I leaned on the vanity. “I guess.”
He approached me and kissed me softly on the side of my lips. “Don’t let him bother you tonight, Katy. This is your night, and I won’t let you get so upset. Let’s go out there and enjoy dinner before they come looking for us.”
I rolled my eyes, realizing that Brooks was probably thrilled he’d gotten a rise out of me. “Fine.”
We were almost to the table when Branch leaned into my ear and whispered, “If you were wearing a skirt, I’d be fingering you at the table, too.”
I shook my head and tried to stay composed while blushing and sitting back down.
For the rest of the meal I refused to look forward. He wasn’t going to ruin my night any more than he had already.
Branch held my hand under table and nudged me several times, reminding me that he would always be by my side. I appreciated that he was so understanding, where others would have been jealous. He really did love me.
After dessert, Brooks left with flavor of the week, probably so he could drive to an alley and fuck her and then never talk to her again.
I never would have pegged him to be such a douche, but that’s exactly what he’d become.
The four of us remaining sat at the table together. “I saw the flowers at the graveyard today. They were beautiful as always,” Danica announced.
“Thanks. Branch picked them out. Mom always loved yellow roses.”
I played with the rim of the cup of hot tea in front of me.
“I was thinking that we should donate a bench in their name. I got something in the mail about it, if you’d like to see it,” she said.
I looked up and smiled. “That would be great. Thanks again for dinner. It doesn’t matter how many years go by, it still means the same as the first time you did this for me. I think since Branch and I are graduating this year, it’s a little more emotional. I mean, you’ve practically raised me. I know Mom and Dad would be so grateful to you. I just don’t know a way I could ever repay you for what you’ve done for me.”
Walt reached for my hand and I placed mine inside of his. “Katy, you’ve always been a part of this family. Your parents were our closest friends. We miss them every day, too. Having you here with us is like we got to keep a part of them. It’s always our pleasure.”
I could feel the tears falling down my face. No matter how much I tried, it never got easier for me. The mere mention of my parents was always too much for me to be able to handle. It was even harder knowing that my father’s parents hadn’t been in my life since I was two and my mother’s parents, who had come over from England, died within a month of each other when I was eleven. At least they didn’t have to experience the loss of their child. “I really appreciate it.”
Danica stood up and grabbed her husband’s empty cup. “You two don’t have to keep us company you know. It’s okay if you want to go out and be teenagers.”
I looked at Branch and smiled, knowing that I didn’t have to leave the house to be happy. I had everything I wanted.
“We’ll probably just watch some television,” Branch announced.
I agreed. “Yeah. I’m kind of tired after the movie. It was long.”
“Well, we’ll handle the dishes. You two go relax,” Walt suggested.
I followed Branch into the family room and plopped down on the couch. He grabbed the remote before sitting down next to me and putting his arm behind my back. “I’m so full I might not eat tomorrow,” he shared.
I rubbed my own stomach. “I know what you mean.”
We started flipping through the channels before Branch said anything else. I’d already molded my body against his and gotten comfortable. “I can talk to Brooks if you want. If he’s really bothering you that bad, I mean.”
I shrugged. “I can handle your brother. Besides, I don’t care who he sleeps with. It’s the fact that he had his hand in her pants at my parent’s memorial dinner. How disrespectful can you get?”
“Just let it go, Katy.”
We fell asleep watching television, and I didn’t wake up until I heard someone come in and change the channel. Brooks was sitting in the recliner across the room from us, looking for something to watch. I sat up, leaving Branch to sleep. Brooks didn’t notice that I’d woken up until I was right up in his face. I slapped him hard across the cheek, and at that exact moment he scooped me up into his lap. “What was that for?”
“Let me go,” I whispered while trying to free myself from his hold.
He laughed and let go, watching me fall to the floor in front of him. “You look better down there anyway.”
I stood up and kicked him in the shin. “What is wrong with you?”
He was rubbing his leg as he spoke, but I did sense that his look was conflicted and it bothered me. “You wouldn’t understand even if I told you.”
“Is this about me and Branch?” I often wondered if he was mad about our relationship, even though he swore he wasn’t.
He laughed again. “Kat, why don’t you go back over there with your boyfriend and stay out of my shit? You want to ask me if I’m jealous, but you’re the one that got all hot and bothered at the table, wishing it was your pussy my fingers were touching. Stop acting like it’s not true. I know you, and I can tell it got to you.”
I stood there, shocked that he’d said something like that to me. I wanted to yell and scream, but it was late, and I’d wake the whole house up and upset Branch. My breathing was stressed and I could feel the pull of emotions overwhelming me. “I hate you!” I whispered under my breath.
I started to walk away and he grabbed my arm. “Kat, wait. I was kidding.”
I pulled away from him, shook Branch to wake him up, and we walked out of the room, leaving him there alone.
That night, after Branch kissed me goodnight and we retreated to our own rooms, I laid in my bed crying. Maybe I shouldn’t have been bothered so much by Brooks. We’d grown apart and I needed to accept it. After all, Branch and I were getting ready to leave him and start our adult life together. If he wanted to sleep with every girl at school, it was his business, not mine.
