My eyes welled more with that, and I hated that my emotion was threatening to leak out without permission. I sniffed it back, nodding in understanding as I digested his words. I was more terrified in that moment than I had been the first time I’d been inside his house alone with him, or than I had been with my hand wrapped around my pepper spray on the way up here. Because although he was telling me I was hiding, what he didn’t realize was that he also told me that he saw me, anyway.
And that scared the hell out of me.
“I’m just telling you now,” he said after a moment, his eyes still fixed on mine. “If you want to work with me, you’re going to have to be willing to sit down at that piano and bleed.” He pointed to the empty space next to us, as if the piano were right there, waiting for my decision. “Are you ready to do that?”
My heart squeezed painfully, begging me to say no.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“Are you?”
I cleared my throat, nodding more emphatically as I quieted my pleading heart. “Yes, I’m ready. I want to do this. I…” I shook my head. “There is no other option for me, Mr. Walker. The piano is my life, it is an extension of me… even if I have lost a little of that connection.” I hated the truth behind that, my chest tightening with the admission. “I know I have to work, and I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make my dream a reality. Even if it is outrageous. Even if every odd is stacked up against me like a brick wall.” I blew out a long breath that seemed to unwind every ounce of tension around my ribcage. “Whatever it takes, I’m in.”
It wasn’t just for my father, who died before he could see me on that stage in New York City. And it wasn’t just for my mother, who had worked harder than anyone I knew to put me through school, only to watch me drop out a semester before graduation. I owed it to both of them, to my entire family — but more than anything, this was for me.
If I didn’t have the piano, I didn’t have anything at all.
And I wasn’t ready to die.
Reese watched me closely, his eyes flicking back and forth between mine like he was searching for any hint of doubt in that statement. Seemingly happy with not finding any, he nodded. “Good.”
Once his gaze was off me and back on the city, I let out another breath, releasing even more tension, as impossible as that seemed. We were both quiet, shifting until we faced the railing again, and I let my thoughts run wild with everything he’d just said as the silence stretched between us.
“Reese?” I asked after a long while.
“Mmm?”
I swallowed. “You said this is a painful place for you to be… why?”
Reese let out a long breath through his nose, like he suspected the question was coming and was almost disappointed that it actually did.
“I was in love with a married woman,” he answered nonchalantly, like he’d just said it was a nice night out. Then, he sort of laughed. “I still am. And this place reminds me of her, along with about a dozen other things that hurt.”
A thick, sticky knot formed in my throat and I couldn’t swallow it down as I stared at Reese. Maybe it was his hurt still permeating off of him and into me, but there was an icky twist of my stomach when he said he still loved her.
“I’m so sorry, Reese.”
He shrugged. “Don’t be. I’m the idiot who didn’t leave her alone when I should have. She was married, but she wasn’t happy. I thought I could save her,” he said, voice low. “I thought I could make her happier.”
I finally found the will to swallow. “She’s lucky, to be loved like that.”
Reese’s brows pulled inward, and he shook his head. “God, I’m sorry I told you all of that. I shouldn’t have… I brought you here to illustrate a point, not to vent about my own stupid shit.”
“It’s okay, really,” I assured him hurriedly. “I… I know I’m just your student, but I appreciate you sharing with me.” I swallowed when his eyes found mine. “Maybe it will help me share, too. Eventually.”
Reese nodded, but I could see it in his eyes that he was disappointed in himself, or maybe in the fact that he was still hurt by this woman who didn’t return his love. “Thanks for listening.”
“Thanks for bringing me here.”
He nodded again, this time pushing back from the railing. “We should go. It’s late.”
My heart sank at that, but I knew without even looking at my phone that the last three buzzes were likely my uncle checking in on me. I hadn’t come to Pennsylvania looking for friends, but I’d have been lying if I said I didn’t wish I could say at the top of that mountain with Reese a little while longer.
Questions raced through my mind like hamsters on a squeaky wheel as we made our way back down the mountain in the cable car. Reese was quiet, lost in his own thoughts as he gazed out the window, and I watched him in a whole new way. I wanted to know more about him, about the family my aunt had mentioned — the photograph on top of his piano — and more than I cared to admit, about the married woman he loved.
Did she live here? Did he still see her?
And why did I feel so invested in the way he felt about her?
It was almost like a pinch of jealousy that jabbed at my stomach as I watched him, like I was envious of a woman who could bend Reese Walker so out of shape like that. It was ridiculous, I knew, because he was my teacher. He was nearly twice my age. He was a man, and I was a girl, and he was there to help me surpass my injury and fine tune my technique. That was where we existed, in that small realm.
But when he looked at me, his eyes dark and sad and searching for something, those lines blurred. And I didn’t look away. I didn’t run from the heat his gaze brought inside that tiny cable car. If anything, in that moment, I realized I wanted him to find whatever it was he was looking for. I wanted him to find it when he looked at me.
And somehow, though I couldn’t digest it fully, I knew that was a very, very dangerous thing to desire.
