by Kelsie Rae
That same concerned expression returns full force before he runs his massive palm along my forehead, pushing my hair away from it.
My voice is rusty from lack of use, but I muster up the effort and ask, “Do I look that bad?”
“You look like you had the shit kicked out of you,” he returns.
I laugh again before I’m tossed back into three seconds ago as another wince captures my amusement. “I feel like I got the shit kicked out of me.”
“What do you remember, Blue?”
“That I got the shit kicked out of me,” I reply sarcastically.
“Anything else?” he prods.
I know what he’s asking. I know what his greatest fears are. I know that they’re aligned with mine and that he’s probably been freaking out since the moment I went missing. And not just because Kingston ordered him to look after me, but because he’s my knight in shining armor. Just like in the movies. Well, except his shining armor is really an Armani suit, and his white steed happens to be a black Cadillac. But still.
He cares.
Licking my lips, my face scrunches from the pain, then I release an unsteady breath and shake my head back and forth in an attempt to put his mind—and his guilt—at ease. “It didn’t get that far.”
His relief is palpable as he leans forward and…stops. My brows furrow. I could’ve sworn he was going to kiss me. But he didn’t. Why didn’t he kiss me?
Sensing my confusion, he clears his throat then presses a soft kiss to my forehead. “I’m sorry.”
“What? Why?”
“Because I left you alone—”
“Sei wasn’t stupid, D. He knew what he was doing, and he was determined to get his hands on me. If it wasn’t last night, then it would’ve been tomorrow or the day after that.”
“Doesn’t make me feel any better, babe.”
Babe.
Maybe we are okay, and I’m just being paranoid.
With a soft smile, I nuzzle into his hand and close my eyes. “You found me. That’s all that matters.”
“Doesn’t feel like enough.”
“It is.” I turn my head and kiss the palm of his hand. “I love you, D.”
Shoulders hunched, he removes his touch. Its absence feels like a bucket of ice water has been poured on me.
“D—”
He scrubs his face roughly. “You don’t have to say that just because I feel like shit that I couldn’t protect you.”
“What? I’m not just saying it.” The soft mattress makes it difficult to push myself up when every inch of my body is aching. But I shove aside the discomfort and make sure I have D’s full attention as I sit up and hold his agonized stare.
“I know you’re afraid that I’m only with you because it’s convenient. I know that I’m the one who planted those seeds of doubt, and if I could take it back, I would. Because there isn’t any doubt for me. Not anymore.”
“Q—”
“I’m serious, Diece. I’m so sorry I made you doubt my feelings. That I made you wonder whether or not I care about you. I feel something for you that I can’t even put into words because I love you doesn’t begin to do it justice. It’s funny. As you led me up to Matteo’s door all those nights ago, I felt like I’d been transported to the castle in Beauty and The Beast. I wanted to laugh at how ridiculous I felt, comparing my situation to a fairy-tale when I was terrified out of my mind. But I couldn’t have been more right. And in my own way, I think I still found my prince.”
“You should get some rest,” he deflects. It’s as if my words have burned him when I was hoping they’d ease the ache I’d inflicted before I was taken. This is all my fault.
Pushing to his feet, he heads to the door when my weary voice stops him.
“Where is he?” I don’t bother to say his name. We both know exactly who I’m referring to. “Is he alive?” I press.
With a subtle nod, he faces me again. “He’s in the shed.”
“You brought him back home?” The word slips past my lips before I can stop it.
Home.
Kingston’s estate isn’t home. In fact, I’m not even sure where Diece really lives when shit isn’t hitting the fan in the Romano family. But it’s home to me. Because it’s where Diece is.
“Yeah,” he answers me before snaking his hand behind his neck. Then he squeezes it and adds, “We figured you might want to talk to him.”
“Talk?” I challenge unconvinced.
“Whatever you want,” he returns with a shrug. “He’s not going to walk out of that shed, though. Not after everything he put you through.”
“Will you stay with me when I face him?”
His eyes connect with mine. “Yeah. I’ll be here for however long you need me.”
“Then why are you walking out of this room?”
“Because you should get some sleep.”
“Then you should stay and hold me.”
“Q,” he breathes.
“Don’t act like you know what I want.”
“Maybe I know what you need,” he counters.
“If you did, then you wouldn’t be all the way across the room. You wouldn’t have hesitated in kissing me. You wouldn’t be pushing me away right now. I’m not stupid, Diece. I can see it. Hell, I can feel it. Right now, I need you. Why are you putting up a wall between us?”
“Q,” he repeats. It’s nothing but a whisper.
“Answer the question.”
His face sours. “You deserve your Hallmark guy.”
“I deserve a guy who loves me the way I love him. So tell me, D. Do you love me?”
“Blue….” The anguish in his voice is staggering, but I don’t let him off the hook.
“Answer the question,” I push.
