by Jerry Cole
“I listen to you,” Patrick said, slightly offended. “I just don’t want to lose you if I get this wrong.”
Sarah’s face shifted into something loving. “It won’t be easy, but even if all you and Isaac are is friends, I’ll be here for you.”
Patrick appreciated that she didn’t sugar coat it and tell him she’d be around if Isaac wanted to sever contact. “Hopefully he’ll want something.”
It might have been desperation that led Patrick to Michael’s doorstep, but he wasn’t sorry when Michael took one look at his face and let him in. There was discomfort, because Michael would always be the reason they broke up, even if it was indirectly his fault – and that Patrick couldn’t completely blame him.
“Sarah said you might drop by,” Michael said, handing Patrick a glass of soda.
“Thanks,” Patrick muttered, perching on the edge of the couch. “I didn’t know if I would until I was stood outside.”
Michael looked just as uncomfortable as Patrick, sitting in the arm chair to give Patrick space. The fact that he’d let Patrick in despite that, was a point in his favor.
“How’s Isaac?” Patrick asked, when the silence went on a beat too long.
Michael searched his face, and clearly saw the question came from a place of genuine curiosity. “Confused. I don’t think he expected you to care about that part of his life.”
Patrick winced. “I genuinely didn’t – I’m sure you guys know by now how fucked up I am when it comes to relationships. I didn’t know that was a thing I was supposed to ask about, and when he didn’t bring it up – especially when it involved you – I figured he just didn’t want to talk.”
“Nobody wants to talk about it,” Michael pointed out.
“Yeah,” Patrick snorted. “Helping at the VA made that clear.”
Michael raised his eyebrows. “Isaac wasn’t sure why’d you go, and even when you freaked him out with your outburst, he didn’t know the real reason.”
Patrick downed the rest of his soda. “I want to know all that stuff. I want to, well, fix shit with him but I don’t even know where to start.”
“He might not want to,” Michael warned.
“Yeah, I get that.” Patrick scrubbed at his face. “I was a shitty boyfriend, but I’m trying to be better.”
“You’re not the only that has to,” Michael offered, and for the first time, Patrick thought it might not be a foolish hope to want to get back with Isaac. “Not sure exactly what you think I can help with.”
Patrick shrugged, scratching at his wrist and looking around Michael’s apartment. It was small, minimalist, but homey. “How long have you had this?”
Michael latched onto the change of subject, finally sitting comfortably in the arm chair. “I have Stevie pay the rent for me. I’m hoping to be stateside enough to use it.”
“Is this your last tour?”
“Not sure,” Michael admitted. “I’m tired, I think, and Isaac and I joined up at the same time. I think I’ve done my bit.”
Patrick didn’t know what to say to that, so he focused on his feet, biting at the inside of his cheek. Deciding to address Michael’s question, Patrick shifted back into the couch. “As for how you can help. At this point, you know Isaac the best and I didn’t know if I should bother.”
There was a curious expression on Michael’s face. “If it’s worth trying to get back into a relationship with him?” At Patrick’s nod, Michael huffed a laugh. “I don’t know if you know, but Isaac’s a stubborn shit. I could tell you one thing, and just to be a pain in my ass, he’d do something completely different.”
Patrick had to laugh at that. Yeah, he could appreciate that. “I want to get to know him.”
“Then talk to him,” Michael said. “Not that I’m not happy to talk about Isaac with you, but if you two keep talking around each other, coming to us – yeah, all your friends – to find out how the other’s doing, you won’t get any-fucking-where.”
It was sound advice, and Patrick supposed he should take it. “This is gonna fucking suck.”
Michael nodded. “Most things that are worth it do.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Isaac’s apartment building loomed large above him.
Inside, Isaac was apparently having a night in. Michael and Sam had agreed to keep Isaac there for the night and would vacate when Patrick was ready. Patrick wondered if they weren’t sure he would even come, and to be honest, he wasn’t sure himself. Still wasn’t, even though he was already walking up to steps, hands in his pockets. Patrick swallowed as he pulled open the door, heart picking up speed, and chest tight with emotion. Fuck, fuck, what if something went wrong? If Isaac didn’t want to talk to him, when Patrick had worked up the courage over days to come and do this, he was sure it would be the end of him – and he’d probably never date anyone ever again.
