Happy Never After

by Candace Dowds

  “Really? I need to tell you that people are over so you can keep your voices down? Hell, I should have her move in, that way I wouldn’t have to listen to the crap that comes billowing out of here. I need to get dressed now. Bye.” I walk out of the room, ignoring the two people I love most.

  In the beginning of my relationship with Cole, things were perfect. Well they were, except for the fact that I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone I was dating the sexiest guy in our area.

  After the first two weeks, each time I’d see him, I would find that notes had been

  slipped into my pockets without my noticing. That soon became a habit of ours. Cole would send me notes telling me he loved me, and I would do the same for him. It was a game of sorts, a way for us to try to love one another without the outside world knowing a damn thing.

  When we were out in public, surrounded by Witnesses, we would use Matt and Leah to pass the messages on for us, so as to not draw attention to ourselves. But one Sunday, six months after we began dating, I found a note in my black pea coat as I sat in the rear seat of my father’s car on our way home

  from the Sunday morning meeting.

  The note said, ‘I hate hiding. You look so beautiful today, and I wish I could whisk you away from here and make you mine. All mine. I love you. Love always, Cole.’

  It was the very thing I needed at that moment, to be able to get through the rage I felt towards my parents. Until then, the notes had consisted of ‘You’re stunning. I love you,’ or ‘I can’t wait to see you.’ Finally, we were growing frustrated, and the cracks were beginning to show, but there was no doubt that we loved one another.

  Chapter Four

  Mia

  Over the next two years, my relationship with Cole continued in much the same way, and even though we were frustrated, we were still there for one another. The fact that we were still having to hide our love began to grate at me. It didn’t help that I wasn’t ready to make the commitment to be baptised, and didn’t know if it was something I would ever be ready for.

  When we were over at Matt’s house one Saturday night, while his parents were out, I was seated in Cole’s lap, comfortably resting my head on his chest, when we suddenly heard the front door open. Cole literally threw me from his lap and I landed on my hip so very hard that I had to fight back tears of pain.

  The action hurt me to the point that I walked out of the house, avoiding everyone, and walked home in the dark, even though it was well after ten PM.

  When I arrived home, I checked my hip and could see a bruise was already forming. Cole didn’t even call or text me to ask where I went and if I was okay.

  Matt, on the other hand, called to scream

  at me for taking such a stupid risk. The next day, I had to go to the doctors because my hip was black and the pain was worsening. I was beyond hurt, and my anger was evident to everyone except Cole. And then there was the night I finally snapped.

  As per usual, I was in my cottage, trying my best to get some sleep when the fighting began, once again. I was already mad over something that had happened with Cole that afternoon. Maybe mad isn’t the right word to use, I guess I was more hurt than anything else. You see, the Jehovah’s Witnesses have Conventions a couple of times a year. It’s a time when a select group of congregations come together in one vast complex located in Melton, Victoria. Anyway, when we were in attendance that day, Cole had given me the cold shoulder. Of course, we’re careful not to have much contact while around other Witnesses, but today he’d managed to shatter me beyond belief.

  For some time, he’d been asking for this particular photo of me, one Leah had taken while we were at the beach that summer and I was wearing just a black bikini. And even though I was still bruised from that night at Matt’s house, being the dumb teenager I was, and being madly in love, I went and had it printed and chose the

  perfect frame for it. When I saw the finished product, I knew I looked hot, even if I do say so myself.

  On the lunch break at the convention, I had Leah slip the frame into Cole’s briefcase. When he approached her as she’d straightened, she whispered to him that I’d sent her with a package. The response he gave her broke me. He’d said, “Tell her to keep her distance from me and that she’s not to even look at me. Got it? I can’t have anything to do with her for a while. I need to be careful, my reputation and relationship with my parents are on the line.”