“Of course, I fucking love you. I love your addiction to shitty movies. I love your blue hair that’s always a mess. I love the way you block people out when you don’t want to hear what they have to say and the way you get up every single morning even when you’d rather hide under the covers. Because you’re brave. You’re beautiful. And you’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Let me ask you this, Diece. Do you remember when we were at Matteo’s estate? When you told me that you weren’t keeping me as your prisoner? That I could choose what I wanted? If I wanted to stay or not?”
“Yeah.”
“Then let me make my choice. I want to stay. I want you. I love you. I choose you. I don’t want a sappy Hallmark guy even if he was real. I want raw. I want you,” I reiterate with tears in my eyes. “So, let me ask you this again. Why the hell are you all the way across the room when I just want you to hold me?”
I hold my breath and watch his thoughts flash across his face like a slideshow. But there isn’t any indecision. Just vulnerability. It doesn’t belong on such a sexy, confident man. But maybe that’s why I love him. Why he’s captured my thoughts, my body, and my heart. Because he can be vulnerable with me. The same way I’ve learned to open myself with him.
“Please?” I whisper.
He breaks and gives in, closing the distance between us with a few strides before wrapping his arms around me.
“I love you, Blue.”
“Love you too, D.”
37
Q
“You sure you’re ready?” Diece asks. The shed is looming in front of us like the never-ending hallway from The Shining, but I somehow manage to take another step toward it. When a pebble bounces off my sneaker and skids across the cobblestone path, my gaze follows it.
I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this.
With our hands tangled together, he tugs me back a few steps. “Q?”
I blink. “What?”
“Are you sure you’re ready?”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to face him again,” I mutter to myself.
“You don’t have to do this.”
“I know.”
“We can wait until you’re ready—”
“I’m ready to put him in my
past,” I return before glancing toward the looming shed. “Which means I need to look him in the eye one more time.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.” I gulp, then turn back to him. “I’m sure.”
His finger brushes beneath my chin, lifting it a few inches before his spine curves down, and he presses a soft kiss to my parted lips. “You can do this.”
“I’m scared,” I whisper, feeling like a small child.
“It’s okay to be scared.”
“You’re never scared,” I counter.
“Bullshit.” He laughs. “I was terrified when you went missing.”
Missing.
It feels like a lifetime ago, but my bumps and bruises prove otherwise.
Licking my lips, I ask, “Then what did you do?”
“I used that fear to push me forward instead of letting it paralyze me.”
Being paralyzed has always been my first reaction. It was the one I clung to. But D’s right. Sometimes, we have to fight our natural instincts and push past them, searching for the correct response and repeating the behavior over and over again until it becomes second nature.
Just like in the gym when we’d practice Jiu-Jitsu. When I’d want to pull away from my opponent instead of bringing him closer to get what I want. And even though I wasn’t able to escape Sei without D’s help, I was able to stall him until D could rescue me by bringing Sei closer. By playing his game and tricking him into letting me out of those handcuffs. Because if I hadn’t, I’d have more than bruises on my face and arms. And healing from that particular form of abuse was hard enough the first time.
Sometimes, we have to pick the harder route because we know it’ll pay off in the end. And if I let my fear paralyze me, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
“Then I guess that’s what I’m going to do too. Come on.”
With my head held high, I push the heavy door of the shed open. Déjà vu hits me square in the chest as I take in the bare space. In the center of the room, there’s a chair with a drain conveniently placed beneath it. But instead of Burlone being strapped to it, it’s Sei.
The last time I was here, I was drowning in self-loathing, hatred, bitterness, and every other dark emotion, and I was positive I’d never be able to look in the mirror without my scars glaring back at me. But I’m not drowning anymore. In fact, I feel like I can fly. Like the storm is clearing, and I can see blue skies ahead of me. I just need to finish this.
Squeezing Diece’s hand a little tighter, I look at him from over my shoulder.
He’s my rock. My knight. And my biggest cheerleader, although he’d kill me if he knew I looked at him that way.
My lips tilt up in amusement before I take a deep breath and face my demons head-on.
Sei’s long, stringy hair hangs over his face, shielding him from view. But I can still feel his eyes on me as they peek through the greasy curtain. Shoulders hunched, and his hands cuffed to the arms of the chair, he mentions, “Took you long enough.”
“Sorry,” I reply, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “I was a little banged up after our encounter. Figured I could use a day or two to rest.”
He lifts his chin and scans me up and down. “Looks like you could use a few more.”
Rolling my eyes, I harness my fear and saunter toward the cabinet in the back of the room like I don’t have a care in the world while praying he can’t see the way my entire body is trembling with every step. “Thanks. You don’t look too great yourself, ya know.”
His face looks worse than mine, and that’s saying something. Honestly, I’m not sure how he can even see me right now when his eyes are practically swollen shut with dark purple and blue bruises. His nose sits at an awkward angle too, and there’s a large gap where his front tooth used to be.
At least I still have all of my teeth.
Sei scoffs. “You can thank your goon for that. Tell me, Peach, does he cut you up the way I did? Does he fuck your ass until your blood mixes with his cum? Does he—” His head snaps forward until his chin is resting on his chest. A low, mangled groan echoes through the room as Diece tucks his handgun back into the back of his slacks after he’d shut him up with it.
