Love Me by Christmas

by Jaci Burton

  She shook her head. "Born and raised in Chicago. I moved here to do my residency in OB."

  "Well, no offense to the Windy City, but St. Louis is better."

  Karen laughed. "It is a lovely city, but I can't agree it's better than my home city."

  "Oh, come on. We have great sports, awesome food, lots to do and see."

  Karen gave him a mirthful smirk. "And so does Chicago."

  He liked that Karen was solidly in her hometown's corner. Which didn't mean he wouldn't give her shit about it. "I'm not sure we can continue to talk to each other."

  She laughed. "I could leave."

  He laid his hand over hers. "Just kidding. I'm willing to let you stay at this table even if your city doesn't know that thin-style crust is better."

  "You're so generous, Nick. I'm willing to continue to sit at this table even if you don't have a basketball team."

  He liked her. "Oh, ouch. So tell me about yourself, Karen. Why St. Louis for your residency?"

  She shook her head. "The hospital here has a great program. Plus, I'm single and had no attachments in Chicago, so it's easy for me to make the move."

  "So you moved here alone?"

  She nodded. "Yeah, that part was tough."

  "I can't imagine what a big decision it was to make a big move like this by yourself. To be away from your family and friends."

  "It was, but I knew it could be part of the deal when I decided to become a doctor."

  "Hey, you'll meet great people here. New friends. Go out on dates and have some fun. There's a lot to do here."

  She gave him a smile. "I'm still trying to finish up my residency, and that perfect guy hasn't made an appearance in my life yet. Plus, I generally try to catch up on sleep on my off days. Not that I wouldn't be open to giving up some sleep if the right guy asked me out."

  She gave him a direct look.

  Nick thought Karen was pretty, with warm brown eyes and an engaging smile. And it was clear as hell that she was flirting with him. Normally he wouldn't mind that if his head wasn't all tied up with Ellie right now.

  And, speaking of Ellie, he wondered where she'd disappeared to.

  "Hey, excuse me for a minute, Karen."

  She smiled. "Sure."

  He got up and found Ellie talking to Fran. Just then the music started up, and since there was a dance floor, he took her by the hand.

  "Hey, Fran."

  "Howdy, Nick. How's it going?"

  "Good. Hope you don't mind, but I'm grabbing Ellie."

  Fran gave him a grin. "Don't mind at all."

  "Come on, Ellie, let's dance."

  She looked surprised. "What?"

  "Dance," he said as he led her onto the floor. "You know, that thing where there's music and you move your feet?"

  "I know what dancing is. Where's Karen?"

  He looked over at the table. "Talking to some guy."

  She frowned as he pulled her against his chest. "Oh."

  She felt good against him, as if she belonged there.

  Because she did belong there. Now he just had to convince her. Unfortunately, she was stiff as a board as he moved her around the floor.

  He frowned. "What is it?"

  "Oh. Nothing. This is fine."

  Fine. There was a word filled with a whole lotta nothing. How could she not feel what he was feeling? That connection, the chemistry that always seemed to wrap around them when they were together.

  In fact, he knew she did feel it, because she licked her lips and her eyes dilated when she met his gaze.

  So her tension was her way of fighting the attraction she felt for him. The question was, why?

  He tugged her closer, sliding his hand up her back, forcing her to look up at him.

  "Seriously, Ellie. What's up?"

  "I just...have things on my mind."

  "What kinds of things?"

  "Work things. Can you excuse me a minute, Nick?"

  She disengaged and walked away, leaving him standing in the middle of the dance floor looking like an asshole. A confused asshole.

  Ellie always talked to him about work things. About everything. So what was it that she couldn't tell him?

  "You dancing alone or can I slide in here?"

  He pulled his gaze away from a retreating Ellie and onto Karen.

  Shake it off. Whatever was going on with Ellie could be dealt with later.

  He smiled at Karen and held out his hands. "Sure. Slide on in."

  Unlike Ellie, Karen leaned into him, and her interest was obvious. If he wasn't totally into Ellie, he'd be into a woman like Karen. Smart, beautiful, with a killer smile and a ton of confidence.