I heard my door creaking open and felt the bed move. Branch was there, holding me. “Please don’t cry,” he whispered and kissed me. “Don’t be upset because of that asshole.”
“I just want to forget about this whole day. Please, make me forget.”
The room was dark and everyone was asleep. Normally I wouldn’t have taken the risk, but I needed to feel close to him. All I wanted was for him to take away all of the pain that I’d experienced. Our kisses were slow and each touch was so endearing. He was more gentle than usual, caressing me in ways that he’d never done before. He took his time, making sure that I no longer cared what happened earlier in the day. Being in his arms made my pain dissipate, just like I’d hoped.
“I love you so much,” he whispered.
He held me briefly before leaving me alone in my room. I knew he’d have to be back in his room when his parents woke up, so it didn’t bother me that he’d gone. Him being there had calmed me down, and I was able to finally close my eyes and get some sleep.
I have to admit that my last thoughts were of Brooks. He’d hurt me, and even though I couldn’t admit that to either of them, I knew I wouldn’t forget it.
Chapter 3
I woke up the next morning feeling under the weather. My head was hurting from all of the crying the day before and I was so glad that we didn’t have school for an in-service day. Branch came into the room, wondering why I wasn’t up. “Hey sleepy head,” he said as he sat down on the edge of the bed, and leaned over to kiss me on my forehead.
“Hey. I don’t feel good.”
“Well, why don’t you go back to bed and get some rest? I’m going to go out and run a couple miles, and then when I get back I’ll check on you.”
I smiled and watched him walk out of the room. “Branch?” I called.
He turned around. “Yeah?”
“Thanks for be
ing so great last night. You always know how to comfort me.”
He looked shocked that I was thanking him. “Anytime.” Then he smiled and left me to go back to sleep.
After about twenty minutes I got up to use the bathroom and take some medicine. Brooks was standing at the door when I came out. He had his arms blocking me so that I couldn’t get by. “Still mad at me?”
I tried to push him away, but he came at me again. “I’m not in the mood for you. My head hurts too bad.” I started to walk down the steps and he grabbed me by the waist from behind.
“Go get back in bed. I’ll get you some Tylenol and water.”
I felt like crap and shouldn’t have accepted his help, but I didn’t care. “Whatever.”
I got back into my warm bed and pulled the covers over my head. A couple minutes later he came into my room with a glass of water and two painkillers. “Thanks,” I said as I took the medication from his hand and shoved the pills into my mouth.
He sat down on the bed beside me. “So, are you still mad?”
“Are you going to ask me this until I answer?” I was becoming more annoyed by the second.
I closed my eyes and hugged my pillow. Brooks climbed into the bed next to me and pulled me into his arms. “I can’t have my sister mad at me.”
“Get off. I don’t feel good, I told you.”
He laughed and rolled away. “Branch isn’t here, you know. You don’t have to pretend to not care, Kat. Natalie was fun, but that’s it.”
I pulled my pillow over my head. “Seriously, I don’t want to talk about this.”
He wouldn’t leave, and I was too tired to even begin to deal with him. “I’m staying until we talk it out.”
“I guess you’ll be here all day then. I’m going back to sleep.” I rolled over and put the pillow over my ear so that I couldn’t hear his mouth anymore.
Unfortunately I could still hear him, muffled through the fabric and stuffing. “I didn’t sleep with her, Kat.”
I closed my eyes and pretended that I hadn’t heard him. Brooks stayed in my bed for only a few more minutes.
“I really need to talk to you about something. Please, just hear me out?” I kept ignoring him. If he thought I was mad then I’d made my point. He wasn’t going to keep messing with my head. If he was mad about something that I did, he needed to learn to tell me instead of torturing me.
I didn’t wake up again until the afternoon. Not only did I feel well rested, but I didn’t have an annoying person in my bed next to me.
When I went downstairs I found both of the guys playing a video game. It was basketball, and I knew how long those things lasted, so I sat down next to Branch and closed my eyes.
I assumed they’d been talking about things before I came into the room, because Branch didn’t seem shocked when Brooks made his announcement. “So, I told Mom and Dad earlier. They know I leave right after graduation.”
I kept my head rested on a pillow when I asked, “Where are you going?”
They never took their eyes away from the television. “He enlisted,” Branch announced.
“What? When?” I sat up feeling like all of the air in the room had dispersed.
“Last week, like you care,” Brooks said as he scored a three pointer in basketball.
I did care. The idea of him going away was tough enough, but imagining that this kind of decision could end his life, if he was ever deployed, made me frantic. I couldn’t stand to lose anyone else that I cared about.
It was irrational for me to take offense to his decisions. He had every right to do what he wanted, but I was pissed that he wouldn’t think it would hurt me. Didn’t he know how I felt about him and how all of his actions were eating me up inside?
“We all care. What made you want to do that?” I was trying to ask normal questions without freaking out in front of Branch and making him suspect that I cared more about his brother than I should.
“I want to be able to give back to our country, Kat.” He was being rude, like I had no business even inquiring about his decision. “You’ve got until June to make amends with me,” he added.
