by Lynn Hagen
Gavril walked down the streets of Maple Grove, forcing himself to stay away from the clinic. It had been a week since he’d seen his mate, which was no time at all considering how old Gavril was, but for him, those seven days felt like they’d lasted eons.
No matter where Gavril walked, his feet were constantly trying to point him toward Ari. He missed the human in ways he’d never thought possible. Gavril had never craved anyone like this before. Hell, he’d never craved anyone, and that feeling left a gaping hole in his chest.
Gavril didn’t bother looking around when he felt a presence beside him. He kept walking with no destination in mind. His only goal was to stay away from Ari.
“It’s not polite to follow someone without showing yourself,” he said.
Panahasi appeared next to him. Gavril stopped walking and looked around. There were people on the street, but no one seemed to notice the sudden appearance of a man who was even taller than Gavril.
“That’s rich coming from someone who spies on people all the time.”
“What do you want?” Gavril snarled as he started walking again, Panahasi easily keeping pace. He knew exactly what the demon leader was. Life. One of the first creations when the universe was formed. Panahasi was even older than angels, and more powerful.
“Can’t an old friend just check up on you?”
Gavril snorted. “Friend?”
Where had Panahasi been when Gavril was being tortured because he cared about humans? “I don’t recall you sharing a prison cell with me, friend.”
Gavril found himself in front of the diner. Panahasi opened the door and waited. With a grunt, Gavril walked inside and took a seat at a back booth. The demon leader sat across from him, though he looked a bit cramped.
When Moose approached their table, Panahasi ordered a cup of hot tea. Gavril shook his head, telling the waiter he didn’t want anything.
“Are you sure you don’t want some stew or hot chocolate?”
“You spying on me, Panahasi?”
“Pot calling the kettle black?” Panahasi smiled. “And no, I wasn’t spying on you. I just know these things.”
Gavril sat forward and rested his arms on the worn table. “Just get to whatever reason you’re harassing me.”
Panahasi’s features darkened. Primal power bled from the guy, who looked to be in his thirties instead of billions of years old. If Gavril was smart, he wouldn’t taunt such an authoritative being. But after he’d been whipped over a million times, authority figures didn’t intimidate him.
“That’s your problem, angel.” Panahasi smiled when Moose brought him a steaming cup of tea. The demon leader grabbed a few packets of sugar and emptied them into his cup before he stirred the hot brew. “You’re so closed off that you wouldn’t know a friend if it bit you.”
Gavril thought of Aiden and Rudy. No matter how snarly Gavril was, his pissy attitude didn’t scare them off. In fact, of late, Rudy had been trying really hard to befriend him. But Gavril ran every single time things became uncomfortable or awkward.
Kindness was a foreign concept to him.
“What’s your point?” Gavril looked out the large window at the people bustling by. That was one of his favorite things to do. People watch. Humans not only had the capacity to destroy but they were also amazing in their capacity to love. An emotion most angels lacked.
“You’re so afraid of getting Ari involved in your shit that you’re about to miss out on the best thing to ever happen to you.”
The guy was off his rocker. He didn’t know what he was talking about.
“I do know what I’m talking about.” Panahasi took a sip of his tea. The cup looked dainty in his hand. “Stop selling yourself short, Gavril. You are worth loving.”
Gavril scoffed. “Are you saying you’re in love with me?”
Panahasi shrugged. “I’m Life. I love all things created. But no, I’m not in love with you. My plate is already full with my two mates.”
That empty ache in Gavril’s chest grew as he thought about Ari. As much as he wanted to believe what Panahasi was saying, who could love a wrecked soul like him?
He was jaded and full of bitter resentment. Those were the only things he knew how to be.
“Open yourself to the possibility that Ari doesn’t care about the scars you carry, that he’ll love you no matter what you say or do.” Panahasi held up a hand. “I’m not saying things will be sunshine and rainbows between you two, but the battle will be well worth it.”
“Battle?”
“Your mate and yourself,” he said. “Let someone else help you heal, Gavril. Go to Ari. He’s gonna need you.”
