Pellaz uttered a fearsome cry and hauled them through the barrier. Lileem felt her skin tear. It hurt so much. But then they were through. She gripped the stone book with both arms. Her legs were buckling beneath her. Terez and Pellaz carried her between them to Mima’s mount. Mima was looking down, in terror, her hair swirling round her head as if she were underwater.
‘Lileem, drop the stone!’ she cried. ‘They can’t lift you. Lee, do what I say!’
‘No,’ Lileem said. ‘I can’t leave it behind. Please.’
Both Terez and Pellaz were trying to wrench her arms apart, but it was as if her limbs had turned to stone. Nohar could move her. One of them slapped her face, but she didn’t let go.
‘This is insane!’ Terez cried. ‘For fuck’s sake, Lee. We have to go. We need to go.’
Lileem uttered an anguished wail. Terez and Pellaz were trying to lift her up to Mima, but she was too heavy.
‘If you don’t let it go, we’ll have to leave you here,’ Pellaz said harshly. ‘Is that what you want?’
‘Wait!’ Mima cried. She leaned down. ‘Pass it to me, Lee.’
‘No!’ Pellaz said. ‘We can’t risk taking anything back.’
Lileem saw Mima’s face above her and it shone as her brother’s face did. She was as powerful and beautiful as Pellaz, as strong as a dehar. Lileem collapsed to her knees and with all her strength held up the stone to Mima. ‘Please. It’s about the dehara. Please.’
Mima leaned down and, as if the stone weighed nothing at all, took it from Lileem and put it before her. The creature she rode uttered a high-pitched cry and its rotating wings rose higher.
‘Quickly!’ Pellaz said. ‘The portal is fragmenting.’ He and Terez managed to lift Lileem up behind Mima. She took hold of Mima’s waist, clasped her numb arms around her.
Beside them, Terez and Pellaz mounted the other creature. Jagged stripes of red light fractured the protective bubble around them. Lileem felt a strong sucking wind that sought to bind them to this world. Her vision was blurred, but she was sure that millions of small scuttling creatures were pouring out of the pyramid, coming to claim and devour them. She heard Mima cry, ‘Astral, we are ready!’ The creature’s wings were turning frantically now. Hazily, Lileem could see an otherlanes portal opening before them, but it was weak, and kept partially closing again.
‘Aru,’ Lileem prayed. ‘You tore the skin of the vortex that would have taken us at sea. Do this again now. Hold wide the gates. Be with us.’
Whether the dehar heard and obeyed her command in this alien place, she did not know. She did not see his image or feel his presence, but suddenly the creature she rode shot up vertically into the air and, with a mighty crack, reality splintered. The portal opened wide like a yawning mouth and they plunged through it.
Chapter Thirty Six
Flick sat beside Lileem’s bed, gazing upon her. He and Ulaume had finished bathing her body carefully and now she lay naked on top of the quilt. They didn’t want to put covers over her, because her skin was covered in scratches and grazes, some of them quite deep. She looked emaciated, and this was hardly surprising. Terez, who’d fared better than Lileem, had already told everyone how he and Lileem hadn’t eaten or slept for years. It was a miracle they had survived in that alien place.
Pellaz said that he’d considered taking all four of them back to Immanion immediately, rather than stopping off in Shilalama first, but Astral and Peridot had been weakened by their experience, and it was easier for them to follow the trail they’d recently made. They had intimated to Pellaz that they could not have remained in the otherworld realm for more than a few minutes, because the place worked its own peculiar hold on any creature that found its way there. If you didn’t leave at once, you might never leave at all. Pellaz said that on the way back, he had felt Peridot’s fear and the fact that such a creature, revealed in the other realm for perhaps what it truly was, could be so terrified was the most unsettling thing of all.
Lileem sighed and shuddered in her sleep. The skin on her face was raw and her arms and hands were badly cut. Mima had told Flick about Lileem’s obsession with bringing a heavy stone slab back with her. ‘The strangest thing was,’ Mima said, ‘when we broke through from the otherlanes into this world, I wasn’t holding a slab at all. It had turned into an old, cracked stone bowl. Inside, it’s covered in strange markings.’
