I stared at him. As curious as I was about Pan, I couldn’t be bothered to care at the moment. My father had denied me once again.
Well, maybe not me.
But I gave him intangible evidence that couldn’t be disputed. And as chief of police, as someone the citizens of Wonderland looked up to in order to protect them, he was expected to do the right thing, even if that meant something bad would happen to me. Right and wrong were black and right. Justice was black and white. If someone broke the law, they should be penalized accordingly.
I took a long drink of the alcohol Pan had given me. My head rushed, but I didn’t taste the strong taste of the alcohol, just the fruity strawberry sweetness. I smiled. That was my favorite part. If the alcohol overwhelmed the drink, I couldn’t drink it. It didn’t taste good to me. But if I barely tasted it…
I took another long gulp. My head buzzed in a light, playful way.
“Easy there,” Pan said, watching my warily. “I don’t want to clean your vomit off of my floor.”
The music overwhelmed me. No one sat next to me, despite the fact that the club was filled to the brim. I didn’t understand how a Wednesday night could be so popular, but it probably had to do with the fact that these were all college kids and they were used to pulling all-nighters. Even me being a few years post-graduation, I was ready to go to bed - and not just because of my drink.
I was pathetic.
I took another sip of the drink and rested my chin in my palm. Probably no one was sitting next to me because Pan was right there. People were intimidated by him, though they weren’t drawn to him the way they were with Rumple. I was almost positive Pan had the same sort of magic his brother had. In fact, I wouldn’t have been surprised if Pan was the one making deals with Mary Stone and Peter’s mother.
“Do you like to create babies?” I asked before I could stop myself.
Pan wrinkled his brow. “I beg your pardon?” he demanded, almost offended I would even ask that.
“Like,” I said, flicking my wrist, hunching my shoulders forward. “If I told you, hey, I want a baby, could you, like, magic me a baby in my stomach?”
Pan gave me a long look. He didn’t try and stopped me as I finished my drink, didn’t even react when I slammed my glass on the bar and demanded another drink. Instead, he tilted his head to the side.
I recognized that look. Rumple had one just like it. It unnerved me more than I cared to admit. The truth was, that looked seemed to imply that Pan could see straight through me, past my skin and bones and to the very essence that made me up. And I was only starting to get used to the fact that Rumple had that power. I definitely didn’t want his brother to have it too.
“You...want a baby...in your stomach?” Pan asked, his tone somewhat flat.
I sneered. “Is that what I said?” I asked, leaning back. “Jesus, no. I was just...I wanted to ask you...is it possible if you could make babies in that way.”
He poured me another drink. “You aren’t making sense, lightweight,” he said, sliding the glass back to me. “What do you want to know?”
I opened my mouth, ready to ask him about Mary Stone directly. And then I shut it. The last thing I needed was Pan knowing anything that I was investigating. What if he ran off and told Russell Charming? I didn’t think there was any love lost between them, but Pan could finagle a way to make it benefit him, and then what? I didn’t need Pan knowing anything and then costing me important evidence or leads simply because he was an asshole.
“Nothing.” Why did my voice sound like that? It was like my teeth were barely able to move at all. I leaned heavily to one side, propping my head up with my palm. I took another sip of my drink before looking at Pan. “Never mind.”
“Pan.”
A delicate, soft voice ripped through the low murmur of the crowd, the throbbing vibrations of the mainstream, techno-infused music playing on the speakers. I picked my head up, which was probably a very stupid thing to do because blood suddenly rushed to my head and caused it to tilt forward with unexpected heaviness. I let out a low groan.
Pan didn’t even spare me a second glance. I glanced up, just out of curiosity. A woman dressed in a sleeveless green corset and a skirt that kind of looked like one of those ballet tutus began to walk behind the bar like a model on a catwalk. I didn’t know how it was possible, but this person - she looked young, but I doubted she was a girl, though I wasn’t sure if the word woman described her accurately, either - was short, but had the longest legs I had ever seen before. How was that even possible? I was taller than she was, and I didn’t have legs that long. Her long blonde hair was pulled into a stylish topknot on her head, and her lips were painted red like blood. Her eyes only seemed to have eyes for Pan, but there was nothing that indicated attraction or hunger. Now that I looked more closely at her, I realized she seemed to have only business on her mind. Something she needed to speak to him about.
“Ah, my favorite cousin,” Pan said, though there was no love loss in his tone. He pulled away from the bar to stand up straight, and while he wasn’t as tall as Rumple, there was still something imposing about the way he carried himself. Power corded his body, even under that form-fitting suit. “And what is it you want, Tink?”
“We have a problem with the supplies,” she said. Her voice was low and reminded me of bells, the kind you heard at Christmas.
“A problem?” His eyes narrowed, and suddenly, his entire demeanor changed. It was subtle. I didn’t even know how I was aware of what had happened, but I was. The skin on his face pinched back, and his eyes shifted colors. That was it. But it was the most intimidating thing I had ever seen before.
My stomach turned, twisting itself in knots. Which was strange. It wasn’t like I was afraid of Pan. Not really.