I rolled my eyes again. “Whether it’s June or next week, it wouldn’t change my opinion of you.”
Brooks threw the controller and stormed out of the room, like I’d said something hurtful. I had meant it like no matter when he left I was still going to hurt the same.
Branch sat his controller down and pulled my legs towards him. “That wasn’t nice, babe.”
“I meant that we’d miss him the same.” Okay, maybe I said it sarcastically to get a rise out of him, but I didn’t see him overreacting the way he had.
“It wasn’t how it came out. All I heard was you telling him to get lost.”
I felt terrible, but I was hurt. “Well, I didn’t mean it that way. Maybe if he wasn’t being such a jerk lately he would have known.”
He patted me on the legs. “Go apologize. Mom is already freaking out on him. He needs our support. I know he pissed you off last night, but maybe he’s scared and wants to occupy his time. He can’t be up our asses every second. Since we share the same DNA I’d say that he’s probably horny constantly.”
He wasn’t making me apologize for thinking his brother’s whoring around was okay. It wasn’t.
“Fine, I’ll go talk to him.”
I stormed out of the room, desperate to tell Brooks that I was sorry. I didn’t want him thinking for even a second that I wouldn’t miss him. I knew we hadn’t been on the same page, but not having him in my life anymore wasn’t an option for me. He’d promised to spend every weekend with us once we started college.
I found him lying on his bed, throwing a ball at the wall and catching it. I avoided sitting next to him and chose to stand. “Can we talk? I think you misunderstood me back there.”
“I didn’t misunderstand anything, Kat. I get that you want me out of the way. Trust me, I want to get the fuck away from you and my brother too.”
“That’s not true and you know it. Why are you saying things like that?” I knew I said I wouldn’t sit down, but I couldn’t help it. My ass hit the bed and I turned to face him. “We would never cut you out of our lives. How could you even think that?”
He stopped tossing the ball and looked at me. “Do you love my brother?”
I gave him a flip kind of look. “What? Why would you ask me that? You know I do.”
“Yeah. He loves you, too. Don’t you get it? I can’t sit around here while you two are planning this fantastic life together. I’m drowning in your fucking happiness.”
“Don’t say it like that. We’d never push you away. It isn’t like we’re broadcasting ourselves. We hang out just like we used to.”
“It’s different, even if you don’t see it. As far as pushing me away, well, you don’t have to, Kat. I’m the one walking away.” I used to love when he called me Kat, but this time it was different. It was his way of telling me to drop it.
“I don’t want you to go.”
He laughed. “Did my brother send you up here, or did you come by yourself?”
I shrugged. “Both.”
He shook his head like he was disappointed. “Just go back downstairs. I’m not going to waste my time explaining and I’ve already signed everything. I’ll be eighteen and able to leave on my own free will. You and Branch can go off to college and ride into the sunset on your white stallion for all I care.”
I was sobbing silently while my lips trembled. “That’s not fair. Why are you being so mean to me?”
He sat up and pointed toward his door. “Kat, we’re friends, even family. I didn’t do this to hurt you. Get it through your head and get out of my room.”
“You’re hurting me right now, Brooks. I don’t understand what I ever did to you to make you treat me this way. You used to protect me.”
“I used to do a lot of things and it got me nowhere.”
I leaned over and closed my eyes as my lips got close to his ear. I could smel
l that his cologne was different from his brothers. It was sweeter, like I’d always remembered. “I don’t want to lose you.”
He grabbed my arm and kept me facing him. My eyes shot open and were close enough to feel each other’s breath on our faces. “Why? Say it, Kat. Tell me what we both already know.”
I should have been honest as some desperate plea to keep him near me. It would have been so wrong, but I couldn’t stand imagining him not being my friend. In that very moment I knew I loved him so much more than I should have.
Instead of saying it, I pulled away from him. “I’m not saying anything.”
I got up and started walking out of the room, when he said, “Yeah, that’s what I figured.”
I didn’t go back downstairs to hang out with Branch. After shutting my bedroom door, I fell onto my bed and cried harder than I had the day before. Brooks was breaking my heart, and I couldn’t tell anyone about it, because I’d lose Branch, whom I equally loved. How I’d let myself fall for two brothers was beyond me.
I knew I had to let Brooks go if I wanted to have a future with Branch. After all, I couldn’t have both of them, and I knew it.
Chapter 4
June 2007
“Congratulations you three. How about you all stand together for a picture?” Danica was making us take a million pictures after the ceremony had ended. Thankfully it was a sunny day outside and the weather wasn’t too hot.
We’d all managed to graduate from our little private school and the big world was out there waiting for us.
As for me and Branch, we’d be attending school at Salisbury State University in Maryland. It was about two hours from home, but close enough to visit when we wanted to.
Brooks was another story altogether. He was ordered to report for boot camp two days after graduation.
Danica and Walt had flown in both sets of their parents and invited everyone over for a joint graduation-going away party. It was nice for them to see their grandparents since they all lived in Florida. Every year we visited for vacation, but I knew they wanted to be a part of the twins becoming adults.
Love's Suicide Page 3