Wishful Thinking

by Evangeline Anderson

  Josh gave a warm chuckle. “Uh, you seem to have a thing for my hands, Phil. In your dreams, anyway.”

  She smiled shyly at him and took his free hand in both of hers. “Well…I don’t know, you have nice hands. Chris…I mean, other men I’ve known have really well-manicured hands, but they’re too soft. I hate that. Now your hands are big and gentle and warm but they’re a little bit rough, too—like you spend some time working with them outside of work.”

  Josh grinned at her. “You got me, Swann. I’m a diesel mechanic on my off hours.” He entwined his long fingers with hers and his expression turned serious again. “So far my dream self seems to be doing a pretty good job, if I do say so myself.”

  Phil laughed at him but she didn’t let go of his hand. “Well, you were. We were kind of…rolling all over the bed, all pressed together and then you started…you were kissing me everywhere.”

  “Everywhere?” One side of Josh’s mouth pulled up in a lazy grin. “Details, Swann. Where was ‘everywhere’?”

  She felt her breath catch in her throat and it was a minute before she could go on. “Like…like my breasts. You were…you kissed them and kissed my…my nipples too.” She looked down at their entwined hands. “You sucked them.”

  “I was sucking your nipples?” His eyes darkened again. “How did that feel?” he asked softly.

  Phil looked up at him. “Amazing,” she said honestly. “It was…it was the most realistic dream I’ve ever had. I could feel your mouth on me—hot and wet and you were…it was so nice because you were taking your time, sucking each one until I was so turned on I couldn’t stand it any more.”

  Josh seemed to catch his breath and he shifted in the seat beside her. “And what did you do when you couldn’t stand it?” He was close now, close enough to kiss. Close enough that she could see each separate whisker on his strong jaw and the little crease at the corner of his mouth that turned into a lopsided smile when he was amused. But he wasn’t amused now, Phil could tell by the serious look in his eyes and the set of his full lips.

  “I…” Phil looked down at their hands again, unable to hold his gaze. She was gripping her friend’s hand tightly but he didn’t seem to mind. “I begged you to make love to me,” she whispered.

  She could feel his warm breath against the side of her neck when he whispered, “Did I?”

  “Not…not yet. You said you wanted to see…wanted to know if I was really ready or not.” She could feel the burn of embarrassment heating her cheeks again as she spoke. “I…I think I dreamed that because Chris…because my fiancé never bothers anymore. To find out if I really want to or…”

  “I’m sorry, Phil. That sucks.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to think about that right now.” She looked up at Josh. “I think…I want to finish telling you about my dream. If you want to hear it, I mean.”

  “I do.” He smiled at her. “I very much want to hear it, actually. So tell me…” He drew her a little closer with his arm, his fingers stroking her shoulder gently. “How did I, uh, make sure you were ready?”

  “Well, first you touched me.” Phil’s heart rate had picked up again and she could scarcely believe she was telling him this part. “You…you spread my legs open and stroked me very…very gently. It felt…” She shook her head. “It felt so good—like I could actually feel your fingers touching me. And then you…” She trailed off, then took his index and middle fingers in her palm, gripping them tightly.

  “I put my fingers inside you?” Josh guessed softly. Phil nodded, feeling her cheeks flame. Josh’s voice dropped even lower as he leaned forward to whisper in her ear. “Deep inside you, Phil?”

  The gentle rumble of his voice made something inside her throb. Again she nodded, reliving the dream. “You…you did. It felt so good.”

  “Mm-hmm.” He shifted in the seat again, the muscles of his flat stomach bunching behind her. “Can I ask you something, Phil? In your dream, when I touched you, were you turned on? Were you wet?”

  Phil caught her breath and for a moment she was afraid she might start panting. “Yes,” she murmured, daring to look up and meet his eyes. “I was. I think because…because I wanted you so badly. Wanted to feel you touching me.”

  It was Josh’s turn to catch his breath and she saw that his eyes were deep pools of need. “Phil,” he said softly, “Are you wet now, talking to me like this? Telling me about your dream?”

