by R Holmes
"A while ago," she responds flatly.
"Valentina, why didn't you call me and tell me? That's amazing. Congratulations, we're so very proud of you," her dad replies.
"I did. And you hung up on me, remember? The client that was more important than your daughter calling."
Her dad has the good sense to look remotely sorry for what happened.
"Honey, I'm sorry. I was right in the middle of a meet—" he starts, but Valentina cuts him off.
"You know what, Dad? Sorry isn't good enough." Her voice gets louder with each syllable. "I am your daughter. I should come before clients, and meetings, and work. But I don't. You didn't even remember my birthday this year."
I look over and see the tears welling in her eyes. She's angry, and rightfully so. The way her dad treats her is unacceptable.
"I am so tired of every single person in my life walking all over me like I'm a fucking doormat," she spits. Fuck, my chest wells with pride. "I deserve better. I deserve more from my own father. I deserve more than I have gotten for so long, and I am done. I am done being treated like an afterthought by you. I am so done feeling like I am less because of how others treat me." She looks at Victoria. "And you."
Victoria's jaw drops. Well, as much as the Botox will allow it to.
"You are no longer going to make me feel like I'm not enough. That my body is less than perfect. I don't want to hear a word from you ever again about my weight, about what I eat, about how much I work out. My body is none of your concern. What I eat has nothing do with you. I know you are so ridiculously self-obsessed with your image and what other people think of you, of our family, but if someone is going to judge us, me, because I don't fit society’s standard of weight, then they can fuck right off."
I swear, I want to take her in my fucking arms and kiss her like never before. I'm so goddamn proud of her, I can hardly stand it.
"I mean, I'm done. I don't want to hear about fucking diet pills, or belly bands, or any of that crazy shit ever again, Victoria. I’m barely eighteen years old. This shouldn't even be a thing. I can't believe I have subjected myself to this for so long. No more. If you can't respect and love me for who I am, then you will no longer be a part of my life and I will not think twice about it."
Victoria is so shocked that she's not even able to form words. My fucking girl. Goddamn, I'm so proud, my chest is puffy.
"Dad, I'm not even that angry at you anymore. Now, I'm just heartbroken. Can you for a second imagine how I feel? How much it hurts to know that everything in your life is more important than I am? It will kill me to walk away from my family, it will hurt unlike anything I have ever felt, but I will do it if it means that I can protect myself. I am done just surviving. I'm going to live, and the rest is up to you."
When she finishes, she wipes away the tears that have fallen down her cheeks, and sniffles.
Her dad has tears in his own eyes. He stands abruptly and comes over to where she sits and wraps his arms around her tiny frame. Instead of speaking, he just hugs her close to him and kisses the top of her head. I hear the muffled sobs rack her body as her father holds her.
"I'm so sorry, baby, I'm so sorry," he whispers into her hair over and over.
After a few moments, he pulls back and looks into her eyes.
"There aren't enough words to say how sorry I am for hurting you, Val. I am a selfish bastard and I am so sorry for letting so many unimportant things affect the relationship between my daughter and me. I can't change that. I can only make up for lost time and promise you, swear to you, I will be a better father from this moment forward. I am so unbelievably proud of you for your acceptance into Harvard and the young woman you have become. Your mother would be so proud. I am so proud."
Valentina lets out a strangled sob, and hugs him to her again. Fuck, I want to take her in my arms and take away the hurt, but I know she needs this more than anything from her father. They needed to heal and repair the relationship between them after everything that has happened.
"I missed you so much, Dad." Her voice is scratchy from crying.
"I missed you too, baby. We'll do better. You can come home to California for the summer before school. I'll take off from work and we can go on vacation. You could bring Rhys," he says, both of their eyes turning to me.
I give her a small grin. I don't know how that would work with everything that's going on with Ezra, and the fact that I haven't even applied for college yet, but fuck it. I'd follow her to wherever.
Victoria clears her throat and finally speaks. "I'm sorry that I made you feel that way, Valentina. I guess I was just blinded by my own insecurities and projected them on to you."
