“No. No desk.”
Gary looked up from his paper. “Okay. No desk. That narrows things down a bit.” He looked back to his paper. “Training and Development Managers. Corporations have finally figured out that Rangers make especially good trainers, teaching others to think strategically in a fast-paced environment. It involves assessing employees—”
“Nope. Don’t want to assess anyone and I don’t want employees.”
“They wouldn’t be your employees, but got it.” He made an X next to that one. “What about security?”
“Paul Blart?”
Gary laughed. “I wasn’t thinking mall cop, but if that interests you…” He shrugged.
“Would I get a Segway?”
“Maybe.” Gary sat back. “Are you staying in this area? Have you decided that?”
Luke made a noncommittal sound, shrugged.
“It’s good to have family. A support system.”
Luke nodded even as he thought Gary was making a great argument as to why he shouldn’t stay. He didn’t want his siblings to support him. Emotionally or otherwise.
“Okay. Moving on. What about law enforcement?”
“No, thanks.”
“You know,” Gary said, taking a sip of his coffee. “It’s a good thing you’re so easy to work with. Otherwise I might feel like I’m not good at my job. What about teaching?”
“You mean kids? Among other reasons, I’m not qualified.”
“Maybe not, but with minimal hours through Troops to Teachers, all offered online, you could be. High school math. History. Maybe geography. Share your knowledge, and shiny personality, with the next generation.” Greg smiled and slid the typed sheet of paper across the desk.
Luke took it, folded the sheet precisely in half, then slid his finger along the fold. He’d come back bodily whole when a lot of men hadn’t. And what was he going to do with that? One more thing to feel guilty about.
“Thanks,” he said and folded it precisely again. “I appreciate the effort here.”
Gary sighed, tapped his fingers together. “How are things with the family?”
“Great. Other than the looks they share when they don’t think I’m looking. Like they’re afraid I’m about to blow and they don’t know whether to sacrifice themselves and jump on top of me or run.”
“Are you worried you’re going to blow?”
Was he? He didn’t think so. And maybe that meant something was wrong with him. “No. And that wasn’t right. None of them would run. Not my older brother who no doubt thinks I’m here because I got kicked out for some reason, not even my baby sister who wants to pet me and feed me and worries if I’m sleeping enough.”
Seconds passed in silence and Luke sighed. “Go ahead. Ask. I know you have to.”
“I don’t have to,” the man across from him said with a hint of defensiveness.
Luke waited.
“Okay, fine,” Gary said and huffed. He leaned forward to open his notebook. “How are you sleeping?”
“Like a baby.”
“Dreams?”
“Dreams?” Luke raised an eyebrow. “I’m not sure we know each well enough for that.”
“Smart ass.”
“Okay. Rarely, but when I do, they’re wet dreams.”
Gary cracked a smile at that, and shook his head. “My wife is going to love this when she types up my notes.”
“What?”
“Kidding. What about sex? Have you been… intimate with anyone since you’ve been back?”
“Definitely not going there.” Luke leaned back, stretched his long legs out in front of him. “But if there’s something you want to talk to me about, I’m here for you.”
“God, you are such a pain in my ass.”
Luke smiled. “What can I say?”
Gary pushed on. “Nightmares?”
“You know, Gary, you asking me this every time I see you is starting to give me a complex. Should I be having nightmares?”
“What do you think?”
“I think I saw some messed up shit. Wouldn’t a normal person dream about it? Think about it?”
“There’s no normal. There’s just you.”
“Sorry, Gary, but that’s a load of horse shit. If it was all normal you wouldn’t ask.”
“Not true. I ask because if you were, even though it’s normal, it might help to talk about it.”
“And if I’m not?”
“Then you say, ‘I’m fantastic, Gary. Thanks for asking.’ Unless it bothers you that you’re not.”
Luke muttered a curse under his breath. This is why people in general baulked at seeing a shrink. If you weren’t screwed up about something when you went in, you were when you came out. “What about you? Do you have nightmares?”
