by Kelsie Rae
The clean-up crew will be here any minute. I don’t have much time.
Fucking passwords.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I take a few stabs in the dark. But a bloodcurdling scream makes me pause. I turn around and find the culprit. With a wicked grin, I take in the little boy. His backpack falls at his feet as his wide eyes look like they’re seconds from popping out of his head.
“Hello,” I greet him. “Perfect timing. Is your mother home too? Or is it just you?”
His feet stay planted in the same place for a split second. Then he’s racing down the stairs as fast as his little legs can carry him.
The chase is on.
My laughter echoes throughout the eerily silent house as I latch on to his shoulder at the bottom of the steps. Dragging him back up the stairs, those same little legs kick at nothing but air. He’s a feisty little fella. I shove him toward the computer.
“What’s the password?” I demand.
“W-what?” the little bastard squeaks. The scent of piss accompanies his confusion.
Annoyed, I lift my chin toward the computer and repeat, “What’s the password?”
“I-I don’t know it.”
I pull the knife from my pocket and let the light glint off the sharp blade. “Better think of something, little boy. I’d hate to have to persuade you.”
“P-please—” he starts.
My lips stretch into a wide grin. He snaps his mouth shut.
Waving my hand through the air, I quip, “Please. Continue. I love to hear people beg.”
The sound of an engine rumbles down the street and cuts our conversation short. I cock my head to the side then add, “But not right now. Make a sound, and I cut your tongue out. Understood?”
He nods.
“Good boy.”
Tucking the laptop under my arm, I drag Johnson Junior by the arm. Then we sneak out the back and jump in my car that’s still parked a few houses down.
I glance over at the kid in my passenger seat. He looks like he’s seen a fucking ghost. My grip tightens around the steering wheel before another lit cigarette hangs from my lips.
Well, that was unexpected.
13
Q
We haven’t talked. And I’m too much of a coward to face him after his declaration downstairs. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think, or feel, or…anything. Chewing on my thumbnail, I pace the floor for a few minutes when the sound of Diece’s heavy footsteps echo through the door. Only a sliver of light confirms it’s still open. But it’s progress. Carefully, I press my ear to the door and listen for any clues I might find. After a few seconds, the steps recede, and I’m left with more silence.
Resting my forehead against the door, I count to ten, then open it. A tray with chicken, vegetables, and garlic mashed potatoes sits on the floor. Which means he doesn’t want to see me.
My eyes water as I stare at the not-so-subtle sign that I’m not wanted before picking it up and setting it on the nightstand. The damn thing taunts me like a freaking matador until my blood is boiling with rage and confusion.
What am I supposed to do?
Eat it? Let him have sex with me? Pretend he didn’t say anything downstairs? And what the hell do I want? I just…I don’t know anymore.
An hour later, I put the untouched tray back into the hallway, then leave the door open a crack and climb into bed.
Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be strong enough to face my feelings and the guy who’s managed to creep under my skin.
Or maybe I’ll still be a coward.
“Don’t touch me,” I beg. My hair knots at the back of my head as I shake it back and forth against the stained mattress. “Please, don’t touch me.”
“But you taste so sweet, my little Peach,” Sei coos before unbuckling his belt. “And now you’re going to taste me—”
Bolting upright in bed, my chest heaves, and I try to catch my breath. But the images don’t disappear. I can still see it. I can still feel him.
I think I’m going to be sick.
“Shhh….” A pair of hands grab my shoulders before brushing away the messy hair in my face. When D comes into view, my eyelids flutter to disperse the haunting memories.
“Diece!” I cling to him like a lifeline and tuck my face into his neck, breathing in his familiar scent that’s starting to feel like…home.
We haven’t talked. Yet here he is, comforting me even though I don’t deserve it.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Stop apologizing, Q.”
“I can’t help it.” My voice cracks.
“Shh,” he repeats. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“That’s not true. I’m…I’m scared, D.”
“What are you scared of?”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I fist the back of his shirt until my knuckles are white. “I’m scared I’ll disappoint you.”
His muscles turn rigid beneath my fingertips before the rumble of his deep voice breaks the silence in the pitch-black room. “You don’t owe me anything. You know that, right?”
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t tell you that shit in the gym to make you feel guilty enough to let me have sex with you. You know that, right?”
“Of course, I do.”
“Do you?” he prods. I can hear the disbelief laced into his question, and it nearly breaks me.
“Yeah,” I breathe. “I do.”
“Then why do you think you would disappoint me?”
Too much of a coward to look him in the eye, I keep my cheek pressed against his warm chest and admit the truth. “Because I’m curious, D. I’m curious too. About what it could be like between us. But what if I freak out? What if I lose my shit as soon as you touch me? What if…even if I want it…what if that’s not enough? What if you can’t erase his touch? Hell, even a kiss is terrifying.” I laugh, sounding like a lunatic before more word vomit spills out of me. “What if I’ll always be lost in my own head? What if I’ll never get to share that piece of myself with someone I want? That petrifies me.”
