His face blanked and he turned away and downed the rest of the whisky in his glass and set it on the table with a loud clunk. He turned to face her. “I don’t need any help in finding a woman to be my wife.”
Her heart almost stopped beating. He’d found someone. She wasn’t ready for the pain that engulfed her.
So lost in her anguish, she at first did not notice his hand slowly stroking her bare arm above her glove—up and down, seductively. “Why do you look so stricken? Don’t you want to know whom I have selected?”
She swallowed hard and succumbed to a violent shudder. He was being cruel. She wanted to tell him to stop, but any words fled when she caught the faint whiff of Dougray’s exotic incense that clung to his skin like a jealous lover—Sandalwood.
“No words. That must be a first. I’ve never known you to have nothing to say, Flora.” The way he said her name made her think of sex.
He pulled her into his arms. “So are you going to kiss me?”
Flora melted at the question. Her heated brain and her battered heart warred over the answer—her heart won—she wanted his lips on hers like she wanted her next breath.
This was madness. He’d just confessed to having found a woman to marry yet here she was in his arms eager as a puppy to please. This man aroused her with a simple smile what could he do with a kiss, a touch, a …
Take this one chance, before he is lost to you forever, in case you have to endure another loveless marriage, her body and mind clamored in her head arguing with each other.
She faced him and when she saw the desire swirling in the blue depth of his gaze she yielded willingly. His head drew close totally focused on her lips and her body thrilled. He was impossibly handsome, and for one night he would be her real fantasy. Her gaze traveled over his chiseled face with it’s tantalizing strong bone structure. His eyebrows were thick and black which made the blue of his eyes appear darker. But it was his lips that made women swoon. Sculptured, full, and soft, she was dying for a taste.
She beat him by leaning forward and pressing her lips to his. His mouth opened under her lips in surprise.
His warm, silken lips caressed hers. Oh, sweet bliss. Never had a kiss created such a riot of sensation. This was nothing like the kisses they had shared years ago. He was giving all of himself to her, no doubt because she was no longer a young virgin, but was an experienced widow.
Just the type of women he loved to dally with.
She didn’t care…
Flora wrapped her arms around Dougray’s neck in a mix of hapless craving and wild relief. This was her chance—her one chance before he married—and she would give herself over to it. When he pulled her onto his lap she did not resist.
His kiss blurred the lines between fantasy and reality, and she didn’t care. She’d waited and wanted this for too long. Besides, she’d never felt so alive—never. Recklessness sang through her veins, screaming take it all! Joy thrummed along every tingling nerve ending. All the while, not believing she had been brave or foolish enough to do this.
Unsure of herself to start with, she soon lost herself in the kiss. Dougray’s hand curved tenderly around her nape while the other sunk into her hair. His grip was tight, but it thrilled her.
His lips beguiled hers, moving back and forth with exquisite skill. She tilted her head back farther and seized on the idea to take the lead. She slipped her tongue into his mouth and savored the taste of him. He was delicious. Her pulse was a reckless rhythm as she clung to him. She could feel the hardened length of him pulsing against her bottom and it spurred her on, transporting her to a state of dizzying heights.
She wanted him to take her. To lay her down, strip her of her gown and make love to her. To ravish her on this couch before her bravery fled and she thought too much about the other women before her and likely those to come after her.
For the past three years she had managed to ignore the lonely ache to be touched, caressed, held. Iain had been a good man but he never fired her body like this. She had never loved Iain.
One simple kiss told her that Dougray knew exactly what her body yearned for. Her hands clutched his broad chest wishing she could feel his heated skin. She let her hands roam his chest while her tongue reveled in his virile taste. A moan escaped as he drew her closer, trapping her hands between his muscled strength and her softness.
He left her gasping his name as his wayward mouth left her lips and descended along the side of her neck. Her hands moved lower too, stroking him through his trousers as his lips found the top of her exposed bosom.
“Undress me.” Only when he stopped did she realize she’d said the plea out loud.
He’d almost driven himself crazy all day wondering what her lips would feel like. It had been so long since he’d last kissed her and he’d never let any kisses go this far. Since the conversation in the dining room this morning, he had thought only of her.
At her impulsive kiss he had his answer as to if he could get her to agree to wed him, and it exceeded his expectations. She wanted him too. He had to rein in his need to devour her. Did she still love him?
Instead, he let her take the lead as she tentatively moved her lips over his. His body shuddered as she slipped her tongue into his mouth.
He sunk his hand into her glorious soft hair to anchor her mouth to his and called on all his experience not to take over. Her tongue stroked the inside of his mouth making his groin tightened unbearably. Too much more of this and he’d lay her down and take her on this very settee.
He reluctantly broke the kiss and tried to cool both their ardors by trailing his lips over her skin.
“Undress me.” At her plea his body surged with triumph. He could take her here and now. Sink between her sweet thighs and claim that which had been denied him all these years. He shook his head and pulled away from her to try and clear his mind of her scent and taste.
