Wishful Thinking

by Evangeline Anderson

  Phil moaned as she watched two of his long, strong fingers slide into her, filling her in a way that made her bite her lip to keep from crying out. Her eyes flickered up to Josh’s, meeting his gaze in the mirror and she saw the same something she’d seen the day before in his car. That look in his eyes that said he wanted her in every possible way.

  “Does that feel good?” Josh whispered as he slid his fingers in and out of her wet sex. “Is that what you need, Phil?”

  “Oh, God…Oh, Josh…I…Oh!” Phil squeezed her eyes shut, unable to watch any more. It was too much. She was so hot, so close. If he would touch her just a little bit more she knew she was about to go off like a rocket on the fourth of July…

  Suddenly he stopped and she felt him pulling away from her. With a little cry, Phil opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him. Was he sorry they had gone this far? Somewhere in the back of her brain, Phil was pretty sure she was going to be very sorry at some point, but she still didn’t want to stop. She wanted to feel Josh’s hands on her, she wanted him to make her come.

  “Please, Josh,” she whispered, looking up into his eyes. “Please, I was so…so close. I just…”

  “I want to taste you.” His voice was low and intense and his eyes were dark with need.

  “Wh…what?” Phil stuttered, uncertain of what she’d heard. Had he really just said…

  “I want to taste you, Phil. Right here, right now, I want to get down on my knees in front of you, spread you open and eat your pussy until you come all over my face.”

  Once more, Phil felt like she was drowning, like she couldn’t get enough air. The hot, erotic words spoken in his quiet, intense voice were almost enough to make her come right there. But Josh was still looking at her, as though for permission. Somewhere in the back of her head Phil heard a little voice reminding her that she was engaged and that Josh was her best friend. How could their friendship ever be the same if she let him do this to her? If she let him kiss and lick and taste her wet sex until he made her come?

  Yes, it was a bad idea all the way around. Phil opened her mouth to say, “no” and heard, “Yes, oh, God, yes,” come out instead. How had that happened? She was sure she’d meant to say no and yet she still didn’t want to stop.

  In a flash, Josh was kneeling in front of her on the thin carpet of the dressing room floor and she could feel his hot breath against her inner thighs. “Relax,” he murmured, stroking her sides gently and playing a soft kiss on her right hipbone. “I want you to just relax and let me in, Phil. Can you do that?”

  Mutely, Phil nodded. She couldn’t believe she was in this position. She’d been best friends with Josh for years but never had she imagined herself naked in a public dressing room about to let him go down on her. And yet…there was something right about it somehow, something so white hot and intensely sexual that it was like her body was telling her what to do, that this was right. As Josh stroked her thighs gently with his large, warm hands, she allowed her legs to part and watched breathlessly as he leaned forward to place a soft, tender kiss at the apex of her sex.

  “That’s right, Phil, open up. Let me taste you,” Josh murmured softly. He bent forward again and again she felt his mouth against her. This time he was kissing her more deeply—kissing her sex the same way he might kiss her mouth, gently, tenderly, and with an intense passion that took her breath away. She moaned as his tongue slipped over her wet folds, stroking along the sensitive side of her clit. “God, Phil.” He looked up after a long moment and licked his lips. “You taste so damn good,” he murmured, cupping her hip in his palm. “So absolutely delicious. I could eat you all day and all night long.”

  Phil caught her breath. “Please, Josh…” she murmured, reaching out to run a hand through his hair. “Please, I need…”

  “I know what you need,” he told her again. “And I want to give it to you. I want to make you come.” He leaned forward again and Phil moaned with breathless pleasure as he spread her gently with his fingers and licked a warm, wet trail from the bottom of her sex to the top of her slit. God, she had never had anyone do this with such enthusiasm, with such obvious pleasure. Christian had tried going down on her once or twice when they first got together and she remembered vividly how much he’d disliked it, barely daring to plant a few, hesitant kisses over the outside of her sex before giving up. Now Josh was spreading her open and licking her like a little kid with his favorite flavor of ice cream. He was more than tasting her—he was devouring her from the inside out. There was no question that he derived pleasure from tasting her and pleasuring her. No doubt that he was enjoying pushing her higher and higher, trying to make her come.