Stop being fucking dramatic. When had Rebecca’s voice become Natasha’s?
His phone chimed with a text, and Patrick tugged it out.
Natasha: GOOD LUCK
Rebecca: You don’t get to miss work if he says no. JK. Good luck, Patrick.
Eddie: Sam and I will knock your heads together
Jake: Not If I Get There First
Sven: DRINKS TO CELEBRATE IF IT WORKS
Gary: Drinks to commiserate if it doesn’t :)
Michael: Get your ass upstairs, Wright.
Patrick’s lips quirked up, and he couldn’t help but appreciate his friends for a moment. Even with his and Isaac’s breakup, and Patrick’s attitude and behavior, they had all stuck around. Sure, they’d had their downsides, and Patrick was definitely gonna work on them trusting him and believing in him. The friend group chat had expanded into a second – and he assumed a third, including Isaac in another, and really, both he and Isaac were fucking lucky to have all of them.
Yeah, yeah, he typed. I’m coming.
The butterflies in his stomach – and God, he was a thirty-year-old man with butterflies – and he swallowed around the lump in his throat as Isaac’s door appeared at the top of the stairs.
Knocking took another five minutes, but after it was done, the relief was intense. There was the sound of voices, though Patrick couldn’t make out anything, before the door opened on Sam’s smiling face.
“Hey.”
Patrick had his hands back in his pockets, and he nodded. “Is he—”
“He’s in a good mood.” Sam shrugged. “Probably the best mood you’re gonna get him in.”
That wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement, but if it was the best he’d get, that would do it. “Can I come in?”
“You better,” Sam said, gesturing for Patrick to walk in.
Though he was actually at Isaac’s apartment and doing what he’d wanted to since their breakup, walking down the hall toward the living room seemed to take an age. He could hear Michael and Isaac laughing at something, and then he was standing in the doorway, Michael’s smile shifting into something warm, and Isaac’s eyes widening, throat bobbing as he swallowed.
“Sam said I could come in,” Patrick said, taking his hands out of his pockets, and folding them across his chest. He met Isaac’s eyes slowly. “Can I – can I talk to you?”
Isaac’s brow furrowed, and he looked at Michael, then Sam. “I’m kinda in the middle of something.”
“Yeah, we set this up,” Michael said, tapping Isaac on the shoulder and pushing himself to his feet. “We needed to be sure you’d stay here.”
“You set this up?” Isaac snapped at Patrick.
“No,” Sam said, dragging out the word, peering around Patrick’s shoulder. “We set this up for Patrick. There’s a difference.”
Isaac didn’t seem to know what to say to that, and it gave Michael and Sam the time they needed to gather up their shit.
Michael gave Patrick a squeeze of his arm. “We’ll be back if you fuck this up.”
“I hope I don’t,” Patrick said quietly, able to see Isaac’s expression shift into confusion.
When Michael and Sam had closed the door behind them, Patrick remained in the doorway, feeling as awkward as he was sure he looked. “I’m sorry for interrupting.”
“Apparently you didn’t,” Isaac said, with a little heat. After a beat, he seemed to relax an inch, and gestured toward the chair. “You can sit down, you know.”
Patrick did, hating how weird this felt. He hadn’t lied to himself about wanting that to fade, about wanting his relationship with Isaac to stop hurting so much. “I wanted to apologize.”
Isaac waited him out.
“I shouldn’t have invited you round and then got – well, said something to make you think you had to leave.”
“Oh,” Isaac said quietly. “Patrick, you don’t have to apologize about that. I shouldn’t have come when I knew it would be weird.”
Patrick blew out a slow breath, rubbing his palms over his knees, trying to ignore the clammy feeling. “I have a lot more to apologize for. And I don’t, I don’t want it to be weird anymore.”
