Christian, on the other hand, doesn’t like to talk about himself. He talks about me, what I’m doing, what I think, and how I feel. When I ask about him or his trips, he answers like it’s not that exciting, and brings the conversation back to me. He makes me feel important. We still don’t talk about love or marriage but it doesn’t matter to me. Maybe I’m growing up. Maybe I’m finally learning from my past mistakes.
When he’s gone, I keep myself busy. I now attend all of my kids’ activities and school functions. This means seeing Ryan and his girlfriend, but we no longer argue. The pieces are finally falling into place.
Christian comes over Friday evening after the kids leave for the weekend. As soon as I open my front door, he holds me by the waist and asks, “Why are we staying here?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re free for the weekend. Why don’t we go away somewhere?”
By nine o’clock we’re on a flight to Aspen, Colorado. It’s winter so the whole town is covered in snow. I don’t know how to ski so we spend the day looking at art, fancy boutiques, and eating at a romantic restaurant with a giant glass window looking out on the mountains. On the way home, we stop at a gift shop. He buys t-shirts and souvenirs for my kids.
We spend the next day hiking through the snow. We drive to Independence Pass on the Continental divide and stand on top of the world. It’s dark by the time we return. We hold hands and walk back to our room. I open the door to find rose petals all over the floor, the bed, the counters, and the tub. I look up at him in complete amazement. This man never stops surprising me.
I take off my coat, and lie back on the bed. He sets his coat on the chair, and lies on top of me. He takes off my sweater, my jeans, and my bra. I take off his shirt. We lie half-naked on the bed kissing and touching each other. He’s in great shape, which I already figured. He gently strokes my face, my breasts, my stomach, and moves toward my legs. Too many of my past relationships have become way too sexual, way too soon. It never seems to work. Although my body is on fire, and I want desperately to give myself to him, I don’t want my heart to be broken again. It hurts too much. As he slides his hand in my panties and starts pulling them down, I put my hand over his to stop him.
I sit up on the bed and look him in the face. Still breathing heavily, I say, “You know I want to make love, but I can’t. I’m just not ready.”
Everything comes to a sudden stop. I’m afraid that Christian will be hurt—or maybe even angry. Instead, he takes me in his arms and whispers, “It’s okay. I’m not trying to rush you.”
It feels like we’re on the same page. I’ve never met another man like him. We spend the rest of the night holding each other. It’s been a while since I’ve slept in the same bed with a man. We fall asleep in each other’s arms, and it feels so right.
– CHAPTER 35 –
After Christian and I have been together for five months, we go see a local band playing at a small nightclub. Back at my house, he tells me he’s leaving for China, and then Bangkok on a business deal
“Why Bangkok?” I ask.
“Bangkok is growing so fast. They don’t have the infrastructure needed to support that growth. Almost ten million people now live in the city.”
“Wow, I had no idea,” I admit. “The only thing I know about Bangkok is college backpackers and partying.”
“The company in Thailand I’m working with just signed a gigantic contract to design and build the needed highways, streets, and bridges in Bangkok and the surrounding areas. They need investors to fund such a large project. I found investors in China who are willing to provide the money they need.”
“How wonderful,” I say. “It all sounds so exciting.”
“I’m leaving tomorrow for about a month,” he continues.
I’m used to him leaving, but he’s not usually gone this long. “Do you have to be gone so long?”
“It’s not easy getting everyone together,” he explains. “I’m meeting with the investors in Beijing, but I can’t meet with my people in Thailand until the beginning of the month. It does me no good to come home since I’d have to turn around and fly all the way back to Thailand.”
I take his hand in mine and say, “It’s going to be hard not seeing you for so long.”
“I feel the same way,” he says. “If my client in Thailand can meet with me any earlier, I’ll come back sooner.”
