by Ruby Knoxx
I felt like a bad mother. I felt like I had had a massive blind spot to it. How long had she known she could shift? Why hadn’t she shown me? She shared everything with me. Unless she was frightened. She could now do something that I had never shown her to do. Maybe she thought she would get in trouble? Or maybe she thought I wouldn’t love her anymore?
Whatever it was, she had thought that then was a good time to shift, and that was when someone saw her and took her. And to who knew where? As far as I knew, they had already sold her to scientists to experiment on, or handed her over to the government, or maybe they just thought that she would be worth some money on the black market. Or—
I had to stop thinking about it, but I couldn’t stop my mind from cycling through everything, from my failure as a mother to the horrible things that could happen to my daughter.
Leon sat me down on my couch and, despite the warmth of the city outside the apartment building, he took the blanket from the back of the couch and put it on my shoulders.
“I’m going to make you some coffee,” he said. “And I’m going to call my guy about these plates.”
I nodded.
“You need to stay here and try to keep calm,” he said. “I know that sounds impossible right now, but just trust me. I am going to get her back.”
When I stilled myself and made the horrible voice inside my head, the one that told me every worst case scenario under the sun, just shut up for a moment, I could hear the truth in his voice. I did trust him to help me. I did trust that he could do what he was promising. Though only for a brief moment. I could only hold the voice at bay for so long before its endless loop of doom-talk drowned out the trust.
I could hear Leon talking in a low tone on the phone as he worked in the kitchen, getting the coffee going and pulling down cups.
My eyes ached from crying so much. My skin felt raw with each tear that fell, but I couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t stop thinking about how scared my Kitty Kat must be, wherever she was. She wouldn’t know who she was with, where she was at, or what was going to happen to her. I kept picturing images of her in a cage, or in the back of someone’s car, or trapped in a room. Every horror story I had ever heard about kids disappearing raced through my mind.
I leaned forward, burying my face in my hands on my lap as I continued to sob. This was it. I was living every mother’s worst nightmare.
“Hey,” Leon said softly as he rounded the couch. He sat next to me, his hand on my back. “What did I say about trying to stay calm, hm?” His voice was so soothing, like he had the key to the perfect tone that made me feel safe. But it wasn’t me who needed to feel safe.
“I can’t,” I said, my voice crackling with emotion. “I can’t stop thinking—”
“I know,” he said. He pulled me close to him, and I didn’t have the strength to resist. I folded into his arms, resting my head on his chest as he ran his hands over my arms and rested his cheek on my head. His fingers gently stroked my hair as I curled my feet up under me, feeling the restriction of my skirt. “I know. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. But, I will tell you one thing. We aren’t stuck, alright? I just got off the phone with my guy, and he’s running the plates now. We’ll have a direction soon enough, okay? We’re already making progress. I know it feels like we’re sitting here waiting, but I promise, we are making progress.”
I nodded, though I was reluctant to get my hopes up, not until I had solid reason to. If we didn’t find Kat, I didn’t know what I would do.
Leon continued to hold me, rocking me gently and cooing softly in my ear. He was so comfortable, and it was temping just to give in to being comforted. But I felt like I was giving up if I didn’t let that horrible voice in my head yammer on. I felt that if I wasn’t actively looking for her, then I needed to berate myself for letting this happen.
“I promise you,” he said. “I’m going to do everything I can to get our daughter back. I won’t let anything happen to her.”
Our daughter, I thought. He said our, didn’t he?
Did that mean that he wanted to be around for her? Did that mean that he was wanting to step up and be her father? Was that what he was trying to tell me earlier at the school?
I had been so convinced that maybe he was being the hero through all this just because he cared for me and was trying to get in my good graces, or that he was doing all this so he could say that he did his part, that now he didn’t owe me anything. I hadn’t wanted to hear about how he wasn’t going to stick around for Kat back then, but what if that wasn’t what he was trying to tell me?
I wanted to ask, to clarify. It was the first thing that I felt was worth discussing that was outside the inner lashing I was giving myself. But when I opened my mouth, nothing came out. Perhaps now wasn’t the time. He had nice promises, but I couldn’t believe them until he delivered. And I didn’t think I could talk about Kat’s future with or without a father until I knew she was safe at home with me, where she belonged.
I didn’t know how long I stayed in his arms like that, letting him gently comfort me with sweet words in my ear. I had no idea how long I swayed in his arms or even how soon my tears dried up. But at some point, I realized that my eyes were dry, and I was so exhausted from worry that I didn’t think I could move.
I needed to move. I couldn’t let myself get too relaxed. I pushed myself up from him. I sniffled and rubbed my eyes, which had gone itchy from so much crying.
“Um,” I said, not sure what to say and reaching for the coffee. “There’s pizza left over from last night in the fridge if you’re hungry.”
Leon chuckled, giving me a rare smile. “I’m alright,” he said. “I don’t have much of an appetite today.”
“Wasn’t that your line last night?” I asked, feeling the first inkling of a smile all day.
