Candace Dowds
Copyright © 2018 Candace Dowds
All rights reserved. This book is a work of fiction that shall not be shared or sold without the authors permission.
Dedication
Thank you to my readers, without you, my dream would be dead.
To my father, I miss you so very much, I wish you were here to guide me. I love you.
Prologue
Mia
For years, I spent my days and nights waiting around for the man I loved. Everything I did, every decision I made, would revolve around him, and around me being able to see him and spend quality time with him. But there was a catch, one that made me walk away from Cole.
Our families were religious and there were many rules that needed to be followed. However, I was never one to abide by other people’s rules and regulations, so I made the hardest decision of my life and walked away.
At the tender age of nineteen, I left my home and I left my mother, and went off to make a life of my own, a good three-hour drive away.
I did my best to create a new life for myself with my father’s help, since he also left both my mother and the religion. But I was never able to get over Cole, my first true love.
Chapter One
Mia
Living in a cabin by the lake had always been a dream of mine. To get away from the hustle and bustle of the big city, and away from the religious nuts I was related to.
My mother was none too thrilled when I made the decision to leave both her and Cole behind. The conversations with her were hair-pulling at times, to say the least, but now that we’re six years down the track, she finally accepts my lifestyle and even comes to visit from time to time. But it’s Cole that I miss so dearly.
I’d known Cole my entire life. Our families had grown up going to the same church, but it wasn’t until I was thirteen that my crush on him truly formed. Since he was three years older than me, it never felt like dating him would ever be a possibility, considering the fact that you had to be baptized and over the age of eighteen to even attempt to date within the Jehovah’s Witness religion.
For the next two years, we would see each other at either Kingdom Hall or when we had to attend what they would call ‘Study,’ which consisted of a group of twenty or so people gathering at someone’s home once
a week to go through the bible as a group.
But if we saw one another out in large numbers for social engagements, there were always far too many people around who wouldn’t think twice about turning us in to the Elders if they thought we might be seeing one another, so I kept my distance. I wasn’t interested in being the subject of many. Yes, I was unbaptized, however, Cole had only recently gone through the baptism process, which had him on the hook if he were to break any of the rules, and if that did eventuate, he’d be disfellowshipped. What does that mean, you ask? That means he wouldn’t be able to communicate whatsoever with anyone remaining within the religion, that includes his own parents. It wasn’t a risk I wanted to take, but I also couldn’t hold back my attraction to him. Cole was the guy all of the girls wanted to be with. He had money, charm, perfect cheekbones, and teeth you just wanted to run your tongue across.
Even though I was only fifteen at the time, I was mature beyond my years. Being an only child, whose parents worked all the time and are away from the house, will do that to you.
From a young age, I was taught to care for myself. It wasn’t like it is now, when you
wouldn’t dare leave your ten year old alone for any length of time, it was a safer time.
Even so, I was always surrounded by friends
who were much older than me, friends who could drive, so they would come and keep me company from time to time so I wasn’t always alone with my thoughts.
One of those friends was Matt. Matt was the same age as Cole and I had known him since birth, he just seemed to always be around. He was, and still is, my rock.
Matt and Cole were a part of a boy’s club. Boys I was friends with, but rarely got invited to hangout with because I was a girl. But that all began to change as I got older and they saw that I wasn’t a girly girl any more.
Past Mia
One night, Matt invited me over to his house to watch a new movie he’d managed to get his hands on. It was a movie that was still at the cinemas, so of course, I said yes. I thought it was just going to be us since we usually hung out alone at his place. Matt’s parents knew we were good friends and that was why we were trusted to be alone and not have to have a chaperone hovering over us all the time.
It was a Saturday afternoon and, as usual,
my parents were at work. Matt offered to pick me up, but I figured since his house was only a ten-minute walk from mine, I could use the exercise. That, and the fact that I
only drink energy drinks, or normal Coke when it’s too late to get a bump of energy, and I only eat Mac and Cheese. Mac and Cheese is life! That and blackcurrant sour chewy candy. Wow, my diet is rather disgusting, but I also have a thyroid the is fast, I mean off the charts fast, so gaining weight isn’t something that comes easy to me, but I do still understand that exercise is a must. And I know you’re hating me right now, but be gentle with me, please?
As soon as I’d changed into my tight fitted black jeans, a black chiffon shoestring top, a pair of black flats, and my make-up was done, I headed over to Matt’s.
When I arrived, I was greeted by Glennis and Joel, Matt’s parents. As we sat down to eat, the conversation flowed. I had always felt very comfortable around them, they were the other set of parents I turned to when I needed them.
“So, how is school?” Glennis asks.
As I cut a piece of lasagne, and fork it, I tell her, “As good as can be expected. I hate it, I really do, but the government makes me go.” I shrug before I take a mouth full of the
delicious cheesy, meaty pasta.
“Oh, my girl. You’re going to be out of there like a shot the moment you can, aren’t you?” Joel laughs.