“Shhh….” The heat from his hand seeps through my tank top as he rubs my back up and down. Over and over again. The gesture is almost hypnotic and finds a familiar cadence with his steady heartbeat that pulses against my cheek. My breathing evens out as his warm breath tickles the top of my head.
“What are you thinking?” I whisper.
“That you’re worth waiting for.” He pulls me closer, then rests against the headboard and drops a quick kiss to the crown of my head. “Get some rest, Blue. I’m not going anywhere.”
I wait for sleep to pull me under, but it doesn’t come. Not unless I can quiet the what-ifs that are badgering me.
“Hey, Diece?”
“Yeah?” he rumbles.
“Will you kiss me?”
“I, uh…,” he hesitates. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Blue.”
“Why not?”
“Because I need to make sure you understand that you don’t owe me anything.”
“And what if I already understand that?” I challenge, pushing myself against his chest to face him.
“I’m not a good guy, Q. I’m the big, bad mafia man, remember?”
“I know that.”
“Then why would you want me?”
“Because I think you could be my big, bad mafia man,” I tease. His smile relieves an ounce of the pressure in my chest.
“Would you want that, Q? To own someone like that?”
The thought makes me pause before I lick my lips and admit, “I think I could. Might just depend on who. Will you kiss me? Please?”
Inching closer to me, he whispers, “What’s your safe word?”
“I know my safe word—”
“Say it.”
“D—”
“Answer the question, Blue.”
“Fine,” I huff. “Six.”
“And what happen
s when you say your safe word?”
“You stop,” I tell him for what feels like the thousandth time.
“Good girl.” Then he inches closer until his breath fans across my cheek, and I can almost taste him on my tongue. I feel like I’m about to die from anticipation before he brushes his lips against mine. The kiss is soft yet laced with a promise that I can feel in my bones. Cupping the side of my cheek, he tilts my head a little to the left, then runs his tongue along the seam of my lips, daring me to open up to him. When I do, I smile before getting lost in his kiss all over again. The air is electric around us as I inch my thigh over his waist, desperate to get closer to him. With a low growl, his hand slides down to my bare leg before his fingers dig into my flesh, begging me to give in and straddle him the way I want. The way we both want. I let my body lead the way, running on pure euphoria before my inner thigh brushes against D’s erection.
Then I freeze.
Sensing my hesitation, D squeezes my thigh again, then releases his grasp on my leg and tangles his fingers in my short hair.
With a final kiss against my lips, he breathes, “Get some sleep, Blue.”
“You sure?” I whisper. The feel of his hard cock has practically branded itself against my inner thigh. “I can—”
“Stop right there, Blue. You don’t owe me anything. You never owe anyone anything,” he emphasizes. “I’m just lucky enough to have experienced that kiss.”
“But—”
He presses a soft peck against my forehead. “Let’s get some sleep.”
My eyes well with tears, but I don’t let them fall as I lay back down on his chest and nuzzle closer.
This time, when I close my eyes, I don’t see Sei’s hungry stare. I just see darkness. And I relish the respite before burrowing closer to my protector. Because if he’s by my side, I just might be able to find peace.
14
Q
My skin is slick with sweat as my feet pound against the treadmill. I would’ve called it a day thirty minutes ago, but the sight in front of me has been an epic distraction from my tired muscles. Diece’s knuckles are taped as he continues to beat the freaking punching bag like it offended him. He ditched the shirt almost an hour ago and has been making my mouth water ever since. If it weren’t for my past, I’m pretty sure I would’ve laid down on the floor and offered myself to him on a silver platter.
Especially after that kiss. That mind-blowing, earth-shattering kiss. The one that makes my toes curl by just thinking about it.
Then my self-doubt creeps in. If I did have the courage to face my fears and offer myself to him, he’d see the bruises. The cuts. The marks left by my abuser. Most of them have faded, but if he looked close enough, he’d find the freshest ones.
He probably saw them that first day when I needed help unzipping my dress. But maybe not. Maybe he was too busy trying to prove that he isn’t like Sei to sneak a peek. Or maybe I’m just trying to keep my head in the sand and pretend that I don’t have a visible reminder of my captivity with a monster. Unfortunately, the possibility that the guy I’m definitely crushing on has seen them––or will see them soon if we continue down the path we’re on––is bigger than I’d like to admit.
Would they disgust him? Would he pity me? It was so dark last night that I doubt he saw them. And he didn’t mention feeling them against his fingertips, so that’s always a good sign, but…I might not be so lucky the next time. If he even wants a next time.
But maybe it’s okay to not hide the crap from my past. It’s obvious that ignoring it hasn’t exactly brought me closure. But facing it and accepting it? I’m not sure if I’m ready for that, either.
We haven’t discussed the kiss, and it’s driving me crazy. It’s like it never even happened. I think he wants me to take the lead because he doesn’t want me to feel any pressure, but I’m dying over here. Can’t he tell?
