by Kimbra Swain
“You can stay out of it,” Levi said. “I don’t want you dead, Father.”
“Perhaps I can help with the children,” he offered.
“I think that will be a good idea,” I said. “Meet up at the vault tomorrow afternoon.”
“I am going to head home. Goodnight, everyone,” he said.
“Night, Mr. William,” Winnie said. He smiled and waved at her as he left.
Levi sat down next to me after seeing his father to the door. He propped his legs up on the coffee table.
“Get your feet down from there,” Winnie said.
“Wynonna Riggs, what has gotten into you?” I asked.
“Feet don’t belong on the table,” she said smartly.
“You better change your tone or you’re going to bed,” I said.
“Grace, it’s okay,” Levi said putting his hand on my thigh. He removed his feet from the table.
“Say you’re sorry, Winnie,” I said.
“No,” she said.
“Young lady, what has gotten into you?” I asked.
“If you hadn’t been a Queen, then Daddy would still be here. The kids at school say it all the time. It’s your fault he died. He’s not here because of you! I’m not doing what you tell me to do anymore,” she screamed at me. She threw her hands out toward me, as fire erupted from them across the room. Levi couldn’t move fast enough to block the fireball. It hit the couch and our clothes, starting small fires. Levi and I frantically patted the fires on each other then on the couch.
My winter power had kept us from being burned when I swung around to face Winnie she stood with her hands in front of her gaping mouth.
“Winnie,” I whimpered. Her words cut through me again and again. If Dylan hadn’t fallen in love with me, he would be alive. Even if he had stayed with Stephanie, I don’t think she would have ever killed him or caused him to die. Winnie was right. It had been there in the back of my mind all of this time.
“Momma,” she muttered.
“Grace, don’t,” Levi said. “Winnie, go up to your room.”
“Momma, I’m sorry,” she said, then took off in a full sprint up the stairs.
“Grace, she is a child. Kids say things they don’t understand,” he said.
“She understood. She’s right,” I said, looking at the burn marks on the couch.
“No, Grace, she’s not. You know that,” Levi said.
“If he didn’t love me, he would be alive,” I said.
Nestor stood across the room stunned by the exchange.
“Nestor, will you go check on Winnie?” Levi asked.
“Yeah, sure,” he said, then hurried up the steps to Winnie’s room.
My body shook with the grief and pain of my child’s words. I swayed losing control of the despair that I had locked inside. Levi jumped up in front of me, grabbing my face.
“Look at me, Gracie,” he said. “Come on, if it’s got to be now, so be it. Let it out.”
I shook my head, but my chest hurt with the strain. “No. The fight is tomorrow,” I said.
He pulled me tighter to him, even though I pushed away. These were the moments when I remembered that Levi had a lot more strength than it looked like. “We aren’t doing anything else until you scream and cry. I’m not letting you go,” he said.
“Let go of me!” I demanded.
“No,” he said defiantly.
“Levi, I swear. I am not playing with you!” I said.
“Don’t care. I’m not letting go,” he said.
“You were in the Otherworld with him. You should have told me what was going on. I could have gotten to him. I could have stopped this!” I screamed.
“Yes, I was there. I made the best decision I could. I did what he asked me to do,” he said.
“Let go! I don’t want you touching me!” I yelled, pushing against his chest.
“It’s my fault, too. Just like it’s yours. It’s Stephanie’s fault. It’s Robin’s fault,” he said, pushing my emotions to the edge.
“Yes! It is!” I pounded on his chest, but he didn’t budge.
“Hit me harder, Grace. Let me have it,” he said as tears formed in the edges of his eyes. His sad cobalt eyes.
Anguish ripped me into shreds as I watched him cry for me. My knees buckled and his grip went from containment to support. Excruciating sorrow vibrated through my body into his. The tingle between us was an aching throb of heated pain.
The sob started in the back of my throat but caught in my mouth like I was choking. Levi eased us to the floor where I grasped at his shirt for support. He leaned back against the couch, and I practically crawled into his lap. The tears escaped my eyes with abandon. There was no stopping it now. Wet spots formed on his shirt from the downpour of emotion from my eyes.
I relived his final moments, over and over in my head trying to figure out a way I could have stopped it, but there was nothing. Each time the scene ended the same.
Dylan dead.
Winnie changed.
I broke.
I felt like I was going mad. One minute I was living life, taking care of my children. I got lost in my duties as Queen only to find no completion in it. Jokes weren’t funny like they used to be. Happiness was hollow and short. The next minute, something would trigger a memory that I would have to tuck away because of the pain.
I just didn’t want to feel like this anymore.
“Make it stop,” I begged to no one in particular.
“This agony is the darker part of love. But you can find peace in that it was true. So true that the absence of it can bring you to your knees,” Levi said.
Love so deep that it bore a hole like a cold well in my body. Now it was an empty, dark cavern. The reason I couldn’t love Levi was that there was no way he could ever fill that void. Panic set in, and I pushed away from him again.
“No, don’t,” he said, tightening.
“You want me to have another hole in my heart. One for you. So, when something happens to you, I’ll be completely and utterly destroyed?” I asked.
