by Jaci Burton
It was cold, she couldn't feel her toes anymore, and she was ready to be done.
"Yup. It's perfect. This one will do."
They bought the tree and Nick loaded it in the truck. When they got home, Nick set the tree up in front of the window in the living room.
"It's pretty, isn't it?" Henry asked.
She smiled at him. "It sure is. And very large."
Nick tightened the tree stand, then stood and looked at her. "Too big? You said it was perfect."
"I did, and it's fine."
"It's super-big so Santa won't miss it," Henry said.
Nick ruffled Henry's hair. "No way he's missing this one, buddy. Let's get the lights on it."
Ellie went into the kitchen and got water to put into the tree basin. Once she did that, she stood back while Nick and Henry strung the lights around the tree. It tugged at her heart to watch them, to hear her son's giggle when Nick teased him about the lights drooping on the ground, then told Henry about him doing the same thing to the lights when he was a kid.
John would have loved doing this with Henry. Christmas was his favorite time of year.
Her heart squeezed as she realized that Henry would never know his father, and that the only father figure he actually knew was Nick. As far as Henry was concerned, Nick was his father.
As she sat on the edge of the sofa and watched the way Nick interacted with Henry, she realized how much Nick loved her son. He'd given up so much of himself to be there for Henry. Late-night walks up and down the hall when Henry was a baby so that Ellie could get some sleep. The worried looks on Nick's face whenever Henry had been sick. He'd gone to all the pediatrician appointments with her when Henry was a baby so she wouldn't have to do it alone. Any time she'd had to work overtime, Nick had always stepped in to be there for Henry.
Not just Henry. Nick had also been there for her. She'd never done it alone because Nick had always been around.
And she knew it wasn't only because of Henry. She'd counted on Nick, first as her friend, her shoulder to lean on, her rock during her time of grief. Then, more recently, she realized something else had developed between them.
They shared the same sense of humor about the dumbest things, and, oh, God, she loved laughing with him. She couldn't imagine not having him to share in the everyday, mundane things in life.
It had all been gradual, but she should have seen the signs. Maybe she'd tried to deny it, but she couldn't anymore. Not after last night. She had to face the realization that she was in love with Nick. Like, totally, completely, heart-poundingly in love with Nick.
She shifted her glance to Nick and Henry, the two of them talking about how to hang the ornaments.
Nick was totally and completely ingrained in her life. In Henry's life.
She felt so selfish, as if she'd held Nick back for the past five years. Who knew what kind of life he could have had if he hadn't had to take care of her and of Henry?
Tears pricked her eyes.
"I'll be right back," she said. She made her way down the hall and into her room. She shut the door and went to sit on the bed, forcing the tears away.
This was all wrong. She couldn't let it happen. It was so unfair of her to shackle Nick with a woman and kid that he hadn't chosen for himself.
There was a soft knock on the door.
"Ellie?"
Just the sound of Nick's voice was like a balm to her soul. Whenever she'd had sad feelings in the past, she could always talk about them with Nick. Except now, her feelings were about Nick. And she couldn't even talk to Nick about how she felt.
This was awful.
The knock came again.
"Ellie?"
With a sigh, she said, "Yes."
"You okay?"
She swiped at the tears that she realized had fallen down her cheeks. "I'm fine."
Nick paused, but she knew he was still at the door.
"You sure?"
"Yes. I'm good."
"We're ready to decorate the tree. You want to join in?"
No, she didn't want to join in. She wanted it to not be Christmas. She wanted to not have fallen in love with Nick.
She also realized she couldn't change any of the things she didn't want.
She inhaled a deep breath, then let it out. "I'll be right there." Then she thought for a minute. Actually, she might be able to change one thing. She washed her face, got it together, then opened the door and headed down the hall, putting on her fake happy face, because it was time to decorate the hell out of that tree--and her house--for Christmas.
For Henry.
