“I think we can handle them together, don’t you?”
“Most certainly.”
∞ ∞ ∞
“How did the closing on the bakery go this week?” Dr. Karen Owensby came from around her desk and sat on one of the plush red chairs next to Julia. “Amy must have been excited to finally make it her own.”
Julia’s nerves eased at the calm in her therapist’s voice. Amy’s complete exhilaration, along with a very unexpected squeal when Julia officially handed over the keys, had solidified Julia’s choice. Good timing. “She was ecstatic, to say the least, and since we already hired three new employees together over the past few months together, she has incredible support as I step back.”
Karen raised her ebony brow and gestured toward Julia’s stomach with the teacup she offered. “Cutting it close, I’d say, but I’m glad it all went well.”
Julia ran a palm over her abdomen. “I have to stay busy in some way. Just sitting and waiting for the days to pass until this little one arrives?” She shook her head and took the tea with a smile. “I can’t imagine how slow the hours would go.”
“So you’re still going to work some at the bakery?”
“Yes, but I’ll focus on the guests who stay in the apartments—that’s a more flexible arrangement with a baby around. And occasionally bake, of course.”
Karen’s caramel eyes lit. “That’s right. You have guests now. And congratulations are in order for Eisley, I hear.”
Julia’s smile pinched into her cheeks. Every time she thought about her oldest sister’s fairytale-come-true she couldn’t help but celebrate from the inside out. Eisley’s situation offered a real-life example to hold onto hope, even for Julia’s circumstances. It wasn’t that she doubted God’s ability to turn every situation—even the most horrible ones —into something good, but God didn’t stop there.
He brought the standing ovation…and then some—like a wealthy movie star.
“After all both of them have been through, it’s amazing to see how perfect they are for each other.”
“A good reminder of what happens when God writes the story of our lives, isn’t it?” Karen’s smile flickered wide. “He sees the grand landscape while we’re often stuck on one chapter.”
“Or one sentence.”
Karen nodded, tagging on a chuckle. “True. And sometimes a particularly difficult one.”
“Filled with confusing prepositional phrases and unnecessary adverbs.”
Karen’s chuckle bubbled into a laugh. “And we may keep reading the same rotten sentence to ourselves instead of moving forward to see what happens next.”
Julia paused her lips on her cup, her therapist’s words striking at her reason for scheduling the meeting to begin with. Moving on to the next sentence of her life? Chapter? Was she ready? Could she trust her heart to do that?
A voice within her smoothed over her doubts. You can trust Me.
Her mouth went dry. Bravery seemed so much harder than it used to be. Believing in her own choices felt like a leap in the dark. But God? Before the assault, she’d trusted him almost effortlessly, but after, everything tinged with doubt…or fear.
Her throat closed around the memory. Her vulnerability. Her helplessness. Broken people tended to break others. She’d become one of the broken ones, but God, in his mercy, had begun to heal the shattered pieces of her heart. Was she strong enough to believe in this possibility? In something so sweet and improbable?
“What happens next…” Julia’s soft words faded into the gentle clatter of the spoon against her cup as she swirled her tea.
“Closing on your aunt’s house, I believe.”
Karen’s answer pulled Julia back to the conversation. “Yes, that’s the plan. Then I should have about three weeks left to get ready for the newest addition to the Jenkins family.” Julia took a sip of her hot berry-flavored tea. “Closing is in a week, and Henry and I are going to try to finish some packing tomorrow.”
Karen’s head tilted, brow shifting upward. “Henry? You mentioned him last session, I believe. Wes’s friend, right? A composer?”
Julia nodded and set down her cup, returning her hands to her lap and trying not to divert her gaze too much. The woman had amazing perception—almost superpower-like. “Yes, he’s writing the music for the movie Wes is filming in Summit.”
“I suppose the two of you have music in common, at least.”
Her voice edged with the hidden knowledge Julia had come to expect in Karen’s excellent skillset. “He’s a brilliant musician. He’s mastered at least three instruments, probably more.”
