‘Oh.’ For a moment, she appeared almost crestfallen, then she grinned. ‘I’m glad we did this. I feel so much better. There are no secrets now.’
‘But for Mima’s,’ Flick said. ‘I wonder if she is the same.’
Mima was back on the boat by morning, but reluctant to speak to anyone. Flick could tell she was suffering and eventually could bear her silence no longer. She was sitting alone on the prow and he went to sit beside her. ‘It’s no big thing, Mima. Forget it.’
‘Did you find out what you needed to know?’
‘Yes, I think so. There’s no doubt in my mind that Lee is harish rather than human, but just that she has certain abnormalities. Ulaume called them birth defects. I think he’s right.’
‘I’m not like you,’ Mima said. ‘I can’t be blasé about this. I’m not even like Lee, who has no feelings of shame or guilt. I don’t have Wraeththu innocence.’
‘We are not innocent,’ Flick said, ‘don’t ever look on it like that.’
‘Does she still want to be called ‘she’?’
‘She hasn’t mentioned it. The female aspect is very strong in her though.’
‘I don’t,’ Mima said. ‘I don’t want to be what I am. If I have to be alive, I want to be like you, but I’m not.’
‘How do you know?’
‘It won’t work with me,’ Mima said. ‘Forget it. I don’t have things happen to me like Lee did. I’m dead in that way.’
‘Well, if you ever want to talk about it…’
‘Don’t patronise me, Flick. I’m sorry I went off like that last night, but it’s just so hard for me.’
‘Be at rest,’ Flick said. ‘We are heading into new territory and this should concern us more than anything. We could find out about Pell in Galhea.’
Mima nodded, staring ahead up the river. ‘Yeah.’
Just after mid-day, a Parsic patrol ordered them to halt. They were a magnificent sight: black clad hara, wearing black plumed helmets, on horses with black glossy coats. There were five of them and at their signal, Ulaume steered the boat over to the bank. They carried guns.
‘What is your business, tiahaara?’ enquired their leader.
‘We are seeking work in Galhea,’ Ulaume said.
‘How many travel on this boat?’
‘Four,’ Ulaume replied. ‘Do we need permits or something?’
‘We will escort you to the council house in town,’ said the Parsic, ‘but first we must search your vessel.’
‘Of course,’ Ulaume said.
Flick, lurking behind him, went cold. Mima and Lileem were below deck. As the Parsic troupe leader and his deputy dismounted and came aboard, he shot into the main cabin and hissed, ‘Look busy. Look as if you’re working, not hiding. We have guests.’
Fortunately, Lileem and Mima were already sorting through some of the materials Lileem had collected on their journey. While Ulaume and Flick worked in the fields, they planned to create more artefacts to sell.
The two Parsics came into the room and Mima stood up and bowed. ‘Greetings, tiahaara. May we offer you refreshment?’
The leader took off his helm and a long brown plait fell down over his shoulder. ‘What have you got?’
‘Wine and coffee from the Unneah.’
The Parsic leader inclined his head. ‘A measure of wine would be most welcome.’
Lileem got up rather furtively. ‘I’ll see to it.’
The Parsic sat down at the table, while his assistant made a cursory search of the room. He rifled through Lileem’s collection of stones, feathers, leaves and bird bones. ‘What are these?’
‘We make charms,’ Mima said. ‘We sell them for fuel and food, and so on.’
‘Travellers,’ said the troupe leader. ‘What was your tribe originally? Are you Zigane?’
‘We come from all over,’ Mima said smoothly. ‘You know how it is. We just met up and became friends and decided to live on the water. We like it.’
Flick was impressed by her cool.
‘Were any of you connected to the Uigenna?’ asked the Parsic.
Mima laughed. ‘You think we’d admit it if we were?’
He laughed back. ‘I doubt it.’
‘But we weren’t in any case. We had to head east because they took our little settlement from us. They wanted slaves. They are disgusting.’
‘You won’t have to worry about them any more,’ said the Parsic. ‘If you send a petition to Lord Swift, Parasiel might even be able to help you reclaim your land.’