“I used to. Not so much anymore.”
Luke hadn’t expected Gary to answer. He should have.
“When something happens that we’d rather not think about, it’s natural to internalize it when we relax our mind.”
“Uh, huh. And look at that.” Luke raised his left wrist and the thick black wrist watch. “My time’s up.”
Gary tapped on his own watch. “Almost. Any questions for me?”
Will I always feel marked because of what I’ve seen and done? Will I ever stop feeling like people can see it just by looking at me? “Nah, I’m good.”
“Okay, just a few tips then. I may have mentioned them before. Yoga, meditating, and hey, riding, since you have horses at your disposal. Even a simple walk can help you assimilate back into civilian life. Help you appreciate and rediscover what you might have missed.”
“I was seventeen when I enlisted.”
“I saw that. Underage.” Gary frowned.
“Yeah, well. I wasn’t much of a rule follower.” His parents were dead and all he’d needed was a guardian’s signature, which was his nineteen-year-old brother, Nick. No one in the recruiting office had looked too hard at his forgery. “And I wasn’t doing a lot of meditating.”
“Look at my shocked face. But that’s a good point. You were young, so take some time to figure out what you’re interested in now. Above all, give yourself time.” When Luke didn’t respond, Gary sighed. “You don’t have to do it alone. If you don’t feel like you can talk to me, then someone else. Trust me, it’s better than holding onto it.”
“Okay.” Luke stood with the list in his hand. “Thanks again for this,” he said sliding it into his back pocket. “And don’t look now Gary, but someone’s messed with your toys again.”
At Luke’s gesture, Gary looked over and saw his original Stretch Armstrong was in fact doing obscene things to the Bionic Woman.
The stiff wind blowing west to east helped with Ava’s sense of direction as she made her turns. It whipped the strands of hair that had escaped her braid across her left cheek. Hannah’s voice, calling out directions, was directly in front of her.
She’d already made four passes around the riding ring at a walk, then two at a trot. Even walking was a thrill, feeling Banjo’s big body beneath her. Hearing his breath, breathing in his scent. She hadn’t ridden in so many years, and then only at camp once a summer.
“Keep your seat,” Hannah called. “Use your legs to keep him moving.”
Ava did her best to follow Hannah’s instructions. As much as she was focusing, her mind still jumped to Luke every now and then. When it did, she jerked it right back. They were two adults who’d shared a couple of sexually sparked hours together. Well, there’d been sparks on her end.
She wasn’t going to do anything as stupid as ask Hannah for his number. And she didn’t really expect him to ask for hers. After all, she’d told him she was only in town until her father was back on his feet.
“Okay, Ava. You’re approaching four ground poles. Keep going just as you are. Good. That’s great.”
Ava felt the slight change in the horse as he came to something he had to pay more attention to but he kept his even one two gait.
“Okay,�
�� Hannah said, her voice following Ava down the ring. “You’re nearing the end of the center aisle. Make a left turn and come down the outside. You’ll come to the low cross bars midway down.”
Ava felt a little tickle in her belly. She’d walked the entire course before she ever got on the horse today so she had a sense of where everything was set up, how high the cross rails were. Not so high that Banjo would have to jump over them, but he would have to pick up his feet to high step which would change the rhythm. Not an Olympic worthy jump by any means, but it was something she’d never done before, and a challenge.
“Good. Heels down, close your legs. Strong back, chin up.”
At Hannah’s direction she made a conscious effort to drive her heels farther down in the stirrups and squeeze her calves to the horse’s sides.
“Cross bar coming up in three, two, one.”
The horse’s gait changed but she was ready for it.
“Beautiful!” Hannah called out. “Keep posting straight ahead toward me. Okay. Start a gentle turn left, ninety degrees in three, two, one.”
The horse was so familiar with going around this ring, he could probably do it without her, but Ava guided him, posting up and down in time with his trot. She made the turn with a light tug on the left rein and a slight shift in her leg position. Hannah also moved so that her voice was still in front of her as she made the turn.
