by Kaye, Laura
“How so?”
Sighing, Dani really thought about what she meant. “There’s just a lot more to him than I realized.”
And that was a problem, because Dani liked a lot of what she’d learned about the man—his playfulness, his passions, the little quirky things they had in common, like loving tomato soup and grilled cheese, or thinking cheddar and caramel popcorn tasted great together. And they had more important things in common than she’d ever known, too. In addition to being prior military, working in fields that both focused on helping people in moments of crisis, belonging to WFC, and sharing a lot of friends, Dani had been surprised to learn that her sense of humor was so similar to his. And she’d been amazed to find that she enjoyed superhero stories as much as he did, a new interest that was heightened by remembering Sean talking about how those stories had helped him through his childhood. The way he talked, he didn’t have much family, and neither did she. And he liked to read, which she did, too. They even enjoyed some of the same books.
It seemed like with every new thing she learned about the man, she found something else that appealed to her. But she just didn’t know if she wanted anyone appealing to her, damnit. Being alone got lonely, sure, but being together raised the specter of getting left behind again. Of having the person she cared about getting unexpectedly ripped away. And she just wasn’t sure how much more of that she could take.
“If that’s true, then why not see where it goes? What are the cons?”
Dani turned and faced her friend. On an exhale that left her feeling ancient, she let the words fly. “July third is the anniversary of my husband’s death. You’d think since it’s been six years, it wouldn’t screw me up so much anymore, but honestly, it does. And it is.” She managed a small smile when Tara grasped her hand. “So I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship, with anyone. And it’s really freaking hard to figure out what I feel right now when my emotions are so all over the place.”
“Aw, Dani, I’m sorry. I would have to think it’s totally normal for an anniversary to hit you hard like that. I mean, it’s not at all the same thing, but the anniversary of my accident always makes me unsettled. Even though I see this everyday—” She fingered the long, marked scar that curved around one whole side of her neck. “—I feel the weight of it even more right before the anniversary. It’s almost like a feeling of dread. As if, just because something bad happened on that date before, it’s going to happen again. It’s terrible and frustrating, because just when I think I’m really over it, here comes a reminder to set off my anxiety all over again.”
“That’s…exactly how it feels,” Dani said. Unshed tears stung the backs of her eyes at finding someone who understood her so well.
“Well, look, you’ve known Sean a lot longer than I have, but the guy is one of the most laid-back people I know. So maybe you guys just keep it casual until you feel like you’re in a better place.”
Casual. Right. What were they if not casual? They’d made no promises. They had no expectations of one another. They were the same frenemies they’d always been. Something about that conclusion niggled inside Dani, but she just nodded and embraced the fact that she felt better for having let a little of these emotions out. “Thank you. Really.”
Tara hugged her, and Dani let herself be pulled into it. “Also, I hear that hot sex with orgasm-giving gods is really good for stress relief.”
Dani smiled. “Did Jesse tell you that?”
Tara burst out laughing. “I’m sure he has, but he also isn’t wrong. Orgasm-giving gods are something we have in common, that’s all I’m saying…”
Unsure how to reply to Tara’s assertion, Dani just smirked and shook her head.
“Come on, let’s get cleaned up,” Tara said, grabbing her things for the shower. “Food will help, too. And if you need to talk or want company or need a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, you know you can call me at any hour, day or night. Okay? I’ll be there.”
“Okay,” Dani said, following Tara to the stalls at the back of the locker room. “For the record, I like chocolate chip cookie dough and mint chocolate chip. Pretty much anything with chocolate chips.”
“Duly noted,” Tara said, grinning at her.
In the shower, Dani leaned her head back into the hot water and let it stream down her hair and over her body. She imagined letting the stress and worry and fear wash away, a visualization technique she’d learned years ago in grief counseling. For all the good it had done her. What Dani wouldn’t have given for her granny to be here now so Dani could talk and cry it out before Granny kicked her butt into shape with some no-nonsense wisdom.