We have a wonderful evening together. He looks so handsome in his sports coat. I’m dressed in the beautiful black and white dress he bought me for my birthday. We go to my bedroom and lie on the bed. We’ve fooled around, but I always stop him before having sex. This night, I’ve decided to let go. I’m lying under him in a red nightie, wearing nothing but my panties underneath. I lift him just enough to unbuckle his belt and unbutton his slacks.
“Christian, I want you,” I whisper in his ear. “Take me.”
Without saying a word, he reaches down, takes my hands in his, stopping me from removing his pants, and lays his head on my chest. I reach down, and try to pull him back to me. When he doesn’t respond, I ask, “Baby, is everything okay?”
“It’s fine. Everything’s fine.”
I roll over so I’m lying on top of him. “Christian, I know you want me too. I love you, and I want to be with you.”
He sits up on the bed with me sitting on his lap. He holds me in his arms and whispers in my ear. “Faith, we can’t do this.”
I pull back and look directly at him. “Why?”
He looks down at my breasts that are large and firm from the breast implants I got while I was dating Paul. “Faith, you’re right. You’ve waited this long, and you should continue to wait until you’re married.”
Did he really say this? You should wait until “you’re” married?
My mind starts racing. Why didn’t he say I should wait until “we’re” married? I just told him I love him, and he didn’t even acknowledge it. I’m struggling to hold it together. I thought these feelings were long gone, but now they’re back again. If he doesn’t love me, why is he here? Is he just leading me on?
I almost tell him to get off me. I want him to leave my house and come back when he knows how he feels, but I bite my tongue and resist the urge to say anything. I pull him down to me, but now all the sexual energy I was feeling is gone. I’m consumed by insecurity. I hold him close and a tear runs down my cheek.
He sees me crying and asks, “Are you okay?”
“Sure,” I say as another tear runs down my cheek.
“Then why are you crying?”
“Christian, sex is very special for me. I haven’t been with anyone since my husband. That’s how much you mean to me.”
“Faith, you’re wonderful. That’s what I like about you.”
Like about me? I just told him I love him and he responds that he likes me? How did everything going so wrong? As much as I want to talk, I don’t want to start an argument. I lie in his arms, and hide my tears from him. I can tell he’s asleep by his deep breathing. I’m in his arms, but we seem so distant. In one day … no, in one moment, I go from feeling so good about our relationship to wondering what, if anything, is happening between us. He’s about to leave for almost a month and I’m heartbroken.
I call Sharon the next day, crying hysterically. I’m barely able to talk. “Faith, what’s the matter?” she asks expecting me to break some devastating news.
“It’s Christian,” I finally get out, but can’t say more.
“What’s he done?” she asks. When I still can’t talk she asks, “What is it Faith? What the hell has he done?”
“Everything was great. We … we … we were having a great night. We went to my house, and we were lying in bed. He was on top of me and I told him I wanted to make love. He stopped and said he doesn’t want to.”
“He just left you lying there like that?” she asks.
“Pretty much. He said I should wait until I get married.”
“Well that’s it,” she r
easons sounding much less concerned. “He lost his wife. You said he’s religious. Obviously, he wants to wait until you’re married.”
“No, he didn’t tell me I should wait until we’re married. That would have made me ecstatic. He said I should wait until I’m married.”
“Maybe you just heard him wrong. Faith, you know sometimes you get too emotional.”
“Okay, there’s more,” I continue. “I also told him that I love him.”
“And what did he say?” she asks.
“He said he liked me.”
“Ouch! I don’t know what to think. Faith, you know he’s always going out of town. You hear about these men who lead double lives. They have another family in a different city. It happens all the time.”
“That has occurred to me,” I admit. “He said he’s leaving and I won’t see him for almost a month.”
“Well, there you go,” she says.
“This is why I didn’t want to date. I’m through with men. It’s just too hard. Love brings nothing but heartache.”
“You’ll be okay,” she says. “You’re a strong woman.”
When we hang up the phone, I sit in my room and cry. It’s good to know it isn’t just me. I’m not crazy. No man lies naked in bed with a beautiful woman and doesn’t want to have sex. There’s only one explanation. I’ll not be a fool again.
