by L. M. Reid
Hard to Forgive
The Hard to Love Series
By L.M. Reid
Published by Scarlet Lantern Publishing
Copyright © 2020 by
L.M. Reid & Scarlet Lantern Publishing
All rights reserved.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
This book contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language.
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Epilogue
Other Titles from L.M. Reid
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Other Titles by
The Hard to Love Series
Hard to Hate
Hard to Trust
Hard to Forgive
Prologue
Mia
Six years ago…
The knocking on the door causes me to freeze. My heart is racing, and I can literally feel the fear and anticipation coursing through my veins. This is it. It’s my chance to finally tell Cooper how I feel about him.
My hands tug at the fabric of my dress, trying to bring it down to a respectable length. A quick shake of my head causes my curls to fall against my bare back. Filled with determination, I swing the door open. Cooper Williams is standing on the other side. His spiked blonde hair and boyish grin captivate every damn piece of me, just like they have for the past two years.
It’s our last night as college students. It’s the last party Lust, the pseudo nightclub Cooper and his friends run out of their dorm rooms, will ever hold. It’s also the last chance that I have to turn this “friends with benefits” relationship into something more.
“Jesus, Mia,” he exclaims the minute his eyes fall on me.
I do a little twirl, allowing him to take in every inch of my outfit, or at least what there is of it. The shiny silver fabric of my so-called dress is illegally tight and just long enough to barely cover my ass. “What? Don’t you like it?”
“What there is of it,” he says dryly.
“Oh, come on, Coop,” I say as I bend seductively to fix my stiletto heel. “You know you like it.”
“So, will everyone else.” His words come out as a groan. I’m not sure if it’s from the thought of other men looking at me, or because I’m bending over. Either way, I take pride in the sounds I’m eliciting from him.
Cooper may claim to not want a relationship. He can tell me that we are just friends until he’s blue in the face. He can deny it all he wants, but I know better. I can see it in the way he looks at me. I’ve watched the jealousy rise in him when other men talk to me and witnessed just how possessive he can be.
No, Cooper Williams may not want a relationship, but he sure as hell wants me.
I straighten back up and throw a sexy smile his way, one filled with suggestion and mischief. With heat in his eyes, he grabs ahold of my wrist and pulls me tight against him. I can feel his hard cock pressing into my stomach. Oh yeah, he wants me alright.
I dip my hand between us, my fingers grazing over the strained fabric of his jeans. “Is this for me?”
“Mia, you’re…”
“Making it hard?” I smirk.
With one hand still wrapped around my wrist, his other comes up to my face, tilting my chin up. He opens his mouth to speak, as though there is something he needs to say. He looks at me, his lips parted, an intensity in his eyes like I’ve never seen before. He doesn’t speak, though. Instead, Cooper shakes his head and tells me everything I need to know with a kiss. He covers my lips with his hard and fast. Our tongues dance to a familiar beat, one that teases me and taunts me until I’m moaning.
“Fuck, Mia, we’re going to be late,” he says as breaks the kiss and kicks the door shut behind him.
We’re always late. I make sure of that.
The erection beneath my fingers is a clear indication of just how much Cooper wants me. Still, there is always this underlying fear every time we are together that it could be our last. He doesn’t want a relationship. That makes me expendable and pathetic. When it comes to him, I don’t care. I’ll be expendable, I’ll be pathetic; I will be whatever he wants me to be as long as I have him. He has been my everything for the last two years, despite the fact that everything between us has been on his terms. When I’m with him though, none of that matters. The only thing that means anything is how he makes me feel. He makes me feel like I have a real family. He’s my home. That alone makes it all worthwhile. It makes him worthwhile.
The back of my knees hit the bed as Cooper’s hands grip the material of my dress up and shove it up around my waist.
“Seriously, Mia?” he scolds when he realizes that beneath the skimpy material is, well, nothing.
“What?” I ask innocently.
His hands cup my ass cheeks as I work my magic on his hindrance of a belt. I don’t know why we even bother to get dressed in the first place. Clothing is only an obstacle preventing the inevitable. This always happens. There is just a dynamic sexual pull between us that neither of us can, nor want to, fight.
Falling back on the bed, I lie there waiting, filled with anticipation as his body hovers over mine. Our eyes lock, his boring into mine. Desire fills them, but there’s something more there too, something that I’ve never seen before.
“What is it?” I ask, reaching my hand up to caress his cheek.
“I’m going to miss you, Mia,” he tells me.
My heart flutters at his words. It’s the closest he’s ever come to expressing any actual emotion. Sure, I can see it in his eyes, but to hear the words? His admission gives me the push that I need to tell him what I’ve been dying to tell him.