Both of her grandmothers had been wonderful women in their own ways, but Nana, her father’s mother, had been gutted by the loss of Dani’s dad and couldn’t talk about him without getting upset, so Dani stopped bringing him up to her; whereas Granny always confronted things head on and would let Dani talk about her mom and dad as much as she needed—all while making sure Dani didn’t wallow in her grief for them. Dani supposed Tara had just done something like that for her, and it made her appreciate their deepening friendship even more.
By the time she was getting dressed and joining up with the rest of the WFC gang, Dani felt more like her usual self. “Hey, where are we going? I have to text Sean.”
Exclamations went up around the group—everyone glad to hear he was joining them. Dani smiled at that and hoped he knew how much he was being missed around here.
Including by her. She could admit that much.
Finally, the group decided on a restaurant, a fantastic Mexican place just a few blocks away and, as they left the gym, she shot off the information to Sean.
His response came almost immediately, like he’d been waiting for her to text.
Did someone say chimichangas?
Completely confused, Dani pecked out, Uh, I’m sure you can order them?
And then it dawned on her. He was quoting ‘Deadpool’. Because of course he was. But before she could write another reply, he sent a gif of Deadpool gasping in surprise.
Dani chuckled and sent a new reply: I figured it out. Now, get your ass to the Cantina, Mr. Pool
Next, Sean sent an image. Of Deadpool, facing away but peering over his shoulder coquettishly, a finger to his mouth, his hand on his ass. The caption read:
BAD ASS.
SMART ASS.
GREAT ASS.
Laughing out loud at that, Dani found a ‘Deadpool’ gif of her own. A close up of Deadpool’s face with the caption: Oh, I’m touching myself tonight.
After she hit Send, she put her phone away. And found it hard not to grin the whole way to dinner.
Chapter Twelve
By the time Sean arrived at the restaurant, everyone was already seated around a big table of nine with overflowing baskets of chips. The only open seat was on the far side right next to Dani, who was looking hot as usual tonight in a simple fitted dark gray T-shirt, her black hair laying all together over one shoulder and exposing a black ribbon choker she wore around her neck. She was mid-conversation with Tara when she saw him. Even as she finished her sentence, she smiled at him and he just knew—that empty seat by her wasn’t a coincidence.
She’d saved it for him.
Now whether she did so to be near him or, you know, so she could possibly stab him with her fork was anybody’s call.
Still, as everyone said hello and rose to shake his hand or hug him, anticipation and satisfaction flowed through Sean’s veins.
“Hey, B, you made it,” Sean said to Billy.
Billy rose and clasped his hand. “Yeah. Hey, man. Good to see you. Damn, you’re looking so much better.”
“Why does that sound like a backhanded compliment?” Sean quipped, accepting Shayna’s hug when she opened her arms to him. “Hey, Shay.”
Her smile was pure affection and, man, did he eat it up. “Hey, big guy.”
Chuckling, Billy shook his head. “No, no, you know, it’s just that the last time I saw y
ou a plate kicked your ass and now you totally look like you could take that plate down.”
“Damn plates,” Sean groused, smiling despite himself. Defeated first by a tomato soup can and then by a plate. He was not living his best life right now, that was for damn sure. “How was the game with Dante?” he asked, shifting the attention away from himself. Though that wasn’t the only reason he asked. He was genuinely curious. He wasn’t telling anyone yet, but one of the ways he’d dealt with his restlessness this week was by putting in an application to be a Big Brother—and yesterday afternoon he’d received an email inviting him to schedule a series of interviews. Unexpectedly, they’d had availability last night to do the first—a screening session by phone. There was nothing that got you out of your own head like helping other people—which he knew firsthand and was one of the reasons why he took on all those overtime shifts. By the time he’d finished that call and scheduled the second interview, he’d been genuinely surprised by how much better he felt. Not fantastic, but also not hanging on by a thread, either.
“We had a great time,” Billy said, grinning. “I’d forgotten how much a boy can eat at the age of twelve.” He put his hand on his stomach. “My thirty-three-year-old gut doesn’t love that I tried to keep up. It was cool though. It was the first time Dante had ever been to a professional sporting event. He was so psyched.”