“Bring him to a walk. Great job.”
By the sound of Hannah’s voice, Ava judged her to be about six feet ahead. A few more steps and she drew the horse to a full stop.
“You’re a natural,” Hannah said, patting Banjo’s neck. “How did it feel?”
“Great. I think I confused him a little when I made the turn just then.”
“I couldn’t tell. But if you felt it, try to focus on sliding your outside leg forward a hair while squeezing more with your inside calf.”
“Okay.”
“Let’s pick up a trot and go through the same thing again.”
By the time Luke had picked up the supplies he needed and made it back to the barn, it was after three. He could still get in maybe four hours before it got too dark. Then he’d switch to inside work. And hope he could get to sleep before the sun rose.
A lot of guys got in the habit of staying up late to avoid sleep and dreams and then sleeping all day. Made it hard to hold a job that way. That wasn’t him or he’d been determined it wouldn’t be.
He parked outside the barn and got out, almost leaving his truck running while he grabbed the specs he needed from the office, but turned off the ignition at the last second in case Hannah had a chore for him. He lived for chores. The more the better.
The warm air blew his hair off his forehead and he took in the blue sky and again thought of Ava with eyes that didn’t see him. And wasn’t there something appealing about that? That she couldn’t see him. Even in the short time they’d spent together, it had felt like a reprieve. That if he was indeed marked by war, she wouldn’t see it.
Before he made it inside the barn, he heard Hannah calling out instructions in the riding ring and changed direction to watch. It wasn’t a child in the saddle, it was an adult and not just any adult, he realized as he reached the fence. An unmistakable pale braid hung mid-way down her back from under the riding helmet.
Hannah stood several yards away from horse and rider. There was no lead rope, no lunge line as he’d seen her use with the McKinney kids who came out for lessons. This was Ava, riding around the ring on the giant chestnut. He propped his foot on the bottom rung, watching intently.
“Your balance is great,” his sister was saying. “Focus on driving your heels down just a little more, engage your core and you’ll be ready for the jump when it comes.”
Jump? What the hell? He dropped his foot back to the ground, poised to jump over the rail.
“Keep coming around and I’ll count you off as you go over the ground poles. Okay get in your two point.”
Ava raised her bottom out of the saddle, body tilted forward, back rod straight, her heels indeed down as Hannah had said. She held her position as the horse trotted over three poles on the ground then went over the cross bars. It wasn’t more than two feet but he held his breath.
Damn. She looked like she’d been riding her entire life. Maybe she had, but how the hell did she do it?
“That was great,” Hannah said. “Let’s end there. Good job Ava, great form. And good job Banjo.”
Hannah and Ava both patted the horse’s neck. When Hannah began leading them in his direction, Luke stood stock still. He should retreat to the office, get what he came for and get gone. But he didn’t. He couldn’t.
This was a different Ava than he’d met at the reception. And he was just as interested in this jeans and T-shirt version. The wide smile on her face and the slow rhythmic rocking, rocking of her body atop the brown gelding held him. He had a flash of her straddling him, her long hair hanging down, her body rocking, rocking.
Shit. Ava might not be able to see him, but his sister could and she was looking right at him, her eyebrows raised, and a curious grin. Luke made a hasty retreat to the office.
“Hey,” Hannah said, joining him in the office.
“Hey. I forgot to get the specs for the appliances.”
“Right. Sorry.” She shuffled through a stack of papers on her desk then snapped her fingers and walked to the dented file cabinet. “I’m actually very organized.”
“Yeah. I can see that.” As she pulled open the drawer and rifled through folders, Luke heard the clip clop of horse shoes on the cement barn floor.
“Forget it. I can come back. Finish up with Ava.”
“I am finished. Ava’s got it from here, and…. Got it.” She handed Luke an envelope. “Stephen said he’ll help you this weekend, but I told him you wanted to see them now. Oh, hey, before I forget. Have you seen Tom the cat recently? I haven’t seen him in days.”