  Phil bit her lip and pressed her thighs together tightly, feeling the undeniable moisture gathering there. God! Who knew simply talking could make her heart race and her breath come short? And talking to the man she had always thought was only a friend.

  “I’m sorry.” Josh seemed to feel he had crossed a line. “I didn’t…maybe I shouldn’t have asked you that.” His eyes were troubled.

  “No.” Phil wanted to let him know she wasn’t offended. But he was right—they were moving fast out of the friend zone and were headed for dangerous territory. Territory she wasn’t ready to explore just yet. Or maybe ever. “No, I just…maybe I should just stick to the dream,” she said at last.

  “All right.” Josh murmured. “So I was touching you…getting you ready. And what happened next? Did we make love?”

  “Not yet.” She looked down again, feeling a small stab of panic in her heart. Now here was something she wished she could skip. But the wish was very thorough.

  “What happened next?” He seemed paralyzed, waiting for her to go on.

  “I don’t…it’s hard to say.” Phil squeezed her eyes closed. What she was about to describe—the thing that had happened next in her dream—was something Christian had never cared for very much. In fact, he’d only tried it once or twice early in their relationship before giving it up for good. But it was something that Phil, much to her shame, secretly craved.

  “Phil, open your eyes and look at me,” Josh directed. His deep voice was almost stern.

  She did as he said, and found herself falling into those brown depths again. “Listen to me,” Josh said softly. “Whatever it was, it was only a dream. And I want to know what you dream about. I always have.”

  “All right.” She took a deep, trembling breath and stared at a spot on the dashboard of Josh’s car. “You…you started kissing your way down my body,” she said, trying to get the words out quickly. “My breasts, my stomach, my hips. Until you were…until your mouth was where your fingers had been.”

  “Hmm.” Josh’s deep voice sounded intrigued. “Are you saying I went down on you, Phil?”

  “Uh-huh.” She dared to look up at him and saw that something she couldn’t define in his eyes again. “How do you…I mean, I hope that doesn’t, um, you know, turn you off or…”

  “What?” He gave a low, warm chuckle that she could feel vibrating through her side where she was pressed against him. “Why would the idea of going down on you turn me off?”

  She shrugged uncomfortably. “I don’t know. Maybe because it was one of those things I was talking about earlier. Those things that I miss because I never, I mean, my fiancé and I never, uh, do them anymore.”

  “Phil…” Josh untangled his hand from her and reached up to cup her hot cheek. “I want to be completely honest with you but I don’t want to offend you or make you uncomfortable.”

  “Go on.” Phil let her eyes meet his again, and the intensity of her friend’s gaze almost took her breath away. If hearing her X-rated dream didn’t offend Josh, she didn’t see how anything he would say would offend her.

  “The idea of going down on you, of spreading you open and tasting you there—of putting my tongue inside you until you moan and beg me to do more, well…” Josh lowered his voice. “I have to say I find that…incredibly arousing. Incredibly hot.” The warm brown eyes were full of an unspoken desire that made her bite her lip. He was so close…it would be so easy to reach up and cup his jaw and pull him down to her. She could almost feel the sandpapery scratch of his whiskers against her palm and the warm press of hi
s full mouth covering hers…

  “Oh.” She couldn’t let herself go on thinking like this. “I mean that’s…I guess I just, I…thank you,” she mumbled, not sure what she was saying. Josh actually wanted to do that to her! The idea made him hot—almost as hot as telling him about it was making her, Phil thought. She pressed her thighs together, trying to ignore the dampness she felt growing there.

  “You’re welcome,” he said simply. Gently, he tilted her chin up so that their eyes met again. “Phil, you know we don’t talk about these things and I think we both know why. But just once I want to say it out loud—I want you to know that I find you very desirable. I can’t imagine any scenario you could dream up that I wouldn’t want to act out with you.”

  The tension stretched between them like a warm thread of honey until Phil felt like she couldn’t breathe. “I…I…” Blessedly, her mind was a blank. Josh seemed to realize that the atmosphere in the car was getting a little too intense because he pulled back a little and smiled at her.