“That’s awesome, man,” Sean said, trying to resist the hope rising inside himself that he’d get his own Little. He could already tell he was going to be disappointed if they didn’t approve him. Why the shit had he done this again?
Man up, Riddick. Fine.
It took Sean about five minutes to make it the rest of the way around the table, but he wasn’t complaining about any of it because he had to admit that he appreciated the pick-me-up of his friends’ enthusiasm.
“Miss me?” Sean said to Dani as he finally settled into his seat.
One brow arched, she whacked his arm as she passed him a menu. “Mildly,” she said with a disinterested sigh.
He grinned and leaned in close, close enough that his lips were at her ear. And damn she smelled good—like something warm and floral that made his mouth water. “Sure it wasn’t more than that, D? ‘Cuz I think it was more than that.” He didn’t think he imagined the slight shiver that ran down her neck, and that also left him feeling pretty fucking satisfied as he sat back in his chair and flipped open his menu.
“You’re irritating,” she said as she sipped at a margarita.
Sean chuckled. Once, her little barbs would’ve had him biting back irritation. But since Dani had spent the day sending him ridiculous ‘Deadpool’-inspired texts, he knew this was just part of the game. And maybe it was more than that, too. Because her texts had been a big part of what allowed him to drag himself out of the suck after the day before had kicked his ass and left his body restless and his sleep fitful. The ass-kicking hadn’t been physical, of course. In fact, his chest was feeling better even though it still looked like hell, and the ache from the cut near his eye had dulled into nothing more than a nagging annoyance. No, the ass-kicking had been all inside his mind where he had no fucking defense.
The waiter arrived and began taking orders, temporarily halting conversations all around the table. Sean got busy figuring out what he wanted to put in his pie hole. But the words printed on the laminated page sorta faded away as his mind drifted.
It’d surprised Sean how much missing out on working that fire with the rest of the guys had left him feeling like shit, like he was letting them down. From there, it apparently hadn’t been a big jump for his brain to make to the nightmare.
The first time he’d jolted awake, he hadn’t known why. Sitting upright in bed, all he knew was the terror surging through him. Warily, he’d fallen back to sleep, and then came the one he’d had many times before—the one based on the real-life horror he’d caused.
It started the way it always did—with an explosion.
Out of nowhere, a chip sailed over his menu and hit him in the face.
“What the shit?” he said, flinching. Jud’s laughter marked him as the culprit. Sean flipped him off even as his ears tuned back into his surroundings, making him realize that someone had been saying his name. A frowning Dani tapped his arm, which was when he saw the waiter standing behind him ready to take his order. “Oh, hell, sorry. The steak fajitas and a Coke, please.”
“What happened to the chimichangas?” Dani asked when he was done ordering.
Shoving away the thoughts that had gotten him all tangled inside his head—again, damnit all to hell—he found himself seriously appreciating the topic change, especially when Dani’s frown made it clear she knew something was up. “It rocks that you understand my ‘Deadpool’ references now.” Those references, her texts all day, her saving a seat for him—as if Dani hadn’t already appealed to him…
She shrugged. “I suppose it is mildly amusing.”
Sean did a double take and then gave her a cut-the-bullshit look. “You take that back right now, woman. You might feel mildly towards me, but I heard you laughing. Maybe you forget that I was there. Ain’t no fucking way you feel mildly about ‘Deadpool’ so go sell that bridge somewhere else.”
The side of her mouth quirked. Just a little. And Sean knew he had her.
“You seem very serious about your appreciation for ‘Deadpool’,” Tara said from across the table.
He arched a single eyebrow. “Have you seen it?” When she shook her head, that began a rowdy conversation that lasted through much of the meal and covered everything from movies to comics to books. But not fighting, not work, not Sean’s fuckin’ injuries. Thank you very much.
That was until Mo said, “So, I’ve got an announcement to make.” When the table quieted down and the big guy had everyone’s attention, he continued. “Billy and I are going into business together.”