‘It must have been the journey,’ Flick said. ‘The stone changed in the same way the sedim changed. Maybe.’
As for how the sedim had appeared in that realm, Pellaz was unsure if that was their true form or not. It might be that in different worlds, they took different forms. The moment they’d leapt out of the otherlanes, they’d transformed back into white horses. In any event, the journey had exhausted the creatures. They needed to rest before attempting another otherlane jump.
Flick left Lileem to sleep and went downstairs. The house was quiet, but soon Aleeme and the staff would be rising from their beds. Lileem and Terez could be kept secret for only a short time, and the sedim would not be ready to leave before the household was awake. Lileem was also patently in no condition to travel.
Mima and Pellaz had taken Terez to Mima’s room and were no doubt still deep in conversation with him. Ulaume was making an early breakfast. His cooking left a lot to be desired, but Flick was so tired he didn’t complain. The stone bowl Lileem had brought back with her stood on the kitchen table. It was a small, unremarkable looking thing, like an ancient artefact dug up from the site of a vanished city. Flick picked it up and examined it. The markings inside it were unfamiliar. He sensed no peculiar emanations. It was dead stone.
Ulaume placed a plate of burned toast in front of Flick. ‘Carbon’s good for you,’ he said lightly. ‘Keeps you regular.’
‘Thanks.’ Flick munched the toast with effort, but drank gratefully the coffee Ulaume placed beside his plate. ‘What’s going to happen?’ Flick said. ‘Will Opalexian be angry?’
‘Who knows?’ Ulaume replied. ‘She and Pell are fairly close now. She might have mellowed.’ He glanced at the clock on the wall. ‘Mima and Pellaz have done something nohar has ever done before. Opalexian will know about it, I’m sure. She’ll have felt it. Shall we place bets on when we’ll be summoned to Kalalim?’
‘Any time now,’ Flick said. ‘I’m already bracing myself for it.’
In fact, Opalexian made no move until mid-morning. By that time, Flick had instructed their housekeeper, Silorne, to keep away from the rooms where Terez and Lileem were sleeping. He explained they’d received unexpected guests in the night, who had undertaken an arduous journey and needed peace and quiet. This appeared to satisfy the housekeeper for now. Pellaz and Mima did not sleep, and neither did Ulaume or Flick. They were all waiting for the storm to break.
Before noon, a covered carriage drew up in the driveway outside the main entrance to the house. From this, stepped a parage who was concealed by a heavy hooded cloak. Silorne answered the door and conducted the visitor into the living room, where Flick and the others were gathered, drinking coffee and discussing what had happened. The parage paused at the threshold and waited for the housekeeper to depart. Then she threw back the hood of her cloak. It was Opalexian herself. She uttered no greeting, but said directly to Pellaz, ‘I know why you did it. I just wish you hadn’t.’ It was not an opening thrust to which it was easy to respond.
Pellaz regarded her thoughtfully, then spoke in a measured tone. ‘I intend to take Lileem and Terez to Almagabra. I can protect them. I have an estate outside the city where they can stay. No har or parage need ever know what has happened.’
‘That is out of the question,’ said Opalexian, coming into the room. She did not sit down. ‘I wish you had informed me of your wild plan. Of course, you must tell me the details later. But for now we must make arrangements for our wilful charges. I have taken my time in coming here, because I wanted to consider the matter. It is my decision that Lileem must remain here in Shilalama. Your brother is yo
ur responsibility, but he cannot stay here. They must be separated. Our task is to ensure they never discuss this matter with anyone, har or parage.’
‘Perhaps we should ask them what they would like to do,’ Pellaz said.
‘Don’t be absurd.’ Opalexian sniffed imperiously. ‘What condition are they in?’
‘Terez is fine,’ Pellaz said, ‘but Lileem sustained minor injuries. They are both exhausted. You cannot speak to them yet.’
Opalexian nodded thoughtfully. ‘Can you keep Terez from Thiede in Almagabra?’
‘No, but I can do my best to keep my brother’s experiences private. It is known that he lives with Flick and Ulaume. He understands he must tell no har about Shilalama or the Kamagrian. I have told nohar in Immanion anything about Terez’s disappearance. I will say it is my choice to have him with me in the city.’