  When Leah passed on that message, I was utterly devastated. So much so, that I went out to the car to cry, and stayed there. After I’d been sitting out in the car for a while, with tears in my eyes, my mother came out to scold me. “Get your butt back inside. People have noticed you’re missing, Mia.”

  “Really, Stacey?” I had always called her by her name when I was too angry to care about her feelings.

  Her face turned to one of anger. “Don’t you dare. I will not put up…”

  I stopped her mid-sentence. “No, don’t you dare. You don’t care about me. You don’t even know anything about my life. So, leave me alone or I’ll go in there and tell them all

  what your relationship with my father is really

  like!” I threatened.

  Her features softened, and she sat down beside me in the backseat of her white, Range Rover Sport.

  Closing the door behind her, she went on to ask, “What’s going on? Lay it all on me.” But I wasn’t comfortable about opening up to her after so many years of emotional distance.

  “I appreciate the offer, but I can’t talk about it yet and I need you to respect that. Just know that when I’m ready, I will come to you.” Of course, I wouldn’t, I just needed to get her out of the car. “I really need a break, is all. Can I have that, please? I need some time to regroup.”

  She pressed her shoulder against mine and leaned in, kissing my cheek. “Very well. If you need me, send me a text and I’ll come out. I’ll turn my phone on and keep it on silent.”

  “Thanks, I appreciate that.” And I did. This was the most one-on-one interaction we’d had in a long time, but my heart was still broken from the blow Cole had hit me with. I had no idea how she’d react if I was to tell her the truth of it all.

  For the remainder of the day, I stayed in the car, sending both my father and Leah away

  when they came to check on me. By the time we’d reached our house, it was dark,

  and I was exhausted after such a long, emotionally draining day.

  That night, I skipped dinner, opting to go straight to bed. Just as I began to get comfortable enough to cry myself to sleep, the fighting began.

  After ten minutes, I’d had enough, so I trudged across the yard wearing my pink silk pyjamas and a pair of black Billabong thongs I’d slipped on before leaving the cottage.

  As I entered the main house through the back door, the fight became louder. I knew they were in the kitchen, because it was their favourite place to argue.

  “Are you kidding me, John? Why in the hell did you take five grand out of the bank today?” my mother screamed.

  “It’s my money, too. I’ll do what I damn well want with it! You do not own me,” dad yelled in return. As I rounded the corner and entered the kitchen, the fight stopped.

  My parents stared at me; their mouths agape. “Shit, sorry, love…” my father, who had always been so kind to me, tells me. He doesn’t look like he could hurt a fly. He has strawberry blond hair and a very slender frame, thanks to his Irish genes. He’s the

  polar opposite to my overweight mother, who’d stopped caring about her appearance some time ago. However, she

  does make sure she gets all dolled up when she has to socialize with Witnesses. It helps keep up appearances.

  “Stop this crap, now! I can’t take one more goddamn minute of this bullshit!” That sentence earned me utter silence and shocked looks from my parents. “I want the pair of you to shut the hell up and let me have my say, because I’m a member of this family, too, got it?” I question and all I receive in return is nods, show
ing me they agree to my terms.

  “Good. I’m not going to stick around if you can’t find a way to be together. My car account has well over twenty grand in it, and I’ll use it to move out if you pair can’t sort your shit out. It’s clear you don’t love each other, and I know you’re only hanging on because neither of you want to give up the house. For shit’s sake, sell the friggin’ thing and split it down the middle. Grow the hell up and take the hit; it’s just money. More money can be made. I hate this, I would much rather see you divorced than still living together. Screw the religion aspect and stop caring what others might think of you. If you can’t be yourself around them then they weren’t your friends to begin with. Pull your

  pride out of your asses. If you’re so scared about what your reputation will be if you do

  split, then move away from here, separately,

  and start fresh.” I pause to take a breath, then I continue, “I’m going to say this one last time, I have the funds to leave. I don’t want to, I want to have good relationships with both of you, but it can’t happen until this is sorted. Now, I am really tired from today. Tired for reasons you can’t understand and that I can’t tell you about, because I can’t trust either of you, right now. But I do want to get that trust back, I want to get it back more than either of you could ever know. So please, resolve this situation so I don’t have to put in my headphones and crank the sound on my iPod to try and drown you out every night. That’s it, that’s all I have to say on the matter.”