Sitting across the table from each other, the two men were both grinning as Mo spilled the beans that Sean had been privy to a few days earlier.
“We’re calling it the Griffin Security Consulting Group. Personal security, security consulting, private investigation, that sorta thing. With a priority on hiring vets.”
Exclamations rose up all around. “No shit,” Noah said, smiling and clapping Billy on the back. He reached across the table and shook hands with Mo. “Congratulations.”
“Wow,” Dani said, sitting between Sean and Mo. She twisted in her seat to give Mo a hug. “I’m so happy for you. I know you’ve been wanting to find a new mission and now you have.”
“Amen to that,” Mo said in his deep voice.
Sean raised his glass. “To Mo and Billy kicking ass and taking names!”
“Here, here!” everyone said, following suit.
Raucous conversation followed until, finally, Jesse rose and said, “Hey everyone, I have an announcement, too.” When the table quieted down, he smiled down at Tara. “Actually, we have an announcement.”
The look Tara gave Jesse nearly sucker punched Sean, because in his entire sorry life, no one had ever looked at him with that kind of utter soul-deep, unconditional love. And had Sean ever seen more peace and contentment on that guy’s face? He’d only known Jesse for about six months, but he didn’t think so.
Jesse urged Tara to stand up next to him. “I asked Tara to marry me, and she said yes.”
Tara held up her hand and showed off her ring. “We’re getting married!”
“Holy shit!” Jud said, standing up next to Jesse to shake his hand. They exchanged a one-armed hug. “Huge fucking congrats.” Next, Jud went around to sweep Tara into his arms. “Happy for you, Tara.”
When Dani rose beside him, Sean blinked out of his thoughts. He followed her and joined just about everyone else who’d gotten up to shake hands and give hugs. Waiting to get up closer to Jesse and Tara, Sean noticed for the first time that Dani was wearing a short black denim skirt and a pair of black Converse, and his hands fucking ached with the desire to touch a
ll that gorgeous exposed skin. Finally, he made it to Tara. “Congratulations, T. You deserve this.”
She beamed up at him. “Thanks, Sean.”
He switched places with Dani and shook hands with Jesse next. “New job. Getting married. Damn, Jesse. You’re killing it, man.”
Jesse laughed as he returned the shake. “Somehow I got really fucking lucky, is all.”
Sean turned to make room for Dani to get to Tara and just caught Dani’s expression—for a split second, she looked utterly wrecked. And then she smiled and hugged Tara tight.
“Wow, I’m so happy for you guys. Now how long have you two been keeping this from us?” Dani teased Tara.
Tara gave a coy grin. “I know. I’m sorry. We were going to share after WFC last week, but then the accident happened.”
“Fine,” Dani said teasingly, then gestured at Tara’s hand. “Let me see this gorgeousness.”
Tara held out the hand with the diamond. “Isn’t it amazing?”
Dani grinned. “So amazing. You obviously have great taste, Jesse. In rings and women.”
The man nodded and pulled Tara in against him. “All I know is there’s no one else for me.”
Sean felt like a total observer as this conversation unfolded. Normally, he would’ve rushed in to apologize that his unluckiness had interrupted the sharing of their happy moment, but he was still laser focused on what Dani’s expression had meant. Especially when she held up her cell phone and said, “Oh, shit. I’m sorry. Hospital.”
Except…from where he stood behind her, Sean saw that the screen remained blank. She hadn’t received any calls or texts. He watched as she quickly threaded her way through the restaurant toward the bathrooms, his gut suddenly in knots for worrying about what was going on with her.
Not that it was his place, but fuck. He couldn’t help it.
When the waiter dropped off their checks, Dani still hadn’t returned, so he paid for both of theirs. Noah and Kristina reminded everyone of the details of next weekend’s July 4th festivities, and then everyone was saying their good-byes. Afterwards, Sean went back to the bathrooms. Not sure what else to do, he knocked on the women’s room door. “Dani?”