by Reina Torres
“Sure.” It was the least he could do. “Of course!”
“Now, smile, and pretend you love hanging out with me!”
No need to pretend there. He craved it, in fact. But before he could say that or even think better of it, the world... her world... moved on without him.
“Mom, this is the best pick me up, even better than coffee!”
Viviana rolled her eyes but smiled through it all. Aylin did that to people. Turned them around in circles like a merry go round. She stole his breath away.
“I’m just glad I managed to catch up with the two of you again down here. I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”
“No, no!” Viviana opened her arms to him, and he stepped into her embrace for a hug. “It’s always good to see you, Rook.”
When he stepped back, he felt the loss of her warmth distinctly. His family was split up in New York and Washington, that was kind of why he’d ended up in Texas, splitting the difference between them, but it had been awhile since he’d had the chance to go for a visit and both his mom and his dad’s families were super busy. So, having the gentle, maternal energy of Viviana Blaise even for just a moment or two went a long way toward re-charging his batteries.
“It’s always great to see you two around the station, it’s just difficult because everyone else crowds around when you’re there.”
Viviana shook her head. “Then maybe the next time we invite you over to the house, you’ll actually agree to come?”
Talk about putting him on the spot! But Viviana didn’t have a mean bone in her body. When she said things like that, she really meant what she said. She wanted him to show up.
He looked at Aylin knowing that she probably saw his unspoken question in his eyes. She stepped closer and took his arm in hers and leaned closer, lowering the volume of her voice.
“Can’t ignore that invite now, can you?”
He shook his head. “I didn’t ignore it before,” he explained, “but sometimes, it’s better to keep things the way they are.”
He saw his words hit her like a physical touch.
She didn’t let go of his arm, but the way she held him, it felt like they were miles apart. He wanted to knock himself down for the way his words had hurt her.
See? This was why he’d kept his distance.
He blamed his moment of weakness on fate. He’d seen Viviana and he could have turned and walked away, but something inside of him had said it was just this once. Just a random afternoon. And then, Aylin’s mom had invited him to go along with them for a meal.
That wasn’t all that much, right? Just a moment of weakness.
And then it was dinner at their house.
And Stillman saw how quickly he was letting down the walls he’d tried to build.
He’d said it was for Aylin’s benefit and he’d meant it, but damn, he was that big of an asshole that he’d reached out instead of walking away.
He should be a hero.
Instead, he wanted to be selfish. Wanted time with Aylin.
Because as much of a jerk as that made him, he was also smart enough to know that someone like Aylin Blaise didn’t come along every day.
She was one in a billion.
And he wanted to hold onto those moments where he could dream.
Aylin stepped back and he felt her arms fall away from his, as if she was slipping away from him.
He reached out before he could stop himself and took her hand in his. “Can I help carry your bags?”
Her cheeks pinked with color. “Sure, if you want to.”
“It’s the least I can do.” He didn’t have to walk over to the bench. Viviana brought over the bags that they’d collected. There were only three and easy for him to hold in one hand. He saw Viviana’s eyes lower to look at his hand holding Aylin’s and he started to pull away. He didn’t know how Aylin’s parents, Viviana and Chief Blaise, would react to the physical gesture, but again, he’d been caught acting on impulse.
Before they started to walk, Aylin tugged on his hand to get his attention. “Did you bring your car?”
He shook his head. “I caught a ride with someone in my apartment building. Later on, I’ll get a ride-share back to my place.”
“Nonsense.” That came from Viviana and he knew what she was about to say. “We can drive you back to your place after we eat. I don’t think any of us want to worry about you getting home safely.”
Rook couldn’t help but smile. The next time he talked to his mom, he was going to be able to tell her that he was going to be just fine. Viviana reminded him so much of her warm and generous spirit that it felt like having his own mother nearby in spirit.
“That’s very nice of you, ma’am. I appreciate it.”
“Uh oh,” Aylin’s sing-song tone made him freeze in place. She tugged on his hand and he moved closer. “You said the M word.”
“The M word? This is one of those female things, right?”
The two women looked at each other, turning their heads in perfect synchronicity. It was Aylin who turned back to look at him first.
“Female things?”
He hung his head with a groan. “My mom’s going to kick my a- butt for saying any of that.”
Aylin’s giggling made him smile. “You mean for all of that.”
“Yeah,” he shook his head. “I’m not earning any points, am I?”
Viviana touched his shoulder with her hand and gave him a soft, gentle smile. “Rook, for all that you’ve done for this family, you don’t need to make any points. We all love you, unconditionally.”
Talk about a weight on his shoulders. Did he want that acceptance? Absolutely!
But it only added more pressure on him and raised the stakes. If he messed up. If he couldn’t keep his distance and let Aylin enjoy the opportunities that were opening up for her, he knew he’d damage their relationship in the long run. He couldn’t let that happen.
She deserved that chance and he was going to see that she got it, no matter what.
