Heartsong

by TJ Klune

  He said, “One day and one day soon, I’m going to ask you about Caswell, Maine. I’m going to ask you to tell me everything. The layout. The people there. How strong they are, and if they’re willing to fight for Alpha Hughes or against her. Because a reckoning is coming. Alpha Hughes has long held a position that was always meant to be temporary. And we’re going to take it back. Do you believe me?”

  I could only nod.

  He said, “But I’m not going to ask you that today. Because today you don’t trust me. Today you don’t know me. You don’t have any reason to believe me when I say I don’t want innocent people to get hurt. That I want as little bloodshed as possible. But anyone who doesn’t stand with us stands against us. And it’s going to be the last thing they do.”

  He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead. He spoke again, lips against my skin. “You have this void. This hole in your head and heart where you know something should be but isn’t. It’s the same for all of us. We were taken from you, yes, but you were also taken from us.”

  He stepped back.

  And then he said something so ridiculous that I couldn’t make sense of it. He said, “It’s almost my birthday. I’d like for you to join us this coming Sunday. It’s tradition.”

  Then he stepped around me and started back the way we’d come.

  I gaped after him.

  Kelly sighed. “I told you, man. Enigmatic dicks. All of them.”

  * * *

  “Sorry about this,” Kelly said as Ox and Joe looked on.

  I said nothing.

  Kelly closed the line of silver, trapping me in the basement once again.

  Ox nodded at me before heading toward the stairs.

  Joe said, “Your tether.”

  Ox stopped, but he didn’t turn around.

  Joe said, “Who is it?”

  I scowled at him. “Fuck you.”

  “Simple question.”

  “None of your business.”

  “Joe,” Ox said.

  Joe ignored him. “Is it still your mother?”

  Little wolf, little wolf, can’t you see?

  I snarled at him.

  And Kelly said, “Enough.”

  Joe left then, followed by Ox.

  Kelly glared after them before slamming the door shut.

  I paced back and forth, prowling the edges of the silver line.

  Kelly hung his head, hands pressed against the door. He took a deep breath before turning around. He picked up his blanket and pulled it around his shoulders. He sat on the floor again, back against the wall. He picked up his book but didn’t open it.

  I said, “This is all shit,” and “You all act like you know me,” and “You’re fucking with my head, this could all be a lie, everything could be a lie. Please let me go. Please just let me go home. I want to go home. I want to go home.”

  He didn’t respond, at least not verbally.

  His chest hitched.

  I could smell the sting of salt.

  He blinked rapidly as he looked down at his book. He didn’t turn the page for the longest time.

  * * *

  Kelly didn’t come back the next day.

  “He’s not feeling well,” Elizabeth told me. “This human thing is taking some getting used to. His body doesn’t do what it once did, and it’s frustrating.”

  “I get that,” I muttered. “My head isn’t doing what it once did.”

  She laughed quietly. “Is that right? How curious. Tell me about it.”

  I didn’t. For all I knew, she was trying to gather as much information as possible.

  She nodded. “Okay. We can just sit here if you’d like. I often find that silence is special if you’re with someone who understands.”

  I turned away from her and stared at the wall.

  * * *

  Kelly didn’t come the day after that either.

  Chris and Tanner did, though.

  I heard the sound of a million people running down the stairs to the basement. I was surprised when only the two of them burst through the door, jostling each other.

  They stopped when they saw me watching them.

  “Hey,” Chris said.

  “S’up,” Tanner offered.

  I nodded at them. My hair fell onto my forehead, and I pushed it back.

  “I could cut that for you,” Tanner said. He scratched the back of his neck. “If you want.”

  “Don’t let him,” Chris warned. “I let him do it to me when we were thirteen because he said he could give me lightning bolts and make me look cool for this girl with really big… eyes. Instead I looked like I had a bad case of mange and got grounded for a week. The girl moved to Canada.” He frowned. “But not because of my haircut. I don’t know why I made it sound like those two things were related.”

  “Don’t listen to him,” Tanner said. “He never had a chance with that girl to begin with.”

  I said, “You’re scared of me.”

  They took a step back in unison.

  “Why?”

  “We’re not scared,” Tanner said.

  “Why would we be scared of you?” Chris asked.

  “People lie. Scents don’t.”

  Chris said, “Look, Robbie, it’s—”

  “Chris? Tanner?”

  “Uh-oh,” Tanner said.

  “He’s so high-strung,” Chris muttered.

  Rico appeared in the doorway. He was frowning, and when he saw Chris and Tanner standing in front of me, he narrowed his eyes. “What the hell are you doing down here?” He glanced at me coolly. “Lobito. You’re looking… alive. How wonderful for you.”

  Lobito. Little wolf in Spanish. Like he knew. Like someone had told him. Joe had known about my tether, and here was Rico saying things like he had a right to. I didn’t like it. Or him.

  But he had already dismissed me. He was glaring at Chris and Tanner. “Lunch is ready. You know we only have an hour. Get upstairs.”

  Chris said, “We were just—” as Tanner said, “We only wanted to—”

  “I will shoot you both in the goddamn assholes if you don’t move,” Rico said.

