“Sure, bambina. I would love to.” — he smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. – “Oh, before I go, your cousins suggested a get together with kids your own age to celebrate your arrival. It will be nice for you to meet the Volpe and Parisi, children.”, he looks at me while I suppress the urge to roll my eyes.
I highly doubt Lorenzo is the type that suggests gatherings and especially not in my honor.
Something I am sure of; this night will end with me suffering public humiliation.
I won’t let them break me, I won’t. That is something I just can’t afford to do.
“I would love that, grandpa.” I intentionally call him that. It’ll be easier for me here if I just pretend. — “Can I invite a friend?”, I add.
“Of course, bambina, have a good night.” He smiles at me before he leaves the room and closes the door gently behind him.
I won’t let myself care about anyone in this house, because the moment I let myself feel like I belong, life shows me in the cleverest and most painful ways that I do not. I’ll save myself another heartache and keep my walls as they are, unbreakable.
Where no one can hurt me or worst...leave me.
Nove
SICK FUCK
“A man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets.” – Killian Jones
LUCAN
“You know, Beauregard, I really dislike being lied to.” I dig the knife deeper into the skin of his left thigh. I must give the bitch credit, I thought he would have pissed himself or passed out by now, but no the sick fuck won’t break.
He will.
They all break.
It is just a matter of time.
After our confrontation in the halls at the academy, he got a taste of what was waiting for him once we got him alone. Before he left the academy’s ground both Lorenzo and I grabbed him before he could run back to his crooked father. Now, Valentino has joined us in an abandoned warehouse, right outside the city where the family does most of the tortures and killings.
No one will hear him here.
“Tell me what you want. You want money? Is that it? My father can—”
“We don’t want nor do we need your filthy money.” I hand the bloodied knife to Enzo; he’s been waiting for this.
It is his turn now.
“Dude come on that slut asked for it. She even screamed fo— Before he could get out another word, Lorenzo grabs an old rope from the table and ties it around his neck. — “Oh god, wait no, listen to me, it was all her—.” Tired of his annoying voice, I shove a rag in his mouth.
His bullshit lies fall on deaf ears. He’s been calling out to the devil for far too long and now he gets to see him.
I motion for Valentino to help me pick him up until he is standing on the chair while Enzo finishes tying the rope around his neck.
I enjoy this part the most.
It is Val’s turn to choose how our prey dies. Last time was messy-as-fuck since Lorenzo lives for blood and torture. His twin brother does not.
Valentino abhors messes.
He volunteers to clean the murder scene every damn time. Now, he was appointed the cleaner of the three families.
The fucking neat freak.
Logan Beauregard’s whimpers are grating on my last nerve.
The little bitch is crying uncontrollably now; he knows he’ll meet his maker soon. Lorenzo likes it when they cry and fight until the end. Until they realize the end is soon coming and they won’t be able to escape us.
Killing gets this idiot hard.
I will never admit this to anyone and quite frankly I rather choke on my own blood than admit it to Lorenzo. He is the best choice for capo, because unlike him I don’t enjoy killing and torturing. I only do it because it is my duty and I have no other choice, but Lorenzo does. He loves coming up with new and creative ideas to make our enemies suffer before he sends them to hell.
Unlike his brother, Enzo lives for the bloodshed and chaos.
Logan Beauregard fucked up and there is no point in allowing him to explain himself. He knows he did it, but most importantly we know he committed the crime.
Valentino hacked into Beauregard’s computer and found evidence that proved him guilty. He not only raped a girl, but he taped himself during the act and kept it so he could later get off while watching it. And the piece of shit uploaded the video to a fake social media account and now everyone will be able to witness her shame. The families did all they could to have the video taken down but still the internet is forever, and it is almost impossible for us to get rid of it completely.
The bitch was dumb enough to film himself while committing one of the sickest acts someone could ever do against another human being.
Look I’m no saint, trust me, some might call me sick too, but we have a code that we abide to.
We don’t hurt innocents.
Fucking ever.
We are the judge, jury and executioner of this city and this bitch was found guilty on all accounts.
He not only raped a sixteen-year-old. He hurt a teenage girl that means something to us.
From the corner of my eye, I watch Valentino grab his phone before he takes some pictures. He likes to keep photos of our victims.
Lucifer worked extra hard on the twins.
They’re sick as fuck.
I get close to the chair that is holding the rapist’s weight and get in his face. “Say hello to Satan for us, I hope he fucks that ass up.” With those last words, I signal Lorenzo to end it.
With a giddy smile on his face, he pulls the chair out from under him.
The drop is not high enough, so the impact doesn’t break his neck. Beauregard falls on the floor. He is struggling for air while shaking uncontrollably. It is the way the body reacts when air is not reaching the brain.
I should let him die.
I really should.
Nothing would give me greater pleasure than ending him for the sins he committed against one of ours.