Karen’s gaze peeled back information Julia hadn’t even voiced yet, maybe even thought.
“And you’re comfortable enough with him to have him join you at your aunt’s? Alone?”
Julia released a long sigh, her sagging shoulders mirroring her defeat in fighting the obvious. “I know it’s strange and probably wrong. I’ve only known him a little over two weeks, and he’s from England.”
“Which makes him suspect, of course,” Karen added, deadpan.
“Ha. Ha” Julia placed her cup down and sighed. “But the thing is, he’ll end up going back to England.”
“What makes that so wrong?”
Julia stared at Karen as if she hadn’t quite heard her. “What’s not wrong about it?” She waved at her stomach. “I was attacked eight months ago. I’m having a baby by another man. I’m an American who wants to finish college.”
“So, what’s the conflict? If these things are wrong, then Henry shouldn’t be a problem at all, right?”
“Right?” Julia groaned and ran a hand down her braid. “No.” She pinched her eyes closed and relaxed into the chair. “There’s this connection to him that I…I can’t explain. He’s such a kind person, one of the gentlest men I’ve ever met.” The memory of him and the mouse brought a chuckle out from her hesitation. “And funny. We have these conversations I’ve never had with any other man. Honest and interesting and…sweet.”
“Sounds pretty nice to me.”
“It’s wonderful.” She bit her bottom lip, wincing through narrowed eyes. “And confusing. I mean…I don’t know how to fix it.”
Karen’s head tipped as she examined Julia with those x-ray eyes. “Does it need to be fixed?”
Argh. Therapists and their rhetorical questions. “Of course it does. I’m not supposed to be interested in a romantic relationship right now.”
Karen’s lips twisted into a humored slant. “You’re not?”
Julia’s hands went to her forehead, fingers massaging the skin above her eyebrows until the pulsing beneath stopped. She returned her gaze to her therapist and stiffened her shoulders. “You’re the therapist. You’re supposed to tell me that I’ve survived a trauma and my heart isn’t ready to engage in romance—at least, not for a very long time. And that I’m supposed to focus on this baby and my healing. And that the idea of being romantic with any man should terrify me and have me running in the opposite direction.”
“Sounds like you have my job figured out for me.”
A squeak came from Julia’s open mouth then she rallied. “Aren’t I right?”
Karen placed her tea on the table, folded her hands, and leaned forward, eyes focused on Julia without one hit of concern. “Julia, have we been praying and working on your healing for the past seven months?”
“Yes.”
“Did we ask God to bring into your life a comforting awareness of His love for you?”
“Of course we did, but—”
“And you’ve made such excellent progress that we’re only meeting once or twice a month for support as the time for your delivery approaches, right?”
A giant but hung in the air, waiting to knock down Julia’s well-honed objections. She ground out her reply. “Right.”
“And does feeling this attraction—”
“I didn’t say attraction.”
“Okay.” Karen pressed her lips tight as if holding back a la
ugh. “Does feeling a connection to a man in your life mean you’re not focusing on becoming a mom?”
“No.” At her too-quick answer, Karen raised her eyebrows. Julia sighed. “Does it? Because this sweet baby hasn’t done anything wrong. He deserves a dedicated mama.”
“There’s no reason why you can’t juggle both, if a relationship were to come along. I’ve known you a long time, Julia. You love family, and you have the strength to manage being a parent and”—her brows rose once more along with a crooked grin— “a girlfriend.”
Julia’s throat clogged with all sorts of arguments. Even the word ‘girlfriend’ straightened her spine in objection. “But…but that’s assuming I should even think about those sorts of things. I mean, shouldn’t I wait a few years before even contemplating dating or spending time in a guy’s company just to hear him play his amazing music…or to listen to his beautiful accent?” Julia fisted her hand and pressed her knuckles into her lips, holding in her words until they all but burst out of her. “Conversations with him are…easy, and conversations with men have never been easy for me.”