‘Once Thiede realises Terez is not a scavenging Uigenna wretch, he will want to use him, Pellaz.’
‘Possibly. I will do all that I can to protect him.’
‘Make sure you do. Thiede must not know what has occurred. If he discovers the truth, whether it’s your fault or not, our agreement comes to an end.’
Pellaz stared at her coldly. ‘You can be sure I want to avoid that.’
Flick could tell that both Mima and Ulaume were as curious as he was about what that agreement entailed, but none of them felt brave enough to ask.
‘I’m glad we have an understanding,’ Opalexian said. ‘The time for initial preparation draws near.’ She glanced at Mima. ‘Your brother and I have much to discuss. Can you provide us with a private room?’
‘Of course,’ Mima said. There was an icy edge to her voice.
‘Also, the moment that Lileem is fit to talk, send me word. She must speak to no one, including yourselves, until she has spoken to me. Is that clear?’
Mima inclined her head. ‘As cut glass.’
‘Good. Now, if you would be so kind, conduct Pellaz and I to the private room.’ Opalexian took in all the occupants of the room with one sweeping, chilling glance. ‘This household is nothing but trouble. I expect it is the influence of Cevarro blood. Now Thiede can have two of them on his hands. I almost pity him.’ She smiled at Pellaz. ‘But, of course, the best is yet in store for him. Are you ready, tiahaar?’
Pellaz stood up. ‘More than so.’
Lileem was quite ill for some weeks after her return. Every day, she’d sit out in the garden, in a chair beneath the apple trees, her hands lying loosely in her lap. She didn’t talk much and she didn’t read. She was consumed by grief.
In the otherworld, her feelings for Terez had been frozen, but once she’d regained consciousness, in her new bed in the new house, they came crashing back. She felt exactly how she’d felt on the night of the festival, when she and Terez had taken aruna together. Her first thoughts were of him, and the first thing she said to Ulaume, who happened to be in the room when she awoke was, ‘Where’s Terez?’
From the look on Ulaume’s face, she feared that Terez had died. But then Ulaume told her the truth. She would never see Terez again. As if losing him wasn’t bad enough, she also had to contend with another, perhaps deeper, sense of bereavement. Although in many respects she was glad to be home, she found she missed the otherworld. At night, when she looked at the sky, she yearned for the majestic splendour of the wheeling alien stars. When the sun rose, she thought of the incredible sunrises she had seen. She wanted to see them again. But it was not just for the magnificent landscape that she grieved. She was sure that some unbelievable truth about Wraeththu and Kamagrian lay hidden in the library. Her stone book had not survived the journey to this world, and that was sad, because she’d wanted so much to share it with Flick.
Part of me stayed behind, she thought. I am still there, wandering through the corridors, seeking, seeking.
The only thing that might have made the loss of the otherworld bearable was being able to be with Terez and that was not possible.
So much had happened to her friends in her absence: the new house, new jobs, a harling for Flick and Ulaume, and most important of all, Pellaz. She’d missed all that, and it hurt. Mima cared for her still, but now she had a roon friend in Almagabra too. Things were not the same.
Perhaps to cheer Lileem up and to bring her back into their family, Flick and Ulaume decided to undertake a blood-bond ceremony. It would be like a festival. It would be a happy day. Lileem tried to be interested, but she felt so tired all the time. Every morning, she woke up thinking she had something important to do. Then she’d remember where and who she was, and that the important thing had gone.
Opalexian came to the house and questioned her in a gruelling manner and Lileem was too weak not to tell the truth.
‘You must never do this again,’ Opalexian said. ‘You do understand that, don’t you? Pellaz and Mima risked their lives for you, as did the sedim. You cannot be so selfish as to put those who care for you in such a position again.’
‘But the library,’ Lileem said. ‘It’s important.’
‘You saw what you wanted to see,’ Opalexian said. ‘The dehara exist because you and Flick dreamed them into being, fuelled them with your thoughts. That is how all gods are created. You take the formless stuff of creation and shape it with your mind, as you shape statues of clay with your hands. It’s my belief you were in a realm of pure thought. You and Terez created a world around you, because your senses needed it. You might have gone insane, otherwise. Perhaps there was no world, no landscape, but only a formless vortex of power.’ Nevertheless, she took Lileem’s bowl with her to Kalalim, and didn’t give it back.