Reluctantly, Lorenzo cuts the rope and removes it from his neck just before this asshole loses unconsciousness. We don’t get to decide when and how the motherfucker leaves this fucked up world.
She does.
With one last look at Logan Beauregard, we head out the door and leave him struggling for air on the dirty floor.
Like the dirty cockroach he is.
No one fucks with us and gets to live to tell the story. When his time comes, and it will, he will wish he would have died at our hands.
She will have her revenge.
Wait till he feels the pain of her wrath.
The dumb fuck has no idea the monster he created and what he unleashed upon this world.
10
Dieci
PHOENIX
“I think I might kill someone tonight.” – Monica Geller
KADRA
I wake up from the deepest sleep I’ve had in years. Not one nightmare invaded my sleep. It didn’t because my nightmares became my reality.
The one thing that no human should ever go through…happened to me.
My choice was taken away from me.
I was degraded and humiliated in the most horrible of ways. Still every single bone in my body aches because almost a day ago I lost my innocence in the most brutal of ways at the hands of a sick sadistic asshole.
I should have seen this coming.
While in no way what happened to me was my fault, my brain doesn’t seem to comprehend that. I keep replaying that night over and over again until I lose sleep. Those memories cause the need to rub my skin clean until it hurts. Until I get rid of the feeling of his disgusting hands running forcefully down my body.
I can still smell him on me.
God, it feels like he will always haunt me.
I hate that I let Arianna manipulate me into going with her to Logan’s end of the winter school term bash. If I would have just stayed home like I originally planned to, this would have never happened.
I wouldn’t be go
ing through this. Nothing bad ever happens when I stay in the dark. The demons that hide there never hurt me. Only humans do.
God, I’ve never felt this weak and vulnerable before. Even if by some miracle of God, I erased those horrible memories from my brain, everyone has seen my shame. Everyone at Holy Trinity has seen the video and they won’t let me forget.
Their gossip is my pain.
Grandma Parisi used to say that humans are not born evil, they are made evil. That everyone has good in them. I never believed that before.
Until now.
She was right.
I was not born evil; I was made and there’s nothing good left in me.
He took everything until there was nothing but rage and pain within me. Nothing but the hollow shell of the girl I used to be.
I was a stupid and naive girl that believed for once someone would choose her instead of her larger-than-life sister.
I was her task.
This is all her fault.
Arianna has always done what’s best for her and fuck everyone else. Mommy’s perfect little doll. She’s nothing but a puppet.
Always has and always will.
There’s a soft knock on my door. It has to be one of my sisters since my parents have not bothered to deal with me since this happened. Gabriele did what he always does when something happens to any of us, he blamed it all on me. My mom on the other hand can’t even look at me without breaking down into a fit of rage and hysteria because of what people in our social circle might say. It’s always about what others might think or say about us that concerns her.
Not the fact that I was almost beaten to death and raped on camera by a sick bastard that runs in our circle. No, mommy doesn’t care about that. Just like Arianna, mom only cares about herself.
The noise on the other side of my door keeps getting louder but I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t want them to see me this way, but I am too tired to tell them to go away. So, I just stay in my head and don’t pay whoever is outside my door any mind. If I just stay in my head, no one can hurt me there.
“Kadra…” Arianna, of course. “I wanted to see how you are—" I don’t let her finish her sentence because I don’t need or want her fucking pity.
“What? How am I feeling after your disgusting bitch of an ex raped and defiled me? How am I feeling after my shame was broadcasted all over social media because of you?” I don’t care if she feels guilty and wants to ease her conscience by pretending to care. She never did before now, so she can shove her fake apologies.
“Oh God, Kadra don’t you blame me for this. What happened to you was not my fault!”, she raises her voice at me for the first time since we were little.
“That’s where you are wrong big sis. The entire time he was forcing himself into my body, he was calling your name. He told me how he was tired of your games, that you are a cock tease, so he was settling for me.” A piece of me dies little by little, every time I remember his words.
She sucks in a deep breath. She probably wants to say something but doesn’t know what to say. My sister never shows emotions, that’s why everyone calls her the ice queen. She doesn’t care about anything or anyone unless it benefits her.
I laugh darkly at the broken look on her devastatingly beautiful face. For the first time, my sister is speechless and doesn’t know how to react.
Maybe it is not her fault, she didn’t make him do it but still, I am condemning her. I have always suffered the consequences of her actions and I am fucking done. That little girl with her head in the clouds that worshipped her sister is gone. Arianna’s indifference towards Mila and I used to hurt, she is just like papa.
“Kadra,” she begins, but I shake my head.
“No, don’t even bother. I will only say this once because after tonight. I don’t ever want to discuss this again and especially not with you. Any love or respect I felt for you is dead. After tonight I won’t love you anymore and I think we both know you never really cared about us. Not really. I won’t forgive you either. You knowingly ripped my life apart. Our family might forgive you, but my hatred is one consequence you will have to live with forever.”
