by L. Mühlbach
DIPLOMATIC QUARRELS
In the palace of the French ambassador at Rome, Cardinal Bernis, therewas an unusually busy movement to-day. From the kitchen-boys to themajor-domo, all were in a most lively motion, in the most passionateactivity. For this morning, while taking his chocolate, the cardinal hadsent for his major-domo, and, quite contrary to the usual jovialityof his manner, had very seriously and solemnly said to him: "SignorBrunelli, I to-day intrust you with a very important and responsibleduty, that of making as splendid as possible the grand festival we arethree days hence to give in honor of the Archduke Ferdinand. No painsmust be spared, nothing must be wanting; the most luxurious richness,the most tasteful decoration, the most extravagant splendor must beexhibited. For this entertainment must excite the attention not only ofRome, but of all Europe; it must become the subject of conversation atall the courts, and, above all, it must cause the despair of all presentambassadorial housekeeping. I have very important diplomatic reasonsfor this. All Europe shall see how devoted France is to the empire ofAustria, and what a good understanding subsists between the two courts.Therefore, Signor Brunelli, strain your inventive head, that it may onthis occasion hit upon whatever is most distinguished and pre-eminent,for this must be an entertainment never before equalled. That is whatI expect, what I demand of you; and if you satisfy my demands, it willgive me pleasure to reward your zeal by a present of a hundred ducats."
Thus with solemn dignity spoke the cardinal, while sipping hischocolate; and Signor Brunelli had pledged himself by a solemn oathpunctually to fulfil his master's commands, and to astonish Rome withan entertainment such as had never been recorded in the annals ofdiplomatic history.
With a proud step had Brunelli gone to his own private cabinet,where, having shut himself up, he had devoted several hours to seriousmeditation upon the deep plans presenting themselves to his mind. ButSignor Brunelli had, in fact, a very experienced and inventive head, andthe cardinal acted wisely in confiding in his major-domo and leaving tohim the ordering of the entertainment.
He had now, with the sharp glance of a military commander, arranged hisplan of battle, and felt perfectly sure of victory. He therefore rangfor a servant, and commanded the attendance of the chief cook in thecabinet of the major-domo. Then with a gentlemanlike listlessness hethrew himself upon the divan and began to sip his coffee with the exactdignified deportment that had been displayed by his excellency thecardinal.
"Signor Gianettino," said he, to the entering cook, "I propose honoringyou to-day with a very important and significant affair. I wish, on theday after to-morrow, to prepare an entertainment which in splendor andmagnificence shall surpass anything hitherto seen. You know that themajor-domos of the other diplomatists have become my irreconcilableenemies through envy; they cannot forgive me for having more inventivefaculties and better taste than any of them! We must bring thesemajor-domos to despair, and with a gnashing of teeth they shallacknowledge that in all things I am their master. You, however, mustaid me in this great work; in your hands, Signor Gianettino, lies aconsiderable part of my triumph and my laurels. For what does it helpme, if the arrangements and decorations, if the whole establishment,are excellent, should there be a failure in the highest and most sublimepart of the entertainment--in the food. The food, my dear sir, and awell-ordered table, is the gist of a festival, and should there be theleast failure in that, the whole is profaned and desecrated, and mustbe covered with a mourning-veil. Take my words to heart, signor; letus have a table covered with food the mere odor of which shall set ourfirst gourmets in ecstatic astonishment, while its judicious arrangementwill give pleasure to the poetic mind! This is what I expect of you, andif you succeed in satisfying my requirements, I am ready to reward yourexertions with fifty bottles of our best French wines."
Signor Gianettino returned his thanks with a pleasant, thoughtful smile,and with a majestic step repaired to his boudoir, where he was seen fora long time, walking back and forth in deep thought and with a wrinkledbrow. Then, stepping to his writing-table, he sketched the plan of thisinordinately great dinner, at first slowly and thoughtfully, and thenwith constantly more and more fire and enthusiasm, carried away by thegreatness of the occasion, and animated by the importance of his missionand his calling.
Then, throwing aside the pen, and exhausted by so great an effort,he gently glided down upon the divan, at the same time ringing for aservant whom he directed to bring his breakfast and afterward to summonall the cooks and scullions to his cabinet. He then stretched himselfwith eminent grace upon the divan, as he had seen the major-domo do;with a serious thoughtfulness he sipped the glass of Malvoisie theservant had brought him, with sundry _pates_ and rare _entremets_.