Before Gavril could ask what Panahasi meant, the guy vanished. He sat there debating on what he should do. The thought of making himself vulnerable to anyone terrified him, but could he honestly live until the end of time not knowing what love felt like?
“You could’ve at least given me my full powers back,” he grumbled to himself.
In due time, whispered through his head. Gavril gnashed his teeth, got up, and walked out of the diner, a plan in mind.
Chapter Four
Ari tossed and turned half the night, but Rocky slept peacefully in his bed by the dresser, giving off tiny whimpers and puppy growls every once in a while.
Every time Ari fell asleep he dreamed of lightning bolts, rivers of fire, and angels standing over him, glaring down at him as if they were ready to kill him.
Ari came awake with a start, looking around his dark bedroom, trickles of sweat rolling down his scalp. No one was standing over him, yet he felt a small amount of electricity in the air.
The only thing he heard was the wind whistling outside his window and the ticking of the large clock over the living room mantel. His picked up his cell phone from his nightstand and saw it was just after three in the morning.
Tossing his covers back, Ari padded over the soft carpet to his window. He pushed the curtains out of the way and looked outside. The streetlight in front of the house across the street illuminated the heavy snowfall.
Ari groaned. He was not looking forward to shoveling his driveway or driving in the mess to get to the clinic in this storm. Maybe he could call Moose and ask for a lift. The bear shifter surely knew how to navigate in this kind of weather, and a ride would stop Ari from sliding into a ditch and freezing to death.
With a quiet yawn, Ari walked to the kitchen, no longer interested in going back to sleep and having another nightmare. He filled the kettle with water and turned the burner on.
As he waited for the water to boil, Ari stepped to the sliding glass door and looked out at his backyard. If he didn’t have to go outside, he would enjoy the storm. The fresh snow was very picturesque. Everything from the ground to the trees to the large wooden fence that surrounded his yard was completely white. There were even huge drifts on one side of the yard from the blowing wind.
Ari frowned when he saw what looked like deep footprints cutting diagonally through his yard. With as heavy as the snow was falling, they had to be fresh tracks.
He reached over to the light switch next to the glass door and flipped the deck lights on. No one was out there, and now the footprints were gone.
Had he imagined them? It had been rather dark out when he’d seen them, but now that light flooded the yard, the snow glistened and seemed untouched.
With a shake of his head, Ari turned the light off and padded to the stove when the kettle started to whistle. Ari rubbed his forehead. “I must be losing my mind.”
He poured himself a cup of pumpkin spice chai tea and took his cup to the living room, where he sat on the couch and curled his legs under him. The blinds on the big bay window were open, and Ari sipped his tea as he watched the snow fall. He might not want to go out in it, but the scene was remarkably soothing and beautiful.
He’d just set his cup on the small table next to the couch when the cushions dipped low. Ari yelped as he fell sideways and landed against a hard wall of warm flesh.
When he looked up, Ari was staring into entrancing, swirling eyes.
“Gavril.” He pressed his hands into the angel’s swollen biceps and shoved away from him, righting himself. “Where have you been?”
The guy smelled like cigarette smoke and whiskey, which should have turned Ari off, but he was starting to associate the strong aromas with Gavril. And the smells were more soothing than offending.
“Had a lot to think about.” Gavril’s voice was low and deep, sensual in a way that stirred Ari’s body to life. He sat there in his T-shirt and boxers, and when Ari heard the sound of Gavril’s voice, his boxers tented.
He swallowed roughly. Gavril’s face was half hidden by the shadows in the room, making him seem mysterious and tempting, especially the way the nebula in his eyes continuously changed colors.
“What did you have to think about?” Ari sounded breathy as he whispered his question.
For once Gavril was fully dressed. He even wore a pair of dark boots on his feet. Now Ari wished he hadn’t complained so much about the angel’s nudity. He was dying to touch Gavril’s body without a barrier between them.
He recalled very clearly how well Gavril was hung, how hard and sculpted his muscles were, how hard his nipples always seemed to be.