There would be no taking until she agreed to be his wife. He had too much at stake to risk a mere coupling to ease his need of her.
He leaned back and studied her beneath semi-closed eyelashes. She was still a beauty.
He let his heated gaze travel over her, feeding his growing desire. The candlelight scorched her copper highlighted hair. Her upswept coiffure, that his fingers had messed, made her neck look as graceful as a swan’s, with alluring tendrils stroking the curve of her bosom. Her bodice drew his appreciative eyes, sweet rounded breasts, lush, and bonny.
The inviting arch of her body almost swayed him from his plan but one did not seduce—a friend—for that is who she was. He wanted her as his wife to finally allow his heart to soar—a voice inside his head added, and to save you from loneliness.
“Why are you stopping?”
He removed her hand from his groin and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “I didn’t realize we were in such a rush. Anticipation heightens the desire.”
With a shrug she admitted, “I have no idea. This is my first tryst. Or seduction, or whatever it is you call this.”
He cupped her face between his two hands, gently drinking from her sweet lips. His possessive side loved that he was her first tryst. He didn’t like to think of her with any other man. His one regret was he did not get to be her first, but if he had his way he would be her last.
That made him sit up straighter.
He cleared his throat. “I would willingly, desirously make love to you tonight but I have to ask you something first.”
She wiggled excitedly in his arms. “Yes, I’ll respect you in the morning,” she giggled. More seriously she added, “And I won’t expect anything more. I know you are going to announce your engagement, and I shall ask for nothing after this night.”
He nodded. “I am going to become betrothed at the King’s dinner. In fact, I’m hoping to announce our engagement.”
Chapter 5
He didn’t get the response he’d expected. Her face drained of color and she tried to clamber off his lap, but he held her tightly as she squirmed in his arms tr
ying to get away. Finally she calmed.
“Is this some kind of cruel joke to you?” She said her eyes welling with unshed tears.
He took both of her hands in his. “No. I am deadly serious. I have been thinking of this for nine long months and it keeps coming back to you.” He didn’t bother to say it only came back to her since he heard her say she was barren.
He pressed on. “There is no doubting my desire for you. I have loved you for years, be it from afar. You are from one of Scotland’s best families. You are my best friend’s sister and it would align our families. We know each other—we are friends—well, I’d like to think we are. You like Connor and he likes you. We could make this work.”
“Work? I begged you eight years ago to marry me and you watched as I married another. You obviously didn’t love me then and you obviously don’t love me now. This is too sudden. What are you up to?”
As she poured out her words, tears began to flow down her cheeks and it almost broke his heart.
“Not true. I have always loved you. That is why I set you free.”
“Free. I wasn’t free. Do you know how much I dreamed of becoming your wife? But that was a time gone by, before you had finished grieving for Connie. Before my father could not wait any longer and gave me to Iain.”
He swallowed back a curse. “I have not married before this because you are still in my heart, but I did not approach you because I was scared you would not forgive me for walking away all those years ago. It has suddenly come to my attention that if I don’t ask you I may never know your answer and I may lose the opportunity forever.”
She looked over his shoulder as if staring at a ghost. “I swore my next marriage would be for love. I have had a marriage without love and it was very lonely. I’m not sure I could endure another. It would break my heart to be merely a token wife. If you took mistresses…”
“Why do you think I am being so particular? I vowed that when I marry I shall be true to my wedding vows. If you say yes, there will be no other women in my bed ever again.”
“Why now? Why tonight?”
He would fight with whatever he had, to make her say yes. “Marrying you has always been something I thought was unattainable, especially after you married Iain. Almost instantly I realized what a fool I had been. Now you are free”-
-“I’ve been ‘free’ as you put it for three years. You are not being truthful.”
“Look at me.” She stared into his eyes. “If I have to marry I only want to marry you. I love you.” That was not a lie. “You have always been my fantasy.”
“Fantasy,” she cried out. “This idea to wed me is pure fantasy.” Her eyes narrowed. “The King is forcing a marriage and I’m simply convenient. You think I’ll say yes because of our past.”
“No. Think about it. I’m a duke, a wealthy duke. I could walk out this door and be engaged in mere minutes if that is all I wanted.”
She shuddered but did not deny his boast. “It’s likely I can’t have children. The King wants you wed to beget an heir. I can’t give that to you. What will the King say to such a match?”
He would ensure the King did not learn of her situation until it was too late. “I shall simply tell him that any woman I select may not be able to have children. It’s in God’s hands.”
She shook her head, tears still falling. “But I was married for five years. I lost two babes and then had no more. The odds are against me.” She pushed him hard trying to escape his hold. “No. I cannot marry you. I won’t do that to you.”
He tried to stop the stab of jealousy her words about sharing Iain’s bed created. “Then I will never marry. It’s you or no one.” How ironic. The very reason it was safe to give her his heart was the reason she used to decline his proposal.
She stopped struggling. “Don’t be ridiculous. You have to marry. You have to have an heir.”
“I have cousins. Many, many cousins.”
