by R. J. Lewis
I kept thinking of the night he had opened up to me. He let me in on the eight years of hell he had survived, and I was still wrecked at times just thinking about it. It was hard for me to believe he would be okay any time soon, but after opening up, he seemed to be in better spirits. A weight had lifted from his shoulders, and my old Conor was coming back more and more every day.
“Are you okay?” I’d ask him occasionally.
“I have you,” he would answer every time.
I worried this was temporary. That this goodness wouldn’t last and the dark would return. I swallowed hard and shelved the thoughts, not allowing them to get to me, especially when we were due to have company over.
I was nervous about the day because Ember was a headache when she wanted to be and highly unpredictable. Megan switched her shifts just so she could make it, and I had a feeling it was to keep a leash on her daughter.
Over the years, Ember behaved in a spoiled way. Her mother always bailed her out of her debts, and what was a promise to get on her feet and leave home, ended up being total bullshit. She’d been living in Megan’s townhouse for years, and she still hadn’t found a stable job.
She was just a mess.
I hated saying that. I didn’t want to think badly of the girl, but she never helped herself. She just whined about her situation like a victim, and it got tiring after you heard it for the hundredth time.
Once I’d asked Locke if he could do something to help her. He’d just stared at me for a whole minute, blinking slow, before finally responding, “Ember’s a parasite.”
“How could you say that?” I’d asked, shocked.
“Because we’re all thinking it.”
I didn’t think she was a parasite. I just thought she needed help. The persistent kind of help. Well, the forceful kind of help. Like maybe Megan should put her foot down and tell her she had no choice but to get a long-term job for the sake of her daughter. For God’s sake, she’d even offered to put Ember through nursing school!
But I digressed.
The dramas just never ended with her.
I was rightfully worried.
It was around lunch time when the doorbell rang, and I raced to answer. I opened the door to Jem and Lily. Lily had balloons in one hand, smiling up at me. She was a brand-new teen, nothing like the little girl Conor had seen last. Jem had a couple boxes of pizza, looking surprisingly refreshed.
I let them in, smiling. “Looking good, Lily.”
She was wearing a pretty autumn dress and black tights. Her blonde hair was gathered high. She was so freaking beautiful, I was sure the guys were chasing her.
“Thanks, Charlotte, you look amazing,” she replied, giving me a warm hug.
God, she was a sweetheart.
Jem shook his hand into Lily’s hair. “Not liking her updo, though.”
Lily protested, whacking it away before glaring at him. “It took me forever to put this up, Jem!”
He just smirked in response before planting a swift kiss on my forehead. “You, on the other hand, look perfect, Char. Not the wreck I’m used to seeing.”
I laughed and pushed him back playfully. “Probably because I haven’t seen you lately.”
“Ah, burn,” Lily exclaimed, pinching Jem before scurrying away from him.
“Yeah, so funny,” he sarcastically replied. “Now where’s the big guy?”
“In the family room.”
“Great.”
As I watched him lead Lily to the living room, I heard heels approaching. I turned back to the front door just as Ember climbed up the steps. She had giant sunglasses covering half her face, but it didn’t hide her hang over. She looked skeletal in her tight designer clothes, probably five pounds lighter than the last time I saw her…oh, two weeks ago when I was dropping Penny off at her ritual sleepover.
“Hey,” she greeted, half-awake.
“Hi.” I widened the door for her and watched her enter, magically balancing on the pointy heels she was in. “How’s it going, Em?”
“Fine,” she simply answered. “Where’s my brother?”
“Family room.”
“How’s he doing?”
“Good.”
“I hope you haven’t run your mouth about me.”
My mouth parted in surprise. What the fuck? “What are you on about?”
“You heard me. My past isn’t his business.”
My eyes narrowed. “Kind of a narcissistic thing to say, Ember.”
She raised a thin brow. “How?”
“It’s not about you. You haven’t been a topic of conversation.”