  They moved. Chris waved at me as Tanner nodded.

  They were up the stairs a moment later, leaving Rico and me alone.

  He turned to me.

  It hadn’t been a mistake before, what I’d seen. There was real hatred in his eyes.

  He said, “I never wanted to find you.”

  He said, “I never wanted you to come back.”

  He said, “I don’t know what that makes me. But I don’t know how to forgive you, and I don’t think I ever will. Magic. It was magic, but it was still you.” He looked stricken. His hands tightened into fists at his sides. “I have a gun. It’s loaded with silver bullets. And I know how to use it very well. The others think they can fix you. That they can get back all that was taken from you. Maybe they can. Or maybe they can’t. And you have to ask yourself if that’s even something you want. Because of all it would bring back. The truth of it all. Either way, the second I think something is off or that you’re going to hurt someone I care about, I will put a bullet in your head, consequences be damned.”

  He spat on the floor between us.

  And then he left too, slamming the door behind him.

  * * *

  Kelly came back on Saturday.

  He looked tired.

  He said, “Don’t worry about it,” when I asked him.

  I was desperate for a friendly face. The confrontation with Rico the day before had left me shaken. I didn’t know what was happening. My dreams were vivid, bright colors and wolves and trees, but they were all mixed together. It was disorienting.

  I said, “Why?”

  “Why what?” he asked, blanket in his lap. He set his book on the floor beside him.

  “Why are you keeping me here?”

  “You belong here.”

  He sounded so sure of himself. “What’s stopping them from coming for me?”

  Them. He
didn’t need me to clarify. “Wards.”

  “Wards can be manipulated.”

  “They can,” he said slowly. “But not these. At least we don’t think so. It isn’t just Gordo’s magic. There are… others involved.”

  “Others,” I repeated.

  “Witches.”

  “Who?”

  He shook his head. “I can’t answer that. At least not now.”

  “Because you don’t trust me.”

  “Do you trust me?”

  I didn’t answer.

  I didn’t need his scent to know that that hurt him. He covered it up quickly. “My father taught me that generals of old used to meet in the battlefield before the fighting started to parlay. War is… expensive. Casualties come at great cost.”

  “And you all think it’s going to come to that.”

  “It might. Or it might not. We’re on one side of the country. They’re on the other.”

  “Am I your prisoner?”

  “Yes,” he said bluntly. “You are. And it has nothing to do with whether or not we can trust you. It’s because we want to keep you safe. Livingstone has a hold over you. He can trigger you.”

  “Would you hear me, dear?” I whispered.

  Kelly nodded. “How did that make you feel? When he said that?”

  “Like nothing hurt. Calm. Happy. Like I was floating.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Is this why you come down here? So you can ask me questions and report back to your Alphas? Did they send you down here to dig for information?”

  He shrugged. “Yes. But that’s not all it is. I want to see you as much as I can. I want to touch you. I want to lay my head in your lap and have your hand in my hair. I want you to smile at me like you know me. Like I’m the only thing you see.”

  “Don’t,” I said hoarsely. “Just… don’t.”

  He looked down at his hands.

  “I don’t know you.”

  “I know.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “I know that too.”

  “Then why?” I demanded. “Why are you—”

  His head snapped up. “Because I love you. And I never forgot you. Even when everything was fucked-up, even when it all turned to shit and blood was spilled, I did everything I could.”

  “Then why the fuck was I still there?” I roared. “Why did it take you so goddamn long to come for me? If I meant as much to you as you say, if I meant anything to your fucking pack, then why did you leave me where I was?”

  He wiped his eyes as he sniffled. “Because you killed an Omega. A man who had come to us for help. You came back from your assignment and you tore him to pieces. Chris and Tanner tried to stop you, and you wouldn’t let them. Instead, you attacked them. Chris died. His heart stopped beating. I found you, your teeth in Tanner’s side, breaking his ribs as he begged for you to stop. I screamed at you. You looked at me like you didn’t know me. And then you were gone. The only reason Chris and Tanner are here at all is because Ox and Joe and Gordo managed to save them. It was almost too late for Chris, but he pulled through when Ox bit him. He and Tanner were human before you got to them. They’re wolves now because it was the only way to keep them alive. We thought you’d betrayed us. Like Osmond. Like Michelle. Like Richard Collins. Like Gordo’s father. That’s why we didn’t look for you at first. That’s why we didn’t come for you.”

  I tilted my head back and screamed.

  It echoed throughout the bones of the house that creaked around us.

  I didn’t stop for a long time.

  By the time my voice cracked and broke, Kelly was gone.

  it’s tradition/can’t forgive

  I dreamed in blood.

  what are you doing

  robbie

  robbie

  please don’t

  please don’t do this

  oh my god what’s wrong with you

  you’re not

  please please please i don’t want to die

  please you’re hurting me robbie you’re hurting me

  oh god no

  no

  let me go let me go LET ME GO LETMEGOLETM

  I didn’t. I didn’t stop. My mouth filled with blood, and I swallowed it down.

  They feared me.

  And I reveled in it.