I mean, I knew not to mess with him. He was Rumple’s brother, after all, and he had shown he could be a useful resource...but also a dangerous one. Pan didn’t do anything he didn’t want to do himself. There was a reason for everything he did, and it always benefited him in some way or else he wouldn’t do it at all.
“The supply we picked up is laced -”
“Please tell me you are not stupid enough to discuss something as private as our supply in front of customers,” he said through gritted teeth. “I swear, if you weren’t family, and your father was an outcast, I would kill you and be done with it.”
She frowned but didn’t seem as perturbed by the threat of death from Pan himself all that much.
Before she could respond, my twisted stomach coiled so tightly, I was forced to turn my head and open my mouth. The contents of my stomach spilled out of my heaving body, surprising me. I didn’t know I was going to throw up until I threw up.
What the hell?
“Jesus Christ,” Pan said. “Why am I not surprised that this mortal is more of a headache than he realizes? I’m going to make him pay for new floors if that stains.”
“You have obsidian flooring,” Tink pointed out.
“Did I ask you what I have? No. I know what I have. No, shut up and do something useful. Call John and tell him to clean this up.”
“What are you going to do?”
“What else?” he snarled. “Call my brother so he can take his nuisance away from me, before I punish her for being annoying.”
I wasn’t sure what else happened before after I finished throwing up, I rested my head on the bar. It was way more comfortable than I thought it could be, so it wasn’t long before I fell fast asleep.
15
I wasn’t in control of myself.
It was hard to explain.
When I willed my body to move, it didn’t move.
When I tried to roll over, I was paralyzed.
I couldn’t do anything.
I furrowed my brow, trying to open my eyes, but even that was difficult to do.
I tried to force my eyelids apart, tried to pry them open, but they wouldn’t budge.
Until finally, finally…
They were
cracked open. It wasn’t much, but it was something. Shadows slid through my vision, all different shapes, different shades of grey.
I thought I was in a room. I tried to feel what I was on because I definitely wasn’t standing up. It wasn’t a chair. It was too soft to be a chair, and I wasn’t sitting, either. I was on my back…
A bed.
But not one I knew.
Huh.
Why would I be in a bed I didn’t know, unless…
But no.
It wasn’t like I was with someone. Anna told me she was planning on setting me up with one of her co-workers from the Red Queen’s office, but that still hadn’t happened and she had been saying that for weeks.
I honestly didn’t care one way or the other, I just wished she wouldn’t say something and then not follow through. I would believe her. I would believe anything Anna said, and I didn’t like the thought of her saying something she didn’t mean just to make me feel better.
The door to this mystery room creaked open. I stiffened. I wasn’t even sure why. Maybe I was in Anna’s room. Maybe I was -
The bed shifted as this person sat on the edge. My body tensed even more. Whoever this was, I didn’t like them.
I tried to move my head down, but I couldn’t. A groan came out of my mouth instead. I didn’t even know I was doing it until the sound filled my ears. My throat vibrated with it.
“Oh, no need to worry,” the person murmured. Without warning, his fingers brushed across my face. I stiffened, but even then, my body wasn’t actually tight. I was boneless, liquid. “This will be so fast, you won’t even remember it.”
I had no idea what he was talking about. I didn’t even know why he was with me or what he was doing here. Why did he care if I was here? Why was he here at all? I didn’t recognize him. Didn’t recognize his voice, at least.
His touch made me squirm. Granted, I didn’t even like people I knew touching me, but this was...different.
I didn’t know how I knew he had bad intentions. I didn’t know why my body started to just...numb itself. But it was like I knew what was happening, what was about to happen, but I couldn’t actually do anything to stop it.
I tried to fight, but I couldn’t lift my arms.
I tried to scream, to cry out for help, but I couldn’t open my mouth. There was nothing I could use to stop it.
And so, it happened.
And there I was, feeling like I was somehow on the outside of all of this looking in. Like it wasn’t really happening to me even though I could see it with my own eyes.
I wasn’t actually feeling it.
Whether that was the magic or it was something else - maybe my body contorting me into some kind of invisible shell, protecting me from this - I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t even react. Even my emotions were numb, drowned out, unreachable.
When he finished, he peeled himself off me and muttered some sort of charm. I couldn’t feel anything different, but I almost knew he was wiping away any trace of himself on me. And my mind was starting to get hazy. My eyelids were starting to droop. I wanted to keep them open. I wanted to try, but my body was still sluggish and unresponsive.
“You won’t remember this, pet,” he said, petting my hair. Without warning, he snickered. “Part of me wants you to remember it, though. You know. You’re the chief’s daughter. You may be unmagicked but you think you’re above it all, but you’re not. You wanted this. I know you did.”
I wanted to tell him that I didn’t even know who he was. I didn’t want that. And I definitely didn’t want it with a stranger, with someone who had to use magic, to take something that should only be given.
But my mouth wouldn’t move.
My eyes snapped open and I forgot to breathe for a breath, for two. My chest squeezed tightly. My entire body ached for one brief moment, like it remembered what had happened to me that night, like the magic had worn off and pain flooded through me.
But then it was gone.
It helped that Rumple was next to me, breathing evenly. Even though he couldn’t do much, his presence calmed my nerves more than anything else could.