Now it's my turn to be shocked. Wow. I wasn't expecting that from her at all.
"I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for what I've done and we're able to repair our relationship. I love your father and you both very much. I'm sorry. I promise I will never bring up anything diet-related again," she whispers.
Valentina nods. "I'd like that."
After Victoria's apology, and her father takes his seat, I lace my fingers with hers under the table again and we order our food.
"So, Rhys, where have you applied to for college? Looking to stay close to St. Augustine?" her father asks as they bring out our entrées.
The dreaded question that I hoped wouldn't come during this dinner, but Valentina looks over at me in question. It's not something we've discussed.
"Honestly, I'm not sure, sir. I'm keeping my options open." I don't elaborate and I silently pray that he doesn't ask anything else about it. Fuck, I don't have the right answer for him, and not for Valentina either.
"Nothing wrong with that. Maybe you'll end up at Harvard with Valentina," he teases, tossing me a wink.
Valentina moves her hand to my thigh and squeezes gently. She must sense that it's a subject I'm not comfortable with. The rest of dinner passes uneventfully. Victoria has one too many glasses of wine, and she giggles obnoxiously for the last twenty minutes. We skip dessert when it's offered, and her dad gets the check and pays, while the valet brings the car around.
The car ride back to St. Augustine is much more relaxed for everyone, and I'm thankful that I came along with her. It's obvious that it lifted a heavy weight from her shoulders and in doing so, I'm happy.
"Thanks for coming with me tonight, Rhys. It means a lot," she whispers as she snuggles in closer to my side.
"Anytime, little lamb. I'm proud of you. You're not the girl I met in the library."
She nods.
"I think that meeting you may have been the best thing to happen to me at St. Augustine."
She has no idea the impact her words have on me, they're like a punch straight to the heart. Prior to Valentina, I didn't feel regret. I wasn't remorseful for the fucked-up shit I had done. Until her. The shit that I put her through haunts me, but fuck, I'll spend forever making it up to her.
Somewhere along the way, the villain fell for the girl who steals secrets.
She changed me. She planted herself firmly in my heart and chased the darkness away with a fit of fury. Am I still fucked-up and broken inside? Of course I am. The shit I've been through isn’t going to heal overnight. It will take time to put those jagged broken pieces back together. Am I still a man who needs—no, requires—control to feel at all at ease? Yeah. But Valentina allows me that control in our relationship. She allows me to handle her like she isn’t made of fragile glass as long as I handle her with the respect that she deserves. She takes the darkness inside of me and nurtures it, shaping it into something easier to live with, and easier to control.
Valentina Carmichael is the only good part of me, and I'd spend forever letting her know it.
"First of all, I cannot believe his dick is pierced!" Rory says way too loudly at our table in the library.
"Rory, oh my God! Shut up!" I hiss, looking around to see if anyone heard him. No one seems to be looking our way, so I'm going to pray that it went unheard.<
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He sighs exasperatedly. "I'm sorry! I'm just, like, shocked. Holy shit, Val, you're like this sex-crazed vixen. Wait, who are you and what have you done with the Valentina Carmichael I know?"
A laugh escapes my lips, and I slap my hand over my mouth to muffle it. We're going to get kicked out of the library. This was not the right place to have this conversation, obviously.
“It’s just a whole new world and I am happy, so fucking happy, Ror.”
"Val, I'm seriously so in love with this new version of you. I am so fucking proud of you for standing up for yourself and showing everyone that you are a fierce-ass bitch, and no one will get in your way."
Him and I both. It was overdue, and for the first time in my life, I feel powerful. I'm happy. And my happiness has nothing to do with anyone else's opinion of me.
"Me too. And yes, his dick is pierced. It's, like, just this little barbell under the head, I think a Prince Albert? I tried to google it but a bunch of weird shit started to pop up so I completely abandoned my search."
He laughs at that, so loud that the librarian tells us to "shh" or we're going to have to leave. I apologize quickly and shove my head in the book I'm only half-ass studying.