I hide my shudder and cease my pursuit of the damn cabinet. I just…can’t do it anymore. He doesn’t deserve my fear, my time, or my future.
“I’m going to make this quick, Sei,” I announce before turning to face him. “You are a despicable human being. Scratch that. You’re not human at all. You’re nothing but a rabid dog who needs to be put down. You do not own me. I’d like to say that you’ve never owned me, but that would be a lie. You know that as well as I do.” The triumphant look painted across his face makes my stomach churn, but I press on. “You did own me, Sei. You used me. You abused me. You broke me in ways that I couldn’t comprehend. Because of you, I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t even shower. You brought me to my lowest point. A point where I didn’t care about living anymore. In fact, I didn’t want to live anymore. I was angry. I was disgusted. And I was bitter. When I wasn’t dreaming about what you put me through, I was dreaming about what I would do to you if you were ever at my mercy. I was dreaming about this moment, Sei. The moment when you’d be strapped to this chair, and I could do whatever I wanted to you. I could hurt you the way you’d hurt me. You’d consumed me, Sei. My thoughts. My nightmares. Everything.” I tear my gaze away from him and find Diece staring at me with pride. Those same warm eyes bring a soft smile to my lips.
“But then I met Diece,” I tell him. “He managed to do something I didn’t think was possible. He gave me hope. He gave me strength. He gave me courage. He returned everything you’d stripped from me and somehow managed to make me feel lovable. Beautiful. And worthy of the life I’d thought was ripped away. So, I’m not bitter anymore. And I’m not going to hurt you because you don’t deserve another moment of my precious time. When I leave this room, I want you to know that you’ll never cross my mind ever again. My dreams will be full of the man I love. My days will be spent in his arms. And you? You’ll be erased. No one will remember you. No one will mourn you. You’ll be put down like the rabid dog you are.”
Then I sashay back toward the exit but stop when I’ve reached Diece. Rising onto my tiptoes, I press a quick kiss to his stubbled cheek. “Put him down. When you’re done, come find me.”
“And where will you be?”
“On our bed. Naked.”
He laughs. “I love you, Blue.”
“I love you too.” I smile in return and give him another quick kiss before slipping through the cracked shed door.
And when I hear the gun go off a few seconds later, I don’t look back. I don’t need to. Because my future is too bright. And it’s all because of Diece.
The End
Sneak Peek
Interested in a sneak peek of Black Jack? Here’s the first chapter.
Available Now
Jack
Chapter One
The lock on the outside of Dominic’s door is a stark reminder of the world I’ve slipped into. I enter the six-digit code and hear the lock click open before shoving the door aside.
Even though the lights are on, the room is dark. There isn’t any natural light from a window. It’s just a box. No pictures on the walls. No drawers or nightstands. Just a camera in the ceiling. A bed. And a prisoner. Which is when I see him.
On the mattress sits a suave cockroach who’s seen better days. His dark beard is scraggly, and his clothes are nothing but a white T-shirt and basketball shorts. But it looks like he’s been fed and taken care of, which is more than he’d offer anyone else if the roles were reversed.
Looking bored, Dominic asks, “You done?”
“With what?”
“Staring.”
I stay silent and rock back on my heels but continue my perusal of the asshole in front of me as if I have all the time in the world.
After another minute, my mouth quirks up on one side. “Now, I’m done.”<
br />
Unamused, he demands, “Who are you?”
“Not sure if you’re in a position to ask questions.”
His lips pull into a thin line, but he doesn’t argue.
Satisfied, I continue. “What do you know about Reed?”
“Who’s Reed?”
“The guy on the inside you’ve been communicating with. The one who’s looking for a girl.” I keep the specifics of her identity to myself because even though I hate to admit it, Kingston was right on that count. The less Reed—and anyone else for that matter—knows about Q, the better.
“Reed, huh?” He lets the name roll off his tongue as though he’s tasting it.
“Yeah. Do you know he’s a Fed?”
Eyes wide, he flinches back and loses his calm demeanor. “What?”
I ignore him. “Do you know that Kingston is going to kill you?”
“Yeah, I figured that much out. How do you know he’s a Fed?”
“You’re surprised?” I ask.
“Only a fool would work with the Feds. You saw what happened with Burlone.”
“Then you know you’re screwed,” I finish for him.
He gulps and tugs at the collar of his T-shirt, desperate for air. “Kingston has to know I had no idea my associate was a Fed. He has to.”
With a shrug, I tuck my hands into the front pockets of my jeans and answer, “Unfortunately, Kingston doesn’t really give a shit whether or not you knew who you were dealing with.”
“But—”
I lift my hand to shut him up. “However. He’s willing to make a deal if you’re compliant.”
“What does he want?” he grits out as his gaze bounces around the empty room in search of an escape. But he won’t find one that doesn’t involve helping me.
“He wants you to testify against Reed in court,” I answer.
The bastard scoffs. “He wants me to snitch?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Because it’ll clear my name.”