  Unfortunately, his heart--and his head--were into another woman. A woman who'd completely disappeared once she'd walked away from him.

  He searched for her and spotted her spying on Karen and him from across the room. Though she was trying to appear engaged in conversation with her friend Fran, it was obvious she was way more interested in what was going on between Karen and him.

  So she didn't want to dance with him, but she sure as hell was interested in him dancing with Karen.

  He looked down at Karen, who gave him an eager smile. "You're good at this dancing thing."

  "Hey, thanks." Good to know it wasn't his dancing skills that had made Ellie walk away. He smiled back at Karen, then looked over at Ellie, who quickly glanced away.

  She was trying to fix him up again, wasn't she? What the hell, Ellie?

  "Come on, Karen, let's go have a seat." He took her by the hand and they went back to their table.

  "Drink?" he asked.

  "Sure."

  He went up to the bar and got drinks for both of them and brought them back to the table.

  "Thank you," Karen said. "You know, I debated about coming tonight."

  "Yeah?" he asked, then took a long swallow of his beer. "Why's that?"

  "Oh, you know. Work functions. People bring their significant others and here I am, new in town and feeling like a third wheel to everyone."

  He turned his thousand-watt smile on Karen. She was sincere and not at all hitting on him. Which really sucked because if he wasn't hung up on Ellie, Karen would be a woman he'd happily date. Unfortunately, he was going to have to piss her off so she wouldn't think any of this was her fault.

  "I don't think you're going to have any problem finding that perfect guy. You have the looks, the smarts, plus you're a doctor."

  Karen blushed. Damn, she was pretty.

  "I don't know about that. Some guys are intimidated by me."

  "Really? I don't see why. I mean, free medical advice, right?"

  Karen frowned. "Excuse me?"

  "I have this toenail fungus that's been driving me crazy for months." He started to take off his shoe and sock. "You wanna take a look at it and tell me what you think?"

  He could already see the shock and revulsion on Karen's face. "Uh, no, I don't. I think I see some other people I need to visit with. It was, um, nice to meet you."

  "Oh, okay, sure. But if you have some time later..." He lifted his bare foot up and wriggled his toes in her direction.

  "Bye, Nick." She bolted, and Nick was impressed as hell with how fast she could move in her high heels.

  He felt really bad about that, but he wasn't going to be set up. And he wasn't going to lead Karen on and let her think he was her perfect guy.

  He wasn't the perfect guy for anyone.

  Except for Ellie, who, for some reason kept trying to throw him at other women while avoiding how she really felt. So what the hell was going on?

  It was about damn time for him to find out why.

  Chapter Nine

  "And then he proceeded to stick his damn foot in my face."

  Ellie was at a loss for words. What was wrong with Nick? "I'm so very sorry, Karen. That's not like Nick at all. He's typically not such a--"

  "Nauseating narcissist?"

  She was about to deny it, but given Karen's explanation of their co
nversation, it fit. "Uh, yes. I apologize. Let me make it up to you. I know a lot of really great guys."

  Karen held up her hand. "No. Thank you. If Nick is your idea of a great guy, Ellie, I'll pass." She turned and walked away.

  Ellie slumped in the chair at Fran's table and cast a helpless look over at her friend. She'd never been so mortified. Didn't Nick realize she worked with these people?

  "That's not the Nick I know," Fran said. "Then again, I've never seen his naked feet."

  Ellie rolled her eyes. "He did it on purpose."

  "Did what on purpose?"

  "The foot thing."

  Fran gave Ellie a confused look. "There's a foot thing? What exactly do you two do in the house after Henry goes to bed at night?"

  "Come on, Fran. You know what I meant. He deliberately did some disgusting thing with his foot to get rid of Karen."

  "Uh-huh. And why do you think he did that, El?"

  "I have no idea." She had to go find him.

  The trouble was, she couldn't find him anywhere. The bastard was probably hiding from her.

  He should hide. Because as soon as she found him, she was going to blister his ears with words.

