The Agency

by D. J. Manly

  Scott turned around, only to be grabbed suddenly by his forearms. Ciel dragged him close, those black eyes searching his. “Tell me,” Ciel urged, his chest heaving, “tell me, Scott. What kind of a man would you be able to love?”

  Scott tried to struggle free, but Ciel held tight, a storm brewing in those black eyes of his. “Let me go,” Scott growled. “I’ll fucking knock you on your ass.”

  Ciel laughed, his face close to his. “Go ahead and try. If you’re leaving me, baby, I don’t intend to make it easy for you. You think you can come back here to Amanda and hide? You think its going to be that fucking easy? You want to walk out on me, leave me like this … accuse me of shit I didn’t do and then fucking walk away…” His voice broke, and he released him, turning his back. “I wish I’d never set eyes on you. I’ve tried, Scott, I’ve tried so fucking hard to make you believe how much I love you. I can’t … do it anymore.”

  Scott drew a ragged breath. He wouldn’t cry. “I guess I’m just too damn needy for you.”

  Ciel turned around, his eyes blurred with tears. He smiled at him, almost tenderly. “I hate all those people who’ve hurt you. If I could undo everything that was done in the past, I would. I’d put it all on me, take it away … but I can’t.” His voice lowered to a whisper. “Just because I have friends at the university, just because men look twice at me when we go out together, doesn’t mean they could ever mean to me what you do. I love you so much, Scott.” He met his eyes. “My heart is yours, but you’ll never love yourself enough to take it.” He shook his head, a stray tear escaping onto his cheek. “I’ll always love you. There will never be anyone else for me, ever. I don’t know why. It’s just the way it is. Stay well,” he said.

  Scott watched him turn around and head for the door. He swallowed the tears. He wanted to call out to him, tell him not to go, tell him he’d do anything, anything to make it right again, but he didn’t know how. If he went back to him now, nothing would change. He’d still question his every move, wonder at every turn if he was cheating on him or going to cheat on him. He didn’t know how he could ever really believe someone like Ciel could love him. After all, compared to Ciel, he was nothing. He had no skills, no education, nothing to give him except for a slightly experienced fuck, which a lot of other guys would line up to offer him. What in the hell could someone like Ciel truly want with him?

  He was gone. He was just gone, and he’d done nothing to contradict him, nothing to try to convince him they could make this work. What in hell could he say? Ciel was right. He knew deep down that Ciel didn’t cheat on him. He didn’t know how to love himself, and maybe he didn’t know how to love Ciel either. How was he going to live without him?

  He walked into the house and down the hallway. He opened the front door and looked outside. The street was empty. He was empty.

  * * * *

  Amanda was surprised to hear from Jacques and just a little anxious to finish their telephone conversation. She had watched Ciel get onto his bike and leave about ten minutes ago, and she had wandered all over the house looking for Scott, the telephone pinned to her ear. “I’m very surprised,” she was saying while she made her way to the terrace out back. “You usually don’t check up on me, Jacques.”

  “Well, ma belle, it’s been almost a month, and I’ve heard nothing. Some of Ramsay’s clients are asking for him.”

  “You want him back.”

  “No, I wouldn’t break our agreement, ma petite. The problem is not with Ramsay so much, though I am losing more revenue than I expected. The problem is with Hunter.”

  “Hunter.”

  “We need to talk about that. As for the other matter, you need not worry. I took that risk when I let him go.”

  “If I need not worry, then why did you mention it?”

  There was a pause. “Why don’t we have a drink, and we can talk. There is a little matter, a delicate matter concerning Hunter that we should discuss.”

  “Okay. When?”

  “Tonight, nine o’clock?”

  “Very good,” Amanda said.

  “Bonjour, ma belle,” he said, and hung up.

  When Amanda reached the terrace, she froze. She lifted a hand to her mouth. There was broken glass everywhere. The chairs had been mangled and thrown into the pool. What in hell had happened here? “Scott? Scott?” she called out. There was no answer.

  Hunter appeared suddenly, stopping dead when he saw the mess. “What’s all this?”