"I'm living for this. I can't believe you've been holding back all of this juicy shit from me."
"Trust me, I feel inexperienced and silly sometimes when it comes to sex, but Rhys… he makes me feel like a goddess. He seriously worships me."
My cheeks heat at my admission, but it feels good to be able to talk freely with my best friend. Even if I'm shy and easily embarrassed when it comes to talking about sex.
"Now, you spill. I want to hear all about the mystery man," I say, my eyebrows raising.
Rory purses his lips together and leans back in his chair. He runs a hand down his face as he lets out a ragged sigh.
“Still… complicated. He's afraid, Val. He's afraid what coming out will do to him. He's confused, he's scared, he's afraid. Unlike me, he's not comfortable with everyone's opinion of him. His family is really religious and… influential. It's just really the hardest situation ever. I don't know how much more I can take, honestly."
"You know what? Who cares if it's complicated? Look, I get that you can't tell me much because of the situation, but this is what I asked myself when I decided to forgive Rhys of his transgressions. Is my life better with Rhys in it? Even if it's messy, and complicated, and someone fucked-up? If Rhys wasn't here, would I be happy? Without a doubt? That's what I asked myself, and it took some really deep soul-searching that was hard and chaotic, but it made me realize a lot of things about myself, about my life, about my relationships—not only with Rhys, but with my dad and Victoria. And even the unhealthy mindset I had about myself. Essentially, it was like opening a door that I had shoved things behind for a really long time." I pause, mulling over the advice I'm trying to give. Every bit of it is true and heartfelt.
"Ror, love isn't easy. I can tell that whoever he is, he is someone you care deeply about. Maybe it isn't love yet, maybe it is. I don't know. But that's one thing that falling in love with Rhys Blackwood has taught me. It's taught me that love is not black and white. There is no line that clearly divides what's right and what's wrong. That area is gray. It's uncharted. And it's meant to be explored, it's meant to be challenged and contested. If you don't feel uncomfortable while you navigate those waters, then they aren't the person you are meant to love. If it feels easy, or uncomplicated, then you haven't met someone who is meant to change your life and question everything you thought you knew about love."
I pause, the enormity of my words settling over me. It’s the first time I’ve admitted my love for Rhys. The truth.
Rory stares back at me across the table with tears in his eyes. I didn't mean to go on a spiel, but it just kind of tumbles out of my lips without pause.
"So, take the complicated. Take the messy. Fight for it. Don't give up when it seems overwhelming. Because that love is rare. It only comes around once in a lifetime. It is beautiful, it is unparalleled, and it is extraordinary. Most people don't get that chance twice.”
Somewhere in my advice to Rory, my feelings for Rhys poured out. Laced in my words was my love for him, intricately woven and spoken in the only way I knew how. He didn't know how I felt, but here with Rory explaining to him exactly how I felt about Rhys was second nature. It was easy.
"Val, that was beautiful. Seriously. I am so beyond happy for you. The way your eyes light up when you speak about him is beautiful. I can tell that you truly love him." Rory reaches over the table and takes my hand in his. "Thank you. You're right. I needed that. I just… I hope my story ends up the same way yours does."
I give him a reassuring smile.
"Trust me, even when the path is rocky and it feels like you might never make it to the other side alive, don't give up. Sometimes that's all someone needs—someone to not give up on them when things get hard."
Rory sniffles and wipes away stray tears with his free hand. I squeeze his hand in my own so he knows that I am here, always. Even when it's hard.
"Now that you literally made me cry in the middle of the library, how about we change the subject before I end up sobbing and getting kicked out by Sister Thalia. Oh my God, you didn't tell me about Mara! I saw all over Snapchat that she was totally mortified! You go, sis," he squeals.
"She is a nightmare, Ror. I swear, it felt so fucking good to tell her ass like it is. I would've punched her right in her stupid plastic nose if I wasn't scared I would break my hand." I giggle. "God, it was seriously so sweet to see her humiliated the way that she has humiliated me and so many other girls."
