The Sweetest Secret

by Jacquie Underdown

  Amy had gone silent. The atmosphere in the room had changed—darker, heavier. Ellie could understand, no woman who was happily in a relationship wanted to hear that their partner might be capable of cheating.

  That hot, tight sense of shame roared through Ellie’s body and settled in her chest. But she had to get the full story out, then Amy could make her decision about how she felt about it.

  ‘I stayed with him. And the more time that passed, the more I was losing myself. I was bitter and angry and resentful and so damn jealous all the time, I could barely recognise myself. I was filled with so much hate for his wife. I tried to get him to leave her, or get him to go on holidays with me so it felt like I was winning in some small way. But he always said he couldn’t leave the kids.’

  A shiver of shame crawled up Ellie’s spine, tightened in her throat. Who the hell was she? Willing to destroy families for her own selfish purposes. He had children, and she expected him to leave them … for her.

  Ellie covered her neck with her palm, desperately ashamed. She couldn’t even look at Amy anymore.

  ‘Then one day, I was at the Queen Victoria Market. Blair was spending the weekend at home with his family, so I never anticipated seeing him there. I spotted him among the crowd. His little daughter was sitting on his shoulders. His son was there too holding hands with his mother. I’d never seen Blair’s wife before. And I was shocked that she looked perfectly normal—beautiful even. Happy and friendly. They appeared the perfect family.

  ‘I was filled with so much jealousy seeing them all together. Seeing their smiling faces. Rage swelled inside of me until I was shaking. I started towards them. I wasn’t going to allow her to keep me from the man I loved anymore. I was going to walk right up to her and tell her everything. I pushed through the crowd, in a red haze. My ears were ringing. My jaw ached from clenching it. I was going to really give it to his wife. I didn’t care if the whole marketplace heard me.

  ‘But when I got closer, I noticed her rounded stomach. She was pregnant. Blair leaned over and placed his hand on her swollen stomach with the most endearing, breathtaking smile I’d ever seen. I could see in that one action that he loved this woman and this family of his so much.

  ‘Right then, the last twelve months of my life was painfully pushed into perspective. It was like I was looking at my reflection in the mirror and finally seeing who I had become. And I hated what I saw. Why had I let myself get so lost in this man who never even loved me? I had let him use me and lie to me and, worst of all, I had let him change me.’

  A lump rose in Ellie’s throat as though she was back there again, reliving that moment. She wasn’t upset over the heartbreak of it all. She was upset because she was still grieving for the woman she used to be before Blair. The woman she could never be again. That relationship changed her irrevocably.

  ‘So I ducked out of sight before they saw me. I sent him a text telling him it was over and that if he even dared contact me, I’d tell his wife everything. He never spoke to me again.’

  ‘Wow,’ Amy said. ‘That’s … big.’

  ‘Don’t for one minute think I’m proud or even slightly smug about any of it. I hated myself for a long time. And I don’t use that term lightly. I quit my job. I broke the lease on my apartment. And I ran away for nine months. I needed a major shake-up in my life. I had to discover why I had allowed myself to ever get into that situation because I never wanted that or anything like it to happen again.’

  Amy nodded slowly. Her eyes, slightly dazed, showed she was trying to process it all. Trying to determine how she felt about it and Ellie and the fact that Ellie was in a very new relationship with her brother-in-law.

  ‘I’ve been holding onto that story for over a year.’

  Amy’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly. ‘You’ve been carrying that around for a year and haven’t told anyone?’

  ‘I was too ashamed. I still am. But I think there might be something more important now. Sam. I need to know if he would accept me after learning that about me.’

  Amy lifted her teacup to her lips and drank, then hugged the cup between her palms. ‘Normally, I think past relationships should stay in the past. But if you think that keeping this from Sam is causing you anguish, then it might be best to tell him the truth. At least you’ll know where you stand.’

  Ellie drew a deep, anxious breath in, then let it out. Of course she had to tell him. She had known all along that she had to tell him.