Chapter Fifteen
Nick put the last of the gifts he'd wrapped under the tree while Henry was busy in the kitchen helping Ellie get dinner ready.
He couldn't believe it was Christmas Eve already. Then again, he'd been nonstop busy both at work and at home for the past week. Ellie had been pulling some double shifts because not only did babies not keep a schedule for when they decided to show up, but several of her coworkers had been on vacation.
Fortunately, Ellie was off work the next couple of days, so she could finally kick back and relax. So could he, because they'd closed the auto shop as well.
Now the only thing left to do was celebrate Christmas with Henry. Nick's parents would be coming in tomorrow. He couldn't wait to see them.
Ellie had spent the better part of the day cleaning the house from top to bottom, though Nick had thought it looked fine. But she always did that when his parents came to town. The spare bedroom had been prepared for his mom and dad. There were fresh sheets and blankets on the bed, and the guest bathroom had been filled with clean towels.
Ellie had gone to the grocery store while Nick smoked a ham for dinner tonight. He'd kept Henry busy talking about his Christmas list, which had grown every day.
"And a puppy and a parrot and a goat."
Nick arched a brow. "A goat, too?"
"Yeah. They have beards. And they'll eat anything, even whole cars."
He loved the kid's imagination. "Is that right? And where would we keep a goat?"
"He could stay in my room."
Nick slanted a concerned look at Henry. "What if he ate your toys?"
Henry pondered that thought. "Oh. Maybe not a goat, then. But definitely a puppy."
Once Henry got the train set, he wouldn't even notice that he didn't get a puppy. Or at least Nick hoped so.
Though getting a dog wasn't a bad idea. Maybe in the spring, for Henry's fifth birthday. Henry would be old enough to help take care of a dog, and he'd been asking for one for a while now. Nick would have to talk to Ellie about that.
He stared out at the fresh blanket of snow that had fallen earlier today. He'd already talked to his parents, who'd told him their flight was still on schedule. They'd be here midmorning tomorrow, which meant he and Ellie would be up early with Henry so he could open his gifts before Nick would have to drive to the airport to pick up his parents.
It was going to be a perfect Christmas.
"We're ready in here, Nick," Ellie said.
He moved away from the window and headed into the kitchen. They were eating light tonight since they were going to roast a turkey with everything that went with that for tomorrow. Nick sliced the ham, and Ellie had bread for sandwiches, along with different cheeses, tomatoes, spreads, and some fresh fruit and vegetables.
They carried everything into the dining room.
"I'm so hungry," Henry said as he climbed into his chair.
"Me, too, buddy," Nick said. "So don't go eating all the food, okay?"
"You don't go eating all the food."
Ellie laid the rolls on the table. "I might eat all the food, so you two watch out."
Henry giggled.
Nick had to admit he really was hungry. It didn't hurt that everything tasted great.
"The ham turned out perfectly," Ellie said.
"Thanks. I think so, too."
"I'm eating mine in a sammich like yours, Uncle Nick," He
nry said.
Nick finished chewing and took a swallow of water. "That's because it's better with all that cheese and lettuce and tomatoes on it."
Henry looked at his sandwich. "Mine just has cheese."
"Of course it does," Ellie said, leaning over to press a kiss to Henry's cheek. "Because you're the king of cheese."
"That's right," Henry said.
"You'll learn how good the other stuff is, buddy."
"Momma isn't having a sammich."
"Well, Momma's missing out on the good stuff, too."
Ellie laughed. "Momma's saving all her calories for tomorrow."
"What are calories?" Henry asked.
Nick looked over at Ellie, punting that explanation to her.
Ellie blew out a breath and launched into a simplistic explanation of how food is broken down in your body, and if you eat too much food it's not good for you. As always, she handled it perfectly. Her answer seemed to satisfy Henry, because he immediately asked if he could open his presents tonight.
"No, we open presents on Christmas morning, honey," Ellie said.