– CHAPTER 36 –
The next week isn’t easy. I want to call Christian and tell him how I’m feeling. I have so many questions. Is he seeing someone else? Does he care about me? Did he ever have feelings for me? As much as I want answers, I’m determined to wait until he returns from his trip.
When I go to my daughter’s volleyball game, I see Ryan sitting beside his little girlfriend. I walk by and see the most beautiful diamond ring on her finger—even bigger than the one he bought me. My heart drops in my chest. I find a seat and stare at Ryan from across the room. They’re laughing, with her little boy on Ryan’s lap.
How could this be happening? After two years, they’re not only still together, but now they’re getting married. I knew this would happen one day, but I thought I wouldn’t care. Actually, I thought I’d be happy. Seeing them together with a ring on her finger hurts. She’s taking my place and living my life. She’s getting a man who comes home every night, she’ll go on vacations around the world, she’s getting the incredible birthdays, and her son is getting a super dad.
At the end of our marriage, I saw a big difference in him. He stopped being so argumentative. He wanted to talk. He wanted to go to a counselor. He wanted to sleep in the same bedroom again and start all over, but I was so hurt that I didn’t want to believe it. Is he really able to change? Now he’s starting over, but not with me. He’s starting over with a beautiful, younger woman and her little boy.
– CHAPTER 37 –
Friday evening I’m returning home after work when Christian calls. I’m so happy to hear from him that the conversation I’ve been practicing in my mind goes right out the window. “Hey Faith,” he says. “How you been?”
“I’ve been okay,” I lie. “I’m just surprised to hear from you.”
“Listen, Faith, I’m in Beijing. You’ve been on my mind ever since I left Austin.”
“I don’t like the way we left things,” I say.
“I don’t either. I’m going to be gone a long time, and I don’t want to wait a month until we talk about things.”
“Okay,” I say, unsure where this conversation is going.
“Listen, Faith, I’m still in Beijing. I’ll meet with my people tomorrow, and then I have to go to Bangkok. How would you like to come with me?”
I’m shocked. This is the last thing I was expecting. “What?” is all I can think to say.
“I mean it. I can fly back to Austin on Tuesday. We’ll catch a Thursday flight to Thailand. We can hang out in Phuket for a few days before my meeting in Bangkok. You can fly back on Monday so you’re back when your kids get off school.”
“Christian, I don’t know what to say. I’m shocked.”
“Don’t be shocked; just say yes.”
I’m barely able to hide my excitement. “Christian, I don’t have to go to Thailand. I’m just happy you asked. It makes everything okay.”
“Faith, I’ve been telling you that you need a vacation. You can use a few days away. Phuket has the most beautiful beaches in the world. You deserve it.”
“I feel bad. I can’t make you fly all the way here just to turn around and fly back. It’s just too much to—”
“Faith,” he interrupts. “I love you too. I should have said it when we were lying in bed, but you took me by surprise. I love you and I don’t want to be away from you for three weeks. I’ll sleep on the plane. Please say yes.”
I’m so choked up, I can barely talk. “Christian, you’re an amazing man,” I say, wiping away the tear he cannot see.
“Well, you‘re an amazing woman. Does that mean you’ll go?” I’m still crying so it’s hard for me to talk. “Hello, sweetie?” he asks. “You with me?”
“Yes,” I finally get out, “I’m with you. I’d love to go with you.”
“I’ll be back on Tuesday with your ticket,” he explains.
“Goodbye, I can’t wait to see you,” I tell him.
“Goodbye, baby,” he replies.
How can one conversation change so much? Long gone are the bad feelings. Now I feel ridiculous thinking that he was living a separate life with another woman. I think about my conversation with Sharon. For the first time, I realize how destructive we can be. How did things get so crazy that I almost threw away another man who loves me? I grab my Bible off my nightstand and set it on my lap. I bow my head and pray.