"Yeah, and I heard that Kaleb told everyone that she's a lousy lay. The girls in drama were talking about it yesterday. He was adamant he never had anything to do with you, but she was so blind by her crazy hate for you, she would never listen to him. He said that while he didn't have anything going on with you, he did sleep with Ciara."
My jaw drops.
"He had sex with her best friend!"
Rory nods and leans in closer. "Oh, God, and even better, apparently Ciara was sleeping with some college guy and she gave him," he lowers his voice to a whisper, "the clap."
I slap my hand over my mouth in shock. Holy shit. While gossip is totally Rory's thing, I don't even speak to anyone else to partake in it. I'm completely shocked.
"Holy shit," I breathe.
"So now, Mara has to get checked for it since she was sleeping with him without a condom. I mean… I kinda feel bad for Mara because her boyfriend did sleep with her best friend and give her, albeit curable, an STD. But then I remember all of the shitty things she's done to you and it makes me feel less bad."
"Wow. I guess what goes around, comes around. Right?"
"Definitely."
My phone chimes on the table, and I pick it up to see a text from Rhys.
Can you be done studying yet? I miss you riding my face.
My cheeks heat after reading his text. God, he has the filthiest mouth, and now I'm hot and bothered in the middle of the library.
"Was that Rhys? What did he say? You're red as a damn tomato, Valentina Carmichael!" Rory laughs in a scandalized tone.
"He's dirty! I am so out of my element sometimes," I groan.
"Here, let me respond." Rory snatches the phone from my hand and before I can grab it back, his fingers fly over the keys and then he hands it back over to me.
Not as much as I miss your cum down my throat, Daddy.
"Oh my God, Rory! He's going to know that's not me."
Another text comes through seconds later.
Meet me in the chapel in an hour.
"I guess that's that then." Rory smiles triumphantly.
The sun has gone down, leaving the campus basked in darkness. Everyone is at the Abbey, but I'm still cautious as I make my way to the chapel. I look over my shoulder every few feet to make sure no one is following me or sees me slipping inside the heavy chapel doors. Why Rhys has so
me kind of kink of having me meet him in this church to do sexual stuff, I don't know, but the way that my heart races inside my chest tells me I shouldn't ask, and I should just obey.
Looking over my shoulder one last time, I open the doors and slip inside, letting them fall shut behind me. It's dark inside, with only a few lit candles along the aisle and on the altar.
"Rhys?" I whisper.
I continue my path toward the altar and wait for him to reply, but he never does. It's so dark inside that I can hardly find my way. My heart races wildly in my chest. I'm scared. Rhys said to meet him here, but he's nowhere to be found. Just as I get to the front of the church, about to step up onto the altar, I feel someone behind me. A hand slaps over my mouth and I can't help the scream that leaves my lips.
"Valentina Carmichael." My body sags when I hear Rhys’s voice in my ear. I want to elbow him for scaring me, but something about this is setting me on fire. His hand drops from my mouth and travels to my throat, where he grips roughly. He pulls me back toward his body and places a wet kiss on my neck. "Does it turn you on? Being a dirty, filthy sinner?" His words are like lava to my insides.
"On your knees," he commands, letting go of my throat, then spinning me around and pushing me lightly to my knees.
St. Augustine taught us to pray. That God would wash our dirty souls clean. Rid us of our sins. To kneel and pray for redemption. Rhys taught me that falling to my knees for him would redeem me more than the prayers ever could.
He stands in front of me and looks down, his thumb rubbing against my bottom lip, then he undoes his jeans and frees his cock. I never imagined I would love the look of a man's cock, but his is beautiful. Long, thick with just the right amount of girth. The piercing is my favorite part, and it glints in the candle light, bringing my gaze to it. Rhys is sinful, everything about him.
"Open your mouth and suck my cock like a good little slut." His cock bobs between us, hard and ready. "Hold your hands behind your back and don't move them until I tell you." His words are dirty and raw, and I love this side of him. I love that I trust him enough to play a game like this, and know that in the end, he will bring me pleasure. I trust him wholly with my body, my heart, and my mind.