He held me with one arm around my waist but freed the other hand to brush down my cheek. “You’re too strong to be destroyed,” he said.
“Yeah, look at me, a whimpering baby,” I said.
“All I see is a woman who loved more than she ever thought possible,” he said.
“You think that comforting me is going to secure your place?” I lashed out at him.
He took it in stride. He had pushed me to it, and now he had to accept the wrath that came with it. “If you’re truly honest with yourself, Grace, you know that I already have a place there. Part of this pain is guilt. I feel it too. I loved him, but I love you more than anything in this world. For me to ever have what I wanted, he would have to make a huge mistake or die. I knew those things would hurt you more than I was willing to gamble. I did everything I could to keep him alive for you.”
“I’m not guilty. We haven’t done anything,” I protested.
“Lie to no one else, Miss Fairy, but go ahead lie to yourself,” he said. “We haven’t done anything, but you feel guilty anyway because of what you feel. Even if it isn’t acted upon.”
Finally, he let go, and I sat up to look at him. “What do we do? Tell me what to do,” I said.
“What would he want you to do?” he asked.
“Go kick ass,” I said.
“So, we go kick ass,” he said.
“Winnie,” I muttered. “What a mess.”
The consequences of not facing this pain boiled down to the point where my child needed me and her hurtful words came from a place in her heart that ached too. I wasn’t able to be strong enough for her when she needed.
“Go talk to her,” Levi said.
I wiped the tears from my cheeks with the palms of my hands. Just before I got up, I looked down into Levi’s still saddened eyes. He still had a spark of life and hope there. I put my hands on his cheeks like he had done to me, pulling his forehead to mine. He was right. The
re was a big chunk of my heart that belonged to my bard.
“You,” I said, getting choked up again. “It isn’t attractive to be right all the time.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said with a sideways grin.
“Thank you, Dublin,” I said.
He sucked in a deep breath, restraining himself. He took one of my hands from his cheek, then kissed my palm. “Go see Winnie,” he whispered.
“Okay,” I replied. He helped steady me, as I stood, then when I gained my balance, I ran up the stairs after my daughter.
Levi
For months, I watched her walk-through life as an empty shell. The hole in Grace’s heart ate away at every part of her. She didn’t cuss as much, which wasn’t so bad, but it was a clear indication that she wasn’t fine as she claimed to be.
Other people had noticed, but no one could feel her like me. The vibrant life she once lived was replaced by an empty cavern. She blamed herself. She blamed me. She teetered back and forth between faux anger and faux happiness.
Dylan died, but Grace was the ghost. A haunting of what she had once been. Each day she tucked away the grief. Sure, she cried in the dark. She held on to the leather jacket. But she never let herself just weep.
I knew that if she was ever to truly live again, she needed to mourn Dylan. Not just have a good, ugly cry. She needed to blame herself and me. She needed to scream and get angry. She needed to fight back at death.
Closer and closer, she moved to that breaking point. I felt it shatter inside of her when Winnie screamed at her. Those childish words became the catalyst to force Grace to face the emotions swirling inside of her.
When she hit me, it felt good. I hurt for him and her both, but to see her finally lash out, to overreact, I knew she would make it out of this fog. I didn’t care if she hit me a hundred times. I would have taken every blow with pride.
What I wasn’t prepared for was her to admit that I was right. That she felt guilty because she did have feelings for me. I couldn’t get her off my lap fast enough. Grace was still stubborn, but there were things now that she was willing to concede. So many times, in the last few months, she admitted she was wrong. She let someone else lead the way. It was a change in her character that made her even more beautiful to me. I loved the sassy fairy in her, but this humble heart had me reeling.
I just hoped that once she spoke to Winnie that the two of them could reach an understanding. Back when Winnie was dead on that field, I thought it impossible to change her to a fairy. The criteria demanded that the recipient of the fruit and water be enthralled. Grace realized what I didn’t. Winnie was utterly in love with Dylan. The father she had never had.
I knew that feeling. It didn’t matter that Grace and I shared the blood oath. I was completely and hopelessly enthralled to the point where my heart didn’t matter. I just wanted hers to be whole again. Admitting to me that I held a part of it completed my life in a way I hadn’t expected. If nothing else ever happened between us, I knew that a piece of her heart belonged to me, and it was enough.
Nestor joined me in the hallway as Winnie and Grace talked out what happened. Winnie cried and held on to her mother’s neck. They both said they were sorry. Winnie insisted that Grace read her a bedtime story, and of course, she picked one of the ones that Dylan loved the most. Grace read through the story with a strong voice.
I felt the strength growing inside of her. I was so thankful. I had concluded that if she didn’t let go at some point before the battle with the hunt that I would have to knock her out and hide her away. I feared that she might get distracted or apathy would kick in at the wrong time.
“What you did for her down there, what you have been doing, I am so grateful, Levi. No one could bring her out of this except you,” Nestor said.
“She did most of it. I just needed to be there when she finally decided to accept the emotions,” I said.
“Forgive me for ever doubting how much you love her,” Nestor said.
I twisted my head to look at him. “You doubted it?” I asked.