I reached for him. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to wake him. But I had to feel him for myself. I had to know that he wasn’t a dream, that he wouldn’t just disappear when this was over and done with.
He shifted in his sleep, his hand hovering over mine. His breathing told me he was asleep, and yet somehow, he still knew I was there, reaching for him, needing him. I didn’t understand how someone as powerful as he was could trust me enough to be so vulnerable. It wasn’t as though I wasn’t worthy of it, but I was surprised that he still let me in to see him this way. If I wanted to, I could hurt him.
I didn’t want that.
But I could.
And still, he let himself be this open around me.
That spoke volumes.
Tears blurred my vision but I quickly blinked them away. I tried to tell myself that this was just a dream, but deep down, I knew it wasn’t. I knew there was more to it than that. What I saw actually happened to me. That was what happened that night. I wasn’t sure how I was seeing it - one year later. I didn’t understand that, but it was happening, and there was nothing I could do about it.
“Another bad dream, darling?” Rumple murmured, sleep lacing his tone. He rolled onto his back and reached for me, even with his eyes closed.
Urgency rushed through me and I practically leapt into his arms. I needed to feel them around me. I needed to feel the protection only his touch offered, the shelter that would keep me safe no matter what happened.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked as he began to move the back of his fingers up and down my arm. His eyes were still closed and I knew he was still in some sort of dream world, but I didn’t care.
I hesitated. Part of me was ashamed. I didn’t want to tell him about my dream, about what happened to me, because there was nothing, I could do to change it. And I hated that. I hated how helpless I felt because of that. On the other hand, I had so much more information on who did it. On who was responsible for what happened to me that I felt compelled to share it with him. Maybe he would know. Maybe something would stick out to him.
“I dreamt,” I began, looking down at his chest, at the indents of his abdomen. At least I had something beautiful to look at. The Greek sculptures had nothing on Rumple’s body. “I dreamt about my rape. But in my detail. I dreamt how it happened.”
Rumple froze, eyes snapping open. Even his fingers refrained from their caress.
“Why?” I asked in a voice just barely above a whisper. “Why would I do that?”
Rumple was silent for a moment. Suddenly, his caresses resumed but his touch was still tense. “Well,” he said. “There’s a possibility that with your magic awakening, it’s eased the magic blocking your memories. You have incredibly powerful magic inside of you.”
“ShadowMagic,” I murmured, tugging at the blankets.
“Yes, but it’s more than just ShadowMagic,” he said. “You’re potent with it. The magic inside of you has been dormant for so long that now, it needs an outlet. It needs a way to get out of you, especially if it’s protecting you. It was why, initially, you used your magic without even realizing it. But instead of external, your magic is working internally now, and removing the threatening magic that had been placed on you before.”
I let Rumple’s words sink in, picking at a loose thread in Peter’s comforter. “Huh,” I managed to say.
“Did you recognize anyone?” There was a strain to his voice...I couldn’t understand it.
I shifted my eyes over to look at him, to try and read his face. Darkness stained his brown eyes, but it was more than that. It was fury, masked like two dark holes in space, ready to suck the life from whomever decided to get in his way.
He looked angry, but more than just angry. And on top of that, he wanted answers. I could tell by how tightly controlled each word out of his mouth was that he was holding himself back
from saying how he truly felt. He was trying to be polite, respectful, for me. For my sake. And while I appreciated that, I also wanted to see his darkness, to see the emotions he was trying to hold back, because I knew I was feeling them too.
“No,” I answered honestly. “He spoke though...It sounded like someone I’ve heard speak before, but I know that doesn’t help.”
“Don’t...don’t push yourself,” he instructed, though when he touched me, his grip was rigid.
He wanted me to push myself.
He wanted answers nearly as much as I did.
He wanted to know who to punish.
And honestly? So, did I. I was sick and tired of carrying this burden around on my shoulders without knowing anything about it. I just knew it happened, and not because of any evidence, more because of my instincts, my gut. I knew no one would trust my gut, especially when it came to sexual assault. I had no one to accuse and no evidence. And I understood that. But I hated it all the same.
“There was something he said.” I racked my mind, trying to find the exact words. I hated that I couldn’t reach them, that I couldn’t pull them to me in a way that was easy. “Something about how I think I’m above him, but I wanted it?” I shook my head. “I know that sounds crazy -”
“It doesn’t.” He paused, tilting his head to the side. His fingers touched my face, my cheek, and dropped so they could sweep across my jaw. “I’ll look into it. I’ll find you answers. Do you trust me?”
I swallowed, nodding. I didn’t trust my voice. Not only was my throat still raw from the alcohol I consumed, but I just was afraid if I opened my mouth, that would give my eyes permission to start crying. It didn’t make sense, but as long as I kept everything under control, I should be safe.
“Anyway,” I said, looking away. “I’m glad...thanks for showing up at the club. For helping me.”
Rumple’s lips curved up gently, his eyes sparkling with amused softness. “Darling, why, my I inquire, did you find yourself two drinks in at Marooner’s Bay of all places?” he asked.
The Seeker's Revenge Page 11