Chapter 3
A few days later, after a non-stop and punishing shift, the only thing Stillman wanted to do was close his eyes for the next eight to twelve hours. That’s it. Just relax. Sleep. As he stopped outside his apartment door to fish for his keys he gave up on the idea of another shower. It would feel really good to feel all of that hot water on his skin again, but he didn’t really have the energy.
His apartment wasn’t like the Station House. The water heater in his apartment was probably older than him and it might be better if he took a shower after he got some rest first.
The key turned the tumblers in his lock, and he let the door swing inward on its hinges. Reaching down for his duffle he felt something in his back pinch, and he let loose a string of curses that would have had his mother throwing something at him with a cross look on her face.
He didn’t worry about offending his next-door neighbor. Old Mrs. King was near deaf and refused to wear her hearing aids. If there was ever a fire in his building, they’d have to knock down her door and carry her out. She’d never hear the alarm.
Reaching down again, he got his hand around the straps of the bag and lifted it from the ground.
“Hey, why don’t you let me take that.”
Convinced that he’d lost his mind, Stillman shook his head and stepped inside his apartment. He reached for the door to close it behind him and that’s when he heard the voice again.
“Hey! What did I do to deserve the cold shoulder, Still?”
Still. There was only one person in the world who called him that.
The smile that touched his lips was as bright and pure as the woman who inspired it. Aylin jogged up the last handful of steps to the second floor, but she stopped short of the door.
“I should have called, but I was only five minutes away and thought that you’re probably home and if your car wasn’t in the lot then I was just going to drive on, but then I saw your car in the lot and I knew you were probably home so I took a chanc
e.” She winced, squinting her eyes a little. “That’s an ABBA song. Take a Chance on Me. And that doesn’t have a single thing to do with anything, but ABBA rocks. Not like Queen. They’re in a class of their own, but you have to admit ABBA was not singing in their first language, so they get a pass, kind of- and please stop me from babbling.”
Stillman dropped his bag at his feet and tilted his head away from the door. “Come on in. You can babble in here if you want, but I need to get off of my feet.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m sorry.” She hustled into the room and closed the door before turning to look at him. “I am serious, though. I don’t have to stay. I was just thinking about you and my car kind of steered its way over here. So, it’s all on me if you just want me to go.”
Without thinking it through, he waved her toward the couch. “Go ahead and have a seat. I’m just going to flop down for a bit beside you.”
“You could go lie down and I’ll sit on the floor... or...”
He waited for her to take a good look at his studio apartment.
When she did, her eyes lit on the door along the left wall. Taking a few hesitant steps over in that direction, she leaned to the side to look beyond the open door.
Stillman couldn’t help the laugh that turned her head back in his direction. “You can go in and look if you want. It’s just a bathroom.”
Ah. The proverbial lightbulb glowed brightly over her beautiful head. “It’s a studio.”
“Yeah. It didn’t make sense to get a one bedroom. All I do here is sleep, shower… and stuff. I forgot when I was coming up stairs that my bed wasn’t even ready for me to lie down on in the first place.”
“I could help.”
Her instant reply to a question that he hadn’t even thought to ask made him smile even more. Aylin was never shy about helping. Oh, he knew she didn’t ask for much for herself. The firefighters and ambulance crews never wanted for help if she was around, but there were times when he thought he saw her looking longingly at something. Looking, but never asking for.
He hadn’t asked her about it, not because he didn’t care, but because sometimes he wondered if he was a part of it.
And he wondered, because he knew that was part of it for him. He wanted to ask her out. He wanted to ask her other things, but he was holding back.
For a bunch of reasons, really, but mostly because he liked being around her when he could, he just didn’t want to mess things up. He didn’t want to lose those moments because he was being selfish.
“Maybe,” he hedged, “maybe it’s better if we just sit on it the way it is.”
She gave him a measuring look that was kind of uncanny in that he’d seen that look on Chief Blaise’s face hundreds of times.
“But you’re tired, right?”
He could almost feel her digging through his words to look under them for the truth. “Yeah, but it’s no big-”
“No big deal. That’s why you were swearing like a sailor when I was coming up the stairs?”
“I’m sorry you had to hear that.” There. Deflection. That should work.
“I’ve heard worse. You think firefighters are bad? Try chefs! Gordon Ramsey doesn’t have a thing on some of the chef’s that my mom has worked with. Let’s just say I learned some colorful epithets in several languages by the time I was old enough to use them.” She winced. “Out of the earshot of my mom, of course.”
He nodded. “Of course.”
She pointed down to the futon couch and gave him a pointed look that reminded him of her mother this time. “So, let’s just get down to business and you show me how to open one of these up.”
Stillman knew he wasn’t going to argue with her. One, she was too determined to get her way and it would be crazy to try. Two, just having her near gave him a boost of energy.
He touched the top of the sofa back and gave her a smile. “I don’t know what the pieces of this are called. So why don’t I just show you and we’ll go from there. It’s not hard to lay it down. But it’s nice to have a second person around to ease it down to the floor.
“While Mrs. King won’t hear it next door, I really don’t need my downstairs neighbor, Mr. Kirkpatrick coming up here to complain. Or better yet, have him use his broom to tap on my floor from below.”