  “I guess what I’m trying to say is I wouldn’t exactly kick you out of bed for eating crackers.”

  Phil gave a shaky laugh. It was so like Josh to let her know he found her attractive without making her feel uncomfortable about it. “I, uh, wouldn’t kick you out of bed either,” she said in a low voice, amazed that she was admitting such a thing to him.

  “Uh-huh.” He smiled at her. “Do you want to tell me what happened next?”

  She nodded, relieved to finally tell the end of the X-rated dream. She’d never thought about her best friend in a sexual way before—had never allowed herself to think of him that way. He was always just sweet, funny Josh, the guy who cheered her up when she was down, the guy she could tell all her problems to and be sure to get an objective answer. But she had never thought of him as, well, as a man, Phil admitted to herself. He suddenly seemed so large, and so undeniably masculine sitting beside her in the close confines of his car with his warm, spicy scent filling her senses. It was both frightening and exhilarating to find the molten sensuality that lingered just beneath Josh’s funny, sweet, nice guy exterior. Like seeing the hard muscular chest he kept hidden behind his adorably rumpled button-down work shirts.

  “Phil,” he murmured again, breaking into her thoughts. “Do you want to tell me the end of the dream?”

  She looked up at him, her heart pounding. “I do. So, you were touching me…tasting me…” She almost couldn’t make herself continue but Josh’s low rumble of approval gave her strength to go on. “You…I think you finally said I was ready.” She bent her head quickly but Josh stopped her, tilting her chin up so their eyes locked again.

  “I want you to look at me while you tell me,” he said softly. “All right?”

  “I…okay.” Phil bit her bottom lip and nodded, wondering how she would manage to get through the final intimate details while staring into his eyes.

  “Go on,” Josh prompted gently. His hand on her chin sent warm fire through Phil’s veins.

  “You were on top of me,” she said, still holding his gaze. “And I was…was so turned on by that point, I was begging you to do it. Begging you to…”

  “You were begging me to fuck you.” Josh’s deep voice was quiet but somehow his words resonated through her entire body like a shout. His eyes were hooded but she could see the heat smoldering in their depths.

  “Yes,” she whispered, still looking up at him. “That was…exactly what I want—wanted, I mean,” she ended quickly.

  “And did I?” he asked softly, stroking her cheek.

  Phil nodded. “You did. When you…when you slid in…inside me it felt so…God, Josh, it was so good.”

  “Mmm.” He gave her a slow smile. “Was I all the way inside you, Phil? Was I deep inside you? Filling you up completely?” His eyes seemed to burn into her and she couldn’t catch her breath. She could feel heat building between her thighs that couldn’t be explained away by a dream, no matter how X-rated it was.

  “Yes.” Phil was surprised she was able to say anything at all. She was breathing in short pants and she swore she could feel her heartbeat in every part of her body at once. How could she get so turned on just talking this way with Josh? He hadn’t even kissed her and despite his arm around her shoulder and his warm hand cupping her cheek, he wasn’t touching her in any way that could be construed as sexual.

  “You’re blushing, Phil,” he murmured. “Does it embarrass you to tell me this? Does it excite you?”

  She nodded, her mouth dry. “B…both,” she stammered.

  “Tell me one more thing,” he said softly. “Did you come? Did you come while we made love—while I fucked you, Phil?”

  “Oh, God, yes. I came…came so hard, Josh. I…” She looked away, unable to stand the intensity of his gaze anymore. She was liable to jump Josh right here in his car.

  “I think….I think maybe we should change the subject,” she murmured, trying to get her breathing under control. She reached out to adjust the AC vent so that a stream of cool air was blowing across her heated face. “It’s kind of hot in here, don’t you think?”

  “Sorry.” Josh withdrew his hand from her cheek with obvious reluctance. “I shouldn’t have said that. I guess I got carried away.”

  “It’s okay,” Phil assured him hurriedly. “I just…I think maybe we should head back. I don’t think anyone will miss me at work, but I don’t want you to get into trouble because of me.”