“You don’t have to,” I say. He cocks his head to the side. “Come to Miami with me.”
“Mia…”
“Don’t decide now, just… think about it.”
Cooper retracts from the bed. He stands there staring down at me for a moment. He takes a step back, his hands running through his hair as he begins to pace my dorm room.
I tug the hem of my dress down as I make my way to him. My hands reach for him, resting at his waist. “We don’t have to say goodbye, Coop. I… I love you. I…”
“You what? Fuck, Mia. Don’t do this.” He backs away from me until his back hits the wall.
“We can…” I pau
se, trying to find the right words – any words. The sheer terror in his eyes at my admission makes me feel like I’ve just been stabbed in the chest. The ache so real, so painful, I momentarily wonder if I will survive.
“There. Is. No. We.” He accentuates every word to further drill his point home.
My pain dissipates a little more with each word, leaving room for anger to seep in. And it does, with a vengeance. I clench my left hand at my side as I take my index finger on my right hand, I poke him in the chest.
“Bullshit. We have been a “we” for two years now whether you want to admit it or not. Everything about us screams relationship to everyone but you, Coop. A damn good one, too.”
Pushing my hand away, he says, “I don’t do relationships.”
“Sorry to burst your bubble, buddy, but you’ve been doing just that - with me.”
“If I gave you that impression…”
“Oh, fuck you, Cooper. Fuck you and this bullshit you keep telling yourself. You’re seriously going to stand there and tell me that after all this time you don’t feel anything for me? That we don’t mean anything to each other?”
He shrugs. He fucking shrugs his shoulders as if me standing here pouring my heart out, begging for his, means nothing.
“Mia, I’ve always been upfront with you about how I feel and what I wanted from us.”
“Sex.”
“You’re my friend and…”
Holy shit, this moment has turned so cliché that I actually feel myself starting to laugh. I am such an idiot. What the hell did I just do? Better yet, how do I undo it? Unsure of what can repair this mess I have made, I do the first thing that comes to mind. I lie.
“Really Coop? You thought I was serious?” I laugh. He looks baffled at my abrupt change. So, the fuck am I. It’s my only way out though. If I keep pressing him, I lose him. If I just take it back, then maybe I can salvage… something. “I was just messing with you, Williams.”
My voice sounds confident while the rest of me is shaking with trepidation. I do a quick about face as I try to hide the emotions that threaten to boil over. I make my way to the nightstand, blinking back the tears that threaten to fall.
“What the hell, Mia. You scared the shit out of me.”
It’s disconcerting how easily he’s accepting my lie. I’m not sure if it’s indicative of how much he doesn’t want to be with me, or how much he just wants to get back to what we were doing. Because he seriously can’t be this dumb. Can he?
Before I can respond, or fall apart, the door to my room flies open.
“Get out of Mia, it’s time to get to work,” Griffin’s voice bellows. “This is the last night we will be running Lust together and we already have a line through campus.”
“Mia?” My name falls from Cooper’s lips like a question, but I’m not sure what it is he’s asking. I mean, we just said it all, didn’t we?
“Go, I’ll be there in a minute,” I tell him. Griffin is tapping his hand on the door, but I can still feel Cooper near me. He hasn’t budged yet. He also hasn’t reached out to me either. “Go. I just need to freshen up.”
Another moment passes before I finally hear the door close.
The moment the latch clicks, I drop to my knees. Every piece of me feels like it’s breaking as tears stream down my face. I told him I love him, and he acted as if my feelings for him were some type of betrayal. How could I have been so stupid?
It’s not just the rejection. As much as that hurts, I can handle that. It’s his complete and utter disregard of our entire relationship. He’s not just some guy I like or someone to have sex with. He’s someone that I’ve come to depend on, someone that I consider family. His words, and the look in his eyes as he said them, only tells me that none of this ever meant anything to him. And, by extension, I never meant anything to him.
I always knew that I didn’t matter to my parents, but now it seems I’ve never meant anything to anyone.
Is there something wrong with me? Am I just… unloveable?
I mentally berate myself for opening up to him. If I would have just kept my mouth shut none of this would be happening. He would still be here, and I wouldn’t be alone. There is no going back. After what just happened, I don’t think that I can ever face him again.
The realization sends another wave of sobs through me.
The sound of knocking breaks through the sound of my sobs and momentarily pauses the downward spiral I am on. I fill with dread at the thought that it might be Cooper knocking.
“Go away,” I shout.
Despite my protest, I hear the door open. When I look up, I’m relieved to see that it’s not Cooper standing there, but Duke.