  Before they get the chance to open their mouths, I turn on my heels and get the hell out of there.

  When I’m back in my bed, everything that had happened with Cole and my parents that day, hits me all at once and I begin to cry. I cry until there are no tears left and my head is pounding, but when I get up and go into my small kitchen to retrieve some pain killers, there’s a knock at the door.

  ‘Great, which one of my pain in the ass

  parents are here to annoy the shit out of me? I don’t have the energy to deal with them now, and I’ll will make sure they know it,’ I think as I make my way over to the door.

  As I open the door, I also open my mouth. “I’m not doing this with you…” I start, but come to a halt when I see that it isn’t one of my parents on the other side of the threshold, it’s Cole and he looks terrible, rattled, even. “Shit, I thought you were one of my parents, but it goes for you, too. I don’t want to look at you, let alone talk to you,” I tell him as I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat.

  As I go to close the door, he reaches up, stopping me. “Please, let me come in and explain. Please, just hear me out and then I’ll leave.”

  It’s at times like this that I wish he wasn’t so damned good looking. He makes it hard to say no to him. “I have cried far too much to be able to do this with you, right now. My head is throbbing, I need painkillers and sleep. I don’t particularly want to deal with you. You hurt me in a way I never thought you would. You hurt me even after promising me you would never do that to me. I don’t need this shit in my life, Cole. I just can’t, not now.” I tell him as I turn to head back into the kitchen to continue my hunt for pain killers.

  Ignoring him the best I can, I search through the top drawer, and find the muscle relaxants my doctor had prescribed me a couple of months ago after my back went

  out. He thought it was due to stress, and I wholeheartedly agreed with him. Over the last six months, I’d not had a single day that was free of stress. I’m so close to running away, it feels like it’s my only option.

  As I pull three pills out of the bottle, I go to the fridge and pull out a can of Coke. When it’s cracked, I take the pills, and as I do, I hear the front door close and know he hasn’t gone.

  When I turn around, I see Cole is seated in the recliner in the corner of my living/bedroom area, and I rolled my eyes at the sight of him. “Why are you still here?” I ask as I make my way back to my bed where I place the can down on my bedside table and slip under the covers, my back resting against the headboard.

  “Let me explain why I did what I did.” He waits for me to reply, but I just continue to stare at him. “Fine, well, last night my mum and dad sat me down and told me that people are talking about us, about our relationship. Granted, no one knows the extent of it, but gossip is getting around, fast. My parents want me to stop seeing you and

  talking to you altogether because of it. Then there’s the fact that my father is an elder, he has a responsibility to the congregation, and he expects me to be a role model for the younger generation. Since last night, all I

  have copped over the last twenty-four hours is them lecturing me about you. It’s not that they don’t like you, they just feel like it’s the wrong time and that we’re sending the wrong message. And as for today, I truly am sorry, I shouldn’t have come across so harshly, but I didn’t know what else to do. I still don’t know what to do because I love you so much, Mia. I love you more than anything, and I really am stuck between a rock and a hard place.” Cole lowers his head. He’s clearly stressed, but it doesn’t make what happened go away.

  “Then we split up, I guess.” I shrug, trying my best to keep the tears at bay. I love Cole. I love him so much, but I don’t want to get baptized, and I also don’t want to wait to be able to hold his hand in public. The last two years have been hard enough to deal with, now I won’t even be able to go out with him in group activities, even if we do keep our distance. No thank you.

  Cole’s head snaps up, his eyes wide. “You don’t want to be with me?” He looks like he’s about to cry, and the sight of him is pulling at my heart strings.