  “Have you see Scott?”

  He shook his head.

  “Ciel was here.”

  “Did they have a fight?”

  “I don’t know, but … we have to find Scott.” She suddenly spotted the scattered envelopes on the ground. She bent over and picked them up. They were addressed to Scott. She clutched them in her hand. She had to talk to Ciel. “You stay here,” she said to Hunter. “Call me on my cell phone if he comes home. I’m going to talk to Ciel, find out what happened.”

  “Amanda, maybe you shouldn’t…” he began.

  “You don’t know Scott,” she said. “He could do something … something … to himself. I…”

  Hunter placed a hand on her arm. “I’ll stay here. I’ll try and clean up some of this mess,” he said.

  “Thanks,” Amanda breathed, and left.

  Hunter was just beginning to pick up the broken furniture when Ramsay came outside. “What’s all this?” he asked.

  “Ciel was here. I don’t think it went well,” Hunter replied.

  Ramsay walked over and pulled a broken chair out of the pool. “I’ll get the broom,” he said, “and pick up some of this glass. Where’s Amanda?”

  “Gone to Ciel’s, trying to find out what happened.”

  “She should stay out of it. People break up all the time,” he said with a shrug.

  Hunter turned around and stared at him. “Are you really that insensitive?”

  Ramsay looked surprised. “I told you these gay relationships don’t last.”

  “You’re a real homophobe.”

  “No, I’m not. It’s not realistic. Maybe lesbians, but not men.”

  “So men can’t love, is that it?”

  “Not exclusively. We’re not made that way.” Ramsay shrugged again.

  “So what about when you find your sugar daddy?”

  “I have no intention of loving him.”

  “But he’ll have to love you if he wants to take you in and pamper you all his life, won’t he?”

  Ramsay sighed. “Where’s the broom?”

  “Inside the door,” Hunter said, examining a chair. “Maybe this one can be fixed, but the other one is a lost cause.”

  Ramsay began to sweep. “They went psycho out here.”

  “I think it was Scott.”

  “If he loves this guy, what’s the problem?”

  “I don’t know, fuck. I’m not Dr. Phil!”

  Ramsay took up the glass in the dustpan. “I’ll take this inside.”

  “Yeah, thanks,” Hunter said. He was worried about Scott. He hoped he was okay. He knew what it felt like to suffer. Just looking at Ramsay sometimes was painful.

  He wondered if Scott had decided to go to the baths. He put down the broken chair, and picked up the mobile.

  * * * *

  Amanda was on the road, doing something she rarely did—she was driving. She hated the traffic; people were maniacs. She regretted not waiting for her driver. She double-checked the address on the envelopes and swore when her cell phone rang. She stopped at a red light, almost slamming into the BMW in front of her and snatched her cell phone out of her purse. “Yes?” she said.

  “Amanda, its Hunter.”

  “Is Scott back?”

  “No. I was thinking that maybe I’d do a tour of the bars, the baths; maybe I can find him. I can tell Ramsay to stay here and wait in case he comes back.”

  “Good idea. Okay. Do that. Both of you keep me posted,” she said, and hung up. She had all she could do driving in this mess. Sh
e didn’t need any more distractions.

  The apartment was on a quiet street in Hollywood. It was a sand-colored two-story walk-up covered in vines. She noticed that Ciel’s bike was parked out in the driveway. She checked the address a third time, then walked up the staircase to the apartment on the second floor. She knocked. When no one came, she knocked again. Finally, the door opened and Ciel stood there. He seemed surprised. “Amanda,” he said. “What are you…?”

  “Can I come in?”

  He stood aside and opened the door. She walked into a modest living room, nicely decorated. There was a photo of Ciel and Scott together sitting on top of an end table beside the sofa. You couldn’t miss it. It was the centerpiece of the room. “Can I get you something?”

  She shook her head. She walked over and hugged him for a minute. “You know I love you.”

  “Yes, I know,” he said, stepping back from her.

  “Scott destroyed my back yard. Now he’s gone.”

  “Gone where?”

  “I don’t know. Hunter is looking for him.”