  Phil gasped as he pressed her back against the wooden wall of the stall. She had to steady herself by grabbing his broad shoulders or she would have fallen—the pleasure he was giving her was too intense to bear and it made her legs feel weak and wobbly. She cried out as he sucked her clit into his mouth and began tracing the sensitive bud with his tongue, curving around and around in patterns of pleasure that made her moan and thrust up to meet him shamelessly. God, what was happening to her? She had never been the type to give herself to a man so wantonly, to open herself and let him do anything he wanted to do. But then, her fiancé had never been the type to demand that of her. It was clear that Josh wanted nothing less than her complete surrender as he pressed forward, lapping and sucking and nuzzling.

  Once more Phil felt herself trembling on the edge of orgasm—and not just any orgasm, either. This was going to be a ten on the Richter scale or a class five hurricane or a monster Tsunami or however you wanted to put it. But just as she was just about to tip over the edge, Josh stopped again.

  “Josh, please!” Phil felt like she might start crying from sheer frustration. “I was close—so close. Please, make me come. Please. I can’t stand it!”

  “God, I dreamed of hearing you beg like this,” he murmured, looking up at her. “I just need to get a little more leverage. Need to put my tongue inside your hot little pussy and taste you deeper—more. Here, I’ll show you.” He lifted her left leg so that all her weigh was braced on her right and positioned her thigh over his broad shoulder.

  Phil gasped as she felt the new position spread her even farther, opening her completely to Josh’s seeking mouth. The stubble of his five o’clock shadow scratched against her tender inner thighs, making her moan with sensation. And then he was bending forward again, using the new leverage he’d gained to enter her with his tongue and press deep inside her until she thought she was going to explode.

  “Oh, God…Josh…Josh!” Phil buried her hands in his hair and pressed forward, giving herself utterly, holding nothing back as he pressed his tongue deeply into her open sex. She had never felt this hot before, this needy. She had never been with a man who wanted to make her come the way he wanted his next breath. Josh was driving her, pushing harder and harder, closer and closer to the point of no return. Phil knew their relationship would never be the same after this but she had almost stopped caring. All she could think about was the way he was pressing inside her, tasting her center as though he was reaching for her heart with each eager thrust of his tongue. She was close…so close…

  He shifted positions again and she felt him slide up and suck her clit into his hot mouth once more. He lashed her with his tongue and at the same time two long, strong fingers entered her, thrusting deep to press hard against the end of her channel. Phil felt herself tipping over the edge at last, her hips bucking as she rode his face and sobbed his name aloud, not caring if anyone else could hear her, only needing to express the intense pleasure she was feeling.

  The orgasm rolled over her like a blinding wave of light and as she squeezed her eyes tightly shut, she actually saw fireworks. Showers of sparks exploding behind her eyelids as she gave in to the release Josh’s talented mouth and fingers had teased from her. Phil threw back her head and moaned, her breath hitching in her chest as she felt hot prickles of moisture behind her closed ey
elids. It was too good, too much, the most intense sexual experience she had ever had in her life

  “So good,” she heard herself murmur. “God, Josh, I’ve never felt that way. Never come that hard. Not even…not even when I touch myself.” She blushed, wondering what had made her make such an intimate confession but Josh didn’t seem bothered at all.

  “Mmm.” He looked up at her, his eyes half-hooded with desire. “Now that’s something I’d like to see. Maybe another time.”

  Another time? Sure, why not? Since it looks like you’ve decided to go ahead and cheat on Christian even though you know how wrong it is. Now that you’ve started, why not keep it up?

  The nasty little voice in her head cut its way through her pleasure-soaked brain as her orgasm ebbed, leaving her shaking and breathless, her back still pressed hard against the wooden side of the changing stall and her hands still buried in Josh’s thick hair.

