by TJ Klune
“Sort of. I… just… ugh. This shouldn’t be so hard.”
I take his hand again, squeezing his fingers in mine. “It’s okay. Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”
He looks at me. “You mean that, don’t you?”
I blink. “Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”
He shakes his head. “It’s not—it doesn’t matter.” And then he says three words he’s never said to me before, three words that I know in my heart he feels but never had been spoken aloud.
He says, “I love you.”
My eyes are wet as I smile at him. I don’t care about that. “I love you too.”
He exhales. “Good.”
“Good,” I agree, itching to tackle him, to cover him with my entire body, to let him know that I’ve got him, I’ve got him, I’ve got him.
I wait, because he’s not finished.
He reaches down for the backpack and unzips it, and right before he opens it, right before he takes out the object inside, I realize what this is.
What this means.
“My father gave this to me,” he whispers as he pulls a stone wolf out of the bag. And even though I should be surprised that it looks so much like my own, I’m not. It fits because we fit. There’s something infinite about us, and I tell myself I will never forget this moment. The way he looks. The way he smells. The sunlight on the back of my neck and the grass beneath us. Every piece and part of it I memorize, storing away to keep it safe. To keep it whole. “He told me one day I would know who it belongs to. Who I would want to give it to.”
“And you want to give it to me,” I whisper back.
He nods.
He holds it out to me.
And it’s that simple.
I take it from him, and then I tackle him. He’s laughing, and I’m laughing, and I’m kissing every inch of him that I can get my mouth on, promising him all the while that I’m going to love him forever, that I’m going to be the best mate, just you wait and see, Kelly, I promise you, you’re never going to be disappointed for choosing me, you’re never going to think you’ve made a mistake, because I will do everything for you, and I will never, ever forget you, I—
I
I cry out as he bites into my shoulder before I sink my own teeth into his flesh, and it all snaps into place, this bond between us, this thread of shining light that wraps itself around my heart and tightens. There’s blood in my mouth, and it’s all grass and lake water and sunshine and he’s summer-warm and I know what’s next, I know what’s going to happen next, and I don’t want it, I don’t want to see it, I don’t want to remember. I want to stay here with him, stay here in this moment where everything is wonderful and nothing hurts. And I—
I
I
I
I can’t.
Because it’s not who I am.
I see that now.
I see all that I am and all that I’ve become.
Who these people have made me into.
I am good.
I am loved.
I am wolf.
I am Bennett.
I am packpackpack.
There’s a door.
In the middle of a clearing.
It’s metal.
But when I touch it, I realize it’s an illusion.
It’s not metal at all.
It’s glass.
There’s a wolf next to me.
White with a splattering of black.
His eyes are red.
He presses his nose against my forehead, and I say, “Oh.”
And then he’s gone.
But others have taken his place.
All of them.
Here. With me.
Gordo says, “Kid, it’s time.”
Elizabeth says, “We’ve got you.”
Jessie says, “We’re here for you.”
Rico says, “Until the end.”
Tanner says, “It’s gonna hurt, but then it’ll be over.”
Chris says, “And we aren’t going anywhere.”
Mark says, “Because you belong with us.”
Carter says, “You’ve always belonged with us.”
Joe says, “We love you.”
Ox says, “And we will never let you go.”
And Kelly is there, bright and beautiful Kelly, and I’m scared, I’m so goddamn scared, but he takes my hand in his, and he leans over and kisses the skin beneath my ear.
He says, “I love you, I love you, I love you, and do it, do it, Robbie, break down the door, shatter it like glass and come back. Come back to me.”
For him, for them, I would do anything.
I press our joined hands against the door.
It begins to vibrate.
It cracks right down the middle.
BrotherLoveMatePackFriend we’re here we’re here we’re here and we’re the goddamn bennett pack hear us hear our song
And I—
I
I
I
* * *
I am a couple of hours from home in the middle of nowhere, Oregon. The radio is low, some shitty rock music that plays in the garage that I constantly give the guys crap for. But it reminds me of them, reminds me of home, and even though it’s only been a few days, I miss them.
I miss all of them.
My phone vibrates, and I look down briefly. A text from Kelly.
Don’t stop for food. Mom’s cooking for you.
I grin as I send back some hearts.
I look down the lonely stretch of road in front of me. It winds through an old-growth forest, and I haven’t seen another car in either direction in almost twenty minutes. It’s like I’m the only person left in the world.
I think about the Omega I dropped off with her new pack. She seemed nervous, but the smiles on the pack’s faces showed me we made the right decision. They’ll take care of her. They’ll make her part of them. She will have a home and a place in this world. And if she ever needs us, ever needs Ox, we’re only a phone call away. I made sure she knew that before I left.
There’s a sign up ahead, yellow with a black arrow. The curve is sharp, and I ease up on the gas pedal. I’m reaching down to turn up the stereo, the song coming on one of Gordo’s favorites, though he tries to deny it. I’m singing along terribly about being hungry like the wooooolf when I hit the curve. I’ll be home by lunchtime.