Ari licked his lips as his gaze slid over the angel. His fingers tingled to touch, and his mouth was dying to be kissed. Ari didn’t completely understand his fierce attraction to Gavril. Admittedly he was lured in by men who were damaged, but what he felt went way beyond anything he’d ever experienced before.
“Gavril?”
The guy simply sat there studying Ari with heavy-lidded eyes. He hadn’t made a sound or moved a muscle.
“Are you all right?” Ari asked.
When Gavril spoke, his voice was filled with anguish. “I don’t want you to hate me.”
Ari furrowed his brows. “Why would I hate you?”
Gavril’s breath came out quick and short. “Because everyone does.”
Those three words broke Ari’s heart. He wiggled closer until he was seated sideways, his legs crossed, facing Gavril’s side. “I have a feeling you don’t let people see who you really are.”
“How do you know I’m not the asshole everyone thinks I am?”
Ari smiled. “Because I’ve seen you with Rocky. No one with a frozen heart gets on the floor and plays with a puppy.”
As if knowing they were talking him up, Rocky hurried down the hallway, stumbling twice before pressing his front paws against Gavril’s lower legs. He yapped and tried furiously to climb up Gavril’s pant legs.
The angel grabbed Rocky and lifted the puppy to his chest. Rocky looked the size of a hamster in Gavril’s big arms as the angel scratched Rocky’s head.
“See,” Ari said with a smile. “That’s exactly my point. You’re more bark than bite.” He laughed. “No pun intended.”
Gavril wrinkled his brows seconds before he vanished, taking Rocky with him. Ari jumped up and raced to kitchen, peering out the patio door. Gavril stood by the deck as Rocky looked down at the snow-covered yard, hesitating as though he didn’t want to go any farther. Gavril snapped his fingers and a spot in front of the deck steps cleared, showing the grass beneath.
With a happy bark, Rocky pounced onto the grass, spun in a circle, then peed. When he tried to come back up the steps, Gavril wiggled his finger back and forth. Rocky shrank back, turned, then squatted to complete his business. The small pile vanished as soon as Rocky was done.
Ari stared wide-eyed. Gavril really was handy to have around. Both Gavril and Rocky came back inside, but as they walked in, the wetness clinging to them disappeared. Talk about handy and thoughtful.
Rocky went to his water bowl as Gavril closed and locked the door. When he turned to face Ari, they stood so close that Ari felt the cold clinging to Gavril’s body. The hunger in Gavril’s eyes ignited Ari’s.
He reached for Gavril, but the angel took a step back. “We can’t.”
Ari was confused. Had he misread the signs? He could have sworn they were mutually attracted to one another. “Is there some rule against angels having sex?”
Ari wasn’t sure if he wanted things to go that far, but he was dying to be kissed.
“Yes.” Gavril looked away. “We’re supposed to remain pure.”
Ari pursed his lips. “But you can drink, smoke, curse, and run around naked?”
A smile tugged at the side of Gavril’s mouth. “I never claimed to follow the rules.”
“Then why—”
“Because if we fuck, my enemies will know who you are.” Gavril’s features darkened.
Ari narrowed his eyes. “I’m not gonna ask you to call it making love, but I’m pretty sure you can find a better word that doesn’t make the act sound so raunchy. And who said I wanted to sleep with you anyway?”
Ari crossed his arms and glared at Gavril.
Gavril spun on his heel and took a step toward the patio door. Ari latched onto his arm with both hands. “Oh no. You’re not vanishing on me. You’re gonna stand here and finish this conversation like a big boy.”
Gavril reversed course and bared his long fangs at Ari. A smart man would’ve backed off and let Gavril go. He might have even peed himself a little at the frightening sight Gavril made.
Ari shoved a finger in Gavril’s face. “Put those things away right now.”
Normally a timid man, Ari had no idea where his bravado was coming from. All he knew was that he couldn’t let Gavril walk out on him. He might not ever come back.
Gavril nipped Ari’s finger. “Stop pointing that thing at me.”