“I suppose it was, but that was different,” he said, reaching for his own coffee. “Justine, about last night … I just … please let me apologize. I shouldn’t have walked out like that. You know, all of yesterday was a lot for me. I thought that I had told you that you were my mate and you freaked out and left me. Seeing you alive made me wonder if you had just ghosted me, in the worst way possible. And I was pretty hurt. When you told me what actually happened, I felt like a complete idiot. Being with you was amazing, and I thought that maybe we could pick up where we left off or try again. And when you told me about Kat … I had no idea how to react. And I reacted badly. I wanted to tell you that this morning, but then Rogers wanted to come to the office with me, and I just never got the chance.”
I listened to him, watching him from my curled fetal position on the couch. I noted that his body seemed to tense at mentioning Royce Rogers and that morning. It seemed like it was years ago that that horrible man had been offering for me to be his bride. Yet, Leon was reacting to it, clenching his fingers tighter around his coffee mug at the mention of it. Was he jealous?
“Anyway,” he said, pausing to take a sip of his coffee, “things are complicated for me. I don’t know what I want. When I thought you were dead, I gave up finding someone. You were it for me, Justine. And when I didn’t think there was any possibility of finding a mate or anyone close to it, I built my life around being single. I devoted my life to the ops, and we can’t have mates, not if we’re going to continue to serve. It distracts us. I changed my thinking and everything to the knowledge that I would be on my own for the rest of my life.”
“Leon,” I said. “That’s awful.”
He shrugged. “It seemed necessary. It’s different for shifters, Justine. I know that your work is to find shifters a partner, and I doubt you’re going to find everyone their mate, but there’s no substitute for a mate. It’s the real deal.”
I nodded, knowing that he was right. I didn’t fully understand. I knew that humans fell in and out of love, sometimes harder than other times, but just because one great love was gone didn’t mean another couldn’t follow. And that was what I hoped to do for shifters. Just becau
se they had a mate who had died or it didn’t work out because they were human, didn’t mean that had to be the end of their love-life, did it?
“Finding everything out,” Leon said, “means I have to undo a lot of what I’ve worked hard to solidify. It’s like reprogramming myself.”
I nodded. I could understand that.
“You know,” I said slowly, “when I woke up from that coma, I couldn’t remember you. When I very first woke up, I could barely remember who I was. It took a long time for some of the basics to come back to me. And then they told me that I was pregnant, and I had no idea how. It was a scary world to wake up to. I couldn’t use most of my body, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t move my head, and while I could think somewhat clearly aside from my memory being messed up, I couldn’t look after myself. Then they told me I had a baby on the way, and I had no idea how the hell I was supposed to have baby when I couldn’t even … anyway, I wanted her. I knew that much. I mean, I was so messed up from that wreck, and yet that little fetus survived. She was the reason I fought so hard to heal myself, why I worked so hard during physical therapy. I believe I would still be in a wheelchair at my parents’ house if it weren’t for Kat.”
Leon reached a hand over and put it on mine on my knee.
“But,” I said, “when I first woke up, I felt like there was something missing. I couldn’t remember you, and now that I do, I know that things happened so fast. We were the definition of a whirl-wind romance, and like, ten days or so after meeting you, you told me that I was your mate. It was a lot to take in. But I did take it in. And when I woke up, before I found out I was pregnant, I knew a part of me was missing. I guess what I’m saying is that I know what it’s like to try and understand what’s happening when everything is thrown at you at lightning speed.”
“So …?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.
“So I guess I’m saying I’m not going to hold it against you for needing some time,” I said, allowing myself to smile a little.
Something about telling him my whole story made me feel closer to him, like we understood each other better. I knew I had the night before, but saying it again, under these circumstances, felt like I was showing a bit more of myself, that he was hearing a bit more. I felt as though maybe expressing that was the closure I had thought I needed before, but instead, it was a bridge that was solidifying between us.
In that moment, I felt like the last six years apart from Leon had been wasted.
I brought my knees down and put my cup on the coffee table before taking Leon’s cup and doing the same. I looked into his eyes, the ones that he passed on to my daughter. I ran my fingers along his cheek, feeling his stubble. His hand closed over mine, and he pressed his cheek into the palm of my hand.
I let my lips meet his, gently at first, then giving in to the pull he had on me. Our lips parted, and I fell into his embrace.
Chapter 13 – Leon
I should have pulled away. I knew what this was. This was a distraction for Justine. She was worried sick, and this was something to keep her mind off what was going on. I wasn’t the one who was going to talk about unhealthy coping mechanisms. After all, I was the guy who threw himself into dangerous missions when he thought he lost my mate for good. However, Justine’s coping mechanism involved me, and in a way that questioned my own strength. I didn’t know if I could handle playing that part, not if it meant getting my hopes up that maybe we were rekindling something.
I pulled away, looking into her eyes which looked calmly up into mine. They were the calmest I had seen them all day. I stroked her hair, wanting her to know that what was about to come out of my mouth wasn’t a rejection of her. I was just trying to do the right thing, for once.
“Justine …” I said.