And they came, the cooks and scullions, they came in their whitejackets, with their white aprons and snow-white caps; they came insolemn silence, fully impressed with the importance of the moment.
"Signors," said the chief cook, "it is on a beautiful and sublime affairthat I have assembled you here to-day. It concerns an increase of thefame and triumphs we have so many times gained over our diplomaticrivals, and an increase of the laurels we have won in the sacred realmsof our art! I propose to prepare a banquet for to-morrow, and for that Irequire your support and aid, gentlemen. For what is the use of everso good a plan of battle of a commander-in-chief, if his troops fail incourage and skill to carry out the plan of their general? Gentlemen, Idoubt not your courage or skill! You will contend for the sake of thefame we have acquired and hitherto enjoyed without dispute, for the sakeof the fame which the French _cuisine_ has enjoyed for centuries, andwhich must be preserved until the end of all things! You will standby me, gentlemen, in the praiseworthy effort to acquire new glory forFrance, by showing these little Austrian princes and these gentlemendiplomatists what wonderful things the French art of cookery can bringto pass. The plan is devised and sketched, and all that is now requiredis its execution. If this great work succeeds, then, gentlemen, you mayfeel assured of my eternal gratitude--a gratitude which I will prove toyou by leaving all the remains of the dinner to your free use and solebenefit! Here is the plan, hasten to the work; I have assigned to eachone the part he is to take in its accomplishment. Hasten, therefore! I,however, by way of exception, will myself go to the market to-day andmake the necessary purchases. On such an important occasion, no one,however highly placed, must decline labor and the faithful performanceof duty. I go, therefore, and six of the kitchen-boys may follow me withtheir baskets."
Thus speaking, the chief cook, Signor Gianettino, took his hat andgold-headed cane to go to the market. Six kitchen-boys, armed with largebaskets, followed him at a respectful distance.
At the great vegetable and fish-market of Rome there was to-day a veryunusual and extraordinary life and movement. There was a crowd andtumult, a roaring and screaming, a shouting and laughing, such as hadnot been heard for a long time. It was partly in consequence of the factthat the whole diplomatic corps had been for some days agitated withpreparations for entertainments in honor of the Archduke Ferdinand,who had come to Rome to see the wonders of the holy city, and who couldhardly find time and leisure for the festivities offered him. But forthe tradesmen and dealers, for the country people in the vicinity ofRome, this presence of the Austrian prince was a happy circumstance; forthese banquets and festivals scattered money among the people, and thedealers and honest country people could fearlessly raise their prices,as they were sure of a sale for their commodities. The cooks andservants of the diplomatists and cardinals were seen running hither andthither in busy haste, everywhere selecting the best, everywhere buyingand cheapening.
But in one place in the market there was to-day an especial livelinessand activity among the crowd, and to that spot Signor Gianettino benthis steps. He had seen the cook of the Spanish ambassador, the Duke ofGrimaldi, among those collected there, and as this cook was one of hisbitterest enemies and opponents, Signor Gianettino resolved to watchhim, and, if possible, to play him a trick. He therefore cautiouslymingled wit
h the crowd, and made a sign to his followers to keep at adistance from him.
It was certainly a very important affair with which the Spanish cookDon Bempo was occupied, as it concerned the purchase of a fish that acountryman had brought to the city, of such a monstrous size and weightthat the like had never been seen there. It was the most remarkablespecimen with which the Roman fish-market had ever been honored. But thelucky fisherman was fully aware of the extraordinary beauty of his fish,and in his arrogant pride demanded twenty ducats for it.
That was what troubled Don Bempo. Twenty ducats for one single fish,and the major-domo of the Spanish ambassador had urged upon him the moststringent economy; but he had, indeed, at the same time urged upon himto provide everything as splendid as possible for the banquet which theDuke of Grimaldi was to give in honor of the Archduke Ferdinand; indeed,he had with an anxious sigh commanded him to outdo if possible the nextday's feast of Cardinal Bernis, and to provide yet rarer and more costlyviands than the French cook.
That was what Don Bempo was now considering, and what made him waver inhis first determination not to buy the fish.
There was only this one gigantic fish in the market; and, if he boughtit, Signor Gianettino, his enemy, of course, could not possess it; thetriumph of the day would then inure to the Spanish embassy, and DonBempo would come off conqueror. That was indeed a very desirable object,but--twenty ducats was still an enormous price, and was not at allreconcilable with the recommended economy.
At any rate he dared not buy the fish without first consulting themajor-domo of the duke.