  Phil closed her eyes. What am I turning into? She was engaged to one man and yet she’d just had oral sex in a public dressing room with another. It was exactly the same kind of slutty behavior she’d always deplored in Alison. And yet, here she was, leading her best friend on and cheating on her fiancé at the same time.

  It’s all my fairy godmother’s fault, Phil tried to tell herself. If only she hadn’t reversed the wish so that Josh was compelled to speak his mind and tell me exactly what he wanted to do to me, I wouldn’t have been tempted to let him do it. But she knew she had done what she did because she wanted to, even though she was screwing up her life by going with her impulses. Before her latest disastrous birthday wish she had never been impulsive or reckless. Cass used to tease her and say she was as cautious as an old lady. And now here she was, screwing up not only her own life, but Josh’s as well.

  “Phil? Phil, are you okay?”

  She opened her eyes to see Josh’s face filled with worry. His full lips were wet and shiny with her juices, reminding her all over again of the extremely inappropriate behavior they’d just engaged in. “You’re crying,” he said, softly, and the concern in his eyes was more than she could bear.

  “I…uh…” She struggled to disengage herself, feeling suddenly vulnerable and exposed. I just…”

  Josh eased her leg off his shoulder and stood, still watching her anxiously. Phil felt shaky and uncertain and horribly naked. Josh still had on the black swim trunks but she had nothing at all to cover herself. The red mesh bikini lay in a crumpled ball on the dressing room floor, staring up at her accusingly.

  “Oh, God…” She took a step and almost fell—would have fallen if he hadn’t reached out and caught her under the arm and then pulled her close to his chest.

  “Phil,” he murmured. “Phil, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I should have known you’d regret it.”

  “I just…it’s just that…” She bit her lip, trying to explain. “I can’t…I shouldn’t be doing this, Josh. My…I’m still engaged to Christian and I’m so afraid this is going to ruin our friendship.”

  “It won’t,” he murmured into her hair. “I swear it won’t. I won’t let it.”

  “Well what are we supposed to do?” Phil looked up at him, swiping angrily at the tears that were blurring her vision. “Are we just going to pretend this never happened? Go back to being office buddies who cheer each other up and give each other pep talks when my boss or yours acts up?”

  “No.” Josh shook his head firmly. “No, I don’t want that either. I want to be more than that, Phil.”

  “I…I don’t understand.” But as she looked up into his face which was full of tenderness and need, she was terribly afraid that she did understand.

  “Phil…” He sighed. “I don’t want to go back to being just friends and I don’t want to be friends with benefits either. This…what I feel for you goes so far beyond the physical. This is a way to express it, but not the only way.”

  “Oh, no.” The tears streaming down her face now. “Don’t, Josh. Please, please don’t.”

  “I can’t help it.” He shook his head, his deep brown eyes reflecting a need so great it tore at her heart. “I know this isn’t what you want to hear right now but I can’t help saying it. Phil…” He lifted her chin gently and cupped her cheek so she couldn’t avoid his gaze. “I’m in love with you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Phil caught her breath, trying to think. She could see in her best friend’s eyes what he wanted her to say—that she loved him, too. That she was ready and willing to change everything in her life to be with him. But she wasn’t ready—and she wasn’t even sure she was willing, despite the intense experience they had just shared. Even though things with Christian had been awful this last year, they’d had rough patches before. They had always pulled through and things had been better than ever. If she ran into the arms of another man every time they had a fight, how could she hope to have the kind of marriage she wanted? The kind of marriage her new outspoken self knew she deserved?

  Good, bad and ugly, things with Christian were real—this interlude with Josh felt like a fantasy. And she couldn’t forget that most of what had happened was the result of her stupid wish. Where would they be if she hadn’t asked the fairy godmother to make her speak her mind? Friends forever. How could Phil trust something that might be a simple side effect of an ill-conceived wish?