‘Really? That’s amazing,’ said Mima as Lileem put down cups of wine on the table. ‘But, you know, we’ve kind of got used to travelling. It’s great to see the land, and experience the seasons. We really love this life now, even though we were forced into it really.’
The troupe leader narrowed his eyes at her. ‘You know, you look slightly familiar.’
‘How so?’ Mima asked brazenly.
The Parsic shook his head, laughed beneath his breath. ‘No. It’s nothing. I pay no heed to the stories that say the Tigron sometimes travels in disguise among his hara.’
Mima shot Flick a hot glance. ‘You say I look like him? Have you met him?’
Flick stared at her hard, willing her not to block his thoughts: shut up!
‘Not met exactly,’ said the Parsic. ‘I went to Immanion once, with Lord Swift. Caught a glimpse, that’s all.’
‘You’ve been to Immanion?’ said Mima, eyes round. ‘I’d love to hear about it. It’s like a dream.’
‘Perhaps we could meet while you are in Galhea,’ said the Parsic. ‘I am Chelone. You can look me up at the barracks.’
‘Thanks,’ said Mima. ‘I’ll take you up on that.’
After the Parsics had left, and Ulaume had gone with them to acquire official permission for them to dock their boat in Galhea and work there, Flick gave vent to his feelings. ‘Are you insane? Don’t you dare go the barracks, Mima! It’s far too dangerous. You know what he wants from you. Would you risk being found out?’
‘He thinks I’m a charming har who looks like the Tigron,’ Mima said. ‘What harm would there be in having a drink with him one night? This is what we came for, isn’t it?’
‘Ulaume and I won’t let you,’ Flick said. ‘At least…’ He sighed. ‘Not alone.’
Chapter Twenty Two
Mima knew exactly what she had to do and that she must do it alone. Flick and Ulaume cared for her, but there were certain things in life you could only do by yourself. If she endangered herself through doing them, so be it. It was a gamble she was prepared to take.
The night when Lileem had revealed herself to the others, Mima had done a lot of thinking, not least: who am I? Ulaume was wrong to call her coy. It wasn’t that. She was quite sure she was Wraeththu, if not completely har in the way her incepted companions were, but where boys had the big dilemma of having to deal with female parts of themselves after inception, in some ways her own dilemma was more disorientating than physical changes. She could not call or think of herself as ‘he’. It didn’t feel right and it didn’t sound right and to do so would somehow murder Mima, the person she had grown up to be. So much power in so small a word. She wished it away, but it wouldn’t go. It gnawed at her, so much so, it was like having a disease that she couldn’t tell anyone about, all the while knowing it was killing her. They had learned that it was possible for females to be incepted and maybe it wouldn’t work every time, and maybe it required abnormal hara like Lileem to accomplish it, but there it was, an incontrovertible and vexing fact. On the outside, with her clothes on, Mima looked almost the same as she’d always done, because like her brothers, she’d always been fairly androgynous in appearance, but inside, she was changed. Her identity had been wrenched inside out.
She had promised Flick and Ulaume she wouldn’t go wandering around by herself in Galhea, and for a week or so she didn’t, because it took time to summon the courage. But one morning, after they’d gone to work early, she left Lileem asleep and cr
ept off the boat. It was another beautiful, crisp Fall day, like all the days in gilded Galhea seemed to be. She had no doubt the other seasons were as perfect, because this was essentially Gelaming land and they would not tolerate anything less.
Everyhar she passed nodded good morning to her and she was not nervous about asking directions. Other hara saw nothing unusual in her: she was just a stranger needing help. The barracks were in the south of the town, approached by a busy main street lined by market stalls and surrounded by a high wall, where sentries in black uniforms ambled back and forth, dark silhouettes against the deep blue sky. The air was full of swirling leaves, but the breeze wasn’t cold. The scent of frying sausages from the food vendors’ stalls made her mouth water. From a blacksmith’s workshop came the ring of iron on iron. Mima absorbed each sensation, thinking she must remember this day. It was important.