“Keep it that way.”
I heard Jem’s loud greeting, and she followed the sounds of excitement, but not before slamming a cake box into my hands for me to take. Oof. Jesus, she was in a bitchy mood today. I glared at the back of her head as she sauntered down the hall, not bothering to take her heels off…and they were so, so pointy.
RIP floorboards.
By the time I entered the family room, Conor had his arms around Lily. He even held the balloons in one hand. It was really fucking cute. Penny was sitting on the sofa, smiling. Jem had set the pizza boxes down on the coffee table and was already chatting away to Conor, and Ember…
Ember was sitting on the couch, still wearing her sunglasses, yawning. When it was her turn to greet him, she stood up and hugged him in that customary way you hugged a great uncle you barely saw.
Did she not care?
Or was she pretending?
“Looking good, Conor,” she noted in a monotone voice. “Prison did you well.”
He kept a pleasant smile on his face. “Maybe you should try it out, Em. You look like you might need it.”
I sucked a breath in.
Shots fired already?
I winced, watching her reaction. To my surprise, she broke out in a smile and slapped him on the shoulder. “You’re a jerk.”
He caught her hand and pulled her back to him, swallowing her tiny body whole with his arms. This time she sagged into them, burying her face into his chest. I didn’t know why she was hiding herself, until I saw her shoulders shake.
She was crying.
Conor kissed the top of her head, his eyes reddening as he whispered words in her ear none of us could hear. It was hard not to get emotional myself. When he finally pulled back, he ripped the sunglasses off her red face.
“Great,” she grumbled, “now my make-up is ruined.”
He smiled. “Still the most beautiful sister I ever did see.”
Her face fell as she blinked up at him, tears still falling. “I missed you, Conor. I…I know I should have seen you sooner but…I didn’t want you to find another reason to be disappointed in me. But I wanted to. I’ve missed you, brother.”
He sniffed, nodding, hiding how much those words meant to him. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this. Disappointed is the last thing I’ll ever be.”
Megan showed up soon after, seeming relieved that her daughter had not disintegrated into a psychotic woman. In fact, her jaw was on the floor when she saw her in Conor’s lap, her head on his chest.
Tears burned her eyes as she watched. “He held her like that when she was young,” she whispered. “Every time she fell, he gathered her in his arms and just held her. I haven’t seen it in so long.”
I cleared my throat to rid the lump there and wrapped an arm around her. She smiled at my warmth and pressed her head to mine. “He’s doing better, Charlotte. You’re already bringing him back to us.”
Everyone dug into the pizzas. Conversation flowed. About Lily, about school, about work, about Blackwater and childhood stories. Juicy gossip was brought up about Conor’s old friends, and he laughed at the hillbilly drama.
It was good for him to be around everyone.
He looked so relaxed and happy.
I hung in the background, choosing to watch than be involved. I wasn’t going to pretend I understood half the stories brought up. These were long be
fore I was in the picture.
But I did long to understand. It would have been interesting being brought up in this town and witnessing all these crazy stories. It would have been adorable to see Conor as a kid, even Ember too. They laughed so hard at memories they shared, and I felt a little tug in my chest, wishing I understood what it felt like to be close to a sibling, or to even have a best friend like Jem through it all.
Penny was already making a mess of the pink dress I’d put her in. Her ponytail was undone, her hair was everywhere, and she was sloppily eating pizza while leaning against Lily’s side. Lily, the ever amazing cousin that she was, wrapped her arm around Penny and tugged her close, but her eyes were on Jem and she was throwing bits of food at him to piss him off. He wound up flicking his pizza curst at her face and she made a dramatic squeal.
It was nice to see Jem in good spirits, too.
I felt happy, smiling broadly, laughing along with the jokes.
But in my peripheral, I saw a figure hovering nearby. I felt his eyes on me. I swallowed hard, choosing not to look.
Billy was not welcome here.
I was happy.
There was no reason for Billy to be there.