"But there's already presents under the tree, and if I opened those, that would make room for the ones Santa is gonna bring me tonight."
Way to be logical, kid.
"But think how awesome it'll be tomorrow morning when you get to open all your presents," Ellie said.
Henry looked at her. "Think how awesome it would be if I could open presents tonight and tomorrow."
Nick had to hide a smile as Ellie gave a helpless look in his direction. Obviously she was punting this one to him.
"Hey, Henry, remember when we talked about family Christmas traditions?"
"You mean like hanging stockings on the mantel and stuff?"
"Yes. Opening our presents on Christmas Day is our family tradition."
"Oh." He shrugged. "Okay."
And just like that, the conversation was over and he was off on yet another topic.
God, he loved that kid.
They cleaned up after dinner and settled in front of the TV with some eggnog and hot chocolate and read The Night Before Christmas together, another family tradition from Nick and John's childhood. They'd started it with Henry when he was an infant. They followed it up with watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
Henry fell asleep midway through the movie, nestled between Ellie and him.
Ellie looked over at Nick. "I think he's out."
Nick picked him up and carried him into his room, slid him into his bed, and Ellie pulled the covers over him. She kissed him on the forehead and they closed the door.
They'd wait a respectable amount of time before putting Henry's gifts under the tree.
"Want a glass of wine?" he asked Ellie.
"I'd love one, thanks."
He went into the kitchen and pulled a Pinot Grigio from the wine fridge, poured a glass for Ellie, then grabbed a beer for himself. He handed the glass to her and they settled together on the sofa, this time without a four-year-old between them.
"Feel like another movie?" she asked.
"Sure."
This time they chose a non-kid holiday movie. They went with Love Actually, which was one of Ellie's favorites, though she typically cried at the beginning when Liam Neeson's character's wife died. No doubt it reminded her of losing John. Nick was always there to comfort her through it, and when she got past the funeral, she enjoyed the rest of the movie.
This time, though, she stayed dry-eyed. A good sign. Though she could also just be going through the motions, too. She wasn't falling apart, sure, but she wasn't exactly brimming with happiness, either.
Maybe he could fix that.
"I'll be right back."
He went into his room and retrieved the box he'd already wrapped. He'd intended to save it for tomorrow morning, but since it was just the two of them, it felt like the right time.
He brought it out and laid it in her lap.
Ellie grabbed the remote and paused the movie, then looked over at him.
"What is this?"
"It's your Christmas present."
"It's not Christmas yet, Nick."
"I know. I just thought I'd give it to you early. While it's just the two of us."
She looked down at the box, then up at him. "It's not kitchen towels."
He laughed. "No, it's not."
She pulled open the wrapping, then the box, revealing the silver bracelet he'd bid on and won at the auction.
She picked up the bracelet and lifted it up in the light. "Oh, it's so delicate and pretty."
"I thought it would look nice on your wrist."
She looked over at him. "It's beautiful, Nick."
"Let me put it on you." He fastened the bracelet on her wrist. He was right. It did look perfect on her.
And the way she looked at him, her eyes warm with gratitude and maybe something else, told him he'd made the right choice.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
She leaned into him. "No, really, Nick. I haven't received a personal gift like this in a very long time. Thank you."
He brushed his thumb over her lower lip. "You don't have to thank me, Ellie. You have to know how I feel about you."
She stared at him, and he read the confusion in her eyes. Confusion maybe mixed with hopeful expectation? God, he hoped so, because he'd wanted to say the words for a while now.
"I love you, Ellie."
And then he saw the surprise, momentary joy, and then the passion spark.
"Nick...I..."
He shook his head. "There's nothing you need to say, okay?"
She nodded, then smiled at him. She leaned into him and their lips met, their legs tangling together at the same time their tongues found each other. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed touching and kissing her. After that first night together, they'd both taken a step back. Or at least Ellie had. He knew they'd both been busy, and with Henry around, it wasn't like they could put their hands on each other any time they wanted to. But damn if he hadn't wanted to. Every minute of every day. All the time. It was all he thought about.