The guards on duty at the gate looked her up and down when she asked for Chelone. She could tell what they were thinking and tossed back her hair to show them she wasn’t just any common har. Perhaps he was already out on duty, patrolling the river, or perhaps it was his day off and he wasn’t here at all. If he wasn’t, then it would be a sign and she’d go back to the boat. But even though she had to wait for a good fifteen minutes, which under those circumstances felt like an eternity, he eventually came strolling across the yard towards her. She could see him approach through the bars of the gate: a prime harish specimen with dark brown hair drawn back into a long plait. His face was well-sculpted, his mouth finely drawn. He would do.
Chelone stood on the other side of the gate, not smiling particularly, but not hostile either and she said, ‘Do you remember me? From the boat you searched a week or so ago?’
And he thought for a moment, then said, ‘Yes, of course.’
She realised he’d recognised her straight away, but didn’t want to appear too eager. He had been waiting for her to come.
‘Well, here I am. When do you get time off? Can we arrange to meet?’
She didn’t know if this was the way hara were supposed to speak to each other, if it was too forward or not forward enough.
Chelone did not appear to find her approach unusual. ‘I could change duties today, seeing as you’re here, because I’m busy for most of the week.’
He didn’t have much to do clearly. What, in Galhea, was there to guard against? He must be bored.
She had to wait some minutes longer while he made arrangements for cover and then he was at the gate again. He had let down his hair and brushed it. Mima felt weak. What was she doing? This could be disastrous.
He took her to a quiet inn near the river and here they ate breakfast together. She asked him about Immanion and he told her, what he knew of it. It was a real place, but now it didn’t seem that important. ‘Tell me about the Tigron,’ she said.
Chelone made an airy gesture, wiped his mouth with a napkin. ‘What is there to say? I didn’t speak to him, because lowly hara don’t. He glows. They say Thiede made him and it’s probably true. He’s unearthly, like Thiede is, but then a Wraeththu king could not be anything else, could they? We are all perfect, so our divine ruler has to be more perfect than us.’ He laughed and took a drink of coffee.
‘Do I really look like him?’ Mima asked, resting her chin in her hands. ‘Or was that just a line?’
Chelone glanced at her. ‘There is a resemblance. You are of the same race, certainly.’
‘Is it true a har called Cal came here a while back? A friend of a friend of mine thinks they once knew him.’
‘Oh yes.’ Chelone’s dark tone indicated at once it must be the same Cal.
‘Did you meet him?’
‘Occasionally. We were not close friends. He was only interested in Terzian, who was our leader then. Cal collects high-ranking hara, that is my opinion.’
‘Is he with the Tigron now?’
‘Nohar knows where he is, other than that the Gelaming have him. He won’t be dead, technically, but who knows? They destroyed Terzian by ruining his mind.’
‘Do I detect some dissatisfaction with your saviours?’
‘I didn’t say that,’ Chelone said. ‘Nohar criticises the Gelaming, if they know what’s good for them.’
‘I hope you don’t mind me asking all these questions, but we’ve been out in the middle of nowhere for years. I’ve lost track of things.’
‘That’s OK. It’s the excuse for us meeting, isn’t it?’
‘Yes. It is.’
It was so easy to be arch and flirtatious. Perhaps too easy.
‘I don’t even know your name,’ Chelone said.
She didn’t pause. She just said, ‘Mima.’
And he replied, ‘Nice name.’
‘You mentioned that Lord Swift might be able to help us get our land back. Could you arrange for me to meet him?’
Chelone laughed. ‘If I remember correctly, you told me you liked your water gypsy life now. It’s not the land you want – you just want to meet a star of Wraeththu, I think.’
‘It’s not that,’ Mima said. ‘I do want to meet him, and – yes, OK - I’m not that bothered about the land. There’s something I need to talk to him about.’
‘Is this to do with Cal?’
‘Partly.’
‘So what’s the story?’
‘I can’t tell you yet. I hardly know you.’
‘I’ll tell you this. Cal is anathema to the Gelaming: everyhar knows it. They hate him because he is a somehar and they want him to be a nohar. He is the flaw in their plan, not least because the House of Parasiel is very fond of him. If you want to go to Swift with more bad news or complaints about Cal, forget it. He’s Cal’s only champion.’
