by R. J. Lewis
Diane didn’t respond. She miserably began to eat and Jem noticed Thames’ smiling face and shrugged helplessly.
Thames returned that look with one that read, Might as well abandon that sinking ship.
Jem answered to that with, “I’m also thinking about buying a boat.”
And just like that, Diane was crossed off the list of prospective girlfriends.
Poor Jem.
But the dinner wasn’t dead. Jem once again dived into his storytelling, and this time when everyone laughed, Thames found himself laughing too. He was present. He was here, in the now, cherishing these people.
Charlotte laughed so hard, she muttered, “I think I peed myself.”
And then she went tense and looked horrifically at Thames.
“Conor,” she whispered in alarm, “I think that’s actually my water breaking.”
Charlotte
Remember when I went to sleep every night and my dreams consisted of Conor being there for me when I had our baby?
In that dream, I was so sure it was Penny. In that dream, he’d taken me to the hospital. He’d held my hand, whispering loving words in my ear as I screamed in pain and pushed. In that dream, he held our baby girl with tears in his eyes and said, “You did it, Charlotte. I’m so proud of you.”
It wasn’t a dream anymore.
It was happening.
I was weak, crying, staring at him holding our second daughter in his gigantic arms. She was so tiny, his hand could swallow her entire head. She was perfect and he was perfect holding her.
How did I get so lucky?
I wanted to slow time down and savour this moment. I wasn’t waiting for the future anymore. I was embracing the present because it was everything I ever hoped it would be. This was another exciting journey in our lives and Conor was going to be there every step of the way.
He was a changed man.
At times, the little boy in him peeked out to say, I’m here too.
I turned my head away and glanced out the window of the hospital room, noticing the light summer rain. It was about damn time. It’d been a dry month.
“We met in the rain,” I whispered then, thinking back at our first night together.
Conor must have been thinking of it too because he looked at the water streaking the window and softly uttered, “She was passionate about the rain and I was passionate about the way she loved it. It was that way with everything. It is safe to say that if I didn’t have her, there would be no fire in me at all.”
The Hole
One night, four boys paced their rooms, unable to shake the storm brewing in their hearts.
Dom
I buried myself in those leaves and watched Jem disappear into the forest. I wondered for a long time where he was hiding, until he came running back out. His face was really pale and it looked like he was going to faint. He hid under the slide, and I thought that was weird.
He still won’t tell me where he went when I ask.
I think he’s hiding something.
I wonder what I could have done differently. I wish I’d been nicer to Max. I wish I was like Conor, always sticking up for the little guy.
One day I want to help the little guys.
One day I want to make the world a better place for the people I care about.
Jem
I can’t stop thinking of what he said.
“I’ll butcher you, you little mouthy maggot. You ever talk and I’ll bury you and your sister in the ground. I’ll make you watch me cut her up. I’ll make you watch the horrible things I’ll do to her, you understand?”
I keep shaking, and every night I stare out the window feeling like I’m going to vomit. I want to tell Max I’m sorry, but I can’t get the words out. I can’t stop thinking of the way Max climbed out of the hole. Hidden behind the tree, I saw the raven by his side. I saw Max follow it across the field, moving brokenly in the direction of town.
I set him free and I don’t know if that means I’m going to be in trouble. I did something I wasn’t supposed to do, but I feel telling myself they can’t have known it was me.
My heart is hurting and my skin is always sticky. I’ve showered three times today and I don’t feel clean.
I just want to cry.
But if Dad sees, that’s just another belt to the ass because,
Boys don’t cry.
Boys aren’t afraid.
You’re not a sissy, Jem, are you?
No, Dad, I’m not.
I’m not a sissy but I’m scared.
I’m scared of the dark.
Conor
I don’t tell anyone, but I go back there sometimes. Then I stand in the middle of the forest and I wait for the man in the green jacket. I keep telling myself I can still fix this. If I can just find a way to turn back time, I can stop Jem from saying, “We can play Hide and Seek.”
But the man is never there, and I end up sobbing.
I feel so sad because Max isn’t the same and he doesn’t look me in the eye anymore. The kids call him a freak and it feels like a kick in the stomach.
It’s easier to pretend everything is okay around everyone else. It’s easier to poke fun at the boys, get into fights and find a way out of the hurt I feel. It works when I bust my fists into things. It helps to feel the pain in my body than in my heart.
But really I just want someone to hold me and tell me it’s okay. I want them to tell me Max will be okay. I’m not sure I’d believe it, but it would feel good not feeling so alone.
Max
The raven finds me sometimes. It’s the same one. I just know it. It sits in the tree when I leave for school, and then it flies a few houses down, watching over me.
I spend my days in the library because it’s quiet and there are dark aisles I can hide into. The librarian is an old lady and she watches me sometimes with a sad look in her eye. Today she gave me a bookmark with a quote on it.
I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become. – C.G. Jung
I don’t know who this guy is that said that or anything. I think that’s meant to mean something to me, and the librarian is hinting I’ll be okay.
I think she’s sorta stupid.
So, why can’t I stop holding the bookmark? Why am I staring at it in my bed in the dark? I can’t read it with the black all around me, but I run my fingers over the bookmark, memorizing it by touch. I like to touch stuff in the dark. It makes me feel like I’m back there again. In the hole. Then again, I’m always back there in the hole and…this time I don’t feel so alone because…I think the boys are in the hole with me.
I think, maybe, we can find a way out of it together?
The End.
Thank you
If you made it this far, thank you! All honest feedback/reviews are deeply appreciated.
I’m busy working away on Locke’s story.
In fact, I’m writing all their stories because these boys have possessed me and I can’t stop thinking about Dominic and Jem and Max.
I’m just glad Conor Thames found his happy ending.
If you have any questions, want to keep in touch, or simply follow along for my upcoming book releases, you can find me here: www.facebook.com/rj.lewis13
Thank you for reading! I am forever humble, forever grateful, forever blessed to have a reader base that have stuck by me over the years. - RJ