Karen’s smile loosed. “Okay, I know that in many cases of this kind of trauma, women don’t engage in any romantic relationships for a long time, but that’s not true for every woman. Each situation, each person, must be viewed independently. You are surrounded by an amazing support system. You also have a very good head on your shoulders and a mature strength in your spirit, a solid perspective. And, may I remind you, you believe in a God who can do remarkable things even in the most unexpected ways out of the most horrible circumstances.”
“No pain is wasted.” Repeating the mantra from an earlier therapy session didn’t remove the trauma of her assault, but Julia’s heart calmed in the slightest way with the purpose filtering through them. What Peyton did to her was heinous…but not beyond God’s ability to form the brokenness into a new kind of wholeness. Miracles. Julia grinned down into her tea. “And Sophie reminded me that our nevers are just God’s opportunities for miracles.”
“I like that. There’s no one-size-fits-all to how God will craft the story He’s writing for your life, in your heart.”
Julia breathed in the information. Could it be true? “Are you saying that it’s okay for me to be attracted…to feel a connection to Henry?”
Karen sat back and regained her tea. “I’m saying that if you do, and you feel safe with him then it’s a clear sign God is healing your heart, which is exactly what we’ve been praying for. And don’t forget, God created relationship. It’s one of His favorite things.”
Julia’s breath slowed, her thoughts patching together this new idea. Instead of tossing away the notion as if it were a horrible prospect, she listened to the truth she’d ignored the past few days. Every conversation with Henry, every moment of laughter and gentleness, every encouraging word or thoughtful response. She wanted him to be the right man and this to be the right time.
“Wouldn’t it make sense that God would use love to help heal your heart, as a beautiful example of His ultimate healing of your soul? There is no greater medicine for brokenness than love.”
Could Karen be right? The niggling of doubt that had resided in her stomach for so long lessened slightly. “Do you mean, as impossible as a relationship with him might be, and as unconventional an interest, it’s not wrong?”
“You must seek God’s way in this, but there’s nothing wrong with pursuing a relationship with a godly man who God’s placed in your path.”
Julia sighed back into the chair, her breath pulsing with a sudden sense of…relief? She could care about Henry? Like that?
“But you need to remember something, Julia.” Karen raised an index finger, almost in warning. “If you begin a relationship with him, or any guy, there’s a chance you may experience some anxiety as the intimacy between you grows.”
Julia nodded, an earlier conversation about the topic returning from her memory. “Like a panic attack?”
“Or a bout of unexplained anxiety at the most inconvenient times, I’d imagine—with a touch or a kiss. They could be mild or severe.”
Julia’s hand went to her lips. She hadn’t thought about kisses in a long time.
“But it’s part of the healing process, and the right man will work through those episodes with you as long as you communicate what’s going on. Communication, trust, and patience are the keys.”
“That seems like a lot for Henry to handle along with a pregnant woman.” Julia shook her head, the tiny spiral of hope in her chest deflating with each acknowledgment of the surmounting issues.
“Not for the right man. The right one will see your worth because he has godly vision. He’ll have patience because he cares about you.” Karen took Julia’s hand and squeezed it. “You get to choose, Julia. You can choose to allow the fears from the past to blind you to a present possibility, or you can push through your fears and allow God to use the kindness, friendship, and possible love of a good man to help your heart heal. The right man comes on God’s timetable, not ours.”
Julia stared at Karen, allowing the truth to soak through her trembling heart, to pour over memories stained with wounds. A beautiful peace pierced like a shaft of light into the doubt. The knotted-up fear over her attraction to him, her desire to be with him, began to unwind. She ran her hands down her face, her smile bulging against its borders. She was free to care about Henry. She caught some sound between a sob and a laugh in her palm and offered Karen a helpless shrug. “Would it be ironic if I told you Henry’s last name is Wright?”
Karen nearly spit out her tea with her laugh. She wiped her lips with her napkin and shook her head. “Nope, I’d say that’s God showing off His sense of humor.”