CHAPTER SIX
* * *
Reese
“Killin’ ’em out there tonight, Walker,” Ronaldo said the following Wednesday as I passed him in the kitchen, tossing me his pack of cigarettes and lighter. His hair was longer than mine, weaved into small braids and pulled into a thick wrap at the base of his neck. He had to finagle two hairnets together to get all of it tamed enough for the kitchen, and he flashed me a cocky grin as he adjusted it. “I can smell the panties from back here.”
I laughed, pausing to pull a cigarette from the pack before handing it back to him. I tucked the one I’d taken behind my ear with a shrug. “Ladies love Chopin,” I explained. “It’s just science.”
The pan Ronaldo was tossing around went up in flames, and he tossed faster, shaking his head with a smirk. “How the hell are you still single, bro? Literally every single woman in that room would pay good money to be the one on your arm,” he said, nodding toward the dining area. “Including the married ones.”
That comment struck a nerve, but I smiled in spite of it, shoulders lifting again. “Ah, they think they want to be the girl on my arm, until they realize how fucked up I am.”
“We’re all fucked up,” Ronaldo said, face screwing up like that was an obvious statement and not at all a reason to stay away from someone. “At least you have panty-melting piano skills and the jaw of a Greek god to combat the crazy.”
“Are you hitting on me, Ronaldo?”
He held up his finger and puckered his lips, making a clicking noise with his mouth. “You wish, honey.”
I just laughed, plucking the cigarette from behind my ear and holding it to him in a thanks. “I’ll try to ease my bruised ego with nicotine.”
“Here, take another for your broken heart.”
He tossed me a second cigarette, and I was still chuckling when I shoved my way through the back kitchen door. I lit the cigarette as soon as the evening air touched my skin, letting out an exhale of relief like I always did after the first drag. It was slammed inside, which was unusual for
a Wednesday night, but with summer sneaking up on us, everyone in the area was eager to be out and about. After a long winter of mostly staying in and retreating from the cold, Pennsylvania always came to life with the warm weather.
Of course, it being busy in the restaurant didn’t really affect me. I’d play whether there was one person or one hundred. Still, the energy buzzed me to life inside, and exhausted me once the night was over. No matter how tired I was after work, I still had more work to do. Not only were we in final preparations for the end-of-the-year concert at Westchester, but I had another lesson with Sarah tomorrow, and I needed to prepare.
I sucked in another breath of nicotine and tobacco, finding comfort in the familiar taste as I thought about her, about the Incline. I’d taken her there to prove a point, to try to show her the kind of vulnerability she needed at the piano. I expected it to be emotional, and I expected it to be hard on both of us.
I didn’t expect to tell her about Charlie.
I also didn’t expect her to listen.
She was the first one I’d told, though I knew the entire staff at Westchester and half the town of Mount Lebanon had their suspicions. There were rumors about what had happened between me and Charlie, between Charlie and her husband. But rumors were just that — rumors. Hearsay. No one knew the truth.
Well, except now, Sarah did.
What surprised me most wasn’t necessarily that I told her, or that she’d listened. It was that she didn’t look at me with pity once I’d let the words slip out. If anything, it almost seemed like she respected me, which I couldn’t quite place.
Regardless, I’d gotten my point across. I’d shown her vulnerability, and explained that she’d have to do the same if she was to get where she wanted to be.
And I’d be lying if I said finally talking to someone about Charlie didn’t bring me a relief I didn’t know existed.
Smoke left my lips as I shook my head, that relief a joke compared to what tension still existed. Even thinking about Charlie made my chest tight, and that just made me feel pathetic. To make matters worse, she’d been assigned to work on the end-of-the-year concert with me again. She’d been blowing up my phone all week, trying to get together to discuss some details, but I’d been avoiding her.
I couldn’t wait until school was over, until I didn’t have to see her every day in the halls of Westchester.
Summer break couldn’t come soon enough.
I leaned against the brick wall of the building, crossing my right leg over the left as I took another drag of my cigarette. I lazily scanned the employee parking lot, not really seeing anything, just existing, relaxing, taking a break. But when I noticed a familiar face, I did a double take.
Sarah wasn’t supposed to be here, Wednesday being her night off, and yet there she was, not even a full fifty-feet away. She was barefoot on her yoga mat again, wearing her work uniform, but she wasn’t meditating this time.
And she wasn’t alone.
One of the bus boys at The Kinky Starfish had his apron slung casually over his shoulders, his arms folded over his chest as he said something that made Sarah laugh. My chest pinched at the sight of her cheeks flushing, the same way they had the first night she’d met me.
Sarah’s stance mirrored his, her arms crossed in the same manner, and the way she shifted her weight side to side told me she was nervous.
I realized the longer I stared, the more I should have looked away. They were having a conversation, one I wasn’t a part of. But I found I couldn’t look anywhere else now that I’d seen her.
