by L. M. Reid
“I don’t need to know. The answer is no. We’re not friends Cooper. We’re not hanging out.”
“Not even for a food tasting? There are going to be vendors there from all around the world, samples galore. There’s even a wine tasting area and we both know that you…”
“Stop. The answer is no Cooper. What don’t you understand about our arrangement?”
I can hear him groan. “It’s business, Mia. I wanted your help to make sure that you approve of the fucking products that I’m putting in your precious hotel. But, if that’s too much to ask…”
“Why didn’t you just say it was for work?” My voice is a little louder than it should be for the small space the coffee shop occupies.
“Because I really didn’t think that spending a couple of hours with me would be that horrific that I would need to approach it that way. Forget I asked.”
The phone disconnects and I sit there, slack jawed staring at Kassie.
“That went well,” Kassie says. I can see her desperately holding back her snarky comments and her ridicule. I appreciate the effort, but we both know they’re going to come out, eventually.
“Just say it.”
“Why are you so adamant about this whole sex only thing?”
“It’s the only way I can protect myself,” I tell her. “Nothing has changed. Not him, not me. Even doing this whole just sex thing is tough. Every fiber of my being wanted to say yes to him. It kills me every time I walk away. But allowing anything more, it’s only going to screw with my head. It will only make me let those feelings I have so desperately tucked away resurface.”
“You’re scared.”
“Damn right, I’m scared.”
“What’s the worst that can happen?”
“Oh, I don’t know Kass, how about if he obliterates my heart like he did before? Like I said, nothing has changed, least of all him. And I don’t know if I could survive that again.”
“He seems to be trying.”
Oh, he’s trying alright. “He wants things to be like they used to be. He wants me to fall all over him, be at his beck and call and worship the ground he walks on while I get nothing in return.”
“You get sex. Great, sex.”
“Out of this world, sex, but that’s not the point.”
“Out of this world, huh?”
Oh shit. The familiar voice sends a shiver down my spine and a lump in my throat.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m getting coffee for the drive to the show. Hey, Kass,” he says giving her a nod of his head.
“Hey, Coop. Congrats on the restaurant.” She’s smiling at him so sweetly. He’s the enemy Kass, I try to tell her with the clearly pissed look in my eyes.
“If you really need me…”
“I’m not in the habit of forcing women into things they don’t want to do,” he says with a shrug.
“You’re not forcing me, it’s work. I… I appreciate the thought in including me. I may have…”
“Overreacted?” he supplies.
“Maybe.”
He leans down, his warm breath against my ear. “I think you’re afraid that you might just have fun with me.”
“There is only one type of fun I’m interested in having with you. If you can’t keep this professional, then…”
He stands fully erect, his hands in the air. “Strictly professional.”
“Kass, do you mind?” I ask her, hating that I’m ditching her for Cooper.
“Not at all. You two kids have fun,” Kassie says as she grabs her coffee. “It was great seeing you again, Coop.” With a quick kiss to my cheek, she dashes off.
“Shall we?” Cooper asks. His hand is extended to me and against my better judgment, I take it. He helps me to my feet before tugging me close against him. “I promise I’ll make it worth your time.”
I give him a warning glare before pushing out of his hold. I stalk off to his sports car that just a few nights ago I gave him a blow job in while we were parked in the hotel garage. Suddenly, I have the urge to do it again, this time at high speeds. When we hit the open road, windows down, wind blowing my hair around, I move my hand onto his thigh. Through his dark sunglasses he looks at my hand, then back to me.
“Tsk, tsk, Mia. We have to remain professional.”
“Professional or sex. I am opting for the sex portion at the moment. Are you refusing?”
“Actually, I think I am.”
There’s a smug look on his face that makes me regret making our arrangement in the first place. Avoidance. I should have stuck with that. I retract my hand quickly and fold them in my lap. My eyes stare at the road ahead, refusing to look his direction.
“Stop staring,” I instruct.
“Can’t help it. Not used to having a beautiful woman in my car.”
“Stop, Coop. Just stop.”
“What exactly am I doing, Mia?”
“You’re being you. And you can’t be you. Because then…”
“Then what? You liked me being me for two years.”
“Yes, but it’s different now. If you… I might start liking you again and that’s not an option.”
“Then I might start liking you again and that’s not an option.”
“Not even a little?”
Is he serious right now? I adjust myself in my seat and face him. “Has something changed that I’m not aware of? Are you suddenly open to the possibility of a relationship?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Not sure? That sounds… promising.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say. I miss you; I miss this. You’re my best friend. I want that back. Is that so wrong?”
His eyes are hidden behind the dark sunglasses, yet even without seeing them I can sense the change in them.
“It’s not wrong, it’s just not possible. I’m sorry, Cooper.” Without another word, he turns up the music effectively ending our conversation for the remainder of the ride.
When we arrive at the venue, I hop out of the car before he can do the gentlemanly thing and open the door for me. The niceties, they’re all just too much for my heart so it’s best to avoid them.
Cooper leads the way, his chatty disposition long gone. Grabbing a program from the front table, he hands one to me as well.