I buried my face in my hands, shaking my head.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
I’d been hiding out in the bathroom for ages. I knew we were supposed to go sometime soon. I needed to balance myself out first and not look like a shaking mess. I stared down at my hands, fighting to stop the tremors.
I tried to conjure up Billy right then, to ask him what the hell he was doing, but he wasn’t showing and I felt like a crazy person because he was part of me. Like that shitty therapist had said, he was an extension of me.
“You’re not supposed to show when I’m happy,” I cried out, feeling angry. “You know that.”
I was sick of feeling haunted by him.
More shocking than that, the thought of never seeing him – of never being reminded of that little boy I used to love – terrified me at the same time.
A knock on the bathroom pulled me out of my reveries.
“We’re heading out,” Ember called. “You coming, or are you going to keep us waiting?”
“I’ll be right there,” I bit back.
“How long?”
Oh, my God. “Not long!”
“Hurry up, Char.”
Jeez, did it kill her to be nice?
She let out an over the top sigh and walked off, those damn heels scratching along the hardwood.
I quickly brushed the hair from my face and wiped the tears under my eyes. Opening the drawer, I found my back-up make-up and quickly reapplied concealer under my eyes. When I looked semi-normal again, I opened the door and went still.
Conor was standing in front of me, looking concerned.
When he saw me, his face pulled into a frown.
He knew something was wrong.
He grabbed me by the arm and tugged me back into the bathroom.
“Dove?” he questioned, looking down at me as he shut the door behind him. “What’s wrong?”
My smile was wobbly. “Nothing, Conor.”
“Charlotte –”
“Just hormones. I’m fine.”
His eyes narrowed. “You’re a terrible liar. We don’t need to go out.”
I gave him a quick kiss. “No, I want to. This will be good for you. Don’t worry about me.”
His jaw tensed. “Don’t bullshit me.”
My shoulders slumped. I looked down at the floor, avoiding his piercing stare. His hand came under my chin and he forced my face back up to him. “Char, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I blinked back tears. “Just emotional, Conor. Can you just hold me for a minute?”
Without waiting, he picked me up and set me down on the counter. His arms went around me, and I buried my face into his chest, breathing him in. His warmth went all around me, calming me.
“I hate seeing you like this,” he murmured.
“I’m okay,” I assured him, nuzzling into his chest some more.
This, this felt better. I felt instantly drawn into him, distracted from the destructive thoughts.
I heard his strong heartbeat, breathed his intoxicating scent and tried to bring him even closer. He spread my legs wider and pulled me closer to the edge so he could step closer to me. I wrapped my legs around his hips, feeling the front of his jeans against my centre. I felt my sex pulse suddenly, the pressure triggering me.
My head shot up and my lips skimmed his throat. My heart started to beat faster as warmth spread through me. I felt him go still, felt his hands on my back stiffen as I rained wet kisses up his throat.
“Char,” he growled, deep in his throat. “Dove, don’t tease.”
But I wasn’t teasing.
I needed a distraction.
I needed to feel him.
My kisses turned to frantic licks. I tasted his skin, my lips curving over his adam’s apple. My hands descended his back and grabbed at his ass. I tried to pull him closer, anything to have him rubbing against my centre.
This wasn’t a good time. I knew that. Jem and Ember were waiting at the front door, but goddamn, we didn’t have to take long.
I just wanted to feel his cock. He didn’t have to stick it in me, goddammit. He could just pull it out and rub against me.
I was panting, unaware of the words I was whispering. “Please, Conor, just a taste. I need you.”
He dropped his head down, swiftly taking my mouth into his, silencing me. He kissed me hard, clashing his tongue against mine. I felt him harden against me, and my breaths came out harsher. My fingers dug into his ass, but these jeans were such an annoying barrier.
“Can you take me?” I asked, pleading. “Real quick, Conor? Real hard and fast?”