“No, sorry. I’ll keep my eyes open.”
The office phone rang and Luke gave her a wave goodbye. The open barn doors on his left, led to his truck—he was just feet away. But halfway down the aisle to the right was Ava. He could say, hi. He could go. He glanced down at the finger tapping a fast beat on his thigh.
Who the hell was he kidding?
He turned right.
9
Ava was off the horse now and Luke had a clear view of her in blue jeans that followed the contour of her long legs all the way down to short black boots. The long-sleeved white T covered by a thin, blue down vest shouldn’t have been sexy. But even covered head to toe, he knew what her bare skin looked like, felt like.
What to do… Did he announce himself? Hey. It’s Luke. Or just, hey and she’d know? He watched as she removed her riding helmet, then ran her fingers over the barn wall until she found a hook to hang it on.
“Don’t stare,” she said, taking him by surprise.
“What?”
“I said don’t stare. It’s rude.”
“How do you know I was?”
She turned toward him, tilted her head and God, it looked like she could see him. The only giveaway was the aim of her eyes, just a little off his face.
“Were you?”
“No. I was thinking.”
“Liar,” she said with a smirk, then did some quick flick with the leather stirrup strap and slid the iron up to meet the saddle. That done, she started behind the horse. Banjo shifted on his feet.
“Hey! Careful walking behind him!” Luke took two long strides forward, going for the horse’s halter to hold him steady.
Ava calmly laid her hand on the horse’s rump, then stared in Luke’s direction. “Oh, is this the back of him?” She cocked her head, patted the rump. “I thought it was his head. Good thing you told me.”
“Right. Sorry.” Of course she knew where she was. And now that he took a minute to take in the situation, she was walking behind the animal exactly as he would have, with a hand on his hind quarters.
&n
bsp; “And you know, you’re lucky your quick move and grab didn’t get me kicked. You should really be more careful around horses.”
She was wide eyed, her tone playful and teasing, and he felt like an idiot. “You’re right. Sorry.”
Before he could say more, Hannah came out of the office, breezing past him.
“Hey, Ava. I need to run up to the house, Mitchell fell and bumped his lip. Hopefully I’ll be back before you leave. If not, great job today.” Hannah touched Ava’s shoulder gently as she passed and the women shared a smile. “Just put Banjo in his stall when you’re done.”
“Okay, thanks, Hannah.”
“Bye, Luke.”
He watched his sister leaving, wondering how the hell she could just leave Ava here alone. Alone with a horse? She knew what she was doing, but still. The horse could shy unexpectedly and she wouldn’t see it coming. He could kick her and she’d be alone here.
“I can hang out for a while.” He was looking at Ava so he caught the flash of annoyance on her face before she turned back to the horse.
“Sure, whatever,” Hannah said, her mind clearly on her baby. “Bye.” She waved over her shoulder.
When Hannah was gone Ava stopped and turned to face him. “I really don’t need you to stay.”
“Of course you don’t.” He got it, people acting like you needed a sitter, but no way was he leaving her in a barn alone with a thousand pound animal. “It just so happens I’ve got stuff to do.”
“Stuff.” She sent him a skeptical look over her shoulder. “Like?”
“Like… check the feed levels.”
“Check the feed levels?” She turned her face toward his, amusement and challenge in her expression.
“Yeah.” To prove it, he went into the feed room opposite the office. There were bags of grain and buckets. A board listing what each horse got and how much. Regular grain, oats and honey. He forced himself to stand there at least a minute for show before he came out.
“What’d you find out?” Her lips were pressed together like she was holding back a laugh which just made her dimples stand out even more. Pale strands that had fallen from her braid hung like a wispy frame around her face. She looked disheveled, a touch sweaty around her hairline and so beautiful he couldn’t stop looking at her.
Waiting On The Rain (The Walker Brothers Book 3) Page 7