His dark head of hair and a friendly smile peek through the opening. “Mia? You okay?”
Duke stands in the doorway looking at me with eyes filled with concern. I'm not sure if it's the pain or just instinct that has me running into his open arms. His arms envelope me in a warm embrace as his hand strokes my hair. “Hey, what is it, what’s wrong?”
“Everything… everything is wrong,” I weep into his chest. “You were right. Right about me. Right about Cooper. He doesn’t want me; he doesn’t care about me.”
Duke tightens his hold on me. “Oh Mia, I’m so sorry.”
He leads me to the bed and sits next to me as I continue to sob on his shoulder. My mascara stains his gray shirt as I let out every ounce of hurt and disappointment that I feel.
I sit up and look at Duke through my tears in my eyes. “Thank you, I needed that.”
Duke Donovan is a great guy. He’s one of the first people I met on campus who has been a really good friend to me, despite the fact that he and Cooper detest each other. Cooper has always been against my friendship with Duke, claiming that he was just trying to use me or get in my pants. Even if that were the case, it seems Duke wasn’t the only one guilty of those things.
Regardless of what Cooper thinks, Duke has always been good to me whether it was to listen, give advice, or even just study. Right now, though, with my heart shattered into a million pieces, I find myself looking at him a little differently. Noticing his smile, his strong hands, and the look in his eyes that I’ve been ignoring for a while now, the one that tells me he wants me.
He wants me. I need someone.
I shouldn’t do it, but against my better judgment I reach up and kiss him. Duke responds without hesitation, his lips parting, allowing me to take this kiss to the next level. I move over him, situating myself on his lap.
“Mia, are you sure about this?” he asks.
Am I? No. In the least, I know I’ll be with someone who wants me. A man who actually gives a damn about me for a change. I had myself convinced that Cooper cared about me, that he just couldn’t admit it. It wasn’t real though. With Duke, I know it is. I realize that it’s not exactly fair to him. But, hey, it’s still sex. He’ll get over it, right?
“Yes,” I lie.
His lips press against mine. Desperate to forget Cooper, I deepen the kiss and allow Duke’s hand to slide up my thigh under the fabric of my dress. I try to focus on the sensation, the kiss, his touch, but all I can think about is Cooper. My eyes fly open when I hear a sound behind me. Immediately, I shove away from Duke, but when I turn toward the door there’s nothing there.
Duke leans back in to finish what we started, but I press my hand to his chest to stop him. “I can’t.”
“But, you said…”
“Please just leave. I am so sorry.”
“Mia, it’s….”
“Leave, Duke. This was a mistake.”
I don’t move. I don’t speak. I just wait until I hear him slam the door shut. Then, for the second time tonight, I fall to my knees and cry.
When my eyes dry and I don’t think I can cry anymore, I sit back on the floor and look around my room. Reminders of times I spent here with Cooper flood my mind like a damn movie montage. That’s when I see them, the suitcases I have neglected to pack up to this point. I’ve
lost Cooper. There’s nothing left here for me. I should just leave and quit postponing the inevitable. At least this way I can avoid having to see Cooper again. I can make a clean break.
Just that quickly, my decision is made. I need to leave town – tonight.
Pulling the dress over my head I reach for a shirt off to the side and slide it on. Glancing down I see the emblem emblazoned on the front. It’s Cooper’s favorite band. It’s his favorite shirt. Shit.
I begin shoving item after item into the bags until everything is completely packed. As I carry my stuff to the car, I can hear the music from two floors above me. My mind wanders to the party that I’m supposed to be at. The party that had things gone according to plan I would be walking around at on Cooper’s arm feeling like royalty. Tonight, was supposed to be our last night together and I destroyed it all because of stupid fantasy that I conjured up in my head.
Cooper doesn’t do relationships. Not even for me. I should have known better. After all, he's only drilled it into my head since the day we met. Still, rather than accepting it, I tried to convince him that we were more. I told him I loved him. I did everything wrong when I should have just been enjoying him tonight.
I run my hand over the t-shirt I am wearing. I want to keep it, to have a piece of him to hold onto. Clean break, Mia. That does not mean taking moments that you can hold while you cry yourself to sleep. No, it means that I need to let it all go, every damn thing. I slip the shirt over my head and lay it on the bed. That includes this shirt.
I glance around the room that I called home for the past two years. A sad smile forms as I let the memories wash over me. The first time Cooper came to my door, all the nights we spent talking and laughing. Those were the things that mattered to me. Not the sex, though that was outstanding. It is everything else. Our friendship and the way we clicked. I had never had that before. I’m honestly not sure if I’ll ever have it again.