“You bet your butt, I will. I’m already taking
graphic design courses online; I’ll be ready for the workforce before anyone else. I just see school as a hindrance and I can’t wait for it to end.”
“School will be finished, and before you know it, you’ll be forty and wishing you were still there,” he adds.
My brow crinkles. “Yeah, I don’t think so.”
“Believe me, you will.” He grins.
“Well, I’ll let you know when I reach that age,” I assure him.
“I’ll be long dead by then.” He grins. Glennis and Joel had had children later in life. They’d wanted to be financially stable before starting a family.
“You’ll outlive me, my dear,” I tell him.
“I guess we’ll see.”
When dinner was over, and I was helping Glennis do the cleaning up, I heard the doer bell ring.
“Is Matt expecting someone?” She asks, looking at over at me.
While drying a plate, I shake my head. “He
hadn’t mentioned anyone else coming over, to me. I thought it was going to be just me and him watching the movie,” I tell her as I place the plate into the cupboard before I fold the dishtowel and place it on the counter.
“Cole, glad you could come,” I hear Matt
say and my body freezes in place, my stomach now in my throat.
“Hell, I’m dying to see this movie. I can’t believe you managed to get a copy.”
My chest fills with air, and my stomach begins to flutter. ‘What the hell is he doing here and why hadn’t Matt warned me? He knows I’ve had a crush on him for the longest time. Why? And has he invited anyone else? God, I hope he has, otherwise this is going to be the most awkward evening I’ve eve
r experienced,’ I think.
As I stand in place in a stunned state, both boys come walking into the kitchen. Sure, Matt is an attractive guy with his curly blonde locks, blue eyes, and tall frame, but Cole is the polar opposite to him.
Cole has dark hair, piercing brown eyes, an olive complexion, a strong jaw line, and then there’s the fact that he’s at least six foot three. From the moment I began noticing boys, height has always been something I’ve been attracted to. Short guys just don’t get
a look in, at least, not with me.
When Cole sees me, he stops in his tracks, and I catch him looking me up and down before he offers me a smile. Damn, that smile, it makes me tingle in places it shouldn’t, places I know the Elders would think was inappropriate, but I simply can’t help it.
“Mia, I didn’t know you were here.” Cole continues to smile as he comes around the counter and he leans in, slipping his strong arms around me and kissing my cheek.
‘Damn, he smells good,’ I think.
When he pulls away from me, the smile remains in place, his hands now back by his sides, but I can still feel the warmth on my cheek where he kissed me. “Yes, and I had no idea that you were coming over,” I tell Cole while staring at Matt who’s standing behind Cole wearing a devious grin. ‘The asshole did this deliberately knowing I wouldn’t have a clue about how to act in front of my crush of over two years.’
“Right, now that the pleasantries over, and my gut’s full, I say we head into the second living room and put this movie on?” Matt offers as he walks towards the back of the house.
“Sounds great,” Cole responds, but his eyes are still locked on mine. Eventually, he turns
and we follow Matt down the hallway.
When we reach the decent sized living room, there’s one grey recliner and a matching two-seater sofa in front of the huge flat-screen television, the sort you can only dream about buying when you’re fifteen, hence the reason we come to Matt’s when he manages to get a hold of movies we can’t.
Quickly, Matt plonks his butt down into the recliner leaving the other sofa to Cole and me. He is such an asshat, but I guess there weren’t any other options, so I take a seat, and Cole lowers himself down beside me.
As the night goes on and the light of day fades, leaving only the light coming off the television screen, Cole inches closer and closer towards me until the side of his body is pressed up against mine. I hold my breath for the longest time, until I felt his pinkie finger begin moving back and forth on my thigh.
Without thinking, I look up at him. When I do, he’s already staring at me. Biting down on my bottom lip, my brow raises and a smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. He reciprocates the gesture.
Cole moves his hand over my thigh until he has my hand in his, our fingers lacing, and
although he is so much bigger than I am, our hands fit one another’s perfectly.
For the rest of the evening, I sit in bliss. Nothing else happens between us, but I know it’s just the beginning.
Chapter Two
Past Mia
That evening, when Matt dropped me off at home, I knew my parents had already gone to bed because all the lights, all excluding the porch light, were off.
My house is my retreat, my safe place, well when I’m alone it is. It’s a large, four-bedroom home, with two offices, two living areas, and a very spacious cottage in the back yard. Against my parents’ wishes, I moved out into the cottage just under a year ago. I’m not usually the type to get myself into trouble, I simply wanted to have my own space where I could read and not be disturbed like I would be if I was in the main house. On the nights when my parents are home, they’ll either have company over or fight with one another if alone.
From the age of ten, I’d come to the conclusion that my father always wanted others around because my mother tends to drive him up the wall. As much as I love her, because she gave birth to me, I have to agree with him. My mother has the ability to turn any situation into a poor me, or look at me, scenario.
My father knows I’m smart, but what he
doesn’t know is that I’d figured out he was only still married to the woman because the religion is very much against couples divorcing.