I recognized the kid the longer I watched them. It was Danny Caruso, the owner’s son. I didn’t know much about him, but from what I did know, he was a good kid. He treated his mom like gold and was a hard worker around the restaurant. He went to college and still managed to pick up extra shifts when people called out. I didn’t really know him, but he’d always been nice to me.
I couldn’t place my annoyance with the way he was staring at Sarah.
He waved goodbye to her after a few minutes more, and I lit up the second cigarette as I watched him walk away, making sure Sarah was safe. I had no reason not to trust Danny, but Sarah was young, and new to town. I didn’t want him taking advantage of that like most guys his age would.
Like I would have when I was that young.
Sarah bent to pull on her shoes once Danny was gone, rolling up her yoga mat with a smile that stretched from ear to ear when she stood again. It was almost as if she was laughing at an inside joke she had with herself, or maybe it was something Danny had said, something she was replaying.
Whatever the case, that smile slipped when she saw me.
I took a drag from the cigarette hanging between my lips as she made her way toward me, mat under her arm. She stopped when there were a few feet between us, and I glanced over her shoulder, watching Danny pull out of the parking lot.
“Hey,” she said on a breath.
“I thought you were off tonight.”
Her smile slipped even farther, brows tugging together. “I was… they called me in.”
I nodded, taking another drag. “You know Danny?”
Confusion washed over Sarah’s face before she followed my gaze to where she and Danny had been standing. “Uh… yeah, kind of. I mean, we work together.” She paused, facing me again. “Obviously.”
“What were you guys talking about?”
The question left my mouth before I had the common sense to stop it, and once it was out in the air, I couldn’t take it back. I aimed for nonchalance, leaning against the brick wall and flicking the cherry off my cigarette. It was just an easy question. I was just making conversation.
Sarah lifted a brow. “He asked me on a date.”
I sniffed, bracing the sole of one shoe on the wall behind me. “He’s a good kid.”
She watched the smoke floating between us for a moment, adjusting the mat under her arm before her eyes found mine again. “He is.”
“So, when are you going?”
“I’m not.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I’m not,” she said again with a shrug. Her dangly earrings moved with the gesture, and I realized I’d never seen her wear them before. She was always so natural — no makeup, no accessories — but tonight, she wore two long, flowy, sparkly earrings. “I told him no.”
“Why?”
Oh my God, stop fucking talking.
Sarah shook her head, face twisted up like she was as uncomfortable as I was. I didn’t know why I was being weird. I was her teacher, but if anyone had seen us in that moment, they’d have thought I was a protective older brother. I didn’t have any right to be so invested in her safety, and judging by the look on her face, she felt the same.
“I don’t know,” she finally said. “Because I don’t want to.”
I waited for her to explain more. Did she already have a boyfriend? Was Danny not her type? Did he creep her out?
My jaw ticked.
Did he make an unwanted move on her?
Frustration seeped through me as I reminded myself, yet again, that I didn’t have a right to ask any of those questions. I sucked on my cigarette, instead.
“Are you okay?” Sarah asked, searching my face. “You seem… irritable.”
Great. And now I was creeping her out.
I blew out a breath, snuffing what was left on my cigarette and tucking the bud in my pocket to throw away inside. “Sorry,” I said. “Just been a weird week. I should get back inside. I’ll see you tomorrow night?”
Sarah frowned. “Yeah, see you tomorrow.”
I gave her one last curt nod before ducking back inside, tossing Ronaldo his lighter and making a beeline for the piano. I needed to play, needed to work my muscles in a way that felt familiar and safe. I felt like an animal, triggered by the need to protect a girl who I knew without a doubt did not need my protection.
Maybe it was that I’d opened up to her, that I’d let her in. Maybe that vulner
ability had caused me to feel some sort of unnecessary connection, some strange need to ensure she was okay. Either way, judging by the smile she had when Danny left, she was just fine.
I didn’t have an explanation for my sudden awareness of her, or my bizarre behavior. All I knew was that by the time she showed up to my house for our next lesson tomorrow night, I needed to box away whatever the hell that just was and be professional.
As I sat down at the piano, hands moving on autopilot over the keys, I repeated that sentiment over and over until I slipped away into the music, into the night, into another dimension.
I needed to get out of my head.
And that’s exactly what I’d do.
***
Sarah
“Relax.”
Reese’s voice was soft, gentle, mixing with the notes I played on his piano. He didn’t yell and there wasn’t an ounce of attitude laced under his request.
Still, I had to force a stiff inhale to keep from screaming at him.
I played Sentiment by Robert Gafforelli, each note strong and romantic, dripping with emotion. My wrists felt good that day, and I was doing everything I could to lay myself bare at his piano. That’s what he had requested I do that night he took me up the Incline, and that’s what I had promised him.
It had been nearly two weeks since that night, and every lesson with him, every night I went home to practice on my own, I felt myself getting stronger. Still, he watched me each lesson with a quirk in his brow that unnerved me, like he was disappointed, like there was something missing.
It was maddening.
Best Kept Secrets (Complete Series) Page 58