There’s a man standing in the middle of the road.
I grunt harshly and spin the wheel. My reflexes are on point, and there’s a second that feels like it stretches out for years and years when I miss him by inches, his head covered in a hood and bowed, hands pressed palms together in front of his chest as if in prayer.
The car hits the steel girder and jerks roughly, metal squealing, sparks flying. The right front tire blows out, and the steering wheel shakes under my hands. I remember what Gordo has taught me, and I fight the urge to slam on the brakes. I wasn’t going fast to begin with, and the car starts to slow, the shredded tire thumping roughly. My backpack, which was sitting on the passenger seat, falls to the floor.
I come to a stop yards down the road, my heart thundering. I take in a deep breath and then another and then another. “Fuck,” I mutter, rubbing my hand over my face. “Jesus Christ.”
I turn off the car as I look in the rearview mirror.
The man is still in the middle of the road, facing away from me.
I’m pissed off.
It could have been worse.
It could have been so much worse.
I could have died.
I open the car door.
And immediately know something is wrong.
The forest around me is silent, but not because there’s nothing there. It’s an absence of sound, like I’m trapped inside some kind of bubble. I frown as I shut the door behind me, immediately on guard. There’s nothing to him. No scent. I can’t tell if he’s a wolf or a human or—
“Hey.” I take a step toward him and
(no no nononono please no please do
n’t make me please don’t make me see this)
he lifts his head, though I can’t see his face. He’s tall, his hands pale against the black cloak he wears. I’m acutely aware I’m far from home with no one around. I glance back at the car. The engine ticks.
“Hey,” I say again as I look back at the figure. “Are you all right? Man, you can’t be standing in the middle of the road. Someone could get hurt.”
The man doesn’t respond.
I’m getting pissed off. “I’m talking to you. What are you doing? Are you okay? I’d ask if you needed a ride, but you’ve fucked up your chance for that. Gordo’s going to kill me. The car belongs to the shop.”
And the man says, “Gordo.”
I stop, a chill arcing down my spine like lightning.
The man says, “When I gave him his tattoos, he screamed. Did you know that? I can’t blame him. It hurts like you wouldn’t believe. But pain is edifying, teaching one the ways of the world. If there was ever a lesson I could have imparted to him, it would have been that wolves aren’t the only things with teeth that tear and rend.”
I take a step back, not knowing it’s already too late.
The man lifts his head. His hands rise to the hood, sliding it back. His hair is white and wispy, fluttering in the cool breeze. The sleeves of his cloak slide down his wrists to his forearms, and I see the tattoos carved into his skin.
He turns his head.
He’s smiling.
“No,” I say. “You can’t—you can’t be here. You can’t—”
He chuckles. “Oh, Robbie. I think you’ll find that I can. Would you hear me, dear?”
I know I can’t win.
Not against him.
Not against this witch.
I can’t beat him alone.
I turn and run, starting to shift. My clothes are tearing as I reach the girder, planning on vaulting over it and disappearing into the woods. The trees will keep me safe. They always have. I’ll be quiet as a mouse, hiding away until it’s safe. I’ve done it once before. I can do it again.
Except I don’t make it.
The air around me starts to burn ozone-sharp. I’m frozen, muscles tensing, caught halfway between human and wolf.
“Robbie,” he says from behind me. “I’m afraid you’re not going anywhere. Look at me.”
“No,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Look. At. Me.”
I turn. I try to stop it, but I don’t have control.
He’s standing closer now. I can see the lines on his face, a face so familiar that it takes my breath away. I think wildly that this is what Gordo will look like when he’s older, this is the face of my friend, but it’s a lie, because there’s something in his eyes, something dark and twisted.
He’s still smiling.
He says, “You know me.”
“Fuck you,” I manage to say.
He shakes his head. “You’re going to help me.”
“The hell I will. We’re going to kill you, we’re going to—”
“We,” he says. “We. Your pack? Yes. I suppose you think you will. But your pack isn’t here, Robbie. They can’t help you now.”
I try to move, try to get away as he walks toward me slowly, but I can’t. My feet are stuck to the ground like they’ve taken root.
His tattoos are so bright.
“All I want is what belongs to me,” he says quietly. He’s only a few feet away, and I think about Kelly waiting for me back home. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. The last thing I sent to him was a fucking heart emoji. If only I’d known what was about to happen. If I had, I would have told him I loved him. I would have told him I never loved anyone like I love him. I would have thanked him for making me whole. For giving me hope. For giving me a home. I would have told him that even if this was always going to be my ending, if given the chance, I would do it all over again. For him. For my pack.
“You’re going to help me,” Robert Livingstone says. “It’s time that I take back what is mine.”
“I won’t,” I snarl at him. “I won’t. I won’t. I—”
I can’t breathe.
His hand is wrapped around my throat and I can’t breathe.
