by Daniel Defoe
theground I went on, but terrified to the last degree: looking behind me atevery two or three steps, mistaking every bush and tree, and fancyingevery stump at a distance to be a man. Nor is it possible to describehow many various shapes my affrighted imagination represented things tome in, how many wild ideas were found every moment in my fancy, and whatstrange unaccountable whimsies came into my thoughts by the way.
When I came to my castle (for so I think I called it ever after this,) Ifled into it like one pursued; whether I went over by the ladder, asfirst contrived, or went in at the hole in the rock, which I had calleda door, I cannot remember; no, nor could I remember the next morning;for never frightened hare fled to cover, or fox to earth, with moreterror of mind than I to this retreat.
I slept none that night; the farther I was from the occasion of myfright, the greater my apprehensions were; which is something contraryto the nature of such things, and especially to the usual practice ofall creatures in fear; but I was so embarrassed with my own frightfulideas of the thing, that I formed nothing but dismal imaginations tomyself, even though I was now a great way off it. Sometimes I fancied itmust be the Devil, and reason joined in with me upon this supposition;for how should any other thing in human shape come into the place? Wherewas the vessel that brought them? What marks were there of any otherfootsteps? And how was it possible a man should come there? But then tothink that Satan should take human shape upon him in such a place, wherethere could be no manner of occasion for it, but to leave the print ofhis foot behind him, and that even for no purpose too, for he could notbe sure I should see it,--this was an amusement the other way. Iconsidered that the Devil might have found out abundance of other waysto have terrified me than this of the single print of a foot; that as Ilived quite on the other side of the island, he would never have been sosimple as to leave a mark in a place where it was ten thousand to onewhether I should ever see it or not, and in the sand too, which thefirst surge of the sea, upon a high wind, would have defaced entirely:all this seemed inconsistent with the thing itself, and with all thenotions we usually entertain of the subtilty of the Devil.
Abundance of such things as these assisted to argue me out of allapprehensions of its being the Devil; and I presently concluded then,that it must be some more dangerous creature, viz. that it must be someof the savages of the main land over against me, who had wandered out tosea in their canoes, and either driven by the currents or by contrarywinds, had made the island, and had been on shore, but were gone awayagain to sea; being as loth, perhaps, to have stayed in this desolateisland as I would have been to have had them.
While these reflections were rolling upon my mind, I was very thankfulin my thoughts that I was so happy as not to be thereabouts at thattime, or that they did not see my boat, by which they would haveconcluded that some inhabitants had been in the place, and perhaps havesearched farther for me: then terrible thoughts racked my imaginationabout their having found my boat, and that there were people here; andthat if so, I should certainly have them come again in greater numbers,and devour me; that if it should happen so that they should not find me,yet they would find my enclosure, destroy all my corn, and carry awayall my flock of tame goats, and I should perish at last for mere want.
Thus my fear banished all my religious hope, all that former confidencein God, which was founded upon such wonderful experience as I had had ofhis goodness, as if he that had fed me by miracle hitherto could notpreserve, by his power, the provision which he had made for me by hisgoodness. I reproached myself with my laziness, that would not sow anymore corn one year than would just serve me till the next season, as ifno accident would intervene to prevent my enjoying the crop that wasupon the ground; and this I thought so just a reproof, that I resolvedfor the future to have two or three years' corn beforehand; so thatwhatever might come, I might not perish for want of bread.
How strange a chequer-work of Providence is the life of man! and by whatsecret different springs are the affections hurried about, as differentcircumstances present! To-day we love what to-morrow we hate; to-day weseek what to-morrow we shun; to-day we desire what to-morrow we fear,nay, even tremble at the apprehensions of; this was exemplified in me,at this time, in the most lively manner imaginable; for I, whose onlyaffliction was that I seemed banished from human society, that I wasalone, circumscribed by the boundless ocean, cut off from mankind, andcondemned to what I called silent life; that I was as one whom Heaventhought not worthy to be numbered among the living, or to appear amongthe rest of his creatures; that to have seen one of my own species wouldhave seemed to me a raising me from death to life, and the greatestblessing that Heaven itself, next to the supreme blessing of salvation,could bestow; I say, that I should now tremble at the very apprehensionsof seeing a man, and was ready to sink into the ground at but the shadowor silent appearance of a man's having set his foot in the island.