He smiled as she easily followed his gestures and less than a minute later, they guided the frame down to the floor, completing the transformation from low-slung sofa to makeshift bed in the center of his apartment.
Stillman gestured for her to sit down first.
She rolled her eyes and sat along the edge on one side of the bed. When he looked at her askance her smile only brightened. “It’s your bed. I don’t know if you’re one of those that curl up along one edge or sprawl like a toddler in the middle. I’m not going to be rude and take up more space until I know what kind of sleeper you are.”
He toed off his shoes and managed to put one knee down before he groaned and flopped the rest of the way onto his stomach with a soft sigh.
He heard her snort with laughter, and he turned his head to the side to look at her. “What?”
Her shoulders were hunched up around her ears and both hands were covering her mouth. With her eyes almost squeezed shut he knew whatever had tickled her funny bone it had gone all in. Aylin was caught in a cycle of laughter that would keep her going for quite a while.
Normally, being the butt of the joke would rankle. But with her it was different. He didn’t expect that she was doing it to hurt his feelings or being crass in any way. Aylin didn’t have the heart for it.
Reaching an arm over in her direction, he turned it so his palm was up. “Give me your hand.”
She didn’t ask why or even hesitate. She put her hand on his and after he wove their fingers together, he tugged on her arm.
The sudden movement startled her, and she sprawled beside him.
Her fit of laughing slowed and those adorable snorts that punctuated her laughter were more like hiccups. Aylin managed to roll onto her side so that she was facing him, their hands still joined together. “I haven’t laughed like that in ages.”
“Glad I could give you the giggles.” He sighed and felt the ache in his muscles ease just a little. “I’m hoping you’ll explain it to me when you catch your breath.”
The smirk on her lips and the spark in her eye told him he was in danger. Real, her dad’s gonna kick his ass, danger, because that look on her face made him want to pull her closer and kiss her.
Being this close was dangerous, but he hadn’t exactly kicked her out.
Another laugh shook her shoulders, but she started to talk at the same time. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t making fun of you... well, not in a bad way. You were just too cute!”
Too cute. His life sucked.
“You were standing one minute and then you were ‘sploot!’”
“Sploot?”
She laughed outright. “Like a Corgi! Those little dogs that the Queen of England loves so much. They walk and then they,” she laid her free hand down on the bed, flat-palmed. “Sploot.”
Yes, he was officially in hell. The woman he had wanted to kiss just a moment before... and still wanted to kiss, had just likened him to a short fluffy dog flopping onto the floor. So much for hot and manly. “Great.”
“Hey,” she freed her hand from his and reached out to touch his cheek with a fingertip, “I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad. I thought it was cute.”
“Cute.” He laughed and groaned a moment later. “I thought I hurt from the pounding we took today, but cute? Ouch.”
She braced her head on her hand and looked at him, her expression had gone from humorous to serious. “Seriously? Did that hurt the big bad firefighter’s feelings?”
He wished that he could bury his face into his mattress and smother himself. “Yes. Like a knife right through my gut. No guy wants to hear a beautiful woman call him ‘cute’ and the idea that he makes her think of a dog that could double as a fuzzy slipper? That’s just pa
inful. I’m just glad you didn’t say that at the Station. I’d never hear the end of it.”
When he finished, she was still silent, which was his first hint that something was off. Aylin silent was a scary thing.
Turning his head a little more to the side, he saw the soft set of her features and relaxed a little. She wasn’t upset, at least he couldn’t see any sign of it outwardly.
“Are you-”
“You think I’m beautiful?”
Her question shocked him. “Of course.”
Her lips curled into a smile that was both sweet and sensual at the same time. Suddenly glad that he was flat on his stomach, he couldn’t look away from her face.
“That’s... I didn’t think. I mean...”
Stillman reached over and touched her cheek with a fingertip, copying her earlier gesture. “I don’t know why you doubt it. It’s true. Anyone who looks at you can see it.”
He saw her hesitation again.
“What’s wrong?”
“I have doubts about a lot of things in my life. It’s always been like that. It’s why I had trouble in school. Why it took me longer than most to get my high school diploma. I’m always feeling a few steps behind everyone else.”
He would have given his head a shake if it wasn’t already pressed against the mattress. “But your mom’s on your side.”
“Sure.” Aylin shrugged a shoulder. “My mom’s always on my side, but there’s that little voice in my head that says. ‘Of course, she says that! She’s your mom!’”
“Yeah,” he understood what she was saying, “but I think you know your mom doesn’t just say things to make you feel better.”
“Oh, I know,” she sighed and smiled at the thoughts in her head. “My mom’s the first one to hold my feet to the fire. She never let me give up on anything before I put in a real effort to make it happen. Obstacles and challenges were something we’ve both had our share of, but excuses weren’t among them.”
Stillman grinned at her. “Have you ever thought of becoming a teacher?”
“Oh, heavens no!” She drew back at the very idea. “I’d be a horrible teacher!”