“You will,” he whispers, and the tattoos on his arm are moving, oh my god, they’re alive and moving, and I scream because they’re coming for me, they’re coming for me, they’re—
(grass and lake water and sunshine)
(i see you)
(i’ll never let you go)
The first symbol hits my tongue, and I’m being torn apart. It hurts like nothing ever has. It’s a shockwave that obliterates almost everything else. I don’t know how long it goes on, how long I hold out, because I’m fighting, oh Jesus, I’m fighting as hard as I can, but it’s too much, it’s too strong, and a second symbol crawls into my mouth, and it feels like dying, it feels like death, but I’m thinking about him, thinking about how he looked in sunlight, in the shadows late at night, how he laughed, how he whispered in my ear sweet words that meant nothing to anyone but us.
“Would you hear me, dear?” Robert Livingstone asks. “Would you hear me?”
And I’m laughing.
Here, at the end.
I’m laughing.
It’s choked and terrible, but I can see the moment it hits him. There’s fear on his face, though he tries to cover it up. And it only makes me laugh harder.
“I love you!” I scream into the cool morning air, a heartsong like I’ve never sung before. “Kelly! I love you! I love you! I love you!”
And then everything I am is gone.
* * *
I prowl through the trees.
Voices ahead.
My ears flatten against my skull.
I am wolf.
I growl.
“What the hell?” one of the voices says. “Did you hear that?”
“What? No, Tanner. I didn’t hear that.”
“I swear to god I heard something, Chris. What if it’s an Omega? Er. Sorry, dude. Another Omega?”
“Then we run like hell and let the wolves save us like always.”
Three of them.
Two humans.
One Omega.
There’s a tiny voice whispering in my wolf brain, telling me no, telling me to stop, but it’s buried under bloodlust.
I go for the Omega first.
He hears me coming at the last second, but he’s still caught off guard.
I tear out his throat, the blood gushing over my snout.
The other two—
(chris and tanner that’s CHRIS AND TANNER NONONO)
(would you hear me dear don’t kill them you need to stop you need to STOP)
But there is blood on my tongue, blood down my throat, and I want more, I need more.
“What are you doing?” the one called Chris is screaming. “Robbie, what are you doing?”
I turn toward them.
They try to run.
They don’t get far.
(what are you doing
robbie
robbie
please don’t
please don’t do this
oh my god what’s wrong with you
you’re not
please please please i don’t want to die
please you’re hurting me robbie you’re hurting me
oh god no
no
let me go let me go LET ME GO LETMEGOLETME)
“Robbie!”
I lift my head.
There, standing with a stricken look on his face, is a man.
I start toward him.
And that little voice in my head whispers MateLovePack, but then it’s gone.
I do the only thing I can.
I run away, away, away.
* * *
Later, much, much later, I open my eyes.
For a moment I don’t know who I am.
And then—
“Hello, Robbie.”
I look over. A kindly old man is sitting on a tree stump
. His hands are liver-spotted and shaking, and he smiles at me. It’s sweet and lovely, and I think how it’s been a long time since anyone has looked at me in such a way.
“Who are you?” I ask. I push myself up off the ground. I don’t remember how I got here, but it’s shortly after a full moon, so I’m not surprised. Those nights can be taxing when a wolf doesn’t have strong bonds with a pack.
“My name is Ezra,” he says. “And I come in peace, bringing tidings of great joy. We have been watching you for a long while. My Alpha finally decided it was time. She would like to offer you a place in her pack.”
And oh, are those words like a song I never expected to hear. It’s too good to be true. “What?” I croak out. “Who is your Alpha?”
“Why, it’s the Alpha of all,” he says. “Michelle Hughes. She knows you’re a good wolf. And she wants to put you to work. To give you a home. A place to belong.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Hope rises within me. “She does?”
He nods. “She knew your mother, Robbie. She knew Beatrice Fontaine. A wonderful woman, she told me. Those were her exact words.”
My eyes sting, but I can’t do anything to stop it.
“You should know how rare such an offer is. You’re important, Robbie. To her. To me. To all of us. Please. Would you hear me, dear?”
He says, “The Alpha of all needs you, Robbie.”
He says, “It is a great honor to be summoned before her.”
He says, “She has heard about you. We all have. The solitary wolf.”
He says, “Would you come with me, dear? I have so much to show you.”
It is too good to be true. “Are you sure? Are you sure it’s me she wants?”
“Oh yes,” he says. “There is no one else.”
“Please,” I pant. “Please, please, please.”
Ezra smiles. “Good boy. Now. Take my hand. Let me guide you home.”
I do the only thing I can.
I take what is offered.
He pulls me up. He’s stronger than he looks.
And then he says, “Kelly.”
I blink at him. “Who?”
He shakes his head. “Never mind. You remind me of someone I once knew. Slip of the tongue. Come, dear. I have much to tell you. Oh, and don’t forget your backpack. I’ve often learned that those who travel light treasure what they have more than others. I wouldn’t want you to leave anything behind.”