Chapter Sixteen
“Becoming a regular handyman, are we?”
Henry looked up from the half-finished sheet music to see Wes leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom, a cup in hand. “Am I?”
“Nate said you’re going to help him add a storage closet at the bakery on Thursday.”
Henry pressed back in the office desk chair, stretching out his fingers from a solid hour of writing out his composition. “He needed help, and I’m not due to the meeting with the Appalachian musicians until that afternoon. Besides, who knows how useful the knowledge may be for me in the future.”
Wes raised his drink to his lips, eyes almost twinkling. For an actor, he concealed very little in his expressions in private. “Why the sudden interest in becoming a handyman?”
Henry returned his attention to his music, ignoring the nudge of curiosity in Wes’s implication. “I’m always interested in learning, and I feel certain Nate’s skills will benefit me as I purchase my own home.”
“Mm-hmm. And I have a feeling a certain lovely blonde may have…um…encouraged this educational endeavor.”
Henry spun around in his chair, his palms out in surrender. “The idea of being with her is implausible. Two different worlds. Her wounded past. My….my fumbling about and rather dismal track record with women.” He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair, his growing interest steamrolling over every doubt. “But she’s so kind and smart and talented. I’ve never connected with any woman the way I have with her. I never believed in love at first sight or a perfect match before, but now?” He leaned forward, braiding his fingers and staring up at his friend. “I…I think I could be of some good to her heart, and I feel certain she could be good for mine.”
“I like your plan.” Wes slid from the doorway and took a seat across from Henry. “Pursuit is certainly a new strategy for you— Usually the women are chasing you down.”
Henry’s shoulders bent beneath the weight of his foolishness. “Or managing to mislead me into relationships of the worst sort.”
“You’ve learned a great deal over the past four years, Henry. As I recall, a very good friend of mine told me something when I believed my past choices irrevocably destroyed my future.”
Henry’s brow rose.
�
��Don’t allow your past to steal something God has clearly brought into your present.”
A chuckle released as the compassion in his friend’s words washed over Henry’s internal self-flailing. “I said something that profound?”
“You did. You may speak more easily through music, but when pressed, your words are well intact.” Wes gave Henry a measured look while he sipped from his cup. “Seeing you and Julia together…Henry, I don’t think I could have ever matched you so well, and Julia isn’t the tricky sort.” He smirked. “Well, no more so than the natural mystery of every woman.”
“A daunting task for us blokes.”
“Without a doubt.”
They stared at each other, the comradery and care from years of friendship confirming Henry’s tremulous desire to overcome his history of poor choices. To discover the same belonging Wes had found within Eisley. Somehow, like the perfect placement of chords for the right music—and despite how outlandish it seemed—he knew he belonged with Julia Jenkins.
“Slow down there, mate. I can already see your mind working on happily ever after.”
Henry closed his eyes. Was there any way to keep Wes from prying into his thoughts? Probably not with the years of practice he’d had attempting to pull thoughts from Henry.
“You’ve always been an ‘all-in’ sort of person, which I value about you, but her past is a painful one, and neither of you is the bold sort. Patience is what’s needed, I think.”
Henry shot him a mock glare. “This from the man who got engaged after knowing his girlfriend for”—Henry counted out loud the months on his fingers— “three months, is it?”
Wes stood, his sheepish expression in full bloom. “Do as I say and not as I do?”
“Very funny, old friend.”
“Fine. When you know it’s the right choice, why wait? But Julia’s different from Eisley.”
The gravity of her situation stilled Henry’s smile. “I know.”
Wes paused at the door. “I have an idea. Would you and Julia care to join Eisley and me for lunch on Friday? Eisley’s taken the day off, and as soon as the kids get out of school, we’re leaving for a weekend trip together to celebrate our engagement, since it’s the last chance we’ll have before filming takes a more intense turn. It may be nice to spend time together. To visit. Encourage Julia along, you know?”
When You Look at Me (A Pleasant Gap Romance Book 2) Page 15