Such is the uneven state of human life; and it afforded me a great manycurious speculations afterwards, when I had a little recovered my firstsurprise. I considered that this was the station of life the infinitelywise and good providence of God had determined for me; that as I couldnot foresee what the ends of divine wisdom might be in all this, so Iwas not to dispute his sovereignty, who, as I was his creature, had anundoubted right, by creation, to govern and dispose of me absolutely ashe thought fit; and who, as I was a creature that had offended him, hadlikewise a judicial right to condemn me to what punishment he thoughtfit; and that it was my part to submit to bear his indignation, becauseI had sinned against him. I then reflected, that as God, who was notonly righteous, but omnipotent, had thought fit thus to punish andafflict me, so he was able to deliver me; that if he did not think fitto do so, it was my unquestioned duty to resign myself absolutely andentirely to his will; and, on the other hand, it was my duty also tohope in him, pray to him, and quietly to attend the dictates anddirections of his daily providence.
These thoughts took me up many hours, days, nay, I may say, weeks andmonths; and one particular effect of my cogitations on this occasion Icannot omit: One morning early, lying in my bed, and filled withthoughts about my danger from the appearances of savages, I found itdiscomposed me very much; upon which these words of the Scripture cameinto my thoughts, "Call upon me in the day of trouble, and I willdeliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me." Upon this, rising cheerfullyout of my bed, my heart was not only comforted, but I was guided andencouraged to pray earnestly to God for deliverance: when I had donepraying, I took up my Bible, and opening it to read, the first wordsthat presented to me were, "Wait on the Lord, and be of good cheer, andhe shall strengthen thy heart; wait, I say, on the Lord." It isimpossible to express the comfort this gave me. In answer, I thankfullylaid down the book, and was no more sad, at least on that occasion.
In the middle of these cogitations, apprehensions, and reflections, itcame into my thoughts one day, that all this might be a mere chimera ofmy own, and that this foot might be the print of my own foot, when Icame on shore from my boat: this cheered me up a little too, and I beganto persuade myself it was all a delusion; that it was nothing else butmy own foot: and why might I not come that way from the boat, as well asI was going that way to the boat? Again, I considered also, that I couldby no means tell, for certain, where I had trod, and where I had not;and that if, at last, this was only the print of my own foot, I hadplayed the part of those fools who try to make stories of spectres andapparitions, and then are frightened at them more than any body.
Now I began to take courage, and to peep abroad again, for I had notstirred out of my castle for three days and nights, so that I began tostarve for provisions; for I had little or nothing within doors but somebarley-cakes and water: then I knew that my goats wanted to be milkedtoo, which usually was my evening diversion; and the poor creatures werein great pain and inconvenience for want of it; and, indeed, it almostspoiled some of them, and almost dried up their milk. Encouragingmyself, therefore, with the belief that this was nothing but the printof one of my own feet, and that I mi
ght be truly said to start at my ownshadow, I began to go abroad again, and went to my country-house to milkmy flock: but to see with what fear I went forward, how often I lookedbehind me, how I was ready, every now and then, to lay down my basket,and run for my life, it would have made any one have thought I washaunted with an evil conscience, or that I had been lately most terriblyfrightened; and so, indeed, I had. However, as I went down thus two orthree days, and having seen nothing, I began to be a little bolder, andto think there was really nothing in it but my own imagination; but Icould not persuade myself fully of this till I should go down to theshore again, and see this print of a foot, and measure it by my own, andsee if there was any similitude or fitness, that I might be assured itwas my own foot: but when I came to the place, first, it appearedevidently to me, that when I laid up my boat, I could not possibly be onshore any where thereabouts: secondly, when I came to measure the markwith my own foot,