“Dear Lord, thank you. Thank you for all you’ve done for me. Thank you for bringing a good man into my life. Thank you for helping me be the woman of God I need to be. Keep Christian safe as he flies back. Keep us both safe as we fly to Thailand.”
– CHAPTER 38 –
On Thursday, we board the plane for Bangkok. The flight is long, but we fly first class. I sleep the whole way. Once in Bangkok, we walk through the most amazing terminal I’ve ever seen. It’s five stories high, and looks like a giant mall full of shops and restaurants. The roof has bays that make it look like waves floating over our heads.
“This is absolutely amazing,” I say looking around. “I thought I was coming to a third-world country with beautiful beaches and crazy partying. I’ve never seen an airport like this.”
“There are definitely beautiful beaches and partying,” he explains, “but this is not a third-world country.”
A short flight later, we touch down at a much smaller airport in Phuket. We walk past a row of taxis where a Mercedes is waiting for us at the curb. We drive down a road, past beautiful trees and vegetation, different restaurants, and hotels scattered along the road. Directly ahead of us are large hills that make the trip especially beautiful. One scooter after another zooms past our car. Just when it looks like we’ve passed the last hotel, we come to a magnificent resort tucked far away from everyone and everything.
It’s dark by the time we arrive. The landscape lighting illuminates the walkway, the manicured lawns, and sculptured hedges. The lobby looks like a giant rainforest. As soon as we walk in, a man greets us with a hot towel and an exotic drink. Our own personal butler introduces himself before walking us to our room.
We walk through a lagoon (practically a jungle growing throughout the property) with beautiful tiki torches and perfectly placed landscape lighting illuminating the resort. Turtles and fish swim in a pond, pink flamingos walk around, macaws and toucans watch us walk by. Giant butterflies and countless colorful birds sing and fly overhead. We stop briefly at a waterfall that tumbles down into a pond illuminated by blue and green lights.
I was expecting a hotel room. Instead, our butler brings us to our very own villa. He opens the door, and steps back for us to enter. The large living room is beautifully furnished with flo
or-to-ceiling windows. It’s so big we could throw a party and invite all our family, friends, and neighbors. In the middle, sits a giant glass dining room table with the most elegant floral arrangement I’ve ever seen.
“This is all for you and me?” I joke.
“We can invite other people if you like,” Christian joke with a wink.
“No chance,” I reply.
The butler walks us through the living area to the twin glass doors in the back. He opens the doors and the fresh air pours in. I can only see the ocean from the light of the moon, but I can hear the waves rushing to the shore. Our terrace is larger than some people’s houses. It has a stove, a fully stocked refrigerator, a dining table with chairs, two lounge chairs, a small circular bed swinging from chains, and our own hot tub. I stand at the back rail and take a deep breath of the fresh ocean air. Just when I thought I’d seen it all, I turn around to find a small table set up in the corner with an easel, a canvas, and more supplies than a professional painter would ever need. I’m certainly not a professional painter.
I hold Christian in my arms. “This is too much. You didn’t have to do this.”
“You said you like to paint landscapes. Well, what better landscape is there to paint than this one?”
While we’re outside, the butler takes our luggage into our bedroom, opens the curtains, sets the thermostat on the wall, opens a bottle of wine, and waits for us to return. He sets two walkie-talkies on the table and tells us he’s just minutes away if we need anything. I look around at the fully stocked kitchen with more pots, pans, appliances, plates, and silverware than I could ever use. I open the refrigerator and it’s fully stocked with everything I might need. “How wonderful,” I exclaim. “I can’t wait to cook us a special dinner.”
“You’re not cooking anything,” Christian tells me. “You’re here to relax and enjoy yourself. We have a chef who’ll cook whatever you like. He’ll even give you private cooking lessons if you want.”
The Killing of Faith: A Suspense Thriller You Won't Soon Forget. (The Killing of Faith Series Book 1) Page 18