  “Of course, I want to be with you, but I can’t take much more, Cole. I get that your father is worried, but I honestly couldn’t care less. I’ve learned to stop caring about what others think, and not long before you came

  knocking tonight, I finally confronted my parents and told them to stop giving a fuck about other people’s opinions and to get a goddamn divorce, because if they don’t I’ll be walking away from here. I don’t care what fallout happens because of it. I’m done with it all, and if you and my parents can’t understand that then I may as well just leave so I’m not a burden on any of you, because that’s all I seem to be, a burden. You made that very clear today.” I know I can make it on my own. Hell, I’ve been taking care of myself for years, as it is. Yes, I’ll be lonely, but I’d rather be lonely than treated the way I’ve been of late.

  Cole stands from the chair. He rests his knee on the edge of the bed, then crawls up until he’s sitting in front of me, crossing his legs under him. “I am truly sorry for today, I really am, and I know it hasn’t been easy. Hell, I’m so sick of having to hide that I love you. I want to go out there and scream it from the treetops, but I can’t. My parents have always put me first and I don’t want to disappoint them, I just don’t know what we’re going to do.” His eyes meet mine and

  they’re welling with tears, causing me to let my guard down. “I love you, Mia. I don’t ever want to lose you. You’re my world; you’re all I think about. I can’t wait to marry you and have a tonne of babies with you. The more the better, I say.” He grins.

  As much as I like the idea, I know it won’t happen. “For me, it all seems impossible. I can’t let myself think that far ahead, because if I set my heart on it and something happens, then I’ll hurt all the more and that isn’t something I want to go through. You can’t make me any promises, Cole. I know you mean well and that you truly believe we will make it, but you care far too much about what your parents and the others think of you. I can’t see this ending well, at all.” And I don’t.

  Cole reaches out and takes my hand in his. “I need you to think positively. I know it’s going to be tough, but I can’t give up on us. I can’t.”

  The muscle relaxants are beginning to work and all I want to do is lay down and close my eyes. “I don’t know what to tell you. I refuse to sit here and lie to you, Cole. Right now, though, I just
really need to lie down.”

  “Can I lie down with you until you fall asleep?” he asks while still holding my hand.

  “If you wish.” I really could use his warmth,

  right now. I need him to show me that he does still love me, regardless of what the future holds. I’ll always cherish these moments we spend together, regardless of the final outcome.

  Letting go of Cole’s hand, I lie down. I feel him slip under the covers and he spoons me

  from behind, his warm breath on my neck.

  Although I’m extremely tired, and I could fall asleep in seconds, I turn in his arms and face him. “What the hell are we going to do?”

  He reaches up and brushes the fallen hair away from my face. “We continue loving each other, that’s what we do. Because I do love you, babe. That’s never going to change,” he tells me before his lips brush against mine.

  “I can’t, I can’t do this anymore,” I whisper, my breath ragged.

  “Please, please don’t give up on us, not yet. We can make this work,” he tells me as his hand rests on the small of my back.

  Unable to hold back, I close my mouth over his and cup the back of his neck with my hand, using it to bring him closer to me. If I can’t have him forever, then I’ll have as much as I can from him now.

  For the next two hours, we did everything but actually have sex. It was absolutely a

  night to remember, that was for sure, but I was broken again the next morning when I woke and he was gone.

  Chapter Five

  Mia

  The following six months were extremely tough on me. My parents finally agreed to get a divorce and my father offered my mother the house because he knew I wanted to stay put, but when or if my mum decided to sell, they’d split any profits from the sale down the middle.

  Even though my dad moved up to Mansfield, which is a two-and-a-half-hour drive from us, I still got to see him regularly. Each fortnight, he’d come down and get a hotel room so we could spend some time together, and I appreciated the gesture. Our bond as father and daughter was back to where it was before my parents began fighting. I could trust him again, so much so, I even told him about my relationship with Cole.