  ‘I can’t give you any idea how Sam will react to this,’ Amy said. ‘I don’t share the same past as him. I don’t know if it will trigger something for him.’

  ‘How do you feel about it?’

  Amy didn’t answer for a long while. ‘It makes me nervous, Ellie. I won’t lie. If you had have told me before I fell in love with Tom, maybe I wouldn’t have cared. But because I’ve got someone to lose now, it makes me a little uncomfortable knowing people, both men and women, can justify affairs.’

  Ellie nodded. ‘I understand.’ She could tell Amy that she would never do it again. She could try to convince Amy that the only reason she had allowed it to happen in the first place was because she was already in so damn deep. She could try to put in words the shame and guilt and self-loathing she felt for a long time afterwards, still felt to this day, but it wouldn’t make a difference.

  Because Ellie understood that she had allowed love to make her behave like a monster in the past, so why couldn’t love do that to her again? Perhaps in ways she couldn’t even conceive of yet. And Amy would know that.

  ‘Thanks for listening, Amy. I’m going to have to take the risk and open up to Sam about this.’

  ‘If he’s pushing for honesty and openness, I think you have no choice.’

  Ellie smiled, but it was tense. A bit like the atmosphere in this shop now. Ellie would give Amy some time to come to grips with what she had shared. And hopefully, Amy would decide that Ellie was someone she’d still like to be friends with.

  Chapter 20

  Sam smacked the steering wheel of his car, anger still surging through his system. He could not believe what he had found out, that people could stoop so low.

  Through the front windscreen, the landscape was coated in blackness. The night was always so much darker in the country.

  The temperature outside was freezing and layers of ice kept forming over his windscreen, which he’d swipe away with his windscreen wipers when it got too bad.

  The meeting with John and Julia, not that he’d call it that, more like pulling rooster’s teeth, took longer than he had anticipated. But he was determined he wouldn’t leave until he got to the bottom of why Julia had lied.

  The answer was surprising, yet didn’t surprise him one bit.

  He had a billion missed calls and unopened messages from Mitch and Tom, but they could wait. He wasn’t going to fight with them to defend his innocence until he had all the answers. Which he did now.

  A couple of minutes out of town, he glanced at his phone as it sat in his cup holder. Should he call in and see Ellie on his way through?

  All day long, she was all he could think about. This entire trip home, she was the main character of almost every thought.

  He regretted how their date had ended Sunday night. It was embarrassing. But more so, the threat of losing her had weighed so heavily upon his shoulders it was like he’d been wearing a yoke since.

  Main Street was well lit. He passed In Bloom and the desire to see Ellie flared even stronger.

  Without another thought, he took a left and headed to her house. He pulled over outside her small home, which was nestled in the residential area of Alpine Ridge between other cosy homes.

  The dashboard clock read seven-thirty pm. Not too late.

  He grabbed his mobile and texted Ellie.

  SAM: Hi. I’m back from Melbourne. Do you mind if I call in to see you now? Totally understand if it’s too late.

  Her text came back almost immediately.

  ELLIE: That’s
okay. What time can I expect you?

  SAM: I promise I’m not some psycho stalker, but I’m actually outside your house now. Spontaneous decision to stop by on my way through.

  ELLIE: Lol. Come on in. I’m decent.

  Why did she have to say that? Now all he could think about was Ellie not being decent and opening the door for him in the complete nude.

  He locked his car and jogged up to her front door. White mist steamed from his mouth with every breath. The cold air needled into his face and hands.

  She opened the door before he could knock. Her beautiful hazel eyes followed very closely by her purple unicorn pyjamas, caught his attention.

  Ellie gestured at her pyjamas. ‘What? You call in without warning, this is what you get.’

  ‘Cute,’ he said, arching a brow.

  She laughed. ‘Come in. It’s freezing out there.’

  Her house was everything he would have expected from Ellie. White walls with an abundance of colour in the eccentric array of décor items, pretty painted prints, throw rugs, cushions, rugs, side tables with flower arrangements potted in rustic hollowed-out logs, and tall lamps with bright shades.