There are strict rules around it, rules that include ‘if a couple does divorce, to remarry, one must be marked as disfellowshipped.’ So, if he left her, he’d also be leaving behind the rest of his family, and I don’t think that would be something he could handle. At least, not without a good reason.
Using the torch on my phone as a guide, I make my way down the hallway, then through the living area until I’m out of the main house. When I reach the cottage, I use my key to open the door. Immediately, I flick on the light and turn the torch on my phone off.
My cottage is more like a small unit. Yes, the bedroom and living area are in the same space, but it also has a kitchenette and a full bathroom. It even has a fully enclosed porch where my rocking chair rests for when I want to read during warm days.
As soon as I’ve changed into my pink satin pyjamas, I slip under the covers on my bed and turn on my Kindle so I can do a little light reading.
Around twenty-minutes into the book, my
phone dings. Looking at the time, my brows crinkle. “Who the hell is that at one in the morning?” I mumble to myself as I reach over to turn the lamp on before picking my phone up from the bedside table.
Looking at the screen, I smile to myself when I read the message.
“It’s Cole. I stole your number from Matt’s phone.”
I begin to tap out a message in return. “I’m glad you did. But I would have given it to you if you’d asked.”
“It was more fun this way.”
“I’m sure it was. Everything okay?”
“Do I need a reason to text you?”
“No, not at all.”
“Good. Now, when can I see you again?”
“You can see me tomorrow night at the group.”
“Nope, not good enough. I want to see you outside of the Kingdom Hall. Somewhere where there aren’t prying eyes.”
My smile broadens. “Make a suggestion,” I offer.
“How about dinner… Saturday? I’ll get Matt to tag along.”
“Sounds perfect. I’ll rope Leah into coming, too.”
“Brilliant. That way Matt will be distracted while I stare at you like a fool for the entire evening.”
My stomach is a-flutter. “Really? That seems awfully boring.” Although, I could do the same to him for hours and never grow weary.
“Not at all. See you tomorrow?”
“You will.”
“Goodnight, Mia.”
“Goodnight, Cole.”
When my phone is back on the bedside table, I smile until I fall into a blissful slumber.
The next evening, it’s very hard to focus on anything since I’m seated opposite Cole at Study. At the same time, I know I can only steal glances at him because I can’t let on that there’s anything going on between us. Not that holding hands meant that there was something more to it, and maybe I’m just imagining things, but still, I can’t be too careful.
When I’m leaving with my parents, Cole makes an excuse to the people he’s speaking with and exits the house at the same time. Sure, it’s only so he can say a quick goodbye to me, but it’s enough to
make me nervous, nervous in a good way.
He’s smooth in his approach, so as to not let on to my parents that there’s anything more to the gesture. Not that they would notice anything that didn’t directly involve them, but he has a charm about him that I’m sure will land me in big trouble if I’m not able to keep my hormones at bay.
Chapter Three
Mia
Our texting becomes more frequent over the next few days, to the point where he’s messaging me throughout his lunch breaks at work and being a teenage girl with a crush, I’m constantly checking my phone between classes.
Finally, when Saturday arrives, I’m a
t a loss as to what to wear to dinner that evening. Fortunately, I’d asked my best friend Leah to come over to my house early so she could help me pick out an outfit that was sexy, but not too sexy, at the same time.
“I can’t believe this is happening. How the hell did you manage to land Cole Kade? He’s seriously the hottest of all the JoHo guys we know. I mean, I know you’re hot, babe, but I never thought my best friend would be dating him. He always seemed unattainable to everyone! He’s never had a girlfriend, at least not one we’ve ever known about. Holy cow!” Yes, Leah can be a lot to handle, but she’s always had my back, and her quirkiness is something I admire.
“Okay, let’s get this straight. A - I have not landed Cole. B - Yes, he is hot. C - We only held hands, that’s it,” I explain, knowing
Leah already has her bridesmaid’s dress
chosen, in her mind, and that she’s already imagining me and Cole having babies. That’s something I don’t want to think about, because I don’t want to get my hopes up and set myself up for disaster.
Leah’s mouth is agape, her eyes looking as if they’re about to pop out of her head. “What? When did you hold hands with him? How do I not know about this? Better yet, why the hell didn’t you call me to tell me you were holding hands with Cole Kade?”
Damn, I should have kept my big mouth shut. Walking towards my closet, I give her an explanation of the entire evening at Matt’s, knowing that if I keep my lips sealed she’ll blurt out the question to Cole when he gets here to pick us up.
“So, when I went over to Matt’s last week to watch a movie, without my knowledge, Matt had invited Cole over, knowing I had a crush on him. Matt spent a good part of the night grinning like a fool because he knew just how awkward and uncomfortable I was. Well, when we went into his back living room, he quickly sat his ass down into the single recliner, leav-.”
Leah finishes my sentence. “Leaving you to sit next to Cole on the two-seater?”
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