  “The black-haired guy from the Agency?”

  “Yes. He thinks he might have gone to the baths.”

  “You can tell him to go to the one on Melrose. That’s the one he usually uses when he’s upset.”

  Amanda met his eyes. “Don’t you care?”

  “Jesus Christ,” he said, obviously angry. “I wish to hell you people would stop assuming I don’t care. All I do is fucking care.”

  “What happened?”

  “You mean today?” His eyes widened some.

  “Yes. Did you come by to ask him to come home, or…?”

  “Don’t you think that’s what I want?” He groaned. “It’s not going to happen.”

  “He loves you, don’t you know that?”

  “Yes, I know,” he said, nodding. “And I love him. But do you think I can ever make him believe that? Amanda,” he said before she had the chance to answer, “I have tried everything. He is constantly telling me I don’t really love him. I’d rip my heart out of my chest if I thought it would do any good, but it wouldn’t.”

  “Did you sleep with someone else? He thinks that…”

  “No.” Ciel ran a hand through his hair. “I never cheated on him, even when we stopped making love.”

  “You stopped?”

  He nodded. “All we did was fight, Amanda. To Scott, I had fucked every guy who looked at me sideways.”

  She smiled briefly. “You must have been busy.”

  He laughed a little. “Apparently.” He sighed. “He has no self-esteem, and it’s exhausting.”

  She nodded. “What if I was to get him into therapy, some sort of counseling to help him deal with that?”

  He met her eyes. “You’d do that, after he left you for me?”

  “Oh, Ciel,” she said, “baby. Of course, initially I felt bad about that. I licked my wounds, but don’t you think I want to see him happy?” She touched his face. “I know how much he loves you, so it didn’t hurt as bad letting him go. I never blamed you.”

  He smiled at her, then nodded. “Thanks. Do you really think he’d consider it?”

  “Would you go too? Would you go with him, stand by him?”

  Ciel grabbed her hand. “I’d do anything for Scott, anything, Amanda. If he’s willing to try, I’ll stand by him.”

  She hugged him for a long time. “Should I call Hunter?”

  Ciel nodded. “Call him and tell him to go home. Let me find Scott.”

  Back in the car, Amanda called Hunter and told him not to bother looking for Scott. “Did you find him?” he asked.

  “No, but Ciel will. Thanks. I’ll be back later. I have to be somewhere in a little while. Take the night off, okay?”

  “Sure. See you later,” he said, and rang off.

  *

  Emotionally, Ciel felt drained. He parked his bike in the parking lot at the bathhouse on Melrose and braced himself for what he’d face. Scott got destructive when he was in pain. Booze and sex were the only things which could appease him at these times. He stood outside for a moment, wondering if he was wasting his time. But what in hell could he do? He loved him. He’d always love him. He was either going to give up and do what he’d considered doing before Amanda had showed up today, which was go back to France, or he was going to fight.

  When he walked into the small entrance, he found a sweaty guy in a stained white T-shirt standing behind the counter. Obviously he’d just been in the steam room or something. He peered at Ciel for a second, then smiled. “Hello there, gorgeous. What can I do you for today, honey?”

  Ciel smiled, pulling out his wallet. “I’m looking for someone, so here, I want to wander.”

  “If he’s smart, he’ll let you find him.” The man grinned, then took his money and winked. “Here’s a lock for your locker, and a towel. You know your way around, or do you need me to … ah…”

  “I’ll manage,” Ciel said, pulling the towel and lock out from under the barred window.

  The man pressed the buzzer and the door to the bathhouse opened.

  *

  After a dinner at Chez Pierre’s at her favorite table, Amanda got back into her little sports coupe and headed to Jacques’s mansion. She was early but she didn’t give a shit. Her curiosity was piqued.

  The valet took her keys when she got out and drove the car around to the parking area in the back. That stiff-looking butler answered the door and said that he’d announce her.

  Jacques came bounding down the stairs a few minutes later, kissed her on both cheeks, then led her into his handsome study. “You’re early, my dear.”