  So. Many. Words.

  She finally spotted him hanging in the corner of the room with several guys, including Fran's boyfriend, Mark.

  Unintimidated by the throng of testosterone, she marched to the corner.

  "Hey, Ellie, how's it going?" Mark asked.

  She smiled at Mark. "Great, thanks." Then she turned her attention to Nick, and her smile disappeared. "Nick, I need to talk to you."

  "Sure." Nick pushed off the column he'd been leaning against and followed her. She led them out of the ballroom and into the hall before she turned to face him.

  "What the hell did you do?"

  He frowned. "Huh?"

  "With Karen."

  "Oh. Yeah, that. We need to talk about that. Later."

  "No, we can talk about that now."

  "Are you sure? Because there are some things I want to say about it, and I don't think you want to do it here."

  "Oh, I want to do it here."

  "No, Ellie, you really don't."

  He seemed pissed. Why was he pissed? She was the one who had the right to be upset with him. "Seriously? Why are you taking that tone with me?"

  He took her by the arm and led her down the hall and around the corner, away from people going in and out the door to the ballroom.

  "You want to know why? Because you keep trying to fix me up with women. First Rachel, then Karen? Come on, Ellie, I'm not stupid."

  Frustration ate at her. "You knew. That's why you acted like such a jerk."

  "Of course I did. I don't need you to find women for me."

  "Obviously you do, because you're doing a terrible job finding them on your own."

  "I'm not looking for a woman."

  "Maybe you should be."

  He glared at her and she knew there was more he wanted to say. Instead, he just turned around and walked away from her.

  "Dammit, Nick," she whispered to the empty hallway.

  They weren't finished with this conversation.

  Chapter Ten

  Nick was silent the entire way home. He had to be, because he was still pissed off about Ellie trying to fix him up. The problem was, he wasn't sure how to approach this conversation without telling her how he felt about her. And he wasn't sure she was ready to hear that yet.

  Between the time of year and it being so close to the date when John died, plus the fact they'd never talked about whether she was ready to start seeing anyone yet, he had to be careful with her.

  But he was still mad as hell. Which meant he had to keep his thoughts to himself.

  When they got home, Ellie paid Cecelia, then Nick drove her home. By the time he got back, he figured Ellie would already be in her room getting ready for bed.

  He was wrong. She was still in her dress--that damn sexy red dress that was even sexier now that she'd taken the sweater off. It showed off the skin of her back and distracted the hell out of him.

  He refused to be distracted when he was pissed off. So he headed toward the kitchen, where Ellie was sipping a glass of wine.

  He took off his coat and hung it on the hook by the door, then walked into the kitchen, right past Ellie, and to the fridge, where he grabbed a beer. He unscrewed the top and took a long swallow. Then he stared at the kitchen counter.

  "Are you going to turn around and talk to me about this?" she asked.

  He turned around to face her. "About what? About the fact you're trying to fix me up?"

  "Yes. And the fact that you've acted like a total douchebag to two very nice women."

  "That part I feel bad about." It wasn't in his nature to lie to or dupe women. He felt shitty about the way he'd handled Rachel and Karen.

  "You should feel bad. They're amazing women, Nick."

  "I'm sure they are. But they're not for me."

  "How do you know they're not for you? You never even gave them a chance."

  How could he begin to explain to her that he wasn't interested in any woman but her? He didn't think she was willing to listen. Not right now. "I don't need fix ups."

  Ellie took a long swallow of her wine. "Why don't you date, Nick?"

  Well, shit. He shrugged. "I'm busy."

  "That's a terrible excuse. Do you know in all the time I've lived here I've never seen you go out on a date? Not one time? And I've been here almost five years. I'm starting to think it's because of me."

  He frowned. "What? No. It's not because of you."

  She gave him her don't lie to me look, the one she always gave to Henry whenever he was fibbing to her.

  "Okay, in the beginning it was because of you. Mainly it was because of John. Come on, Ellie. I'd lost my brother. Going out and having fun with some woman was the last thing on my mind after John died. And then there was you, with Henry. We both had our hands full."