He pulled back to look at me. His face was flushed. He was breathing hard, like he was on the verge of losing control. I liked it so much. His eyes flashed to the door, no doubt realizing we were time sensitive.
Who cares about making them wait? I thought. Ember was an asshole. She deserved to learn the art of patience the hard way.
Even lust ridden, I knew not to grab at the front of his jeans. God, I would have loved to, I knew I was allowed to, but I still liked him to lead the way. My fingers trembled. I wanted to pull his zipper down and release his cock and make him fill me whole.
I hiked my dress up until my panties showed. I looked up at him as I spread my legs wider. Eight years abstinent and I was now raving mad with lust, but only for Conor.
Only Conor could have me.
As if entertaining the thought, he settled his hand on my centre. He could feel how wet I was through my panties, and his eyelids lowered. I watched his face as his fingers pushed aside my underwear and rubbed at my flesh. His lips parted, his tongue ran along his bottom lip as he pushed his finger into me slowly. He rubbed my slickness around my pussy, watching himself as he did so. I leaned back, gasping at the feeling. My elbows rested on the counter, my head hit the mirror. I shut my eyes as he rubbed my clit, sending bolts of pleasure through me.
I heard him undo his jeans, his movements frantic and quick. I felt the head of his cock nudging at my entrance. I opened my eyes, watching the pleasure on his face as he slid into me with ease this time. The tendons in his neck strained as he fought to be quiet, but his breaths blew out of him hard and fast. He moved in and out of me as his hand slid up my dress, grabbing at my breast tightly.
When his gaze finally met mine, I saw the excitement dancing in the depths of his eyes. This frantic energy felt familiar. This needy impulse to get fucked hard and fast was like opening a window into the past.
This was what we did.
We fucked like rabbits at every opportunity.
We didn’t care where we were.
We hardly explored each other in the process, desperate to reach our climaxes.
I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. I saw his lips spread into a familiar sexy sm
irk, and my heart flipped at the sight of it. I smiled back, and when he was buried inside me to the hilt, I sat up and pulled his mouth to me.
He ravaged my mouth, picking me up, his hands gripping my thighs tightly. He pressed me against the wall beside the door and fucked me hard, his movements frantic and animalistic. I could hear his balls slapping against me, could hear the wet sounds of our sex. I buried my mouth in the crook of his neck, sucking fiercely as my orgasm slammed into me suddenly and unexpectedly.
My head swam, and my body went loose with the pleasure of it. I vaguely felt Conor situating me down on the ground, gripping my hair tightly in his fist. I looked up at him, dizzied from sex, and saw his dark expression meet mine. He was panting hard, slipping his jeans and briefs down further and fisting my hair closer to him.
Before I realized what he was doing, I felt his cock at my mouth, parting my lips. Mad with excitement, I spread my mouth apart and let him in, greedily accepting him. He was so swollen and strained, I knew he didn’t have long left in him. He fucked my mouth, growling deep in his throat, and I took him as deep as I could.
He came hard, shooting his load down my throat, drowning my mouth with his seed. I took it all, lapping my tongue around his head, sucking at him desperately. He watched me, an awed expression breaking through the look of pleasure.
Then he dropped down to my level and grabbed at the hand towel on the basin. He wiped my mouth with a soft touch, and then buried the towel between my legs, wiping my wetness there. It had gushed out of me, the scent of it palpable. Both our sex scents clashed together, and I couldn’t get enough of it.
His just fucked look was intoxicating. I loved watching him come. I’d become addicted to the sight of it.
Dazed, we stared into each other’s eyes the whole while. My lips spread into a soft smile, and his expression lightened.
“Why do I feel like you just used me?” he asked lightly.
“Correction, I needed you,” I responded, feeling sloppy from the best orgasm ever.
He cradled my face in his hand, skimming his thumb along my mouth as he said, “Next time, dove, just bring me in. I don’t want you to bury your feelings with a fuck. It won’t make the problem go away.”