  * * *

  Elizabeth stood in the doorway to the basement in early afternoon. Her hands were on her hips. Her head was tilted.

  She said, “I need your help.”

  I rolled over on the cot, away from her. I pulled the thin blanket up and over my shoulder.

  She chuckled. “That never works on me. I’m a mother. I’ve raised three boys. You’ll lose.”

  “Go away.”

  “I need your help,” she said again. “It’s Sunday, so it’s tradition. But it’s not just a normal Sunday. We have things to prepare for. Get up.”

  “No.”

  “Get up, Robbie.”

  “Fuck off.”

  “If that’s how it’s going to be.”

  I heard her go back up the stairs.

  I couldn’t believe it was that easy.

  It wasn’t.

  A few minutes later she came back. She was grunting and muttering under her breath, talking about stubborn wolves who didn’t know their asses from their elbows. I didn’t turn to look at her. Nothing she could say would—

  Cold water sprayed my back.

  I yelped and fell off the cot.

  Elizabeth stood on the other side of the silver, a nozzle attached to a hose in her hand.

  “You’re all wet,” she said amiably. “Shall I do it again, or are you going to get up and come help me?”

  “What is wrong with you? Why would you—oh my god, stop!” Water filled my mouth and nose. I choked and sat up, water dripping off my cheeks and chin.

  “This is hurting me as much as it’s hurting you.”

  “Then why the hell are you smiling?”

  She shrugged. “Because you keep shaking yourself like a wet dog. It’s adorable. Are you going to get up?” She pointed the nozzle at me again.

  “You can’t just torture me into—”

  She snorted. “Torture. Cute. If I was torturing you, you’d know it.”

  I glared at her. “Was that supposed to make me feel better? Because it didn’t.”

  “Oh no,” she said. “That wasn’t meant to make you feel better at all. It was a threat.” She squinted at me. “Do you not know when you’re being threatened? That’s not good. I’ll have to make my intentions clearer, then. Robbie. Get up. You’re coming to help me. If you don’t, I will torture you.”

  “Like hell you—aah!”

  I got another face full of water.

  “I could do this all day,” she said. “I’d rather not, since I have so much to do and so little time to do it, but I could. And if not me, then I’m sure I can find someone who would be willing to keep this up in my place.”

  I sighed and looked up toward the ceiling. My hair stuck to my head. “You mean that, don’t you?”

  “Yes. I often find that saying what you mean is easier than saying what you don’t.”

  “Fine.”

  “Good,” she said cheerfully. “But I think I’ll keep the hose at the ready, just to be safe. It’s gotten more of a reaction out of you than almost anything other than Kelly. I’ll be sure to let everyone know that. We have many hoses for reasons I don’t quite understand.” She turned toward the door and raised her voice. “Jessie! Robbie has seen fit to grant us his company. Could you come down and let him out?”

  Jessie appeared in the doorway a moment later. “Why is there a hose on the—oh my god.”

  Her eyes widened as I glared at her, arms across my wet chest.

  And then she laughed. She laughed so hard that she bent over, clutching at her sides.

  Elizabeth grinned at her. “Quite the sight, isn’t he? And look. He’s pouting.”

  “I am not!” I snarled.

  “You kind of are,” Jessie sa
id. She pulled out her phone and pointed it at me. I heard a shutter sound as she took my picture. She showed it to Elizabeth, and that set them both off again. Jessie was still laughing when she came over and broke the line of silver.

  I stood.

  The women didn’t act like I was a threat.

  They should have been scared of me.

  They weren’t.

  Jessie leaned against Elizabeth, elbow propped on her shoulder as she shoved her phone back into her pocket. “You know I’ll just kick your ass again, right? I mean, if you want to go for it, then let’s do it. I could use the workout.”

  I walked across the line, keeping my head down, grinding my teeth.

  “Good puppy,” Jessie said, patting me on the shoulder. She didn’t even flinch when I snapped my teeth at her.

  “There,” Elizabeth said. “Was that so hard? Next time just do what I ask and we can avoid all of this. Come, now. We have a big day ahead of us.”

  * * *

  She pointed me toward a door down the hall. “Get cleaned up. Meet me in the kitchen.”

  And then she left, humming under her breath.

  “Most everyone is outside,” Jessie said as I looked toward a window. “Just in case you were thinking about trying to run again.”

  “I wasn’t,” I muttered.

  “Sure you weren’t. But even if you were, we’d chase you and drag you back, and then where would we be?”

  “You could just let me go,” I told her hopefully.

  She cocked her head. “Why? You have nowhere else to go.”

  And that hit me harder than I expected, hearing it so bluntly. She was right. Where would I go? Caswell? Back to Ezra and Michelle? Even if I chose to disbelieve everything I’d been told since coming to Green Creek, it wouldn’t explain away everything that had happened in the compound. What I’d seen. What I’d heard. All the things I couldn’t remember. Tony—the little cub—asking me what it’d been like when I’d been in Caswell before, and why I always felt blue.

  I felt a hand on my shoulder.

  I looked up.

  Jessie wasn’t smiling. She was hurting too. “I didn’t mean it that way.”