  "That's true. But it's been almost five years."

  "I could say the same thing about you. In the entire time you've lived here, I haven't seen you date once."

  "I was mourning. I loved him so much, Nick."

  She was killing him. "I know you did."

  "I know he wouldn't want me to mourn him forever. And I have been moving on and putting the loss behind me. But there's been Henry and I guess I used him as a convenient excuse to not ever think about being with another man again."

  He put down his beer and walked over to her, putting his hands on her arms. He made sure she could see the directness of his gaze as he said the words, to know how much he meant them. "You have a right to be happy."

  She gave him a direct look right back. "So do you."

  "I am happy."

  She took another swallow of wine, then set the glass on the counter. "I think you're lonely." She came over to him and picked up his hand. "And I think I'm holding you back."

  So that's what it was. "Ellie. It's not you."

  Though it was her. Hell, this was getting so damned complicated.

  "Then what is it, Nick? You know you can tell me."

  He was either going to have to come out with it and be honest with her or he was going to have to hold it in forever. And it was now or never.

  "Okay, it is you."

  She blinked. "Okay."

  "But not in the way you think," he rushed to add.

  She frowned. "I don't understand."

  He rubbed his thumb over hers. "In the beginning, it was all about our grief. Yours and mine. And then there was Henry, so then it was all about him. Making sure the both of you were okay. But the past--I dunno--year or two, it's been about more than that."

  He saw her eyes go dark, felt the subtle change in the air between them, and he knew she understood. "Oh. Oh."

  "Yeah. I started thinking about you as more than my brother's widow. More than Henry's mom. More than just my friend. You're a smart, beautiful, desirable woman, Ellie. And you're the only wo
man I've been thinking about for a while now. Which is why when you were throwing women at me I wasn't interested. I'm just interested in you."

  Ellie couldn't breathe. She'd had these feelings for Nick, too, thoughts she knew she shouldn't be having, but couldn't help herself.

  And now here was Nick, admitting he'd been having the same thoughts, the same feelings. She owed it to him to be honest.

  "I have to admit, Nick, I'm feeling the same things."

  His gorgeous blue eyes darkened with a flash of desire that nearly knocked her backward. "Yeah?"

  "Yes. Only it made me feel mixed-up and guilty."

  "Why?"

  "You know why. You're John's brother. It doesn't feel right somehow."

  "So you'd rather be with some other guy than with me?"

  She shook her head, confusion making her temples pound. She didn't know how to explain this to him so it made sense. How could she, when it didn't even make sense to her? "No. I mean...I don't know. I don't know what I want, Nick."

  She saw that heat of desire in his eyes go out.

  "I get it, Ellie. You need time. And I don't want to push you into something you're not ready for. When you figure it out, you let me know."

  He released her hand. She reached for him, but he'd already backed away.

  "Nick."

  "I'm going to bed. Night, Ellie."

  She wanted to say something--anything--to get him to stay. She wanted to tell him about all the feelings she'd been bottling inside, so much so she wanted to explode. She wanted to tell him how much she wanted to touch him. She wanted to ask him to kiss her.

  Instead, she watched him walk away.

  And for the first time since her husband died, she really did feel all alone.

  Chapter Eleven

  Game night at Rob and Melissa's house was one of Ellie's favorite things to do. Nick and Rob always got to hang out at work, but Ellie only got to see Melissa one Saturday a month at game night.

  They typically did a potluck since other couples showed up. Tonight, Fran and Mark were there, along with Melissa's friend Heather from the bank where she worked, and Heather's husband, Eric.

  They ate dinner first, and it was delicious as always. Rob had a huge family, so when they'd bought the house, he'd built a massive dining room table with plenty of room to seat everyone. Typically the women sat at one end of the table and the men at the other, which suited Ellie just fine since she could get caught up with Melissa and chat with Fran and Heather.

  Henry was happily situated at the table in the kitchen with Rob and Melissa's son, RJ, who was only a year older. The two of them got along great. Eric and Heather had a two-year-old they didn't bring tonight.