“Are we looking for anything in particular?” I ask trying to break the silent treatment that I created.
“Just looking.” He continues on leaving me in the proverbial dust.
I weave through the crowd, trying to catch up to him. When I finally do, I grab his arm. His head turns in my direction, but he doesn’t speak. “Please don’t be like this,” I say. The idea of him being angry with me bothers me. “I’m not trying to make this harder. If anything, I’m trying to make it easier. Blurring the lines is what screwed us up before. I don’t want to do that again.”
“I hate this tension between us Mia. I thought after we talked, after we…” he clears his throat. “I get your need to keep things at a distance, I just wish things could be different.”
“So do I.”
“If it’s what we both want, then why can’t they? Quit trying to pretend you hate having to spend time with me and just… just enjoy the moment.”
“I’m not trying to…” He cocks an eyebrow at me. Okay, maybe I am forcing my anger, making things more uncomfortable than they have to me. “So, like now? Just…enjoy today? Don’t think about it.”
“Yep, just like that. Taste some food with me, drink with me. Maybe even laugh and smile. Only if you want to, though.”
The way he says it, like it should be the easiest thing in the world makes me feel like a fool. Maybe I am forcing things a bit much – arguing when I want to smile, anger when I want to laugh. I’ve done everything I can to try and keep him at arm’s length, yet here we are.
Throwing my hands in the air, “Fine. I give up.”
“Thank God,” he says before putting his arm around my shoulders. “I promise. Life will
be a lot easier when you quit pretending you don’t like hanging out with me. Because we both know that you do. I mean, how could you not? I am the complete package.”
I playfully slap his ridiculously solid stomach. I hate how much I’m enjoying this. Even more I hate that I know I’m opening myself up to hurt and I don’t even care. I want this. I want to enjoy this.
We stop at nearly every table, sampling what they have to offer and I do exactly that. I enjoy the day. We’re both laughing and smiling. Our conversation is light and fun. Everything about this reminds me of every single thing I loved about us. Work or not, I’m enjoying the hell out of the food and the company, too. I forgot just how easy it is to be with Cooper. It’s been that way from the moment we met. We just fit. That notion is what got me in trouble in the first place. Now? Now, I know to be guarded. I know not to read into the words he says. Or at least I know that in my head. Not sure my heart has quite caught on yet.
Especially not when we head home and he walks me to the door. My back is pressed against it, his hand resting on the wall next to my head, the other on my waist.
“Are you going to invite me in or not?” He says the words playfully and after the day we had I can’t help but smile.
“Just. This. Once.”
He hikes me up off the floor, my legs wrapping around his waist. “That’s all I need – to get you to invite me back for more.”
He nips at the skin at my neck. My head falls back in pleasure. No doubt I’ll let him back in for more.
20
Cooper
Rolling onto my side, I look at the woman lying in the bed next to me. I never thought she’d let me in again. I sure as hell didn’t think she would let me stay the night. Not that I gave her much of a choice. I pretended to be sound asleep when she returned from her shower. As much as I had wanted to join her, I wanted to stay even more. Then, once I heard the even sounds of her breathing, I faced her and draped my arm across her.
Back in college, we had always slept like that – her body pressed against mine. Those nights, the ones that became more frequent as time went on, were some of the best night’s sleep I have ever had.
“Hey,” I whisper into her hair, my nose inhaling the vanilla scent she wears.
“Hmm?”
“I have to get to the hotel,” I tell her. My lips press a kiss to her shoulder, but she barely moves. I’m uncertain if she’s ignoring me on purpose, or if maybe she feels as at peace as I did and is just sleeping that soundly.
“Baby.”
“Don’t call me that,” she says sleepily.
“Can we have dinner tonight?” I ask her. The more time I spend with her, the more time I want.
“Nope.”
“What about lunch?”
She sits up in the bed, the sheet wrapped around her. “I let things get carried away last night. Things have been working so well. I shouldn’t have…”
Her abrupt change blindsides me. Yesterday was amazing. I thought I had gotten through to her, broken down this wall that she built to keep me out. I thought that maybe, just maybe we were on the right track. Sure, I had no idea where the track was leading but Mia and I were always fly by the seat of our pants kind of people.
Apparently, I was wrong. Nothing has changed. Her walls are back up and her eyes are filled with regret, both which just piss me off even further. “Working for whom Mia? What is this? Some kind of payback?”
“What? No, of course it isn’t.”
As I slide out of bed, grab my jeans, and pull them on. “Yesterday was a great day. We had fun, we…”
“Days like yesterday are the exact reason I got my heart broken the last time. Can you please understand that I’m trying here? I’m trying to find a way to be with you without falling for you again.”
“What if that’s not what I want anymore?” I ask her as I pull my shirt over my head.
“Then you would be telling me that – not phrasing it as a question,” she replies softly.
“Forget it,” I say furious that she’s throwing a technicality in my face.
“Cooper…”
“You know what, Mia, I’m trying too. I made a fucking mess of everything and I’m trying to fix it, but you won’t let me. You won’t even give me a damn chance.”