  ‘If I had to show someone who you are, I’d bring them here,’ he said looking around.

  She laughed. ‘Really? So if you had to put this into words, what would you say? How would you describe me?’

  ‘Creative abundance. Bright and cheerful. Feminine. Beautiful.’ His voice softened as he said that last adjective.

  Ellie blushed. ‘Lovely descriptions.’

  ‘Lovely muse,’ he said holding her gaze. After getting to know her more, kissing her, then nearly losing her, enough was enough; she would know exactly how he felt.

  No more holding back.

  No more hiding.

  Of course, assuming she trusted that what he was about to explain to her was the truth.

  ‘Take a seat,’ she said, gesturing towards the lounge. ‘I’ll make you a coffee?’

  He grinned. ‘You actually have coffee?’

  ‘I went shopping,’ she said with a laugh. ‘After you went to all that effort with the tea, I thought I should be more prepared if you ever visited.’

  Hearing this reassured him that she was thinking in a manner that included him in her future. His shoulders relaxed. ‘In that case, I’d love a coffee.’

  She insisted he stay where he was while she made the drinks. He allowed the few minutes alone to yawn. The day had been long. Six hours of driving, plus a tediously difficult meeting with John and Julia.

  He pulled his mobile out of his jean’s pocket and sent a text to Mitch and Tom.

  SAM: Meeting tomorrow in the board room at 9 am. Skype call with John and Julia scheduled.

  He turned his phone on to silent then and shoved it back in his pocket. He didn’t want to see what his brothers had to say about that. Not until this issue was sorted and he received an apology.

  Ellie came back in with his mug of coffee. She had a cup of tea, a yellow tag hanging over the side. She placed his coffee on the small table and took a seat beside him, holding her mug between her palms. ‘So how did you go today?’

  He was glad she was eager to know; it indicated to him that she cared about the findings, which implied that she cared about him. ‘I got the answers I needed. Hopefully, everything will move on from here.’

  ‘And the answer was … positive?’

  He sighed. ‘Yes and no. I probably should start at the beginning.’

  She nodded, a reassuring smile on her lips.

  Sam told her briefly about the dealings he had with In the Spirit franchises. He explained how Julia had propositioned him for sex, but he had turned down her offer. And then about the contract that they had signed.

  ‘And then Mitch received a call saying that John was ripping the contracts up. That was Sunday night after our dinner date.’

  Ellie sipped her tea while nodding, giving him all the room he required to explain thoroughly.

  ‘John had said that he was no longer going to deal with an immoral business that thought it acceptable practice to use women to land deals.’

  Ellie’s brow arched ever so briefly. ‘Implying that you slept with Julia to ensure the deal went through?’

  Sam nodded. The foul taste of that accusation still burnt up his throat. ‘Mitch was obviously furious. We had put months of our time into that deal. And if successful, it would really plant Mathews Family Vineyard wines in the forefront of all good wine drinker’s minds.’

  She leaned forward and placed her cup on the table. ‘So why did he think you slept with Julia?’

  ‘Because Julia told John that I had.’

  Ellie shook her head, forehead crumpled. ‘But why? I don’t understand.’

  Anger brewed hot in his chest. He reached for his mug and swallowed a mouthful. ‘After about an hour of heated questioning, they finally realised that I wasn’t going anywhere until I had the truth, so they finally admitted what was going on.’

  ‘Which was?’

  ‘Turns out John and Julia were having their own affair. It had been going on for a couple of weeks, despite the fact that John is married with children.’ He shook his head, still disgusted at what he had uncovered. ‘Julia was jealous because John was going on a short break away with his wife, so to get back at John, she said that she had slept with me and wouldn’t hesitate to do so again whenever the ‘need’ arose.’

  Ellie’s eyes were wide. ‘Wow,’ she said, then wriggled in her chair, finally stopping when she drew her feet up and crossed her legs.