‘I don’t want to complain about Cal. But we can discuss this another time. What can we do today?’
Chelone was giving her a considered stare. ‘I could show you round the town, some of the sites outside of it. I can show you Swift’s house from the road, if you like.’
‘Sounds good.’
‘How come you’re not working like your friends?’
‘I’m supposed to be. I’m being bad. They don’t know I’m here.’
He grinned. ‘OK. Let’s go then.’
She watched him as he went to the bar to pay for the meal and watched his hands as he pulled money from a purse. She thought to herself: I can’t believe this. He’s real and alive and this isn’t a dream or a fantasy and I’m probably heading into territory where I really don’t want to go, but what the hell!
Later, Mima would reflect upon that day and consider it to be one of the best of her life. She was truly herself. She didn’t have to act or pretend. Chelone accepted her totally as har, more so than her friends had ever done. She had enjoyed brief dalliances with boys when she’d been human, and what astounded her most was Chelone’s attitude to her that was so different to any human male’s. There was equality between them and, because of that, easiness. No difference, no obstacles, no misunderstanding. Was she deceiving him or not? Mima could not make up her mind about that.
They visited the sights and finally came to stand at the iron fence that surrounded Swift’s house on a high hill outside the town. ‘It is named,’ said Chelone, ‘We Dwell in Forever.’
‘That’s beautiful,’ Mima said, her hands gripping the bars. ‘It reeks of romantic stories.’
‘And there have been many in that house,’ Chelone said, ‘not all of them with happy endings. My best friend Leef was rather a casualty! And…’ He shook his head and spoke softly. ‘Some things are best forgotten.’
Mima reached out instinctively to touch his arm. She spoke the words that sprang into her mind and knew they were true. ‘Somehar died, didn’t they? Somehar close to you?’
He took her hand. ‘That was extremely sensitive of you. But then, I’m not surprised. I wasn’t that close to him, not really, but he made an impact on me.’
‘Perhaps we can share our stories one day.’
‘I would like to. One
day.’
It will never be, Mima thought sadly, but wished it could be true. He drew her to him, and she let him do it. She let him put his mouth against her own and then her head was full of sparkling mist, of wonderful visions. For a moment, she surrendered to the sensation totally, but then realised she must guard her thoughts. He must have felt the barriers go up, because he drew away, still holding onto her face, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs.
‘You almost showed me something,’ he said. ‘Darkness.’
Her lips were tingling. ‘Sorry.’ She pulled away from him and shook her head. ‘I didn’t mean to.’
‘I’m flattered. You felt relaxed enough to forget for a moment.’ His smile was ironic.
Her heart was racing. She felt faint. ‘I’m hungry. Can we go and eat?’
His expression was slightly puzzled now. ‘Of course. But what about your friends? Shouldn’t you tell them where you are?’
‘Probably,’ she said. ‘But it doesn’t matter. I want to be here, now, with you.’
‘Are you chesna with one of them? Is that it?’
‘No. They are just very protective, because of things that happened to me once. I feel safe with you. It’s OK.’
‘They’ll be worried.’
‘Chelone, don’t!’ She raised her hands as if to ward off his words. ‘I want to eat. If you want me to go afterwards, I will, but I have to eat.’
She felt as if she was losing control of the situation. It was spiralling somewhere. She was pushing him away. The others were standing there between them and she wished he didn’t know about them. She should have lied earlier, said they knew what she was doing.
There was a tense atmosphere between them as they walked back to the town. Chelone tried to disguise it, but Mima knew he harboured suspicions about her now. He sensed there was a heavy history attached to her and perhaps he thought it might be too much to take on. Soon, she must leave him, but just for an hour or so, she wanted to remain in his company. She had shared breath, done a harish thing. He had tasted her soul.
Chelone took her to an inn much busier than where they’d taken breakfast, which was probably a sign how things had shifted between them. Other hara he knew were eating there and already wine and ale was flowing copiously. This was a warrior’s watering hole and their energy was fierce and overwhelming. Mima sat at a table in a corner, feeling miserable. She’d ruined everything now. Damn.
The Wraiths of Will and Pleasure Page 36