She nods, clearly holding back whatever she feels like she needs to say to defend herself against my accusations.
I don’t fucking care anymore. Let her die a little bit more inside every time she remembers my words. “Now get the fuck out of my room, I am done with you.”, I turn my back on my sister and I have not one ounce of guilt.
She stays rooted in the same spot for a couple of seconds before I hear the door click shut.
There’s another soft knock on my door but the person doesn’t wait for my consent before they come in.
“For fuck sakes, can’t you all live me the fuck alone?” I’m so tired, I just want to go away, but they won’t let me breathe.
“Kadra, I had a nightmare, can I come in?” the sweet and scared voice of my baby sister Mila is what does it.
I can actually feel my heart breaking until there’s nothing left.
I lift my head up and stare at my stellina, Mila. My beautiful baby sister with a heart so big and a smile that could brighten anyone’s world.
Not mine.
Not anymore.
I wish I could open my arms and protect her from her nightmares but I am too broken so I do the one thing I promise I would never do.
I turn my back on my little star.
It could’ve been her; she could have been raped and defiled and she wouldn’t have survived this. The families already believe she is damaged goods, even when that’s so far from the truth.
Mila is the heart of this family and nothing, not even what I am going through could hurt me more than seeing the light fade from my baby sister’s eyes.
Time seems to slow down as we stare at one another. Dad would sell us to the highest bidder. Mom is a conceited puppet that does whatever he says and Arianna? We could never really count on her. So, who will protect us now?
“Kadra, are you feeling okay?”, she whispers so softly, that for a moment I think I imagined it.
“Get out Mila, you can’t count on me anymore.” My voice is eerily calm and evil.
Mila’s chin wobbles and tears gather in her pretty eyes.
I did this.
I am breaking her beautiful heart.
Logan might have broken my spirit, but I just broke my own heart.
She nods her head in defeat before turning to leave.
I feel the urge to stop her, to tell her that I don’t mean it, that I am just hurting right now.
That I need her, but I stop myself before I do.
I need to keep her safe.
The old Kadra won’t be able to do it.
Once she closes the door behind her, I finally give in and cry until there are no more tears left.
No one will ever hurt me again.
No one will ever get a chance to hurt my Mila.
They’ll all bleed before that happens.
Everything hurts as I try to stand and walk to my mirror. I look like death. My hair hasn’t been brushed in a day, my body is covered in bruises and I still have blood under my nails from when I tried to scratch him to get him off me. It was useless, he was stronger than me.
Even when it hurts to do so, I stand tall and look at the broken reflection staring back at me.
And just as the Phoenix rose from the ashes, I too will rise.
Everyone that had a hand in hurting me will pay.
They will all pay.
I never wanted to be the Parisi boss. I figured like everything else in life, the title would go to Arianna, but while I was being abused in the most painful of ways, I only had one thought.
This would’ve never happened to me if I was in control. If I am the Don of the Holy Trinity, no man will ever hurt me again.
Now, that’s the only thing keeping me above water.
Someday soon, they will all answer to me.
Only me.
Bless me fath
er, for I have sinned.
Everyone that had a hand in hurting me will bleed.
A-fucking-men.
11
Undici
FUCK OFF NICOLASI
“Death is the only adventure you have left.” – Captain Hook
ANDREA
It’s been two days since Benedetto revealed to me that my father was a twin. Now that I have had time to process this bit of information, I understand why the twins and I share a resemblance. Lorenzo has the same chin dimple as me and Valentino’s eyes are the color of honey.
Also just like me.
I still have so many questions and since mom is not here to answer them, I can only count on Benedetto to answer them. Hopefully tonight I’ll get more answers than questions.
Roberta informed me that this evening the future leaders of the Holy Trinity will attend the get-together grandfather is hosting in my honor. It was the twins’ idea but still Benedetto found it useful to gather everyone and discuss the future of the families. I am honestly tired of this charade. They don’t seem to grasp the concept of me not giving one single fuck about their business. I know everything about the Holy Trinity, but I’ll have to keep pretending like I’m oblivious to their dealings in the crime world. They can't suspect that I know more than what I'm leading on.
Benedetto still believes my mother didn’t tell me about their way of life.
Today I traded in the casual short dress, jean jacket and white sneaker look for a more sophisticated and stylish one. I chose one of my mom’s favorite pieces. It’s a piece from our winter mother-daughter collection. We worked on it together and it was an experience that helped me realize that I want to follow my mother’s footsteps and continue her legacy. My mother made Valentina Co. an international household name and a legendary one at that. Now I want to take it to the next level by creating beauty that breaks boundaries and eliminates stereotypes. I’ll take Valentina Co. to the next level once I turn eighteen and I become the sole heir of my mother’s legacy.
Andrea The Beginning (Holy Trinity, #1) Page 5