“Shhhh,” she said, putting a finger to my lips. “Just go with it.” She looked into my eyes as she said it and had a touch of a smile on her mouth. I felt powerless against her.
She pushed me back on the couch, pressing her mouth to mine. She was so gentle at first, though she soon became hot and hard with need. She held my face in both of her hands as she kneeled in front of me, tilting my head back to meet her.
Her fingers slipped back into my hair, and she brought one leg over my lap so she was straddling me.
I gave in. My hands moved up her back, feeling how thin her blouse was, how small her body was under my palms. They moved down, over the round of her but, down her thighs, and to her knees, finding the hem of the skirt she wore.
Her tongue slipped between my lips, flittering along the tip of my own tongue. I remembered the amazing things she could do with her mouth, that she did the night before, and I felt myself bulge in my pants at the thought of it.
My fingers drifted behind her leg, up her skirt, along her inner thigh, finding the source of her heat. I didn’t know if this was where she wanted to go. My fingers hovered there, just below the cloth of her panties, curious.
She dipped her hips down, brushing herself against my fingers. I could feel the wetness of her underwear from the slight touch. I hooked my finger under the crotch of them and pulled them down. Justine helped me to pull them all the way from her before she tucked her own fingers into her blouse front and pulled at it. Buttons popped and flew from her blouse, revealing her white bra under it.
She bit her lip and held my head to her chest. I kissed her breast, bit her flesh, nuzzled into the cup of her bra to find her nipple as I pushed a finger inside of her. She leaned back, her breathing growing harder. She lowered herself onto my finger, riding against it. I sucked on her tit, nibbling at it and feeling her body clench with my action.
“Give me another finger,” she breathed.
I obeyed, sliding my forefinger in to accompany my middle finger. She moaned at my touch, pressing harder against my hand. Her fingers wrapped themselves in my hair, and she pulled at my scalp. I growled in pleasure, biting her nipple harder, making her squeak.
I moved my fingers quicker inside of her, trying to match her want. Her hips were quickening, she was getting closer, closer—until she stopped, pulling herself up and away from my fingers. She pulled my head back from her tit and angled my face to look up at her.
“I’m not wasting an orgasm on your hand,” she said. She leaned back behind her, reaching under her skirt and finding the zipper to my pants.
With one hand holding onto my shoulder for balance, her body arched back, one breast free of her bra, as her hand brushed against my erection. There was nothing in the world but this moment, there with Justine, with her wanting me as much as I wanted her.
With skill, she freed me from my trousers and ran her hand along me, gentle and teasing.
“That’s what I want,” she said, looking into my eyes.
She angled herself over me, putting the tip at her wet entrance. She was so warm and soft and tight. It was everything in me not to push into her right there, to take control. But Justine Justice was in control, and I knew better than to get in the way of that.
Slowly, she lowered herself onto my head, her pussy tight around it as she moved, swaying her hips over me, over just the tip. Teasing me. She took my hand and put my fingers in her mouth, her soft tongue swirling over them.
“Jesus,” I murmured, tightening my body so I could maintain some duration.
She pushed herself further down on my cock, her mouth opening further with each inch that pushed into her depths. A whimper escaped from her lips, humming into my fingertips as she began to ride me, circling her hips slowly at first, then faster, moving up and down.
I held onto her ass with my free hand, feeling the motion of her body as she rode my cock, her voice escaping in louder and louder whimpers as her pussy started to tighten over me, grasping for me, wanting to draw me in.
“You feel so good, Justine,” I said, struggling to keep myself restrained.
Her lips let go of my hand, and I used it to get her tit back in my mouth, nibbling at her nipple, flicking it with my tongue. I held onto her ot
her ass cheek, helping her lift and force herself down on me. I began to take over as she held my head to her breast, her whimpers turning into moans. I pressed her hips forward, altering the angle of my cock inside her, feeling her body instantly shudder.
“Leon,” she breathed. “Fuck me, Leon!”
I pushed harder into her from below as sweat formed on my brow as I tried desperately not to come.
Her pussy tightened around my cock, pulsing as she cried out. Her fingers pulled at my hair as she leaned back, no longer moving herself but letting me move her body for her.
I turned her onto the couch, pushing my pants down before I lifted her leg to my shoulder, driving myself deep inside of her. I was losing control of myself. I pumped harder and faster into her, listening to her voice getting louder and louder again.
Her eyes met mine as she bit her lower lip, and I felt my balls tighten.
I was snapped back into the room, back into the real world when I heard my phone buzz loudly on the coffee table. My first response was to ignore it.
“Shit,” I muttered as I stopped, dropping my head onto Justine’s chest.
“What?”
“I have to get that,” I groaned, feeling the weight of the responsibility in a whole new way. Mostly in my proverbial pants.
When I heard the buzz of my phone on the table, I could have smashed the thing. There was nothing in this world that was worth interrupting sex with Justine Justice. Well, only one thing, and that was exactly what was interrupting us.
I kissed her as I stood up and spun her onto the couch before pulling my jeans back up and picking up the phone.