Her shoulders slumped. “You would defy the King? Why? Why are you doing this to me? Why does it have to be me? Tell me why and I might listen?”
Angus had said she would want honesty. Could he voice his fears? He’d never said this to another living sole. “I have loved you for years. I wanted to wed you. I truly did. It killed me to see you marry Iain, but I did it for you. I did it to protect you.”
“Protect me? Who from? Your father? He wanted the match.”
“To protect you from the fate that Connie met.”
She sat blinking at him as if he was an idiot. Then her mouth formed a perfect O. “Childbirth. You were protecting me from dying in childbirth.” Her eyes welled with tears as she cupped his chin. “Oh, Dougray. Not all women die in childbirth. I’m healthy. You’d have the best physicians attend me. I’d never have to face what Connie did, left alone with no help…left alone to die.”
Guilt saw him close his eyes against the shameful memory of what his father had done. Finally he swallowed the choking fear and said, “I’m a large man. I’m bigger than most. The midwife who tried to help Connie told Angus the babe was too big, as all my bairns are likely to be. I loved you too much to lose you like that. It would have destroyed me. At least married to Iain you were still in this world.”
She once again tried to clamber off his lap but he held her tight. Her eyes flashed with anger. “So we could have married eight years ago. I could have been happy…we could have shared eight wonderful years together. You let me marry a man I did not love, all because of fear. I never took you for a coward. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for this.”
This time when she struggled in his hold he let her rise. He forced himself to remain calm. “My mother died in childbirth too if you recall, and then Connie died in childbirth…I’m even bigger than my father. Can’t you understand? I could not risk your life! You don’t know what it’s like to feel responsible for the death of a person, let alone the woman you love.”
She stopped her pacing and turned to face him. “At least I finally understand why you did what you did all those years ago. You should have told me. I thought, I thought there was something wrong with me, something you did not like.” He saw tears well again. “So you think it’s safe to marry me now that I can’t bear you a child?” She gave a bitter laugh. “What really hurts is that you only want me because I’m damaged.”
“I have always wanted you. Why do you think I stayed away from you? It hurt to see you with him. I don’t care about having an heir. Let my cousin take the title. It hasn’t made me happy, and my father’s pursuit of ‘pure bloodlines’ saw him leave a woman to die in agony, and he nearly cost me my son’s life. Nothing is worth that behavior.”
“I feel like I can’t breath… My head is spinning.”
He stood and faced her. “Tell me one thing. Do you hate me for what I did?”
She was still pacing but the flush of anger on her face was gone. “Quite honestly I don’t know what to think, but I could never hate you.”
“Will you consider my offer of marriage then?”
She stopped pacing and looked at him. “I need to think. Denying me eight years ago set me down a different path. I’ve changed. My dreams, and wants, have changed. Did you know I was looking at remarrying?”
His heart missed a beat. “You have an offer?”
“No. I have only just decided I want to remarry. I’m still young and don’t want to spend my life alone. I do have someone interested. There is a man who meets my criteria of what I desire in my next marriage.”
Flora could not believe that she was seriously considering walking out of this room without saying yes to Dougray’s proposal. A few years ago all she’d ever wanted was to be his wife, but not like this.
Not because he was afraid to have an heir. What would happen years later when he looked back and saw how stupid he had been, and that he would lose the title and estates? She might be angry with him now for what he did to her—to them— all those years ago, but Angus had always told her that Connie’s death changed Do
ugray. She had not understood how. The guilt he must feel… It had probably been festering all these years. If only she’d known.
“Who is he?” Dougray’s voice was tight.
She shook her head to clear it of any sympathy. She had to remain strong—for both of them. “That is none of your business. But what I will say is you may think not being able to have a child is a blessing, well, it has been my living hell. Giving birth to my child is something I want with all my heart.” She could not stop the quiver in her voice. “I feel like a part of me is missing.”
He frowned. “But you can’t have children even if you marry.”
“Perhaps, but I won’t know until I try. But there is a man who has three children under six and if I were to marry him I would have the children I crave. Not my flesh and blood but I would love them as if they were.”
She watched him swallow and as his jaw tightened she wonder if it would break.
“Glengarry. I have noticed him sniffing at your skirts. He’s merely after a mother for his children.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Are you any nobler? What are you after? You want a wife who cannot have children. You both want me but for different reasons, none of them involve love.”
“Not true. I love you so much I walked away.”
Did he? Or was he using their past to get what he needed now. A wife. A wife who could not bear a child so he might hold his fear at bay. She wanted a man to love her. He was saying all the right words but how could she believe him? Suddenly, when the King insisted on marriage, he was here saying he’d loved her all this time. If that was true she just felt sad for all the wasted years.
She wanted to make him understand his mistake. “I would never have walked away from you even if God himself told me you were the devil. That is how much I loved you.”
“But will Glengarry love you?”
She turned away and said, “I intend to take the time to find out.”
He swung her around to face him. “I have to announce my engagement in two days.”
Dukes By the Dozen Page 47