“Stop trying to avoid an adult conversation.”
Gavril advanced toward Ari, making Ari quickly back up. The angel’s features were dark, and when he spoke, his voice was sharp. “I want nothing more than to bend you over that table and trap my cock in your tight ass, Ari. And I know you’re dying for that, too. But other than a hard dick, I have nothing to offer you except a brutal reality. Is that what you want? For your life to turn into a living hell all because you want to get fucked? How’s that for an adult conversation?”
Tears stung Ari’s eyes as red-hot anger boiled inside him. He’d never felt so humiliated in his life. “Get. Out.”
Gavril pinned Ari against the wall. “But I thought you wanted to make love?”
Ari reared his hand back and slapped Gavril across his face. “Get out!”
Pure hot rage made Ari shake. Gavril curled his upper lip. “That’s what I thought.”
Tears flowed as Gavril flashed out of the room. It wasn’t until after the angel had left that Ari realized that Gavril had done that on purpose. He’d wanted Ari to kick him out of his life. He’d wanted Ari to treat him as the monster he claimed to be. But Gavril wasn’t a monster. Just a very lost soul.
Ari sank into a kitchen chair and stared at the empty room. His tears continued to flow as he whispered, “What have I done?”
He’d allowed Gavril to push his buttons, to enrage him. The angel had no idea how to handle his soft and confusing feelings. Ari was sure that was the case, and instead of proving Gavril wrong, instead of showing him just how much he wanted him…
“I did what everyone else does and turned my back on him.” Ari tilted his head back and shouted Gavril’s name until he was hoarse, but Gavril didn’t return.
Ari crawled into bed and pulled the covers over his body, feeling completely numb inside.
* * * *
“You’re a goddamn moron.”
“Go away,” Gavril snarled. He was good and wasted, naked, and sitting on the edge of a tall cliff. Too bad he couldn’t jump off and end his miserable life. But the only thing that could kill an angel was their Maker, and that would never happen.
So Gavril was stuck for all eternity living out his last interaction with his mate in his mind and remembering the devastating look on Ari’s face. He would give anything to wipe that expression off Ari’s face, but what was done was don
e. Now the human could live his life without a target on his back.
Ari didn’t deserve that. He was sweet and gentle—when he wasn’t pissed at Gavril—and deserved someone better than a rotten, bitter angel.
“Is that what you honestly think?” Panahasi sat next to Gavril, bending one knee in front of him as he stared at the vast forest below them.
Gavril glared at him. “Stay out of my head.”
He swallowed half the contents of the bottle then watched as the liquid refilled. A never-ending bottle of despair. That was what he clutched in his hand. A reminder of what Preston had done to him, of what Preston had turned him into.
Had he claimed Ari, his mate would’ve suffered the same fate. Gavril’s throat constricted at the thought of a whip touching Ari’s flawless skin, of the screams he would’ve made as his flesh was peeled open.
Gavril wiped harshly at the single tear that fell before he sucked down more of his concoction, hissing at the burn as it traveled down his throat.
“You’re right,” Panahasi said. “Ari deserves better than you. In fact, I’m gonna find him a guy who’ll make him happy and can protect him from mean sons of bitches who don’t want him.”
Gavril’s wings shot out as he flew from the ledge. He dropped the bottle as lightning crackled and sizzled all around him.
“Don’t like my plan?” Panahasi seemed unfazed by Gavril’s rage. Just the thought of another man touching Ari made him want to scorch the world.
Panahasi stood. “Or how about I find him someone who can protect him from his abusive ex who is, at this very moment, trying desperately to find out where Ari lives?”
The lightning around Gavril intensified.
“I’m thinking a shifter,” Panahasi continued. “Someone big, but tender toward him, someone who will appreciate what Ari has to offer.”
“I’ll fucking kill you,” Gavril snarled.
Panahasi narrowed his whiskey-colored eyes. “Why do you care? You sabotaged your chance with him. Ari deserves to be loved, and if you refuse to be the one, I know plenty of guys who would kill for a chance at what you’re throwing away.”