thanks for picking me up,” I let Ben know how much I appreciated his effort.

  He gave me the first smile of the day. His silent mood from the drive seemed to be gone the moment he opened the door for me.

  “Did you learn something today?” His smile was still in place.

  I couldn’t help but return it. “As a matter of fact, I did.”

  Ever since the strange conversation with Adam, I felt better. It was easier to smile, easier to focus, easier to function. I guess I could call it hope. There was hope—hope that he would one day wake up and remember...

  We walked up the stairs, side by side.

  Ben stopped in front of the guest room, his features full of expectation.

  I didn’t understand at once what his intentions were, but then it hit me when he took my hand and ran his fingers over my palm.

  Something inside of me rebelled.

  “A lot has changed since the last time we’ve been alone like this.” Ben looked at me, his eyes liquid steel.

  They were echoing the hope I had felt moments before.

  I couldn’t do more than stare and watch him lean in. He was about to repeat what had happened before.

  The rebelling part of me curled up and purred. What was going on? Did I want this?

  I searched myself for answers but couldn’t find one in time before Ben had reached his aim.

  His lips brushed mine gently. It was just a brief moment, but it was enough to draw back in surprise when my heart took a tiny, joyous leap.

  I found myself staring at the door, embarrassed and ashamed.

  Every beat in remembrance of Adam’s existence, I reminded myself.

  “Ben—I can’t—” My eyes remained glued on the door.

  Ben wound his hands more tightly around mine, unwilling to let go.

  I knew there was something there—something I couldn’t ignore. A pool of affection for Ben had built up over the past weeks. It would be foolish to pretend there wasn’t anything there.

  Ben knew it, too, and he was brave enough to act on it.

  If only my heart didn’t belong to his older brother... I would have a chance at a fresh start. After all, the love of my life didn’t even remember me.

  But my heart knew better than that. My soul was Adam’s.

  Ben was waiting patiently for me to make a move.

  I let him wait for a long moment, considering all the recent events and findings. The answer I came up with remained the same. Angel or demon—I was Adam’s. In darkness and in light.

  “Knowing that Adam is alive...” I started. “Even if he can’t remember me...” I couldn’t look at Ben; I couldn’t look at his face and into his eyes when I knew all I would see was a mask of pain. Or even the hostility he used to display around me. “... it changes things.”

  Ben’s chest sank slowly as he exhaled.

  “Even if he is trying to kill you,” Ben said quietly.

  “Even then.”

  It was silent except for the sound of our breaths. I listened to them for a while, waiting for Ben’s reaction. Waiting for him to turn me away. Bracing myself for the rejection that was about to come.

  “Claire—” It was a mere whisper.

  “Ben—” I finally looked up.

  Ben’s eyes were liquid steel. They showed pain and worry. His lips were curved upwards on the sides into an angelic smile.

  “—I know you love him. You always will. You don’t have a choice.” His smile became harder, as if he was struggling to keep it in place. “But I know how you feel about me, Claire. I can feel it. Every second of every minute we spend together.”

  “Ben, don’t—” I tried. But he was right. Over the past weeks he had become more than my friend. I might have kissed him for the wrong reasons. But there was definitely something that was drawing me to him. Ben had left traces on me, too.

  But what did this mean for our relationship?

  “You know how I feel about you, Claire,” he said, holding my eyes in place with his gaze, “now it is up to you what you make of it.”

  A half-hearted smile was all I could give in return. I escaped to the guest room, my heart once again affected by the encounter with Ben.

  What was it about this boy? He was Adam’s half-brother. His mother was part angel, the same as his father. He had the strongest lineage in the family. After all the hatred, the cold stares, we had finally made it to a place that could be called friendship. Just that he had different feelings for me.

  Even when my heart unconditionally belonged to Adam... I had gone too long trying to break free from this permanent hold Adam had on me. Too many weeks of denying myself to feel that way, because I had thought him dead.

  This must have created fertile ground for Ben’s attempts, and I had softened up toward him.

  With my musing about Adam and Ben, the confusion of the past days resurfaced. Too many things had happened.

  The world had gone from a dark, unwelcoming Adam-free hell, to a thin ice of new-Adam-demon and all the consequences he came with.

  Within a week, he had tried to kill me twice. He’d had the opportunity more often. But he didn’t. There was no way of knowing how much I could trust my luck. Would he strike the next time our paths crossed? Or would he still see me as the key to finding his answers? Where was he now? Would he return?

  I grimaced at the beginning panic and fought it back with pure willpower.

  Now was not the time to lose it. Or to dwell on any of the Gallager boys. It was time to drown out my inner conflict by doing something that would inevitably catch up with me if I ignored it for one day longer.

  I sat down on the bed and pulled out my text books.

  Visitor

  Time had passed... maybe ten days. And no sign of Adam.

>   We couldn’t be sure if he had returned to Volpert’s clan. There hadn’t been any news regarding them either.

  The finals were still drawing closer with every day. There were moments when things were getting so intense, I was wishing for Volpert to come get me so I wouldn’t have to study much longer.

  Maniac, the voice kicked me.

  The twenty-four-seven supervision made it possible that I could get through the days. Jaden, with his never-ending patience, was dedicating most of his time to sitting through school with me. In the afternoon he would rarely miss an hour of babysitting me, making sure I was up to the task of studying.

  He wanted me to succeed. He made it his personal challenge to get me through the finals. And he was good at it.

  When he thought I wasn’t looking, every now and then I would catch him with worry in his golden eyes.

  Whether it was worry about my finals, my safety, or his own agenda, I couldn’t tell.

  After I had run away to see Adam, Jaden had become more cautious with leaving me to the Gallagers’ supervision.

  I still spent most nights at their house. Jenna and Chris needed my company as much as I needed theirs.

  Long conversations over dinner always ended up in one question. Where was Adam?

  My exclusive connection with their demon-son helped us all to believe it hadn’t been a dream that Adam had been here not even two weeks ago. That and that Antonio was gone.

  It was hard to believe that Adam had killed his pet without a second thought, but it was true. If he was capable of that, what else was he capable of?

  Every now and then I got an idea. The visions of Adam in my dreams hadn’t disappeared. They had become more solid.

  Within the past week alone, I had dreamed of him five times. He had always been alone when I saw him. There was no background image that would give away his whereabouts. Just his staring, green eyes. Full of questions. Full of hunger.

  The dream always ended the same way. I would reach out my hand to touch his face, he would withdraw before my fingers would reach his cheek, his eyes would brighten in color ever so slightly, and then he was gone.

  I had no idea what it meant, or if it was real. Was he searching for me in his sleep?