When Lileem watched Aleeme at play, it made her weep. She remembered being a harling herself and how the world had been full of wonder then. Aleeme would run up to her and throw flowers into her lap. ‘Don’t cry,’ he’d say. So she’d cry some more.
Opalexian was concerned about Lileem’s depression and sent her personal healers to help. This did some good and after a few months, Lileem was able to function again. Her body recovered, even if her heart still felt as heavy as the stone she’d tried to bring back to this world with her.
Flick and Ulaume arranged to perform their blood-bond in the spring. Lileem asked, tentatively, if Terez would come. The answer was no. Opalexian had forbidden Terez to return to Shilalama, under any circumstances. Once, Mima went to visit Terez at Pell’s estate in Almagabra. Pellaz came to fetch her. Lileem could tell Mima felt guilty because Lileem couldn’t go. ‘Just give him my love,’ Lileem said.
When she returned, Mima took care not to enthuse too much about her visit. She spoke a lot about Pell’s wonderful country estate, but very little about Terez himself. Lileem asked about him, and Mima said, ‘He’s well, Lee. Pell takes care of him.’
‘Does he miss me?’
‘Of course.’
Lileem could tell this was not the truth. Terez was her Chelone: the har who’d desired her, but whose desire could not withstand the terrible reality of their intimacy. He believed she’d kept him from home for years, and perhaps she had. He’d left Shilalama without saying goodbye to her, angry because she’d nearly ruined their chance to get home when it came. She dreamed of him nearly every night. She dreamed of them together, taking aruna like normal hara. It was too painful. Eventually, she asked Opalexian’s healers for medicine to stop her dreaming.
Old friends came to visit Lileem and sometimes, late at night, when much wine had been consumed, some were brave enough to ask questions about what had happened with Terez. Lileem kept the promise of silence that she’d sworn to Opalexian, but not because she wanted to please the Kamagrian leader. She knew that Opalexian was right: no other parage should attempt what Lileem had done. Although Lileem believed it was the most important thing that had ever happened to her, she didn’t think any parage of her acquaintance was fit to follow in her footsteps. Such knowledge did not concern them. They lived the safe life that Opalexian had designed for them. When asked, she would say, ‘It
was the worst thing I ever did. I’m lucky to be alive. It’s damaged me forever.’
Her friends could look at her haunted eyes and know this was the truth. Eventually, the questions stopped. Lileem had become useful to Opalexian: she was a living example of what could happen if a parage was stupid enough to take aruna with a har.
Mima, Flick and Ulaume all tried to encourage Lileem to talk, to share her feelings, but it was difficult. She felt there was no point to it. They could not help her and the things that made her sad would never change.
The blood-bond ceremony ended up as a huge party, with every high-ranking Roselane invited as guests. Flick and Ulaume spoke vows to one another that they’d taken months to craft perfectly, and Opalexian herself officiated. In the orchard of their home, with all the trees in full blossom, she cut their arms lightly and bound them together. She spoke the words of a beautiful ritual, conjuring tears in the eyes of all who listened.
Lileem stood beneath the trees, with white petals falling down upon her. She thought how lovely Ulaume and Flick looked, and how close they were. At one time, they’d virtually hated one another, and bizarrely enough, it had been Terez who’d brought them together. Aleeme stood gravely at Opalexian’s side, handing her ritual items when she needed them. Lileem could tell it would not be long before he was adult. Mima stood at the front of the crowd with Pellaz and Kate, tears of joy running down her face. Pellaz had his arm around his sister. They were like twins.
Lileem watched them all, and it was as if she was a ghost who had come back to the living to observe their happiness on this special day. I will not be here for long, she thought. But where she would go, she had no idea.
That night, she lay awake with her bedroom window open, her arms behind her head. She could hear Ulaume and Flick taking aruna together in the room next door, but the sounds of it didn’t conjure similar responses in her own body as they’d always used to do. Flick and Ulaume were in such raptures, she was almost tempted to bang on the wall to get them to shut up. Is this how my life’s going to be? she thought. Will I never feel that special way again?
The Wraiths of Will and Pleasure Page 59