  “I’m sorry. I hope that’s not a problem.” She checked her watch. It was a little after eight. She hoped that everything was working out with Ciel and Scott.

  “You look preoccupied.”

  “I am,” she said.

  He poured two glasses of white wine and passed one to her. She accepted it with a brief nod of her head.

  “Anything I can do?” He lifted an eyebrow.

  She shook her head. “No. I came here to talk about Hunter and Ramsay.”

  “Are you happy with their services?”

  “Yes, but I have the feeling I’m going to have to open my pocketbook a little more.” She lifted an eyebrow and met his eyes.

  “Amanda,” he said, leaning back in his seat, “what I’m about to tell you requires your discretion.”

  “Of course.”

  “It looks like I will have to send Hunter to one of my European houses.”

  Amanda narrowed her eyes. “I don’t understand.”

  “You don’t know this, but Hunter’s father is Senator Frank Delany.”

  Amanda’s eyes widened. “The Senator Delany, the bastard who voted against the gay rights initiative last year?”

  “The very same.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “He found out that Hunter is working for the Agency, and he wants me to get him out of town before anyone finds out who he is.”

  Amanda sat back in her chair.

  “Delany doesn’t want to know anything of this boy. He helped him temporarily a while back. He figures he’s done enough for him. He has a new family now, and they don’t know about Hunter.”

  “The hypocritical bastard!”

  “This hypocritical bastard can cause a lot of problems for me, and for people like you. I must abide by his wishes if I don’t want to see the collapse of the Agency here in the U.S. Since Hunter will have to leave before the three-month period, we’ll call it even for Ramsay.”

  “What if Hunter doesn’t want to go? What if he decides to stay with me?”

  “He can’t do that.” Jacques leaned forward. “I promised Delany that I would get Hunter out of the U.S by the end of next week.”

  Chapter Twelve

  The scent of sex and sweat hit his nostrils as soon as Ciel walked into the locker room. There were two naked men standing there discussing something. He nodd
ed at them and opened up the locker. He began to take off his clothes, aware of the fact that the conversation had abruptly ceased and both men were ogling him. Good thing he wasn’t shy. He would have remained dressed, except that it was against the rules. He shoved his clothes into the locker and wrapped the towel around his waist. He looked up suddenly at the two men. One of them flashed him a smile. “Where you been all my life, baby?”

  Ciel scowled at him. “Well, it sure as hell hasn’t been in this dump,” he said, and walked out.

  The bathhouse was circular. When you stepped out of the locker room, you walked directly into a spa, a huge swimming pool-like apparatus which was steaming like a sauna. Coming out of that room were individual saunas. Through the windows, Ciel caught glimpses of two or three men in the little rooms, most of whom were adding steam to the already steamed windows. He didn’t want to stare too long, but he was trying to see if Scott was in one of those saunas. A few times he thought he saw someone who looked like Scott, then the door would open and some guy would motion to him, and he’d shake his head. It wasn’t him. Maybe Scott wasn’t even here. Maybe he was in a gay bar, in one of those back rooms where everyone had sex with everyone else in the dark.

  Next were the rooms. They contained single beds with plastic sheets for easy cleanup. Piped-in music flooded the hallway, some heavy metal tune Ciel vaguely remembered. Men passed him, naked mostly, stopping to touch him, run their hands over his chest, murmur things in his ear. He was getting high on the sex which was all around him. Moaning came from the rooms, with the distinctive sounds of sucking. Through a door, he saw one guy getting fucked in the ass while another guy shoved his cock down his throat. He stood watching them for a minute. He was beyond horny; his cock was so hard it hurt. God, it hurt so good. He laughed a little. That was playing now. It hurt so good … the singer said.

  Scott, where are you? It had been so long since he’d touched him, so long since he’d held him in his arms. It wasn’t because he didn’t want him. They had grown apart. The more Scott had accused him of sleeping around, the more resentful he’d become. Sometimes he’d lie in bed aching to touch him, but Scott would curl up in a little ball instead, perhaps intending to punish him.

  Ciel didn’t even realize that he had been cornered until a deep voice said in his ear, “You have to be a dream.”