  He grinned. “No one will know. If I want to leave for a while, I just put up a sign that says I’m testing the server and I shouldn’t be disturbed. I don’t do it much but it’s invaluable when Dickhead Senior is being, well, a dick.” He laughed and seemed to realize that they were getting back to their normal footing because he sat up straight and took his arm from around her shoulders.

  Phil laughed too, relieved that things were getting back to normal. Josh was her best friend and that was the way things ought to stay. Anything else was just too complicated, especially considering that she was still engaged to a man she had been reasonably sure she loved for the last five years. She pushed the thought of Christian away with a twinge of guilt. She would think about her fiancé later.

  “Are, uh, are you sure I didn’t offend you though?” Josh asked, sounding a little anxious. He was buttoning his shirt, which was mostly dry now, hiding the delicious expanse of tan chest. Phil silently chastised herself for being disappointed. He’s your friend. Just a friend.

  “You know if you did I’d tell you. I wouldn’t be able to help it.”

  He nodded. “Oh right, your thinking out loud thing.”

  “You know, talking about speaking your mind—about this problem I keep having,” she said, not looking at him. “Yesterday, right before Alison came into the kitchen I got this…this feeling that you were trying to tell me something. Or maybe that you were trying to ask me something.” She wasn’t sure why she was bringing this up now, just when they were getting over the awkwardness of her dream. Maybe she wanted to see that look in his eyes again and couldn’t admit it, even to herself.

  “Uh-huh.” Josh’s voice sounded uncertain. “I…um…”

  “Josh?” she said, looking up at him again. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I mean, I told you about my horrible, embarrassing dream. And we’re best friends. What are friends for but telling deep dark secrets?”

  “Friends… right.” Josh gave a short, humorless laugh. He took a deep breath. “Well, actually, there was something I wanted to say to you. To ask you, I mean. But you have to promise not to laugh at me.”

  “Why would I laugh?” Phil felt her heart pound. Had he dreamed about her, too?

  “I, um…” Josh took a deep breath. “I wanted to say that…that I don’t have a swim suit for that stupid office beach party on Thursday. And you know me and shopping. I was, uh, hoping you would come with me tomorrow to pick something out.” He smiled. “’Cause without a woman’s input, I might end up in one of those bright yellow Spee
dos that are so popular now. And you know how it is when two people at a party are wearing the same outfit? So damn awkward.”

  Phil stifled a giggle at the idea of her best friend in the same banana yellow Speedo that Dickson Junior had worn to last year’s beach party. Certainly Josh had a better build for it. He was tall and athletic as opposed to Dickson’s short, squat, and hairy. But still, there was something inherently ridiculous about a man in what Josh liked to call a banana hammock.

  “Okay,” she said, both relieved and a little disappointed that the tension that had developed in the car had suddenly blown away. “I need a new suit too. So if I even still have a job after my awful HR review tomorrow, I’ll go shopping with you after work.”

  “It’s a deal. Shake on it.” Josh grinned at her and reached out a hand to seal the deal. But just at that moment, the muted strains of “Pachelbel’s Canon” began drifting out of Phil’s purse.

  “Oh, wait a minute,” she said, rummaging in the depths to find the phone. “I’m sorry, let me see who this is.”

  “Fine.” Josh folded his arms over his chest and gave her a mock glare. “Just so you know though, I think people who talk on their cell phones in restaurants are the worst. In fact, Chez Bowman, we’ve been considering implementing a ‘no phone’ policy during dining hours.”

  Phil started to laugh, but the sound died on her lips when she saw Rory’s number on her display. Her baby sister never called in the middle of the day when she knew Phil was at work unless there was a problem. She flipped open the phone quickly. “Hello?”

  “You have to come.” Rory sounded breathless. “I mean, I know you’re at work, but please, Phil. I’ve been trying to get Cass on her cell but it’s turned off. I think she’s doing a session in her studio and I don’t have a car to go get her.”

  “Of course I’ll come, but what is it?” Phil felt her heart rate pick up again at the panic in her youngest sister’s voice.