"You will not, then, sell this fish for twelve ducats?" asked Don Bempo,just as Gianettino had unnoticedly approached. "Reflect, man, twelveducats are a fortune--it is a princely payment!"
The fisherman contemptuously shook his head. "Rather than sell it fortwelve ducats I would eat it myself," said he, "and invite my friends,these good Romans, as guests! Go, go, sublime Spanish Don, and buygudgeons for your pair of miserable ducats! Such a fish as this is toodear for you; you Spanish gentlemen should buy gudgeons!"
"Bravo! bravo!" cried the laughing spectators. "Gudgeons for the Spanishgentlemen with high-nosed faces and empty pockets!"
Don Bempo blushed with anger and wounded pride. "I shall unquestionablybuy this fish," said he, "for nothing is too dear for my master when thehonor of our nation is to be upheld. But you must allow me time to gohome and get the money from the major-domo. Keep the fish, therefore, solong, and I will return with the twenty ducats for it."
And majestically Don Bempo made himself a path through the crowd, whichlaughingly stepped aside for him, shouting: "Gudgeons for the Spanishgentleman! _Viva_ Don Bempo, who pays twenty ducats for a fish!"
"He will certainly not come back," said the fisherman, shaking his head.
"He goes to buy gudgeons!" cried another.
"What will you bet that he returns to buy the fish?" said a third.
"He will not buy it!" interposed a fourth. "These Spaniards have nomoney; they are poor devils!"
"Who dares say that?" shrieked another, and now suddenly followed one ofthose quarrels which are so quickly excited on the least occasion amongthe passionate people of the south. There was much rage, abuse, andnoise. How flashed the eyes, how shook the fists, what threats resoundedthere!
"Peace, my dear friends, be quiet, I tell you!" cried the fisherman,with his stentorian voice. "See, there comes a new purchaser for myfish. Be quiet, and let us see how much France is disposed to offer us."
The disturbance subsided as suddenly as it had arisen, and all pressednearer; all directed interrogating, curious, expectant glances at SignorGianettino, who just at that moment approached with a proud and gravestep, followed by the solemn train of six scullions with their baskets.
No one had before remarked him in the crowd, for they had been all eyesand ears for Don Bempo, and hence every one supposed that he had onlyjust then arrived.
The shrewd chief cook also assumed the appearance of having onlyaccidentally passed that way without the intention of buying any thing.
But he suddenly stopped before the great fish as if astonished at itsenormous size, and seemed to view it with admiration and delight.
"What a rare and splendid animal is this!" he finally exclaimed withanimation. "Really, one must come to Rome to see such a wonder!"
"That is understood!" exultingly cried the bystanders, who had areverence for the fishes of Rome.
"This is no niggard! _He_ will not be so mean as to offer twelve ducatsfor such a miracle as this!"
"Twelve ducats!" cried Gianettino, folding his hands. "How can you thinkme so pitiful as to offer such a miserable sum for so noble a fish. No,truly, he must have a bold forehead who would offer so little money forthis splendid animal!"
"Hear him! hear!" cried the people. "This is a learned man. He knowssomething of the value of rarities!"
"_Viva!_ Long life to the French cook, _il grande ministre dellacucina!_"
Gianettino bowed politely in response to the compliment, and thencivilly asked the price of the fish.
The fisherman stood there with an expression of regretful sadness uponhis face. "I fear it will be of little use to name the price!" said he,"the fish is as good as sold!"
"Nevertheless, name the price!"
"Twenty ducats!"
"Twenty ducats!" exclaimed Gianettino, with an expression of theliveliest astonishment. "You jest, my friend! How can such a splendidanimal be possibly sold for twenty ducats?"
"Here! hear!" shouted the crowd. "He finds the price too low!"
"He is a real gentleman!"
"He will not buy gudgeons like the Spaniard!"
"In earnest, friend, tell me the price of this fish!" said Gianettino.
"I have demanded twenty ducats for it," sadly responded the fisherman,"and it is sold for that sum."
"Impossible! In that case it would not be lying here!" repliedGianettino. "Or had the man paid you the money, and now gone for a cartfor the conveyance of the giant?"
"I have not yet been paid."
"The purchaser, then, has given you earnest money?"
"No, not even that. I have yet received nothing upon it."
"And you can pretend that you have sold this fish," cried Gianettino,"and that, too, for the ridiculously small sum of twenty ducats! Ah,you are a joker, my good man; you wish to excite in me a desire for thisrare specimen, and therefore you say it is sold. But how can a fish thatyet lies exposed for sale, and for which no one had made you a suitableoffer, be already sold?"