He swept his hand under her sweater, eager to palm the skin of her stomach. He felt the quiver of her flesh under his questing fingers. And when he moved up higher, cupping her breast over her bra, she moaned against his lips.
His dick pounded hard and he surged against her, grabbing a handful of her butt to pull her closer. She felt so good, so lush, and all he could think about was sinking inside of her and getting so close to her that neither of them would know where one started and the other ended.
She tugged on his hair, pulling her lips from his. "Bedroom."
He stood, taking her with him in his arms as he stalked down the hall toward his room. He pushed the door open, then shut it with his foot. He laid Ellie on his bed. She was already pulling her shirt over her head while he was toeing out of his shoes. He'd left the blinds open, and her body was bathed in moonlight as she hurriedly undressed in the middle of his bed. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. He couldn't get his clothes off fast enough.
How often had he thought about this? Her, in his room, on his bed, naked?
Too damned often.
He grabbed a condom from his bathroom, then came back in and climbed onto the bed, pulling her body against his.
She reached for him. The feel of her wrapping her hand around his cock was like a torturous blast of heat. And when she stroked him, he thought he might die or go off right there in her hand. Nick had always prided himself on his self-control. With Ellie, he had none.
Her body was a soft canyon of curves and valleys meant for the exploration of his hands and mouth. She tasted sweet in some places, salty in others, and the way she writhed against him when he licked along the soft curve of her hip was the best thing ever.
There wasn't any place on her body that he touched--or licked--that didn't evoke a response from Ellie. She was eager and inviting and he could do this all night.
&
nbsp; But Ellie pulled him up so his body aligned with hers.
"I've been thinking about the feel of you inside of me," she whispered, then brushed her lips against his.
That was all he needed to hear. He grabbed the condom, put it on, and pulled her against him so they lay side by side. She lifted her leg and wrapped it around his hip, surging against him. He fit himself inside of her and thrust, keeping his focus on her face as he moved within her.
There was a beauty in Ellie's face, in the honesty of her expressions, that defied words. It was in the clear blue of her eyes, the way they seemed to say everything without her saying anything. He'd always been able to read her emotions through her eyes. When she was in pain, when she was worried, when she was sad, and when the little crinkles at the corner of her eyes that told him when she was happy.
The look she gave him now was a deep, soulful look, as if she was trying to convey something that she couldn't directly say to him.
He couldn't remember her ever giving him this look before. He was usually adept at deciphering her looks, but this one had him baffled. Maybe it was because he was inside of her and all he could think about was how damn good she felt.
She swept her hand over his forehead, down his cheek, and across his jaw, sighing as he moved against her.
"Nick."
"Yeah."
"I..."
He waited.
"Ellie, what is it?"
Instead of answering, she kissed him, moaned against his lips, and lifted toward him with an urgency that made him forget she'd been about to say something and hadn't, because their easy movements became more frantic and her nails dug into his arm. Then she tightened around him and all he could feel was her, naked and alive and coming. He took her mouth as he came, their groans mingling and their mouths fusing as the storm of their passion rose, then fell.
They stayed like that for a while, which suited Nick just fine because he liked having Ellie close enough to touch, to be able to smooth his hand down her arm and over her hip. He liked that every time she took a breath her breasts brushed against his chest.
Eventually he moved away, disposed of the condom, and came back to bed.
"I should go to my room," she said.
He tugged her close. "Stay for a while. I'll wake you before dawn."
She laid her head on his shoulder. "Okay."
She was asleep within a few minutes.
Chapter Sixteen
Ellie was in a panic. Not only because Nick was on his way back from the airport with his parents--with John's parents--but also because last night had been so perfect, so utterly perfectly, that she didn't know what to do about it.