  She wasn’t sure what she felt except that she was scared. Scared of ruining her life and the lives of the people she loved. Scared of losing everything she knew to chase a daydream that might pop like one of her nana’s enchanted soap bubbles that played snatches of sweet melody and smelled like flowers when they burst.

  “Josh, I’m so sorry.” She tried to pull away but he held her a moment longer, searching her eyes. Searching for something he didn’t find. At last he let her go, the muscle on the side of his jaw clenching.

  “I’ve loved you from the moment I found you crying in the supply closet, you know,” he said in a low voice, stooping to pick up the discarded swimsuits scattered on the floor. “And when I found out you were engaged—well, I think a little part of me died. But I couldn’t stop hoping that one day things would work out. I hung around BB&D even though everyone in my family was telling me I was being stupid, that I should just give it up and come home to California.”

  “Josh, I—” Phil was pulling on her business clothes hurriedly and trying to talk at the same time. But he didn’t let her finish.

  “That’s what I was really trying to tell you the other day when Alison walked in,” he said, hanging the red bikini on its hanger with slow, deliberate motions. “Phil, I have a job interview back in Sacramento, where I’m from. The pay is twice what I make at BB&D and it’s right by my family.”

  “Oh.” Phil sank suddenly onto the little triangular wooden bench, her blouse half buttoned and only one shoe on. All the strength had run out of her legs and it felt like her stomach had dropped, like it does when you go down the first really steep hill on a roller coaster. “When…when do you fly out?” she managed to ask, trying to sound nonchalant and failing miserably.

  “Tomorrow night, after the beach party.” Josh shrugged, his broad shoulders rolling with the motion. “I, uh, agreed to take the interview because I didn’t think there was any future for me here. I mean, before your birthday, I never thought that you had anything but friendly feelings for me. Well,” he corrected himself, “I thought there was something there. Some attraction. But I never thought you’d let yourself acknowledge it. Then, when you told me about your dream, and let me know that things weren’t exactly going great with Christian lately, well, I started to hope.”

  “Oh, Josh.” Phil felt like she was going to start crying all over again. “I just…I don’t know how to feel or what to say. I can’t believe we just did…what we did. You know I’m not the kind of person to let myself get carried away with my emotions and make hasty decisions…”

  “I know it’s not fair to ask you.” He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. “I
should have told you how I felt earlier but I just…didn’t want to screw up our friendship.”

  She let a jagged laugh escape her. “But of course what we just did won’t screw it up at all.”

  He looked stricken. “I’m sorry, Phil. There was no way I should have done…what I did. I just…” He reached forward to brush a sheaf of hair out of her eyes. “You’re so exciting and beautiful and vibrant,” he said softly. “I’ve loved you for so long…wanted you for so long. I think I just…wanted to show you how I felt.”

  Phil felt immediately guilty. “No, it’s not all your fault. I encouraged you. I…I wanted it too.” Just the memory of his big hands on her, of his hot mouth exploring her, tasting her, was enough to send a shivering rush of desire down her spine. Phil suppressed the emotion ruthlessly. She was mostly dressed now and she slipped into her other shoe and stood up. “It’s just…Josh, I’ve been with Christian for the last five years of my life. He…up until today he was the only man I’ve ever been with. We’re having a rough time right now but we’ve had hard times before and come through them. I just don’t know if I can throw everything I have with him away in the heat of the moment.”

  “You just did.” Josh’s voice was harsh now and his eyes were hard. He crossed his arms over his chest, the muscles in his arms tightening into solid knots of tension. “I know exactly how long you’ve been with him, Phil—it’s almost exactly how long I’ve been waiting for you. But you know what? I can’t wait forever. I’ll be honest with you—everything I own is packed. If the job interview’s a go—and I think it will be—then I won’t come back for my stuff. I’m just going to have it shipped to me. Because coming back here and seeing you, knowing I can’t have you, is just too damn painful.”

  “What do you want me to do? What do you want me to say?” Phil had been trying to put her hair back into its usual tight bun but now she held out her hands in supplication, her hair hanging loose around her face.