  ‘So the desired effect was achieved. John was jealous. And angry. He impulsively reacted by pulling out of the deal, which Julia saw as her plan backfiring. She was grateful in the end that I paid them a visit and we sorted it all out because she had no idea how she was going to back-pedal.’

  ‘So they are going to go ahead with the deal?’

  ‘I’ve scheduled a conference with them for tomorrow morning. It will depend on how Mitch and Tom take the news.’

  ‘How do you feel about it all?’

  He sighed. ‘I’m still furious.’ Just talking about it again now, his muscles were firing with agitation. His chest was hot and tight. ‘I think what pisses me off the most is that here they were engaged in their own devious affair, yet I’m the one copping the flack. People like that really piss me off. I can’t understand how they can stoop so low. It was hard to look the both of them in the eye, let me tell you.’

  Ellie moved restlessly again, unable to meet his gaze. ‘Yes, it’s tough to understand.’ Her voice was softer.

  He narrowed his eyes, trying to assess what had suddenly changed. ‘Everything okay?’

  She nodded, smiled. ‘Of course. I think I’m just angry on your behalf. I hope you can all see past what happened because it would be a shame to miss out on such a great business opportunity.’

  ‘Agreed. I do wonder, though, if this might be a blessing. Do we really want to be dealing with people like that?’

  Ellie shrugged. ‘I guess that’s a decision for you and your brothers to make.’

  ‘It definitely puts things into perspective. I think, at the least, we’ll be looking over the contracts again to make sure everything is above board. Knowing what they are capable of, I’m struggling to trust them. Moving forward, I’m not sure how good it will be to get involved with people like that.’

  Ellie jumped up. ‘Um … I’m just going to heat my tea up again; it’s gone cold.’

  ‘Sure,’ he said and watched her pace out of the living room. Ellie was fidgety. He didn’t miss the change in her demeanour. Did she not trust what he was saying? Did she think that he had actually slept with Julia?

  When she came back, she seemed a little more composed, but he didn’t want to leave her with doubts. ‘Ellie, is everything okay? You do believe that I didn’t sleep with Julia, right?’

  She smiled. ‘I believe you, Sam.’

  The emphatic tone of her voice and the s
olid eye contact conveyed truth, but there was still a tension between them.

  ‘You sure?’

  She grinned. ‘Yes.’

  ‘It’s just that you seem a little … I don’t know … nervous.’

  She shook her head. ‘Sam, I’m absolutely fine. Maybe just a little tired.’

  He should feel guilty about dropping over so late, but he couldn’t conjure a drop because every moment he got to spend in her company was a great moment. ‘Ellie, I realised after spending the day with you on Sunday, I want to take the brakes off.’

  Ellie met his gaze. Her eyes shone with happiness, but something else was reflected there, something he couldn’t quite identify. ‘You sure about that?’

  He nodded, no hesitation. ‘With you, everything’s simple, easy … and right. I’d be a fool not to see that as a good thing. I’d be an even bigger fool not to pursue you wholeheartedly. No more holding back, I promise.’ He didn’t say how light his shoulders were now that she knew all about him. With his past no longer a barrier, there was a real sense of freedom, one he’d not felt before.

  In his mind, there was nothing standing in their way.

  A sweet, happy smile filled her face.

  He reached for her, stroked her cheek, then fluttered fingers along her jaw, down her neck where he rested his hand at her nape. ‘Already, you are so important to me, Ellie.’

  His gaze dropped to the piercing just above the delicious bow of her lip. Her mouth was the sweetest to kiss. ‘You’re so beautiful,’ he said, voice deep with need. ‘I want you so much.’

  He leaned in, edging his face to hers. As he drew closer still, he held her soft cheek. Her skin was so delicate to his touch. The scent of her shampoo, the tea she was drinking, filled his awareness.

  ‘I want you too,’ she whispered, eyes closing.

  He pressed his lips to hers and with the memory still fresh in his brain, that there was a chance he was never going to be able to do this again, made the sensation so much sweeter.