And gravely approaching the giant of the waters, Gianettino laid hishand upon his head and solemnly said: "The fish is mine. I purchase it;you demand twenty ducats! But I shall give you what you ought to have,and what the creature is worth! I shall pay you six-and-thirty ducatsfor him!"
The crowd, which had maintained an anxious and breathless silence duringthis negotiation, now broke out with a loud and exulting shout.
"That is a real nobleman!"
"_Evviva il ministro della cucina! Il grande Gianettino!_"
"That is no parsimonious Spaniard! He is a French cavalier. He will buyno gudgeons, but will have the right Roman fish."
"Gentlemen," said Gianettino, modestly casting down his eyes, "I do notunderstand your praises, and it seems to me I only deal like a man ofhonor, as every one of you would do! This honest man taxes his wares toolow; I give him what they are worth! That is all. If I acted otherwise Ishould not long remain in the service of the lofty and generous CardinalBernis! Justice and generosity, that is the first command of hisexcellency!"
"_Evviva_ the French ambassador!"
"Praise and honor to Cardinal Bernis!"
And while the people were thus shouting, Gianettino from his well-filledpurse paid down the six-and-thirty ducats upon the fisherman's board. Hethen commanded his six attendant scullions to bear off the fish.
It was, indeed, a heavy work to place the enormous animal upon theirbaskets, but the active Roman
s cheerfully lent a hand, and when they hadsucceeded in the difficult task, and the six youngsters bent under theirheavy load, Signor Gianettino gravely put himself at the head of thetrain, and proudly gave the order: "Forward to the kitchen of hisexcellency Cardinal Bernis!"
At this moment a man was seen making his way through the crowd;thrusting right and left with his elbows, he incessantly pushed on, and,just as Signor Gianettino had fairly got his troop in motion, the man,who was no other than Don Bempo, succeeded in reaching the fisherman'stable.
"Here, I bring you the twenty ducats," he proudly called out. "They willno longer say that the Spaniards buy gudgeons. The fish is mine! Thereare your twenty ducats!"
And, with a supercilious air, Don Bempo threw the money upon the table.
But just as proudly did the fisherman push back the money. "The fish issold!" said he.
"Forward, march!" repeated Signor Gianettino his word of command."Forward to the kitchen of his excellency Cardinal Bernis!"
And with solemn dignity the train began to move.
Don Bempo with a cry of rage rushed upon the fish.
"This fish is mine," he wildly cried, "I was the first to offer itsprice, I offered twenty ducats, and only went home to get the money!"
"And I," exclaimed Signor Gianettino, "I offered thirty-six ducats, andimmediately paid the cash, as I always have money by me."
"It is Signor Gianettino, the cook of the French ambassador, and I amruined!" groaned Don Bempo, staggering back.
"Yes, it is the cook of his excellency the cardinal!" cried the crowd.
"And the cardinal is an honorable man!"
"He is no Spanish niggard!"
"He does not haggle for a giant fish; he pays more than is demanded!"
"I hope," said Signor Gianettino to Don Bempo, who still convulsivelygrasped the fish, "that you will now take your hands from my propertyand leave me to go my way without further hindrance. It is not noble tolay hands on the goods of another, Don Bempo, and this fish is mine!"
"But this is contrary to all international law!" exclaimed the enragedDon Bempo. "You forget, signor, that you insult my master, that youinsult Spain, by withholding from me by main force what I have purchasedin the name of Spain."
"France will never stand second to Spain!" proudly respondedGianettino, "and where Spain _offers_ twenty ducats, France _pays_six-and-thirty!--Forward, my youngsters! To the kitchen of the Frenchambassador!"
And urgently pushing back Don Bempo, Gianettino solemnly marched throughthe crowd with his retinue, the people readily making a path for him andcheering him as he went.
It was a brilliant triumph in the person of the chief cook of theirambassador, which the French celebrated to-day; it was a shameful defeatwhich Spain suffered to-day in the person of her ambassador's chiefcook.
Proud and happy marched Signor Gianettino through the streets,accompanied by his gigantic fish, and followed by the shouts of a Romanmob.
Humiliated, with eyes cast down, with rage in his heart sneaked DonBempo toward the Spanish ambassador's hotel, and long heard behind himthe whistling, laughter, and catcalls of the Roman people.