Convinced my libido is going to drive me insane if I don’t steal back a bit of the power that was stolen from me, I decide to tempt fate and find out whether or not I imagined our connection. If it’s strong enough to fight off my demons. If it’s strong enough to erase Sei’s touch. And if it’s strong enough to distract Diece from my scars. Both the physical and the emotional ones.
Pressing the red button on the treadmill, I slip off my tank top and wipe my face with it while swallowing back the anxiety that threatens to consume me. In nothing but a dark blue sports bra and shorts, I walk over to the mat and stretch my arms over my head. If he looks closely, he’ll see the long, angry scabs covering my back. And only time will tell if he still finds me attractive after studying them.
Here’s your chance, Diece. Please don’t let me down.
The familiar rhythm of his punching falters as I bend at the waist and touch my toes. Curious, I sneak a peek at him from between my legs. An upside-down Diece drops his arms to his sides. His eyes are glazed with lust, and the heat nearly burns me up on the spot. No disgust. No concern for the broken girl in front of him. Just an overwhelming need that leaves me breathless instead of disgusted. And it spurs me on. I hide my smile when I stand to my full height and stretch my quads by standing on one foot and hinging at the knee with my opposite leg so that my foot is practically touching my butt before casually looking at him from over my shoulder.
“What?” I ask, feigning innocence when I catch him staring.
That same heated gaze slides down my body before returning to my red face. With an amused smirk, he goes back to punching the stupid bag.
What. The. Hell.
I know he wants me. I can see it. Taste it. Feel it. Hell, I almost came just by the look in his eyes. How can he dismiss me so easily? Maybe I just need to…push him a little more.
With a huff, I lay down and swing one leg over the other while keeping my back to the surface, making sure to stretch the tight muscles in my lower back. The sound of his fists hitting the bag ceases a second time, but I don’t check to see if he’s watching.
When I finish with the other side, I steel my courage.
“Hey, D?” I practically purr.
“Yeah?”
“Will you come help me with something?”
His footsteps echo across the mats before he stands over me. All ripped muscles, sweaty olive skin, and swagger that threatens to leave me a squirming mess on the floor. Wiping his mouth, he tries to hide his amusement behind his hand, but I can still see the mirth in his eyes as he catches me checking him out.
“And how can I be of service?” he offers.
“Will you…”—I can’t believe I’m actually doing this—“help me stretch my hamstring? I think I might’ve pulled it.”
With a wide grin, he studies me for a few more seconds. “Hamstring, huh?”
“Yup. Wanna help me out?”
I don’t know who the hell has possessed my body in the last two minutes, but I’m not about to question it. Not when he’s still looking at me like that.
My cheeks flush as he kneels beside me. “How can I help?”
I raise my left leg into the air while my back and right leg stay firmly pressed to the mat. “Can you push my leg toward the ground by my head? It’ll help me get that deep stretch that I’m looking for.”
“Deep stretch, huh?” he repeats with a crooked smirk. “Is that all you’re looking for?”
The challenge laced with innuendo makes me squirm before I tear my gaze away from his and stare up at the ceiling.
“Yup,” I squeak.
“If you insist.”
With his knees planted on the ground near my butt, his warm hands engulf my left calf that’s raised in the air. Then he leans closer and puts his weight into the stretch until his chest brushes against the backside of my leg. As my foot inches closer to my head, Diece’s crotch inches closer to my center. I can feel his heat. His lust. His restraint. All of it. As he opens me wide and pushes me into the ground.
“Shit, Blue. How far can you go?” D growls, practically lying on top of me. The deep
grit from his voice acts like a beacon, keeping me in the present before I have a chance to get lost in my past.
With a tight smile, I answer, “Yoga and running. My two drugs of choice.”
When the toe of my shoe finally hits the ground, we’re lined up perfectly. His mouth hovers an inch from mine before his gaze drops down to my mouth. But he doesn’t close the distance.
“Hey, D?” I whisper.
“Yeah?”
“I liked that kiss last night.”
“I was wondering if we were gonna discuss the elephant in the room, or if you were just gonna keep eye-fucking me all afternoon,” he quips. “Was this your subtle way of bringing it up?”
“Mmmhmm,” I hum. The sound goes straight to his groin. Hips flexing into me, he groans then pulls away as if to rein in his own instincts that are begging to be let loose. The past threatens to close in from the friction, but I push it away and focus on the present. The caramel swirls in his eyes. The dark lashes that frame them. The laugh lines that crinkle in the corners. It’s Diece.
“And what are your thoughts on doing it again sometime?” he prods.
I grin up at him. “I, uh, I think that’s a great idea.”
“Like…right now? Or…?”
“Will you shut up and kiss me?” I demand.
He leans closer then stops before ripping his gaze away from my lips to pin me with his stare. “What’s your safe word?”
“Just freaking kiss me, D.”
Like a rubber band snapping, he crashes his mouth against mine. The heat from his kiss is scorching, burning me up from the outside in before I tangle my fingers in his short, dark hair and lick the seam of his lips. It’s nothing like the kiss from last night. It’s…more. It’s not just physical. It’s personal. It’s everything.