Isaac hesitated, as if he didn’t know which to answer first, and then he was looking Patrick in the eye, something hopeful in his expression. At least Patrick hoped it was hope; he didn’t want to be on his own in wanting what they had before. “Patrick–”
“Please hear me out,” Patrick said, keeping his voice even and trying not to push. “I know I don’t have the right to ask you that, but I wanted to explain some shit.”
The last time they’d spoken, it had been more fight than conversation, and Patrick didn’t want that again.
“All right,” Isaac said gently.
Patrick nodded, more to himself than to Isaac, and stared at the floor so that he could get it out without Isaac’s expressions bringing him up short. “I know you loved me. I might not have known it when you told me, but I knew it when I thought about it. I knew you loved me, and I knew that I loved you. I was scared about what to do with it.”
Isaac looked like he might say something, but he didn’t, and Patrick was grateful.
“I was scared to admit it to myself, because I’m not good with relationships. I’m petty and angry, and I’ve fucked up every relationship in my life – including Rebecca and Eddie – and I knew eventually I’d do it with you. If you didn’t love me, that would be easier.”
There was a shocked expression on Isaac’s face. He blinked, letting out a slow breath, and scratched at the back of his neck. “Patrick, I don’t know what to say.”
“That’s okay,” Patrick said. “You don’t have to say anything.”
Isaac shuffled forward onto the edge of the couch. “I think I knew, at least in part, what you were like. I didn’t care, and I still don’t,” Isaac added. “I loved all of you, Patrick, but you – I don’t know what happened. I think neither of us knew what we were really getting into, and it showed.”
“We should,” Patrick started, licking at his bottom lip. “I was wondering if maybe,” he paused again, hating himself for being afraid. Isaac was sitting across from him, hope back on his face, and Patrick loved him. He could do this. “Maybe we could start from the beginning. Again?”
It took a long time for Isaac to answer, and with every growing moment, Patrick was afraid the answer would be no.
“Hi,” Isaac said, holding out his hand. “My name’s Isaac Carter. I’m a veteran.”
“Patrick Wright,” Patrick said, taking Isaac’s hand and squeezing it tightly. “I’m an orphan, a guy who the media love to cuss out, and I love you.”
Isaac’s smile was genuine, but amused. “Not sure that’s starting at the beginning.”
“I can’t lie,” Patrick said with a shrug. “Communication sucked for us before. I’m just trying to go with honesty.”
“Yeah,” Isaac breathed, tugging Patrick forward until he had no choice but to shift over to the couch, perched on the arm. Isaac’s free hand rested on Patrick’s face, thumb brushing the skin just under his eyes. “In the interest of that, I love you too.”
Patrick’s heart was pounding as he leaned in, Isaac’s lips pressing against his gently, and Patrick’s fingers were tangled in Isaac’s shirt, trying to bring him closer.
“You’re not petty and angry,” Isaac told him seriously, when they parted. He curled a hand around the back of Patrick’s neck, drawing him in for another kiss. “If you were, you wouldn’t have made changes to your life. You wouldn’t have bothered with me.”
Patrick stayed silent, keeping his face close to Isaac, closing his eyes as Isaac’s fingers brushed through the hairs at the nape of Isaac’s neck. Part of Isaac’s reasoning was wrong, and Patrick said, “it’s not bothering with you, Isaac. I love you. Pretty sure that makes everything you do worth it.”
Isaac let out a breath, pressing his forehead to Patrick’s, and Patrick could see him smiling. “I love you too.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
“Please tell me you’re not gonna be this disgusting all the time,” Sam said, throwing a chip at Isaac’s head.
Patrick flipped him off, concentrating on making out with Isaac. He was curled up next to Isaac, hand in Isaac’s hair and one of Isaac’s arms around Patrick’s shoulders.
Natasha laughed. “We should be grateful they’re not making everybody uncomfortable with their fighting.”
Pulling back, Patrick grinned, aware that yeah, now they weren’t making their friends uncomfortable – and themselves unhappy – things had improved for everybody.