“Yes. You’re young, Levi. I didn’t know if this was just a simple crush or the real thing,” he said.
“It’s been a real thing since the first time I laid eyes on her. Crush, maybe. Hopeless, definitely,” I said. “Even if nothing ever becomes of us, I’m happy to know that she can feel joy again.”
“Like you said, forgive me for listening in, you already have a place in her heart. She just has to get used to the idea of how that fits along with the missing pieces,” Nestor said. “I have confidence that the two of you will figure it out. In the meantime, I ask you not to manhandle my granddaughter again.”
“Yes, sir,” I muttered.
“Good job, Son,” he said. “See you tomorrow.”
Nestor walked down the steps and out the front door, leaving me alone with Grace and the kids. I heard her finish up the story with Winnie, and they shared many goodnight hugs and kisses.
“Uncle Levi,” Winnie called out to me.
I stuck my head in the door, “Yeah?”
“I love you, Uncle Levi,” she said. “I’m sorry I tried to burn you.”
“I love you, too, Winnie,” I said.
“Night, Momma,” she said. Grace kissed her on the forehead, then met me in the hallway.
“Momma,” a little voice said.
Grace looked back at Winnie, but we both knew it wasn’t her.
“Momma,” it said again.
“Oh, my goddess,” she gasped, running down the hall to Aydan’s room. I ran behind her, and when she turned on the light, he was standing in the crib. “Aydan?”
“Momma,” he said lifting his arms to her.
He had better timing than I did.
She rushed to pick him up, squeezing him tightly. He hugged her back, then smiled at her.
“You’re supposed to be asleep,” she said to him.
“Momma!” he exclaimed.
She looked at me in wonder. I felt her heart thumping with love for this child. I knew inside of her, that she loved Aydan, but he was a constant reminder of what she had lost. But now, he was a reminder of what she had gained. A new outlook. A hope for the future.
“Alright! Alright! Time to lay down,” she said. “Levi, get the light please.”
I flicked the switch and watched her coax Aydan back to sleep. Looking at her through my sight, she glowed a pale blue. Her light had almost gone out, but I didn’t have the heart to tell her. Now I saw that illumination and knew she would make it through this.
Grace
One little word and my heart surged to beat again after the numb feeling had replaced my despair. When I stepped out of Aydan’s room, Levi waited on me with a huge grin on his face.
“He said it,” I whispered.
“Yes, he did,” he said.
“I thought he would never,” I said.
“He has good timing. I have to admire that,” Levi said.
“He must have learned that from you,” I replied. “Why are you looking at me like that? Are you using your sight?”
“Yeah,” he said, then looked at his feet. “Your light has changed.”
“How?” I asked.
“It was fading. I’m sorry I’ve been a dick, but I’ve been worried,” he said.
“And now it’s better?” I asked.
“A little,” he said. “It will take time. But, I won’t be holding you down anymore.”
“Huh?”
“Your Kelpie Grandfather threatened me,” he said.
I laughed, but then covered my mouth because it was so loud. I hugged him.
“As always, you did exactly what I needed you to do,” I said.
“Do you think you can sleep? You really need to rest before tomorrow. I’m afraid of how much power it's going to take for both of us,” he said.
“I think I can. Maybe,” I replied.
It was a nice long hug. One that just a few hours ago I would have shied away from, but I needed to
face the facts that just because Dylan was gone and left a hole in my heart, that my heart could love Levi, too. What that meant for our relationship, I wasn’t even ready to start thinking about it. I needed to focus on the battle ahead for all the right reasons.
Vengeance for Dylan was one thing, but the provision of a future haven for our children was more important. I’d be damned if I was going to let Brockton and his Wild Hunt march in here and destroy this town.
“It’s a little brighter,” Levi said.
“Yeah, it is,” I said. “Goodnight, Dublin.”
“Night, Grace,” he said as he backed into his room.
I curled up in my bed, and for the first time in a very long time, I slept.
When I woke up, two shining blue eyes stared at me from the side of the bed.
“Momma!” Aydan said.
“What are you doing?” I asked, reaching over to pull him up on the bed. He laughed and giggled as I tickled him. “Did you climb out of your bed? Levi!”
My shirtless bard showed up at the door. “How’d he get in here?” he asked as he approached the bed. He flopped down on the end of it bouncing Aydan and me up and down.
“I guess he finally climbed out. We’ve got to get a baby gate so he doesn’t go down those steps,” I said.
“I’ll get one,” Levi said. “You little stinker!” Levi grabbed him up and threw him in the air above the bed. Aydan laughed so loud that it woke his sister up.
“I want to play too,” Winnie said.
“If you come over here, we will tickle you,” I said.
“No!” she exclaimed, but ran and jumped on the bed with us. Levi handed me Aydan as he grabbed Winnie.
“Hold up there, Little Girl. I’ve got ya!” he said. She squealed.
“Uncle Levi! Have mercy! Mercy!” she yelled.
“No mercy for you!” he laughed in the worst evil laugh I’d ever heard.
“Tickle Momma!” Winnie said.
“No!” I exclaimed. “Levi Rearden!”
“Say his middle name, Momma. Like you do when you’re mad,” Winnie taunted.