Without waiting for a response, I storm out of the bedroom, then out of her apartment.
I’m barely out of the building when my phone is ringing.
“What?” I yell into the receiver.
“Well, hi to you, too,” my mom says.
Fuck.
“Hey, Mom,” I say happily into the phone quickly trying to change my demeanor so she doesn’t ask too many questions.
“What’s wrong?”
“Everything’s fine, Mom,” I lie.
“You can’t lie to me kid,” she says with a laugh.
She’s right, I can’t. It’s why my favorite tactic when it comes to her and her intrusive line of questioning is avoidance. Considering she’s aware Mia is back in town and that we’re working together, thanks to Edith, I don’t think that’s going to fly this time.
“It’s nothing, Mom. I’m just a little stressed with everything going on. There are a lot more things that go into opening a restaurant than I realized.”
“Oh, honey, I’m sure it’s going to be amazing. You’re so good at what you do. And I hear that Mia’s helping you?”
That was quicker than I thought. “She is. She’s running the hotel, so we want to make sure that the two complement each other. Plus, she’s got way better style than I do.”
“No argument from me on that,” she teases. “How is Mia?”
She’s amazing. She’s a pain in the ass. “She’s fine.”
“Are you two seeing each other again?” she pries. I can practically hear the hope in her voice.
Being with Mia again, it’s sparked a whole myriad of questions that I can’t figure out the damn answer to. The frustration I have been holding in since I walked out of Mia’s door erupts. “I don’t know what the hell we are. She doesn’t want to be friends, but she refuses to let me try to be…anything.”
“What is it that you want to be, Coop?” she asks.
Her question takes me by surprise. It’s not the reaction I anticipated especially considering she’s never been a fan of my no dating policy. It’s not as though she’s dying for grandchildren or anything like that. She just can’t comprehend why I’m against them. After all, I was raised by two people who are sickeningly in love and have been since high school. She doesn’t understand how someone raised with so much love could be so against it.
She doesn’t know my reasoning. No one does. I’ve always just let people assume I’m a player or whatever you want to call it. Even now, confused as hell and second guessing my choice, I don’t want to tell her. Partly because I don’t want to hurt her and partly because I don’t want her to question me, which I know she would do. I know what I witnessed and I’ll be damned if I ever want to be in that position.
What I want is the one thing I swore I would never have – a relationship. Yes, I have my reasons, fucked up as they might be, but I can’t help but want more with Mia than what we have. I think a part of me always has. I was just too afraid to admit it then. Hell, I’m still afraid now.
“I want to be with her in ways that I don’t understand. Ways that I don’t want to be,” I say with a sigh.
I want more than sex. I want her.
My mother lets out a loud squeal that I can’t help but laugh at. She’s been dying for this for as long as I can remember.
“Don’t get too excited,” I remind her. “This is Mia we’re talking about. She’s stubborn and…”
“She loves you Coop, always has.” The sound of the “L” word sends a shiver down my spine. I might be willing to make the sacrifice for the sake of Mia, but I sure as hell am still terrified by it.
“I know. I didn’t deserve it then, but I sure as hell am going to try to now,” I say.
>
***
Mia’s distinct laughter floats through the air and straight into my kitchen. Unfortunately, it’s followed closely by Wyatt’s.
I know they’re friends. I also know that I have no right to stake a claim on a woman that I have yet to stake an actual claim on. I damn well don’t have to sit by and be happy about it either.
Making my way out into the lobby of the hotel, I casually join in on their conversation. “What’s so funny?”
“Do you need something?” Mia asks.
“Just thought I would come hang out,” I say.
The three of us stand there utterly uncomfortable. Wyatt may be her friend, but I’m not an idiot. The guy wants her.
“I think I left my belt at your place this morning,” I say. I’m talking to Mia, but I’m looking at Wyatt. He shakes his head before excusing himself.
“What the hell was that?” she asks.
I shrug my shoulders.
“I have to go.”
“Damn it Mia, quit walking away from me,” I shout.
“It’s what I’m good at right?” she throws some bullshit line I used in an argument back at me.
I’m not playing that game anymore. I’ve apologized for what I’ve done in the past. It’s time to look forward.
“Don’t you think it’s time that we quit focusing on the past and look at the future?” I say.
“Future?” she scoffs.
“I meant what I said this morning. I want more.”
Her eyes challenging me, “And I meant what I said, too. No.”
“You can fight it all you want, baby, but it’s happening. And you won’t even see it coming.”
“I have no problem resisting you,” she tells me matter-of-factly. Like hell she doesn’t.
To prove my point, I take her chin between my fingers and thumb and tilt her head up to look at me. The minute my lips brush against hers an unstoppable whimper escapes her. “Yep, perfectly capable of resisting me,” I say with a chuckle.
“Ughh,” she exclaims before stomping away.
21
Mia
Smiling politely at the girl sitting in front of me, I discretely put an x on her resume. She’s nice enough, but I’m not really sure she’s capable of tying her own shoe, let alone running the front desk.