It wasn’t all perfect; Patrick and Isaac had already had a fight, not that Patrick could remember what it was about, and even with Patrick in therapy, he still doubted Isaac’s feelings sometimes. Isaac, in return, still struggled to talk about everything he’d been through. They found a middle ground, and Patrick was confident if they kept it up, and he could keep being conscientious about himself, then things would be all right.
“They save their fights for work,” Rebecca said, making a face.
“Hey, I only came by once,” Isaac protested.
“It only takes once,” Patrick told him. “Rebecca never forgets.”
Rebecca shrugged with one arm, not disagreeing. “Now that I’m CEO, I get to tell you off and you have to listen.”
“But he doesn’t,” Isaac said, and their friends laughed.
Whatever, Patrick listened. He just had different ideas about what he should be doing. And yes, he did see the irony in wanting to do what he wanted by handing over the CEO reins, but he didn’t care.
“Shut up,” Jake said eventually. “I’m trying to watch this movie.”
There were a lot of dogs in the movie, and it was heartwarming, which meant approximately all of Patrick’s friends would want one for their own by the end. Patrick was probably the exception there. He liked them well enough, but he’d never felt the need to have one.
“You never got that dog,” Patrick pointed out, now that he was thinking about friends and dogs. Isaac’s hand came to wrap around Patrick’s ankle, thumb rubbing along the bone as Patrick shifted next to him, tucking his feet under Isaac’s thigh.
“It was something I decided when I was with you,” Isaac said, eyes on the television, but Patrick could see the pink tinge to his cheeks, the way his eyes darted quickly to Patrick and then back again. “When we were broken up, I decided not to.”
Fuck.
“You can’t just say stuff like that,” Patrick said, leaning into Isaac’s side. “Now I want to go out and get you one on principle.”
“Well now I can,” Isaac pointed out.
“Okay, considering we’re not watching this,” Jake said, waving a hand passive-aggressively toward the screen, “we should talk about what dog Isaac should get.”
Natasha kicked him. “That’s Isaac’s decision.”
“But we’ll all be involved in raising it,” Sven replied.
Patrick couldn’t believe these people. Not that Sven was wrong; besides Patrick, everybody else had a hand in making sure Gary’s cat was fed and looked after. Patrick wasn’t a pet perso
n. For Isaac, he could probably learn, however.
“Still Isaac’s decision,” Patrick said, in a half-hearted attempt at being supportive.
Isaac gave him a grateful look and rolled his eyes at the various breeds being thrown around. Patrick wasn’t sure what a Bichon Frise was, or for that matter, what a Weimaraner was.
“What do you think?” Isaac asked, poking at Patrick’s thigh.
“Dogs are cute,” he said, making it sound as much like a question as it was a statement. “Don’t care as long as you don’t expect me to remember to feed it.”
Isaac snorted. “I love you enough to know that.”
Patrick grinned, knowing it would take a while for hearing I love you to get boring.
“Disgusting,” Sam said with emphasis.
Michael nodded. “Agreed. Maybe we should clear out and let them get to it.”
“Guys,” Isaac said, more admonishment, but he was already leaning in to Patrick, too much time having passed since the last time he’d kissed Patrick. Patrick was only too happy to accept it, closing his eyes, loving the feel of Isaac’s hands in his hair, scratching at his scalp.
“Yeah, that’s our cue,” Eddie said, tugging Rebecca to her feet. “We’ll see you guys this weekend, right?”
Considering he’d be seeing Patrick the next day, Patrick figured he was talking to the others. They were due to hang out that weekend, go to a bar, catch a movie. It was nice to have them over, but it was only the first time since Isaac and Patrick had reconciled, so he could appreciate them wanting to leave.
“Wanna ride?” Gary asked Sven, who immediately accepted. To Patrick, he sighed. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow?”
“If I have to,” Patrick said, going through the customary goodbyes with all of their friends. Sam and Michael had commandeered Isaac, and Patrick was left with Jake and Natasha.
Jake grinned, socking Patrick in the arm. “Never thought you’d actually manage it, man.”
“You and me both,” Patrick told him.
Natasha was more hands on, pulling Patrick into a hug and kissed him below his ear. “I’m pleased for you.”